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 NotElvisJunior
Joined: 6/8/2008
Msg: 30
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interesting demand on profilePage 2 of 6    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)
If I may play Devil's Advocate here . .

I've noticed that profiles tend to state pet peeves now and then - OR, will state something where its' clear that the person has experienced a particular problem one or more times in dating/relationships in the past, and therefore is sort of trying to say "I don't want someone who does X, Y, and Z or has a problem with X, Y, and Z"

It's hard to draw the line between stating things that you think should be obvious, and griping about people from the past.

Where am I going with this?

A certain male friend of mine was in a relationship, for some time, with this one woman. She was, by most standards, very attractive (though not my type in particular), and she would often berate him for checking out other women.

The problem was, that he wasn't checking out other women. He sometimes wouldn't have even SEEN the woman he was supposedly ogling.

He'd get crap literally if he noticed any female. Ever. Anywhere. Even to avoid walking into her.

Before you say that my friend or I are exaggerating . . he stayed up later than usual one night to watch The Tonight Show because Julia Louis-Dreyfus was on. Now, my friend and his brother were both HUGE fans of Seinfeld.

This prompted a rather lengthy argument, with his girlfriend accusing him of watching because he wanted to fvck her (Julia Louis-Dreyfus, that is).

This was much the same argument with ANY woman he saw, glanced at, happened to be in his field of vision for at least a half second, etc.

In reality, it could've been Jason Alexander on the show, and he'd've been just as happy to watch.


So . . if this person the OP refers to has been through something like that, maybe he's trying to assert "I will not deal with that kind of crap" in a very clumsy manner.


Just saying it's a possibility is all.... depending on what happened to him in the past.
 rearguard*2
Joined: 2/8/2008
Msg: 31
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interesting demand on profile
Posted: 3/24/2011 6:27:21 PM
Anything beyond a casual glance is just plain insulting and rude to your companion. I'd say dump him if he feels the need to laud the characteristics of other women while in you presence...
 MsMicki
Joined: 10/2/2006
Msg: 32
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interesting demand on profile
Posted: 3/24/2011 7:14:30 PM

So . . if this person the OP refers to has been through something like that, maybe he's trying to assert "I will not deal with that kind of crap" in a very clumsy manner.

I completely agree with you whole line of thinking.....because I have witnessed the whole over reaction thing from women far too many times to count.
Yes, he had a "clumsy" manner in expressing his wants.....but he probably has a
valid reason (in his mind) for doing so.

I don't mind comments on other women....and I will also point out women that I find attractive/sexy. But I agree there is a line that can be crossed into "disrespectful".
 BigBadNIrish
Joined: 1/31/2011
Msg: 33
interesting demand on profile
Posted: 3/24/2011 7:15:03 PM

I was married for over 39 years and we were both people watchers,we would make comments between the two of us constantly about those we observed of both sexes.I can't tell you the number of times she pointed out the hot or well endowed babe that I might have missed.She knew where my interest was and she was right next to me.


Over 40 years the comfort zone was created to speak about many things without fear of rejection...I'd guess.

But, checking out everything that moves on the first couple of dates...well, that ain't cool....and commenting on the ladies is real un-cool.
 karma1160
Joined: 6/10/2008
Msg: 35
interesting demand on profile
Posted: 3/24/2011 7:56:33 PM
Oh so it would be ok for him to make comments about every beautiful woman that walks by. hmmmmm
I doubt that if the shoe was on the other foot it would go over so good.
It is not only bad manners, but it is disrespectful to you.
All of us can and will look, that is human nature what you do with that is where you separate the hicks from the gentleman. I could care less if someone looks, but I want to know that my date is all into ME!!! If not I will keep fishing.
People who have no filters tend to believe, that whatever they feel like doing or saying at the time should be socially exceptable, because they honestly feel it.
Not so, feelings are not facts and all feelings do not need to be shared.
You should have told him: My self worth issues will be taken care of when I boot you to the curb.

When I am with someone, I make sure that they know that I am enjoying their company, and our time is spent with each other is the most important thing on my agenda.
 ~breathlesshush~
Joined: 4/25/2006
Msg: 36
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interesting demand on profile
Posted: 3/24/2011 10:35:42 PM
When I was younger and terribly insecure, something like this would have bothered me immensely. If my boyfriend said something complimentary about another woman (nice hair; smile; legs; she's witty; bright; intelligent, etc) I would immediately think that part of ME was lacking and this was his passive-aggressive way of letting me know.

Ah, the insecurities of youth...

