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Joined: 10/23/2010
Msg: 23
I meet some boxing iconsPage 2 of 2    (1, 2)
I'd say you've found a very clever publisher!
Well done, bodypro!
Joined: 10/15/2011
Msg: 24
You sure it's not just envy?
Posted: 10/20/2011 6:14:45 PM
Maybe YOU can't read:

"But I would say a Congratulations are in order for finishing this work. You are a very fine writer and I would be very happy to promote this text to my readerships and my editorial peers. While this can never guarantee publication, it definitely guarantees exposure...which is never a bad thing when trying to promote oneself!"

This is from the first competition I entered. I placed third.

1st Book Competition: Reviewer Feedback
From: First Book Competition
View Contact
To: Jesse

I've gone to SFU and collected all the feedback submitted about your manuscript, "Early Out." These comments come from our reviewers (all SFU The Writer's Studio grads) who read your manuscript and nominated you for both the long and the short list.

"This protagonist is fascinating -- he writes in an original voice (the manuscript reads like a transcribed monologue), has a compelling story, and just seems like a genuine, interesting human being. I think the manuscript could be edited down to a less onerous length and would have broad appeal as a book."

"This manuscript takes you places you've not quite been (surprising, informative, original)."

"Convincing and coherent structure."

"Clear setting consistent with overall theme."

"I don't know if this can be shaped so that each 'chapter' doesn't go in the same circle. In the beginning, the voice sounds strong but as it progresses, there's no change / development which is disappointing because there's something / a perspective we don't often get to experience."

"Solid and well-considered points-of-view."

"Engaging characters with clear motivations."

"Consistently strong and well-paced."

"Very strong perspective -- as a reader I really felt I'm with the narrator (even through the quite violent, sometimes awful situations he gets into). I can't help but empathize with the narrator -- in many ways he's not likeable, but I like him and have compassion for him."

"Fresh use of language and images."

"Skillful use of sentences."

"Nearly a wow!"

"Excellent read -- distinctive voice (reminds me a little of Hemingway maybe), fast paced, tells his story well, has humour, conviction, sincerity. I enjoyed it a lot. Definitely a contender."

I hope these help (as you can see, we really liked your work) and again, I want to congratulate you on making the short list -- it's really something to be proud about. I also want to tell you -- keep at it -- never quit. This is a strong manuscript I believe has what it takes to get published.

Take care,
Joined: 10/15/2011
Msg: 25
Three of my stories are published in a
Posted: 10/20/2011 6:16:36 PM
lower mainland quarterly literary magazine. I was paid for these stories. I don't think I can post the name of the magazine or the publisher. I don't think that's allowed.
Joined: 7/11/2011
Msg: 26
Back to the regularly scheduled program ...
Posted: 10/21/2011 5:49:00 AM
Congratulations on the favorable reviews and publication! Although I would never read a book or magazine article in your genre, I stumbled on this thread about 3 or 4 posts in and got hooked. I have enjoyed your stories tremendously. You've found your voice and your niche. I hope it brings you peace (and lots of money!).

Thanks for putting it out there.
Joined: 10/15/2011
Msg: 27
Back to the regularly scheduled program ...
Posted: 10/21/2011 7:00:32 AM
Thank you for reading CynM.
Joined: 10/15/2011
Msg: 28
Back to the regularly scheduled program ...
Posted: 10/22/2011 3:04:58 PM
It does bug me when people infer that my stories are made up or embellished. I don't know what their lives were like but every arcane subculture I moved through, I was surrounded by people doing much the same things as I was.

Anyway, some of those memories were earned the hard way. One time a guy wrote on my thread, The breaking in on dice one, he said he lived in Vegas for about a couple of years and he lived in the Holiday Motel near Vegas World and did I know the motel? He was responding to my story Naked City.

This guy said he made a living as a low level poker player and liked to use Stupak's poker room. That's Vegas World. Now the Stratosphere.

Here is what I instantly discerned about this guy. He had lived in Vegas for about 18 or 19 months and he was able to grind out a sub par fluctuating living of about forty to sixty bucks a day. If he put the time in. If making less than ten bucks an hour, tax free is beating the system; I don't know...

In other words why not get a job? But some people collect stories and that was this guys story. After a while, if you are a guy like me, you stop collecting stories.

