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 BHill9323
Joined: 11/30/2009
Msg: 839
Have you ever dated someone with Borderline Personality?Page 35 of 37    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37)
I am BPD, and me and my ex (who was Bipolar...what a mix) recently broke up. This was a few weeks ago and I am still getting over it. I always loved her, but when I became hurt, I wanted her to feel just how hurt I felt. I know that wasn't right, and I am working on it (I live in Oklahoma where the mental health system SUCKS). I feel pretty much alone in my own struggle. Anyway, my own behavior (she was at fault too- but I wish that I had dealt with the problems in a healthier manner) destroyed the relationship. Not a minute goes by that I am not regretting what happened.

If anyone has any questions about my experience in relationships (from the BPD) side, please feel free to ask or message me. Not many sources exist to get our side of the story and I want to educate as much as possible. So people can learn from my own personal storms.
 BHill9323
Joined: 11/30/2009
Msg: 840
Have you ever dated someone with Borderline Personality?
Posted: 4/1/2013 5:09:15 PM
With S. I told her I was not the jelous type (which I should know better, being a BPD), and I believed that. But after our break up, I have 'catastrophised' and worried she was with a former friend of mine whom liked her. My worries were just that...worries. She is still single, but a lot of guys want her and I feel terrible that someone else will probably make her happy.
 Quazi 100
Joined: 3/2/2008
Msg: 843
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Have you ever dated someone with Borderline Personality?
Posted: 4/1/2013 9:21:56 PM
Nirvana.....

I realize that this is for information purposes only at this point.....

Refer to post 846 that focuses on communication.....

After years of therapy, I learned how to voice my wants/needs.....and learned to take "no" for an answer.


Before that, communication could come out in a rage, laced with threats and pointed fingers. WE DON't get over things easily. Anything considered a betrayal can go on for years. And it doesn't need to be your betrayal.
 Quazi 100
Joined: 3/2/2008
Msg: 844
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Have you ever dated someone with Borderline Personality?
Posted: 4/1/2013 9:35:42 PM
Jj....

I was very much confused by what I did...other people can describe it better than me.


I started therapy for CD and multiple anxiety disorders in 1989.
I worked very hard with CBT and a therapist....mostly on the anxiety
By 2003 I had morphed into BP.
After more therapy, I was diagnosed with concurrent BPD. I didn't know what BPD WAS.
 Quazi 100
Joined: 3/2/2008
Msg: 847
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Have you ever dated someone with Borderline Personality?
Posted: 4/2/2013 7:11:40 PM
Also, by living with our abuser (who may "appear" normal, but be very good at manipulation and convince us that what we're doing is for "our own good") we may be taught impulsive behaviours, and never think to question them until consequences are presented to us.

We DO believe that the consequences don't apply to us.

Disbelief at consequences is yet another trigger for raging.

When faced with consequences, there are two options. One is to become a victim, the second is to accept responsibility and the consequences.


Since no one is perfect, everyone has a little bit of victim in them....but it doesn't amount to much.


Most BPD's choose to be victims
 Quazi 100
Joined: 3/2/2008
Msg: 848
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Have you ever dated someone with Borderline Personality?
Posted: 4/2/2013 7:26:16 PM
@ message 892

Thank you for your research.

Coincidentally, I was talking to my Meds MD/Psychoanalyst last week. She asked me how I worked full time with mood swings etc.
I told her that I was more anxious and depressed than moody at that time. She gave me a perplexed look.

It appears that there can be an evolution process to BPD.
 Quazi 100
Joined: 3/2/2008
Msg: 849
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Have you ever dated someone with Borderline Personality?
Posted: 5/5/2013 9:36:00 AM
Since i have been having difficulty with my sleep patterns recently, I watched a NOVA documentary called " What Are Dreams?".

This documentary theorises that there are two kinds of dreams: REM (rapid eye movement dreams), and non REM dreams.

A sleep study volunteer was woken up during non REM dreams, and was given a list of half words that he had to add an ending to.

The words he wrote for the non REM list, were optimistic, upbeat words.

He then went back to sleep, and was allowed to sleep through a whole sleep cycle and was woken during REM sleep.