As I've matured, I've become much more comfortable in my own skin, and recognize (MOST of the time) when my reaction to something of this nature is caused by my own feelings of inadequacy or self perceived "shortcomings". I may still react poorly in the moment - depending of course on what was said and the manner in which it was conveyed - but afterward I will examine my response and attempt to figure out why exactly it bothered me so, and then take the necessary steps to learn to recognize the trigger(s) and how to "disable" or avoid them.

Women tend to react emotionally in uncomfortable and threatening (no matter how ill perceived the "threat" may be) situations; while men lean more towards the detached, analytical response. This of course is not a hard and fast rule; I have encountered more than one man who reacted in much in the same way.

~shrugs~

I don't want my S/O extolling the virtues of every pretty woman he sees, but occasionally would be fine if done in a respectful and tasteful manner. Pointing out the hot girl with the "amazing rack" isn't going to win him any bonus points.

I can appreciate a beautiful woman and rarely feel threatened by her beauty. I can also appreciate a beautiful man without picturing him naked and sweaty between my...sheets. (those of you about to cry “double standard!”, it’s a joke )


I learned long ago that most of us humans have egos which are easily bruised by seemingly insignificant things (in hindsight); yet that very same ego that can be torn asunder by one careless remark not meant to inflict damage requires years and years of positive reinforcement to build healthy self-esteem and recognition of their own self-worth. Rarely do we place as much weight on a compliment as we do an insult .

Phew!! How exhausting it is being a creature so full of contradictions.


OT: I don't think I would go so far as to call the man in your opening post a misogynist Opie (I think that word is tossed around a little TOO freely these days), but one does have to wonder what exactly his motivation(s) is for being so rigid over something so... inconsequential . Why doesn't he just find a comfortable seat in a *dimly lit establishment that frowns upon women wearing clothes*? Seems to me he might just get his fill of ogling beautiful untouchable women and realize that having that one beautiful woman who makes his heart beat a little faster just by looking at him in that way she would never look at another; is worth more than the fleeting glimpse of ethereal beauty he knows deep down will always be out of reach.



*Disclaimer: Used as one example of a venue where men truly are "visual creatures". No offense intended or implied.

JMO

 magicallaroundme
Joined: 3/9/2011
Msg: 37
interesting demand on profile
Posted: 3/24/2011 10:57:29 PM
What is the problem here? Either you can come to grips with it or you can't. However you react, he can either deal or not. There is not even a promise that anything in particular absolutely must arise. He is being preemptive.

Eventually, he is bound to do something you do not like. It can be ordering Chinese takeout on the Sabbath or drinking his Coke with two straws. Whatever it is, you will have to either cope or exclude yourself from his company. Either his being a good hearted and musical engineer is enough to overcome his quirks or it isn't.

Why not see for yourself what is really at stake before you try to formulate a fixed and irrevocable reaction to some mythical outrage that hasn't transpired yet?
 AintNoDeal
Joined: 2/3/2010
Msg: 39
interesting demand on profile
Posted: 3/25/2011 12:08:52 AM
I am a girl watcher. I notice every chick, hot, warm, cool, even a little stale and past the expiration date. I notice them all, I look at them all. I am constantly running analyseeez on ass-size, tit-jiggle, hairdos, caked-up-make-up, toe-cleavage, under/over bite, nose jewelry, "the gap", skirts and panty lines.

I NOTICE IT ALL - AND I'M A STEP AWAY FROM STARING
OK. It's in writing. But I've never been that much of a girl-chaser. I was lousy at asking chicks out in clubs or at schools/colleges, but I did well with old newpaper personal ads, phone personals, and then online dating. I'm good when there's an excuse to contact people. When there is no formal reason for contact, I usually keep my distance and WATCH.

I had an ex who didn't like it no matter when/where/how I glanced at any woman from 18 to 80. She would "verbalize" it immediately. She definitely had an "attention deficit" issue - she wanted ALL eyes on her. So I know what it's like to hear that nagging about looking at other women. OTOH, I was full-on guilty of looking at other women all the time, but I didn't call out to them, or "verbalize" what I was thinking every time I saw a nice ass. If that was the case, I'd never shut up.

Really, I don't know why guys complain all the time, because there are good-looking and decent-looking women everywhere. I dunno -- maybe because I live in a big city there's just more to see....???

= I understand the guy's statement, but it's just crass to state it like that in a profile and shut off any discussion of the matter. The guy's asking to be hit with a smelly fish. =
 magicallaroundme
Joined: 3/9/2011
Msg: 40
interesting demand on profile
Posted: 3/25/2011 12:28:56 AM

because something was telling me that he is highly intelligent and manipulative and this might just be the tip of the iceberg. 2 of the girlfriends i was socializing with yesterday are on pof, thought the same as you and asked for his username. i refused and said i had their backs, haha!


