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 ThatGuy1082
Joined: 8/23/2010
Msg: 31
Have you ever dated someone with Borderline Personality? Page 2 of 37    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37)
The average is about 50% of the women I have dated. Hormonal? Unrealistic ideals? Some fantasy in their head? Never can tell what's gonna come out of their mouths. And,,, it always gets worse, never gets better, never. Just pray they're not stalkers who show up in a jealous rage or jaded bitter, flop-floppin mood bangin on your doors and windows at 3 am. Had one woman swear that she was getting electrical shocks from powerlines and outlets. Found out she wore heavy dish washing gloves all the time in her house or when she came in contact with any electrical appliance. That was all she wrote!
 REDDRAGON.
Joined: 10/9/2008
Msg: 32
Have you ever dated someone with Borderline Personality?
Posted: 4/8/2011 3:06:44 PM
I have dated several guys with a marginal personality



what's the matter??? first 3 wern't enough for ya???



 kayla1963
Joined: 4/1/2011
Msg: 33
Have you ever dated someone with Borderline Personality?
Posted: 4/8/2011 5:00:16 PM


I have dated several guys with a marginal personality

what's the matter??? first 3 wern't enough for ya???




Thanks for sending the marginal "Team Dragon" over, but I'll pass on your buddies.
 Helen0426
Joined: 6/2/2009
Msg: 34
Have you ever dated someone with Borderline Personality?
Posted: 4/9/2011 12:14:25 AM

OP: I've never dated anyone such as what I am reading here from you all. Sounds really scary and an emotional yo-yo.


Typically; how soon in a relationship does one see these characteristics?

While I'm not the OP, since I have dealt with this, I feel qualified to answer. There was nothing scary about it, it just didn't work out, is all. Which I think is pretty much what is likely to happen with people who have this.

The guy I dated who had this was aware of it, and in therapy for it, so, that makes a big difference in my perspective. Those who are less aware may behave differently.

But even so, though he was handling it well, I knew something was up with him within a few dates. I couldn't even say why, exactly.

What I wasn't sure about was whether or not it'd be something I'd mind greatly.

As it turned out, he made that call for me, and I never had to decide.

That all may not be any use. What might be of use was that I knew there was something different about him within a few dates.

So basically... I think you'll notice.
 Captain_Random
Joined: 8/19/2010
Msg: 35
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Have you ever dated someone with Borderline Personality?
Posted: 4/9/2011 4:22:06 AM
Never dated someone with BP. However, my elderly uncle's new wife has BP and she's pretty much ruined his life. She forbids him from seeing any of his family. He thinks she could be dangerous, and fears that she would injure or kill him if he tried to leave.

Is controlling behavior something that BP's exhibit?
 OutMind
Joined: 2/13/2007
Msg: 36
Have you ever dated someone with Borderline Personality?
Posted: 4/9/2011 1:08:18 PM

Is controlling behavior something that BP's exhibit?


Absolutely.
 Sabrosura089
Joined: 11/29/2009
Msg: 37
Have you ever dated someone with Borderline Personality?
Posted: 4/9/2011 1:37:53 PM

While I'm not the OP, since I have dealt with this, I feel qualified to answer. There was nothing scary about it, it just didn't work out, is all. Which I think is pretty much what is likely to happen with people who have this.

The guy I dated who had this was aware of it, and in therapy for it, so, that makes a big difference in my perspective. Those who are less aware may behave differently.

But even so, though he was handling it well, I knew something was up with him within a few dates. I couldn't even say why, exactly.

What I wasn't sure about was whether or not it'd be something I'd mind greatly.

As it turned out, he made that call for me, and I never had to decide.

That all may not be any use. What might be of use was that I knew there was something different about him within a few dates.

So basically... I think you'll notice.


^^It's all good, Helen. My question was posed to anyone who may have been in a relationship with someone such as this.

You knew "something" was different. Like what? i.e. temperament, behavior towards you, etc....

Just curious.....

P.S. I meant "scary" in that one would not know how to approach this person from one second to the next. Like "walking on eggshells".
 OutMind
Joined: 2/13/2007
Msg: 38
Have you ever dated someone with Borderline Personality?
Posted: 4/9/2011 2:17:56 PM
Here's the thing. At least in my case. She was not any different than anybody else. Not when we met. Not when we dated for a while. The little things that began to happen were slow to evolve. So you could not say that they were signs. What began to emerge is when she told me her life story, and you begin to ask, why did this happen or that happened. So many things even though they make sense, because they are told from her point of view, when you add them up, they do not show what happened in the other side.