The results were dramatically diffent.

This time the words were very negative and pessimistic.

The researchers attributed this to the activity of the amaygdala during REM sleep.

The researchers connected the amaygdala as a cause of depression.
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 850
Have you ever dated someone with Borderline Personality?
Posted: 5/5/2013 9:52:39 AM
If I was with someone who is borderline, I would give her the $3 or whatever the toll is to cross the border to look for love in another country.
 Quazi 100
Joined: 3/2/2008
Msg: 851
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Have you ever dated someone with Borderline Personality?
Posted: 5/31/2013 6:34:49 PM
Still trying to get a workable meds combo. I've been through this numerous times.

Lithium works best as a mood stabilizer. However, because of my weird CNS, I need an undosable amount.

I told the meds Doc this, and she said there are chemists that will formulate an uneven dosage.

I said...how about I pull the capsule apart, and pour half out?

Sshe looked horrified....then understanding came to her face, and she said.....that works.....


Putting this back on top for information purposes....
 billingsmason
Joined: 2/3/2012
Msg: 852
Have you ever dated someone with Borderline Personality?
Posted: 6/1/2013 12:14:14 PM
JJ how are you quoting msg 893.... when it hasn't happened yet?
 Quazi 100
Joined: 3/2/2008
Msg: 854
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Have you ever dated someone with Borderline Personality?
Posted: 6/1/2013 7:21:52 PM
I think maybe the thread is being cleaned as it happens.

Jj...how about in future, referencing the name and page number?

That should give an indication of where the quoted post is.

Your research is important, and has helped me unlock mysteries.....
 Quazi 100
Joined: 3/2/2008
Msg: 856
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Have you ever dated someone with Borderline Personality?
Posted: 6/4/2013 12:23:07 PM
My head has spun a couple of times, and I dealt with a dying undiagnosed BPD Mother that was psychotic because of Dilaudid...she wreaked havoc for numerous people.

BPD cannot be medicated effectively howeverI firmly believe that meds are necessary to stabilize mood to whatever degree possible.

Unless you've experienced BPD dysphoria first hand, you have no idea of the usefulness of prescription meds.
 sddude
Joined: 12/9/2007
Msg: 857
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Have you ever dated someone with Borderline Personality?
Posted: 6/6/2013 7:50:21 AM
I have had my experiences, a bit of a nightmare living or dating women like that . One would be the sweetest girl in the world and have 5 secret lovers in the background, then she would flip outwardly and threaten life and limb with a knife, even to her parents, she would be loving with her little girl then freak out and call her little girl garbage that was not even worth more than dog poop. After a cat fight in my house with another women with the same problem I told her never to call me or to talk to me or visit me ever, I wanted peace in my life, she threatened suicide, I told her I did not care, never cominicated with her since, I have seen her time to time shopping with her little girl.
That was one of them,

Another I think was addicted to serious abuse like beatings and chockings all her boyfriends were seriously abusive, I had first hand exerience seeing her situations, anyhow she seemed to try to find ways to make me get angry but was never successful, I am a bit of a very patient man with alot of self control, a nurturer of women, she quit, she told me I was not man enough to put her in place, I kicked her out of my life on that note, i could go on and on, I dated alot and am still dating, I am a bit of a crazy problematic woman magnet or maybe I contantly look for someone to fix their entire life and problems....

The only peace from that situation is to leave, get away or wait till they hit very rock botton and gain extreme humility, that is when the priority of thier life changes or overwhelms their emotional issues.
 Quazi 100
Joined: 3/2/2008
Msg: 859
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Have you ever dated someone with Borderline Personality?
Posted: 6/13/2013 5:45:35 PM
Passive-aggressive is an entity unto itself....

In a BPD, all the examples you cited are possible. The distinction with a BPD, is that we would go after what's "important" and would hurt most.

If none of that "worked" ie: getting our "needs" met (which is virtually impossible, because our communication skills aren't adequate), poisoning food, or cutting brake lines isn't out of the question.
 Quazi 100
Joined: 3/2/2008
Msg: 861
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Have you ever dated someone with Borderline Personality?
Posted: 6/13/2013 8:24:35 PM
You're welcome JJ

Passive aggression is worse than expressed rage in my opinion.