Who is calling who manipulative? You write this as if you are trying to get away with something. It isn't that you are actually interested in this guy. It is all about what kind of game you can rope him into and what kind of "gotcha" scenario you can construct.

I guess there would be no point in asking you to leave him alone. It isn't about him. It is about the game and how big a chorus of jeers you can generate at his expense. Everyone wonders why lots of guys look askance at anything a girl might do. It is one thing to entertain sincere interest and quite another to be tricked into callous manipulation.
 Casper66
Joined: 3/2/2007
Msg: 41
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interesting demand on profile
Posted: 3/25/2011 3:52:01 AM
I can understand admiring a beautiful person or someone dressed really nice but I see no reason why someone would have to make any verbal comments, sounds like someone who has bad impulse control or verbal diarrhea. As looking at them as art well personally I can walk thru an art show and never once feel the need to pointout to everyone around me that the guy or gal is naked in the artwork, or has a nice butt or big tatas, guess thats just me.
 Walts
Joined: 5/7/2005
Msg: 42
interesting demand on profile
Posted: 3/25/2011 5:18:50 AM
Reading the replies on this one,maybe the guys should just shut up and read what you girls want to hear,when and where. So throw that list of what we men are ALLOWED to say(in your presence) up on your profile,good,bad or indifferent.

Nuttin better to get the script BEFORE the play is suppose to start.
 happybunny8
Joined: 4/16/2010
Msg: 44
interesting demand on profile
Posted: 3/25/2011 6:50:16 AM
A person with intelligence knows how to check others out and not be obvious. It's all in how long you train your gaze on someone.

It's not that hard to do. People who do not realize that others are looking at other people are living in some fantasy utopia song land "I only have eyes for you"......
 romancemann
Joined: 3/12/2011
Msg: 45
interesting demand on profile
Posted: 3/25/2011 8:11:09 AM
talking about how hott another woman is can get really old and stale to your girlfriend or date.

just say it to yourself and save the compliments for your woman.
 SylvanSwan
Joined: 8/5/2008
Msg: 47
interesting demand on profile
Posted: 3/25/2011 8:38:30 AM
What would make me wonder OP about this guy is: why it is so important for him to notice every woman that happens to be in the vicinity of his lookers and then comment?

Two things come to mind....skirt + chaser. Or three....horndog + in + heat.

 ohenryx
Joined: 3/12/2010
Msg: 48
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interesting demand on profile
Posted: 3/25/2011 9:26:30 AM
quoting ThNewDeal

I am a girl watcher. I notice every chick, hot, warm, cool, even a little stale and past the expiration date. I notice them all, I look at them all. I am constantly running analyseeez on ass-size, tit-jiggle, hairdos, caked-up-make-up, toe-cleavage, under/over bite, nose jewelry, "the gap", skirts and panty lines.

I NOTICE IT ALL - AND I'M A STEP AWAY FROM STARING


I am 100% in agreement with this statement. It is my firm believe that better than 90% of ALL males do this, it's just that most won't admit it.


I had an ex who didn't like it no matter when/where/how I glanced at any woman from 18 to 80. She would "verbalize" it immediately. She definitely had an "attention deficit" issue - she wanted ALL eyes on her. So I know what it's like to hear that nagging about looking at other women.


I have LIVED that story, which gives me some insight into what the original poster was saying.



OTOH, I was full-on guilty of looking at other women all the time, but I didn't call out to them, or "verbalize" what I was thinking every time I saw a nice ass. If that was the case, I'd never shut up.

... I understand the guy's statement, but it's just crass to state it like that in a profile and shut off any discussion of the matter. The guy's asking to be hit with a smelly fish


Agreed. This is one of those things that you do NOT bring up in your profile.
 PittsburghVixen
Joined: 6/27/2009
Msg: 50
interesting demand on profile
Posted: 3/25/2011 2:34:55 PM
I agree with TDH49. The guy can post whatever his preferences are and we all have the right to pass him by if we don't like it. Personally, I would rather find this out up front, and I would still give him the benefit of the doubt. He may indeed be discreet about verbalizing, and he may even do it in the right context. Plus, if he is OK with his date doing the same if she sees an attractive man - then what's the problem?

One may engage in this type of behavior on a spectrum that ranges from completely obnoxious, leering a$$holery, to quietly discreet appreciation. We don't know where this guy lands on that spectrum.
 Walts
Joined: 5/7/2005
Msg: 52
interesting demand on profile
Posted: 3/25/2011 4:30:35 PM

What would make me wonder OP about this guy is: why it is so important for him to notice every woman that happens to be in the vicinity of his lookers and then comment?