So when things begin to happen you are already deep into the relationship and believe that if you can recognize it, then you can control it. But that doesn't work either.
 Sabrosura089
Joined: 11/29/2009
Msg: 39
Have you ever dated someone with Borderline Personality?
Posted: 4/9/2011 2:43:24 PM
Here's the thing. At least in my case. She was not any different than anybody else. Not when we met. Not when we dated for a while. The little things that began to happen were slow to evolve. So you could not say that they were signs. What began to emerge is when she told me her life story, and you begin to ask, why did this happen or that happened. So many things even though they make sense, because they are told from her point of view, when you add them up, they do not show what happened in the other side.

So when things begin to happen you are already deep into the relationship and believe that if you can recognize it, then you can control it. But that doesn't work either.


^^^So there were no visible signs in the beginning. I guess "they" learn to camouflage them; if you will?

Upon telling their side of the "story" they put the blame on why things happen to the others in their lives vs. their condition?

Interesting......It sounds like a struggle between two different "people" in their minds. I guess....just trying to understanding this. It is foreign to me.
 OutMind
Joined: 2/13/2007
Msg: 40
Have you ever dated someone with Borderline Personality?
Posted: 4/9/2011 4:29:21 PM

Upon telling their side of the "story" they put the blame on why things happen to the others in their lives vs. their condition?


Well it's hard because when they tell you about a failed marriage. It's always the other person that did something wrong. They talk about the ex reducing them to a maid, that were not even allowed to drive. That they set her children against her. And all this mean things.

Of course when you hear this, you say. What a horrible guy. But now you see what happened, you see that there's a different reality. One time the her older kids are by the house, we have my side of the family there as well and she starts to pick thing about me. One of the kids, screams at her and tells her "not again mom, are you going to start what you did with dad."

I wasn't there when this happened, I was outside grilling, being a host, having a great time, but my Mom was inside the house when it happened and later on, after we split told me.
 Sabrosura089
Joined: 11/29/2009
Msg: 41
Have you ever dated someone with Borderline Personality?
Posted: 4/9/2011 4:38:54 PM

Well it's hard because when they tell you about a failed marriage. It's always the other person that did something wrong. They talk about the ex reducing them to a maid, that were not even allowed to drive. That they set her children against her. And all this mean things.

Of course when you hear this, you say. What a horrible guy. But now you see what happened, you see that there's a different reality. One time the her older kids are by the house, we have my side of the family there as well and she starts to pick thing about me. One of the kids, screams at her and tells her "not again mom, are you going to start what you did with dad."

I wasn't there when this happened, I was outside grilling, being a host, having a great time, but my Mom was inside the house when it happened and later on, after we split told me


^^It can be challenging to decipher the truth vs. their "reality". Thank God for loved ones!

"What doesn't come out in the wash; comes out in the rinse."
 junipermoon
Joined: 3/1/2006
Msg: 42
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Have you ever dated someone with Borderline Personality?
Posted: 4/9/2011 5:02:49 PM
posts 3, 6 and 7 pretty much hit all the important points. pay attention to them

i can only add that you really, really need to take care of yourself and your own needs.

all the best to you.
 luna_datura
Joined: 7/16/2008
Msg: 43
Have you ever dated someone with Borderline Personality?
Posted: 4/10/2011 2:28:43 AM
As a mental health professional I would NEVER date anyone with a known diagnosis of Borderline personality, bi-polar disorder or schizophrenia or for that matter obsessive complusive disoder. Generic anxiety and depression that is under treatment and the person is motivated to get treatment is one thing. This is because unless you are a masochist who is seeking to get your ego boosted by being a caregiver for said persons you will never have a relative equal partner who is able to engage in give and take of a relationship. Dont get me wrong
BPD is treatable but someone would have had to be in years of really good therapy and have a lot of recovery under their belt before i would consider dating them. It can only be bad news for you - sorry but thats the truth. do your self a favor and move on.
 kayla1963
Joined: 4/1/2011
Msg: 46
Have you ever dated someone with Borderline Personality?
Posted: 4/11/2011 6:32:41 AM

The average is about 50% of the women I have dated.