Expressed rage is out in the open. Unless passive aggression can be caught red handed, proving it is problematic.
 CentralJersey
Joined: 6/21/2007
Msg: 863
Have you ever dated someone with Borderline Personality?
Posted: 6/14/2013 9:11:25 AM
RUN
RUN
and
KEEP RUNNING! !!!!!

BTW:
Statistics
show that BPD is TWICE as prevelant as Bi-Polar disorder.
2% of the adult population have BPD.....75% of those are female.


It is virtually impossible to remain in a relationship with a person with BPD.
IT IS A VERY SERIOUS MENTAL ILLNESS.
THE GREAT MAJORITY of BPD remain this way FOREVER!
Say GOODBYE to the fun, pretty, smart, sexy, exciting BPD.
Find a NORMAL girl that is capable of maintaining a nuturing & HEALTHY RELATIONSHIP !
Start living a normal life without all of THE DRAMA of a BPD person.
Good luck!
 Quazi 100
Joined: 3/2/2008
Msg: 864
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Have you ever dated someone with Borderline Personality?
Posted: 6/14/2013 11:36:51 AM
Getting caught red handed proves that I 'm not going nuts, like they might be trying to convince me ;)

The motivation is vindictiveness for not fulfilling our impossible to figure out needs which are so very plain to us...that you should be able to read my mind, and "know" what I'm thinking without me having to tell you.

Right?


Very wrong.
 Quazi 100
Joined: 3/2/2008
Msg: 867
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Have you ever dated someone with Borderline Personality?
Posted: 6/15/2013 8:56:43 AM
Efficacy of a medication, doesn't necessarily prove correlation between two disorders.

While Lithium helps tremendously with my bipolar, I mostly rely on CBT...and medication to help with BPD.BPD is ongoing every day. One single thought can take me from "normal" thinking to melancholy bordering on suicidal thinking. It's that fast.Bipolar isn't. It tends to build up.

I understand where the behaviour looks identical.

If the individual were questioned closely over time whichever disorder is at work would surface.

An oversimplified example: Two women....same general demographic present at an emergency room.

Specific questions are asked.....including questions about sexual activity.

Both women have had sex 4 times in 24 hours

On further questioning, one says that her libido is extremely high. and having sex numerous times a day keeps it at bay. She's bipolar.

The other woman on further questioning says that she had sex so often, because her boyfriend wanted to, and she loves him, so she did it. She's BPD.
 Quazi 100
Joined: 3/2/2008
Msg: 869
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Have you ever dated someone with Borderline Personality?
Posted: 6/18/2013 5:46:42 PM
I agree with everything you said.

To further complicate things, whichever disorder is at play at the time of assessment SHOULD be the one diagnosed. If BP and BPD are running concurrently, it's a toss up which will be diagnosed first. I was diagnosed BP first, however, I believe I've been BPD for most of my life. I believe the BP came much later. When I was diagnosed with BPD, I didn't know what it was. I was quite familiar with BP when I was diagnosed with that. I believe that the truth is that BP is easier to identify than BPD.

The differences in thinking between BP, and BPD are actually quite large....for me anyway.

They should be kept separate, because they are separate. Even when running concurrently.
 arwen52
Joined: 3/13/2008
Msg: 870
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Have you ever dated someone with Borderline Personality?
Posted: 6/21/2013 10:56:54 PM
I'm starting to think my last relationship was with someone who has borderline personality disorder. I'm still trying to figure out what happened.

When I was with him he was amazing, then he'd disappear for two weeks, then reappear. He was secretive and evasive about what he was up to in between. At times I wondered if he had another woman but I don't think so. I also suspect he's bipolar - he would go days without sleeping and then sleep for two days. He seemed reclusive, did not seem to have any real friends. It took a long time to figure out. In the end, I found out he was an ordained minister, something he had hid from me. It was crazy. I'm still trying to put together the pieces of this puzzle.

I supposed I should be grateful that it didn't go on longer than it did or that I didn't see him more often. I've never been with anyone who lied so much, it was unbelievable. It was very confusing. He always had these rationalizations and they'd sort of make sense but in the end, it was just plain nuts.