I got two more.

He's not blind, and he's not dead.



But a middle age man doing the same thing to a teenage girl has to be a pervert that's thinking evil thoughts


Actually the "young thing" was mid 20's and the biatch in this scenario was probably late 40's. I would have replied to Forum fishy, but she thinks what she must, and I know what I know. Two different worlds. Honestly, I never laughed so hard in a long time over last night's "incident".
 1234deleted1234
Joined: 10/8/2009
Msg: 56
interesting demand on profile
Posted: 3/26/2011 3:13:35 AM
I had a GF once who would see a hot girl and ask if I saw her....When I'd reply "yes!" she'd often say "You had better have noticed that!"

My current girlfriend has been standing near me when women have walked up, hugged me and kissed me on the lips...sometimes open mouthed.
 MsMicki
Joined: 10/2/2006
Msg: 57
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interesting demand on profile
Posted: 3/26/2011 6:15:16 AM

I reckon the guy in the OP was looking for a threesome.


That's a bit of a reach there isn't it?
 1234deleted1234
Joined: 10/8/2009
Msg: 59
interesting demand on profile
Posted: 3/26/2011 8:30:41 AM

That's a bit of a reach there isn't it?


It sure is! Wow!


He sounds like an emotionally abusive jerk who wants some meek mousy woman who will just sit there and take it while he openly goes on and on about how hot the woman is at the next table.

That's a bit of a reach there isn't it?

The only women that I'VE known that could have that kind of interaction are the VERY secure, outspoken and openly sexually liberated ones!

The kind that would encourage the guy to take a look or make a move....and expect the same in the presence of a hot guy!
 SylvanSwan
Joined: 8/5/2008
Msg: 62
interesting demand on profile
Posted: 3/26/2011 1:46:52 PM

What would make me wonder OP about this guy is: why it is so important for him to notice every woman that happens to be in the vicinity of his lookers and then comment?


I got two more.

He's not blind, and he's not dead. ~Walts


Nowhere did I refer that looking at people was wrong. The question I had was why he wants to do it excessively and comment on same?


....look but don't stare....verbalizing is unnecessary. say it in your own mind but not outloud....instead verbalize your own date's beauty to her, not another woman's beauty...yes I am generalizing. sue me. ~romancemann


Bingo and thank you. And no I have no intentions of suing you...lol.
 woobytoodsday
Joined: 12/13/2006
Msg: 63
interesting demand on profile
Posted: 3/26/2011 6:21:35 PM
But a middle age man doing the same thing to a teenage girl has to be a pervert that's thinking evil thoughts.

As a former teenaged girl, that lovely compliment was about 95% of the time followed by a grope attempt if there were no witnesses. And there could be weeks between the compliment and the attempt. For the five per cent who are innocent, they have my sympathy, lol!

As for the reverse? I had a client who used to embarrass the chit out of everybody -- her helpers, her kids, her friends, with inappropriate comments to guys in their teens and twenties. You could almost see them in the distance looking for a hiding place as she advanced their direction. But as embarrassing as she was, I don't think she ever lifted one finger to make it so. . . .

 BigBadNIrish
Joined: 1/31/2011
Msg: 64
interesting demand on profile
Posted: 3/26/2011 6:40:13 PM
OP...read a profile that had the offending statement...so, there's never been an email exchange...call...first meet...

My thoughts are that over the years couples develope these senses that allow them to be out sitting somewhere people watching and commenting...what I find odd is telling strangers using a dating profile noting this is what to expect during the first meet n greet....I sit I look you and I talk about it....gee can they get to know each other a little before the girl watching/running commentary starts.
 daffie
Joined: 5/21/2010
Msg: 67
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interesting demand on profile
Posted: 3/27/2011 2:16:41 AM
i wouldn't be interested in meeting this guy.
he seems like a bit of a w*nker.
maybe someone once told him he was "god's gift" and he believes it?

i appreciate beauty as much as the next person but if i was out with a man and he spent all his time blatantly ogling other women i'd happily leave him to it.

boorish and classless!...
 bcsofnc57
Joined: 11/20/2007
Msg: 68
interesting demand on profile
Posted: 3/27/2011 12:57:29 PM
At least he warned you up front. I think what he is wanting to do is just rude. I think when two people are on a date, they should concentrate on each other, and not be so worried about the rest of the world passing by. Dating is meant to be a time of getting to know each other.

As to what he said about women who have a problem with it having self worth issues, it just goes to show that people can come up with excuses for all sorts of bad behavior.

There is no way I would be bothered with a man like that. When I am out with someone, during that date I expect it to be all about me, as I would make it all about him.
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