Wow! Those are some stats. Not sure being a "loon magnet" is something to advertise!
 NewToTN9
Joined: 11/12/2010
Msg: 47
Have you ever dated someone with Borderline Personality?
Posted: 4/11/2011 10:55:18 AM
According to the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-IV), about 75 percent of people who are diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) are women. Yet, by virtue of this thread, it appears that more women has experience dating someone with BPD than men. Hmmmm.....

Just saying.
 kayla1963
Joined: 4/1/2011
Msg: 48
Have you ever dated someone with Borderline Personality?
Posted: 4/11/2011 11:35:26 AM

According to the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-IV), about 75 percent of people who are diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) are women. Yet, by virtue of this thread, it appears that more women has experience dating someone with BPD than men. Hmmmm.....

Just saying.


According to the fundamentals of statistical collection, drawing a specious conclusion designed to cast negative light on the legitimacy of dates experienced by females such as: "Yet, by virtue of this thread, it appears that more women has experience dating someone with BPD than men" is inherently flawed when basing it on a population sample consisting of approximately 3x as many women responding as men.

Just saying.

P.S. Checked your profile. Gee. You are a guy. You claim to be in Management with a Graduate Degree. Risk Management is required for such a position. I should think you would have a better understanding of the basics of statistics.
 worknovertime
Joined: 8/12/2010
Msg: 49
Have you ever dated someone with Borderline Personality?
Posted: 4/11/2011 3:47:48 PM
The BP I was involved with was the sweetest most charming man I ever met. We had a great time together. He was so alive, and active. This went on for 6 months. I admit, he told me early on that he was diagnosed BP. But.. I had no idea what that was, and I didn't check it out on my own.

I think the rollercoaster ride started once he figured he had me hooked. I would be yelled at for anything and everything. If the towels were not laid out exactly right. Everything was becoming my fault. He required me to do everything for him..while he did nothing for me. Every minute of every day I was supposed to pay total attention to him, him, him. He would spend unbelievable amounts of time talking about himself.. how he feels now, how he felt yesterday at this time, how he expects to feel tomorrow. Really!! I once started talking about myself.. just as a test... after less than 30 seconds, he just got up and left the room. No excuse me, nothing..just left. On every occasion I have spent more than 2 hours with him, he has started arguments about nonsense. If we went out for coffee...I was expected to order it, get it just right and bring it to him FIRST. He once threw the coffee at me in public because I didn't get whole cream in it!

Sabro..... if you have met someone who is BP or BPD, of anything like it. Please run. Sooner or later you will be forced to leave to protect your own sanity. Save yourself the trouble and run. now.

Please go to this web site and read what the hundreds of people who have been the victims have written.

ehealthforum.com/health/bipolar_disorder.htm
 Padawan61
Joined: 3/1/2008
Msg: 50
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Have you ever dated someone with Borderline Personality?
Posted: 4/11/2011 8:42:18 PM
Judging from all the testimonial posts on people's past experience with BPDs, bipolars ... and whatever other catchy, cool labels out there ... I'm beginning to think that the mentally disturbed was somehow short-changed by God when he was handing out brains. How else can we explain all the defective people in the world??
 OutMind
Joined: 2/13/2007
Msg: 51
Have you ever dated someone with Borderline Personality?
Posted: 4/11/2011 9:03:33 PM
think the rollercoaster ride started once he figured he had me hooked. pay total attention to him, him, him. has started arguments about nonsense.


I know exactly what this is. However, everything that became an argument had a double standard that somehow it did not apply to her.
 HorseyHay
Joined: 3/2/2011
Msg: 52
Have you ever dated someone with Borderline Personality?
Posted: 4/12/2011 11:10:01 AM
No, but I did have a relationship with a woman that was very sweet, but had Paranoid Personality Disorder. It was manifested as a sever jealousy of being cheated on. She was in therapy, but the issue could be not resolved. She also had hard illogical conclusions that only she could provide an answer for and would not let go of any imagined incident, no matter how long ago. It was affecting her job. She was a serial dater by admission in the last therapy session. I broke off the relationship and have not contacted her since, as it was her said statement as to how the relationship would end.