This guy started to write stories and they weren't bad, stories about day labor and hard times, and they were somewhat like my stories, with a similar style but with something missing and nobody much was reading them and he deleted off pof.

I've had other people latch onto my thread, the longer one and they were just clearly trolling. A guy posted asking for tips about playing blackjack which I never really even dealt the fvcking game, I'm a dice dealer. And even if I had dealt cards, which I had on occasion, what could I tell him? Buy a book. Quit bothering me. But he seemed nice and I tried to help him and the upshot was that my thread was closed for blogging. All 14 pages of it and 300 plus entries. That thread is the basis of my manuscript. But I begged a moderator and he spoke to another nameless mod and he opened it back up. I'm terse now on this thread and the other one. "Thanks for reading" that's about it. Until I get the full manuscript published and then I won't even give a care.
Joined: 9/13/2010
Msg: 29
Back to the regularly scheduled program ...
Posted: 10/25/2011 6:33:13 PM
Hey Jesse, nice to see you again. I missed you. I'm so glad to see you never stopped writing.
Joined: 1/11/2012
Msg: 30
Back to the regularly scheduled program ...
Posted: 1/14/2012 11:33:53 AM
There are lots of special places and special jobs but for me being a Las Vegas dice dealer was pretty sublime. It was somehow timeless, timeless and imbued with the corrosive and bland patina of a mundane evil, a venality; a soulless mockery of human aspirations. What could be more useless than playing with money?

Last night I watched the movie Casino. This movie came out in 1995; I was still living in Vegas then, working at State Line. Some of the location shots were from casinos I worked at particularly the Landmark which was the mythical Tangiers. The Landmark was the eighth joint I worked.

The interior of the “Tangiers” was pieced together from various casinos, like they used the baroque sports book from the Union Plaza, my first middle level joint. They also used the monolithic sports book from the big Hilton with its giant screens. Some of the other interior shots were from the Flamingo. I caught bits and pieces of memories throughout the movie.

Much of the scenery from that movie is gone now and what is left soon will be. I went back to Las Vegas late last August with my girlfriend and her two kids; the first time I had been back in fifteen years.

As the plane banked for final descent I caught a glimpse of the entire valley from my wing seat. It had really spread out. Something knifed through me, my chest constricted and I was fighting tears. My girlfriend noticed and squeezed my left forearm and the feeling passed.

We were there for four days. We did the usual tourist stuff for the most part. The strip was only vaguely recognizable. We were staying at an off strip resort just behind the Tropicana. I chased my memories some of the time we were there. We went downtown. We went to the lake, we went to the dam. We caught a show, I got a tattoo.

I felt numb for much of it. The town grew, it changed, and not necessarily for the better; but who didn’t know that. Knowing and living. That’s two different things. Yes, it was sad, sad for me. One of the things that intrigued me about Vegas from the start is the anonymity of the place, the anonymity and the transience. It seemed like a psychic destination as much as an actual physical location on a map, like some kind of way station, maybe a proving ground. The life there is day to day, or in other words I lived like there was no tomorrow, like living on the edge of time. Like nothing mattered, like embracing futility.
Live and let live: that’s the unwritten motto of Las Vegas. As long as you don’t interfere with the action nobody cares. Do your own thing! But don’t get caught. There always seemed to be more latitude for extremes of behavior in Vegas. The town is extreme regardless; extremely bizarre architecture, extremely fast, extremely intense, extremely hot, extremely harsh and beautiful landscapes, it could be extremely deadly for some. On the few occasions when I left town over the course of my nine years there, I would feel naked, exposed. I was uncomfortable; I was out of my comfort zone.

I lived in motels and weekly studio living units. If they were cheap and quiet that was good enough for me. Part of that edge of time feeling came from the instability of the gaming industry. It’s just a given in the business. Who knows how long you can keep a job? And from what I understand it’s worse now than it ever was.

I used to look at the worn out shiny carpet in some of the dumps I lived in, I used to wonder how many people had come through there, how many had lived there? Did they drink, did they get high? What was their life? I moved to Vegas but it was always, “How did I end up here?” I was motivated to start a new life. That’s the pull of Vegas, some of it; start over, reinvent yourself in a city that never stops reinventing itself. Doesn’t stop, won’t stop, and can’t stop.