Bummer, because when he was "on" he was amazing.

I don't really understand exactly what is borderline personality disorder. I did think he was bipolar and also probably a bit obsessive-compulsive. I'd like to learn more about it.
 arwen52
Joined: 3/13/2008
Msg: 871
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Have you ever dated someone with Borderline Personality?
Posted: 6/25/2013 12:59:26 AM
The "I love you, I hate you" thing certainly seems appropriate. It seems his life was littered with people that he idolized in some way and then they fell from grace, betrayed him. In his romantic life, it was women he loved and decided he wanted to marry, and then he'd find out they were unfaithful and he was shattered. In his church life, it seemed there were a couple of people he admired that then they fell from grace and he cut himself off from them, feeling betrayed.

I'm now probably another woman he loved who somehow did him wrong. It's hard to know what he'll make up about me, but I see a pattern and I'm sure he's found some awful role for me now. It's sad. I'm not certain he's Borderline, but that sure would help to make sense of a whole lot of stuff that just didn't make sense. I'm glad I found this thread. Even if it isn't true, it's helping me come up with a possible explanation for what happened.
 IgorFrankensteen
Joined: 6/29/2009
Msg: 872
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Have you ever dated someone with Borderline Personality?
Posted: 6/25/2013 4:45:36 AM
My own life with a BP diagnosed person, had as a central feature, that she blamed everything on other people all the time. Even when admitting to her condition, she would firmly declare that whatever was wrong in life at the moment, was due to the failures of others.

Our relationship came to an end, when she finally realized that she had come to blame ME for more than half of what she was frustrated with in her life. No doubt, the fact that I had to put less and less emotional confidence in what she demanded of me (after many years, I noticed that stories which used to star her father as the evil one, began to schedule me in his place), made things worse rather than better. I thought that remaining on an even keel myself would help her to stabilize around something reliable, but it just led her to conclude that I didn't care about her enough.

In any case, it appears that no matter what the diagnosis is, whether it is a powerful one like BP or BPD, or lesser things such as "He just doesn't try hard enough (under-achiever), as my ex describes me, whether a solution seems possible or nit depends upon the individual, and on the day to day circumstances. We are all, whether psychologically healthy or not, at the mercy of our own perceptions OF ourselves.
 Quazi 100
Joined: 3/2/2008
Msg: 873
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Have you ever dated someone with Borderline Personality?
Posted: 6/25/2013 8:54:50 PM
Igor.....

I'm not going to comment on your ex's diagnosis.....however....

Even if BPD IS diagnosed......it doesn't mean the person GET's IT.

A large problem that people notice (I did it here a few pages ago) is odd or faulty communication skills....cognitions. Until this problem is corrected...even partially, you're basically talking to a wall.

I'm getting into advanced BPD here.....if an S/O is non-reactive......doesn't show a response, that can actually throw us into a panic.


Just before I was diagnosed with BPD, I was seeing a Psychologist, who gave me very little feedback. One day, I broke into tears in his office. It took a while, but I figured out that his lack of response was causing anxiety . A response is like a security blanket.



I just saw some lightbulbs light up....lol..
 Quazi 100
Joined: 3/2/2008
Msg: 874
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Have you ever dated someone with Borderline Personality?
Posted: 7/9/2013 5:43:36 PM
This is an interesting article, that describes BPD quite accurately.....


http://www.dbtselfhelp.com/html/borderline_personality_disorde.html


This is a look at the mechanics behind the disorder. The suicidal gestures, cutting, hallucinations,neuroses.....all very real to the BPD.

The scary part is, that we don't necessarily know that you don't have them too....
 arwen52
Joined: 3/13/2008
Msg: 875
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Have you ever dated someone with Borderline Personality?
Posted: 9/4/2014 1:00:28 AM
As fate would have it, I happened to meet that guy's last housemate and hear the epilogue. I was right about him painting me as another woman who did him wrong. And the housemate said he was a habitual liar. And he's moved out of state. So, that's the end of that story.

But good gosh and golly gee, I sure wish I could find another lover like that. ;-) Not crazy like that, just a really good lover.
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