As a test question to vet out people like this, I would ask, 'If the relationship was to end, could we still be friends?' If the answer is no, think twice about how long the relationship is really going to last.
 Seakytten
Joined: 10/2/2010
Msg: 53
Have you ever dated someone with Borderline Personality?
Posted: 4/13/2011 4:45:12 PM
And the well known POF armchair psychologists are always out on this one..LOL

OP, she /he needs professional counseling and that's the only way to a cure. This is a horrible disorder that can ruin relationships with family, friends and with a significant other. At one time I thought I had this disorder but luckily, due to the expertise of a psychologist I found out that a few people that I had rejected in the past that had issues of their own didn't take my rejection of them well, so therefore they bitterly lashed out in labeling me with this disorder. He finally made me see that and I'm good with it at $120.00 bucks an hour.

If you love her/him enough and you want a future with this person then have enough compassion and understanding to help her/him through this without judgement nor bitterness.

It's funny. I literally 'grilled' my friends and family in asking them if I had this disorder a few years ago and it was always a 'Hell on the no'..lol. Rejection = bitterness for years = starting threads about you being mentally ill on POF. LOL

Good luck!!

Kytten

 Padawan61
Joined: 3/1/2008
Msg: 54
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Have you ever dated someone with Borderline Personality?
Posted: 4/13/2011 9:01:00 PM
The thing with imbalanced crazies is that they have become masters at:

1. Hiding their condition (initially) from newly formed friendships ... making it difficult for the "victim" to weed them out at the get-go. Such masters at deception can maintain this facade for many years ... until that deception blows up in their faces.

2. Denial ... desperately making claims that they're sane, when in fact, the more they assert their sanity, the more they revealed their insane nature.

In other words ... if a person must reiterate again and again that they're not crazy ... the more their craziness will show. A sane person feels no need to convince anyone the stability of their mental state. They simply know it in quiet ease.

3. Twisting the facts to suit their perception of reality. That's an extension of the second manifestation.

4. Hear what they want to hear ... without clueing into the black and white. Everything is some shade of grey to them.

5. Not realizing their loved ones may simply be giving a positive assessment in order to keep the peace. Because those loved ones know that the person will probably flip out if told the truth. It's not like family members can "divorce" the nuts so easily. A mere friend can ... and usually do.

With such individuals, it is best to cut them loose and run quickly in the opposite direction. They're just not worth it. As some posters have already said, it is difficult enough to establish and maintain a relationship with a normal person. Add aggression and uncontrolled mood swing loopiness to the mix ... Gawd!! I once said I only want my bipolars in the guts of a TV ... not an S.O.
 honeycognac
Joined: 11/22/2010
Msg: 55
Have you ever dated someone with Borderline Personality?
Posted: 4/14/2011 7:09:38 PM

Everything is some shade of grey to them.


I have to take issue with you there. A BP sees people as black or white - you're either a monster or a saint to them. A mentally healthy person realizes that life, and people, are invariably some shade of grey.
 Padawan61
Joined: 3/1/2008
Msg: 56
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Have you ever dated someone with Borderline Personality?
Posted: 4/14/2011 7:52:09 PM
Everything is some shade of grey to them


I have to take issue with you there. A BP sees people as black or white - you're either a monster or a saint to them. A mentally healthy person realizes that life, and people, are invariably some shade of grey

You need to understand that in context of what I said ... "hear what they want to hear". When someone makes a mocking remark point-blank and the BPD thought it was a well-wishing comment in support of them ... that's "the grey" they perceive ... and what I was referring to . Any sane person would've detect the direct sarcasm as black and white. You have to have read the thread to understand.

Furthermore, some of these nutbars exhibit rapid swings between seeing others as monsters and saints ... depending on their moment to moment mood. They could praise you one minute and condemn you the very next minute.
 honeycognac
Joined: 11/22/2010
Msg: 57
Have you ever dated someone with Borderline Personality?
Posted: 4/14/2011 8:34:41 PM
Thanks for explaining your meaning - and yes - the swings can be lightning-rapid. You really are walking on eggshells, and the name of the book I'm currently reading, to help me and the rest of my family deal, is "Stop Walking on Eggshells". The author started the website BPD Central, and that's where he got most of his information for the book.
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