Vegas has a large stock of rental units, curious little structures. I had a studio on 3rd at Garcia, about four blocks from Fremont, downtown. It was a one story structure, all studios, a one story building, about eight units deep on either side back from the street and with a peaked roof. I had a tiny little unit on the north side of the building, eighty bucks a week. After I’d been there a while the manager let me move to a bigger and better studio on the south side, for the same money.

I was comfortable there and I had started living there when I was breaking in and before I was making any kind of money. Even after I got Caesars and was finally making good money I didn’t move. I just never felt secure enough in any job during my time in Vegas to make any real investment in anything more than my immediate future.

I think it was on our second day of the vacation. We did some stuff on the strip and then we headed downtown. It was just me and my girlfriend and her daughter. The son was sleeping in at the hotel so we left him there. We went down Vegas Blvd heading north. I caught a glimpse of Naked City, by the Stratosphere. I lived in Naked City in the winter of 1987. The Stratosphere had expanded and eaten up a goodly portion of living units. The place I lived in was gone. Where Vegas Blvd splits into Main I directed Kelli to go left onto Main. It looked bombed out in places, desolate. I had a hard time trying to catalogue the changes in my head. We were moving too fast. There was the old Rexall drug store that had a decent food counter. It still looked the same. I would get meal chits from my dealer’s school sometimes and go eat there.

When we got past Charleston I directed Kelli onto third and heading north we came up on Garcia and there it was my old apartment building. I was surprised that it was still there. There was no reason for it to be gone though. Downtown hadn’t expanded in that direction. The land underneath it wasn’t worth more than the seedy rental units sitting on top of it.

I’ve got nine years of memories from Las Vegas, from my life there, a lot of memories and a lot of powerful memories. I remember stepping out of Whiskey Pete’s at State Line, stepping out after working a graveyard shift and walking to the parking lot in back and the sun is up and the mountains naked and stark, reddish brown and the beauty and serenity and it was like being on a movie set, a backdrop, a stage set illuminated by a relentless sun. That’s the deal maybe, with Vegas, it seems so unreal, but it is real, intensely real, when you are living it.
Joined: 4/8/2012
Msg: 31
Smashwords / PayPal obscenity issue.
Posted: 4/11/2012 11:35:38 PM
Smashwords obscenity rant

I tried to point out to another "author" on here the nuances of this issue, of obscenity and censorship but it is so much easier and more satisfying to just puff up about principles and "freedom" and ignore the possibility that disseminating lubricious material about what are basically criminal acts may have a deleterious effect on other people. Don't like it? Don't read it. Okay! It's just that simple! I was wondering if the CEO of PayPal ever experienced in his life or the lives of loved ones a rape, incest, pedophilia, or bestiality, He doesn't like it? Okay! Just that simple to ban financial transactions for such books. He had the authority to do so. When I pasted a story I wrote about my personal experiences with some of these subjects I was told that they have nothing to do with the issue at hand and I should get help dealing with my "issues."
I see.
Writers of erotic "art" are able to be impartial about the matter but people who have been on the receiving end of somebody’s lugubrious fairy tales in real life; well that's not valid. And they need help because they can't understand the difference between fiction and fact. Yes, I understand the difference, having lived it. How about this for a slippery slope? People with a predilection towards rape and other pathological sexual behaviors are encouraged in their behavior by consuming "harmless" fiction written for erotic pleasure and feel somehow legitimized to act it out. But wait, they were going to do it anyway, bedsides I'm selling books. Do you not think the explosion of Internet porn has not adversely affected the sexuality of real men and women? I'm not taking a moral posture, but perhaps an ethical one. Just don't lie. Don't lie that it is harmless.

Don't tell me it doesn't cut both ways. I know it's much easier to see the world as black or white. All or nothing. ALL censorship is bad. I could live without THE PROTOCOLS OF THE ELDERS OF ZION being disseminated and many people have thought that material to be factual. Did it hurt people? Is that the price of freedom? So that people can write about erotic rape? After all people are buying it. Doesn't that justify it? I never sold drugs in my life, but it wasn't until I had stopped using them for a long time that I realized that I was part of a death industry.
Here's the deal; it worked out okay, this time, but it is by no means resolved as an issue. This is not new and this will not go away. I can Google Jew and conjure up all kinds of the most viscous hate material. I can do it on YouTube. I don't do it anymore. I have high blood pressure. Are hate literature and hate videos dangerous? I think so. This is not a simple issue. That's the price of freedom? Or is that license? Where do we draw the line? It's a complex issue and I am disheartened to see such a knee jerk reaction from most of these writers. You can call this a rant, but it's free speech, am I right?

Addendum: Much of this eroticism isn't even outré or daring or artistic, or stretching the boundaries of human experience. It is not profound in anyway. Most of it is a camouflage for bad writing.
‎...and relativism used as a guideline for human behavior is a facile and specious argument because it is an argument that validates itself by juxtaposition to the lowest common denominator in human experience. In other words, don't cry to me about the Sturm und Drang in the ****ing bible.
...or if any of you have the talent to elevate the worst aspects of the human condition and make it transcendent, THEN, maybe then, you will have a solid platform to stand on rather than breast beating posturing about your "rights." Fire away, I don't give a shit. You write what you write and I've had my say right here.
Joined: 2/24/2012
Msg: 32
Smashwords / PayPal obscenity issue.
Posted: 4/12/2012 6:07:15 PM
Nice to see you back. And in fine form.

Oh, sorry, missed my queue.

And f* you! I want my Luke and Laura! ;-)
Joined: 4/8/2012
Msg: 33
Smashwords / PayPal obscenity issue.
Posted: 4/12/2012 8:48:05 PM
Thanks Cynthia and Suze. I really appreciate it. I just broke up with my GF for the fourth and final time. Maybe it's the fifth. The usual massive pain and regret and self doubt. Can't sleep, can't eat and it's been exactly two weeks. Oh, well. It's pretty well a universal experience. This time I'm sure there will never be another woman for me, ever.
I published my e book on Smashwords. I can't provide a link here of course. I don't even know if I can say the title.

Much of the book contains stuff from my thread but it's edited down and restructured. I'll take chance, the books called Early out.

Talk to me. Please. That's all I'm up for on here anyway.
Joined: 2/24/2012
Msg: 34
Smashwords / PayPal obscenity issue.
Posted: 4/13/2012 12:30:13 AM

The usual massive pain and regret and self doubt.

Me too. Next week will be 2 months since he tucked his head into his shell and ran faster than I thought a turtle could. At least this time he used words that sunk in. I'm not enough drama. Imagine that. Must be hundreds of threads and thousands of profiles claiming to hate drama and I'm ruled out because I'm normal.

He hates normal. His entire experience of 'normal' are drunken, angry, ****-whipped whitebread who are either divorced or wish they were but can't afford it.

It was both horrifying and enlightening to realize he'd made me the symbol of everything he doesn't want.

Seeing how deep and dark the hole is that he's in, why do *I* feel pain, regret, and self-doubt? Shouldn't I feel relieved and free?

P.S. I bought your book
Joined: 4/8/2012
Msg: 35
Smashwords / PayPal obscenity issue.
Posted: 4/13/2012 2:03:38 AM
That's awesome Cynthia. I noticed another sale. Thank you. Each one is precious at this point. The book's been listed since Mar 21. I'm still waiting for the Premium Catalog review. It's slow because they have been having server problems.
I have to be careful not to blog on here. I got into trouble once for that. It's too bad I can't write you from Canada.
I'm sorry for your pain and I do know the feeling. I always preferred physical pain to pains of the heart and I am very familiar with physical pain. Throughout my life.
Joined: 4/8/2012
Msg: 36
Smashwords / PayPal obscenity issue.
Posted: 4/14/2012 1:56:48 PM
Cynthia, I have to go. I can't take this place at the moment. I can't message you because of your location restrictions. It was nice to touch bases again. Jesse
Joined: 2/24/2012
Msg: 37
Something on my mind...
Posted: 4/14/2012 6:06:04 PM
I understand. Sometimes the thought of being back here and trying to meet someone makes my skin crawl.

But I have to do something. I'm more a person of action unlike my ex who, like a skip from a well worn groove in a record, replays negative tapes over and over until there is no other way. What's the definition of insanity? Oh yah, doing the same thing over and over expecting different results.

Yesterday was a turning point for me. Things should be looking up soon :-)

I'll write to you off-fishland.
Joined: 4/8/2012
Msg: 38
Something on my mind...
Posted: 4/14/2012 8:35:30 PM
Jesse will be back. I love his style and voice. Sort of Chandler meets Bukowski and Hemingway yet totally unique. He's too talented not to be published. I know it will happen.
Joined: 4/1/2012
Msg: 39
Smashwords / PayPal obscenity issue.
Posted: 4/14/2012 9:59:57 PM

This time I'm sure there will never be another woman for me, ever.

There's a sonnet in there somewhere mate. Cheers.
Joined: 11/5/2012
Msg: 40
Hero for a day.
Posted: 11/8/2012 9:55:35 PM
This pipe looks like it’s gonna blow!
I started working at Metropolitan Towers after about a year and a half of working for Intercon Security. This was a fairly high end complex, two towers and some ground level retail on the edge of Yaletown, at Seymour and Nelson, around there. It wasn’t too bad of a site, but lots of homeless people and drug activity around there, people using the garage for shooting up and so on and car break-ins on the first four insecure levels.
One of the guards there walked me around and showed me the set up. When we got near the top he showed me a door leading to some stairs. “What’s that?” “That goes up to the roof, I don’t go up there.”
The guy had a bad hip, but anyway I did go up there and look in the room where the water heaters were. Actually I did a pretty through job there, almost always did at all my sites because you may as well, it’s tedious work and you are walking down the clock, just grinding your shift out. Later on when my back really got bad was when I started cutting corners.
One day about two and a half months after starting there I went onto the roof and opened that door to the water heater room and saw that one of the pipes from a heater was bulging at a seam and that steam was coming out. I called it in on my radio and talked to a guy from AST, the Account Services Team. There were only two AST, two or three, and they worked 12 hour shifts, four nights on and four days off. AST did stuff like transport guards to and from various sites if there was no available transit, they meet you on sites with keys and equipment, if it’s a temporary site they walk you through, this kind of thing. They act as a liaison between client and guard, which incidentally Intercon called their guards officers and you were upbraided if you called yourself or somebody else a guard, which is not a bad idea because it instilled a sense of pride in a fairly low status job.
Intercon also had a fairly large mobile division. These guys chased alarms for the most part. 12 hour shifts and a pretty hard job. It paid at the time 13 bucks an hour as opposed to an ordinary guard starting at 10 bucks an hour. Intercon had their own hardware, their own alarms that they monitored and serviced. PSD were the highest paid division at about 15 bucks an hour and also working 12 hour shifts. I’m not sure what supervisors got but—or even upper management--suits as it were. It couldn’t be much more than 50 grand per annum or God knows? Anyway, it’s all relative.
Back to my narrative:
I describe what’s happening and he puts me over to PSD-Protective Services Division, and the guy shows up and takes a look and he talks to operations and gets a phone number for the management and they call the assistant manager down (they live in the building anyway) and that guy comes up, but before he does the PSD guy asks me, “How long you been doing this?” “About a year and a half.” “You have potential.” He asks me did I ever consider PSD, but it’s unlikely because of not really meeting the unstated size requirements, plus anyway they prefer ex military or police or maybe a black belt, but anyway I’m soaking up the approval. Even the assistant manager, a prick from Bosnia, even he thanks me. Because if that pipe had blown it could have caused a lot of water damage.
The Bosnian prick calls a plumber and he waits up there for him. This is like 3 am in the morning. So the upshot of all this is that I was hero for a day and a half and I ended walking out on this job, I got into a beef with my supervisor, and just like I usually do walked off and ****ed off. They gave me another site, a worse one, patrolling on Commercial Street and from there to another site and—but I’m keeping a forward trajectory, to nowhere.
I ended up quitting Intercon without notice and working for a competitor for about six months and then quit THAT job and cajoled my way back into Intercon again. I should have been a no- rehire because of quitting without notice. But I had an advanced first aid certificate and they needed it.
One thing that Intercon had was a monthly newsletter. Other companies didn’t have that. If you worked there for two years you would get mention; three, four—and so on. But when you got up there around six years, there weren’t a whole lot of names. I mean most employees didn’t seem to make two years. I quit just short of two years and then came back and was on the two year list. It was like I’d never even been away!
Anyway, I gave them another six months or so and quit again, also without notice. The big boss called me up. She couldn’t believe it. But I was at least true to form. I was going back to school and didn’t have time to give notice. “I can’t believe you’re doing this to me after all I did for you!” Long pause, “Believe it.”
Joined: 1/6/2013
Msg: 41
Crack or meth, name your poison
Posted: 1/9/2013 10:59:56 PM
I like c ock so I dont care
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