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 JMNY
Joined: 6/6/2008
Msg: 26
Would you date a cancer survivor?Page 2 of 4    (1, 2, 3, 4)
So after reading through all the feedback given in this thread, I made the decision to remove the bit about cancer from my profile. While I still feel it is a significant part of why I am who I am, I can see how someone might see it as a potential red flag for further complications. And, true or not, thats something that can be discussed once I get to know someone - no need to broadcast it ahead of time.

Being a fairly introspective person, I'm the type to constantly question and attempt to understand what my motivations, moral stances, and overarching philosophies are in life. Because, for me, I felt that my experience with cancer has shaped a lot of that, I considered it relevant to include in an "About Me". However, after reading this thread and understanding the unambiguity of simply saying "I'm a cancer survivor", I came to agree with the sentiments being expressed.

Thanks to everyone for the perspective.
 Cdn_Iceman
Joined: 12/1/2010
Msg: 27
Would you date a cancer survivor?
Posted: 4/1/2011 7:16:52 AM
JMNY, its a very important part of your life which should be left for a discussion in private as you're getting to know the woman, yes some will run but at least you will know , some will admire that and wont care because they are getting to know you and what you're all about.

You will do fine young grasshopper, you will do fine.
 REDDRAGON.
Joined: 10/9/2008
Msg: 28
Would you date a cancer survivor?
Posted: 4/1/2011 3:15:45 PM

So after reading through all the feedback given in this thread, I made the decision to remove the bit about cancer from my profile. While I still feel it is a significant part of why I am who I am, I can see how someone might see it as a potential red flag for further complications. And, true or not, thats something that can be discussed once I get to know someone - no need to broadcast it ahead of time.

Being a fairly introspective person, I'm the type to constantly question and attempt to understand what my motivations, moral stances, and overarching philosophies are in life. Because, for me, I felt that my experience with cancer has shaped a lot of that, I considered it relevant to include in an "About Me". However, after reading this thread and understanding the unambiguity of simply saying "I'm a cancer survivor", I came to agree with the sentiments being expressed.

Thanks to everyone for the perspective.


It doesn't matter what we think.

this is a question best left for perspective dates it's their choice.

definetly a life changing event and has made you who you are today.
 bodypro8ra
Joined: 1/24/2011
Msg: 29
Would you date a cancer survivor?
Posted: 4/1/2011 3:47:31 PM
I'm coming right up on 26 years right now. I think May 13. Cancer was one of many things I survived. I would never put it up on my profile for any number of reasons, like for instance, you; you who are reading my profile are a total stranger to me and are likely to remain that way.

Nobody needs to know that about me right off the bat. Revealing that here is nothing. To me. Some know and don't care, but they can't care less than me about how I'm perceived. If the cancer didn't set you free from concerns about peoples opinions of you then you aren't utilizing the power of facing your mortality.

I got an internal link to my memoirs anyway. It's all there, the cancer and a lot worse. But I don't care about being exposed. That's my material, by choice, and the odds are that one day it will be on book shelves.

If you are proud of having an uncommon experience, well, more power to you. It is not that uncommon unfortunately. My mom survived 27 years and it called on her again and killed her. She was rotten with it at the end.

Will cancer come to me again? My stern teacher? Something will kill me. I will die alone. That's all I need to remember when it comes to how I present myself on pof.

Edit: I was young. 28. I had the preliminary diagnosis and I felt a light shine on me. I knew I would live. I made it pay. I used it for all I was worth. I gave myself permission to take big risks. Why not? I was already dead in a sense. But at any rate the illusion of my immortality was gone, gone forever.

It's up to you. What else? You are proud and why not? Tell them first or tell them second. It's part of my persona, but there has been so much more, and not just health problems. Cancer may have been the one single most valuable event of my life.
 woobytoodsday
Joined: 12/13/2006
Msg: 30
Would you date a cancer survivor?
Posted: 4/1/2011 4:02:38 PM
OPie, six of one, half dozen of the other. Mainly, it's a fast or slow thing. . . . On your profile: lots of responses you'll never see, never have to know about. Not on: it's a continual having to restate, and explain.

My last love, when we were in the getting to know each other stage, prior to meeting, had a couple of health issues that he was having a helluva time communicating. . . . Took him about six weeks, and even then he couldn't *tell* me -- found a newspaper article that had been written about a play he was in while on chemo. Me? I didn't give a damn about the cancer, or the colostomy, I simply felt blessed that he'd fought it and won. And hung around long enough for us to meet. At that point he was a six year survivor. And it wasn't what killed him. More the effects of the radiation, in fact.

If someone let me fall in love with them, and *then* told me? I'd be damned mad. Possibly mad enough to end it. I hate being lied to, and not telling a mate or even a potential mate IS lying. Big time.

That said, I have a health issue that's almost a decade past. There is some small residual effect, and it could possibly recur, and isn't all that unusual in my age group. And every fella I've met on PoF was told within two days. To date, no one has run.

Your problem is likely to be the age of the female you are seeking (and would hold true for women in the same situation as you are in). It usually takes some living to get a grip on what is really important, and what isn't. Keep looking. And enjoy your city!

 PittsburghVixen
Joined: 6/27/2009
Msg: 31
Would you date a cancer survivor?
Posted: 4/1/2011 5:49:17 PM
I agree 100% with Welsh474 (msg 2).
 Ailliss
Joined: 3/16/2010
Msg: 32
Would you date a cancer survivor?
Posted: 4/3/2011 2:26:18 PM

I honestly wasn't trying to come across as snippy in my response. There was no sarcasm or cynicism intended. I'm sorry if it came across as that. I was genuinely surprised to see someone classify themselves as "ignorant of cancer" - which she later clarified to mean not knowing if it was terminal or not.


You did not come across as snippy; I know what you meant and I think the person who said “ignorant of cancer” may also have meant that no one is entirely sure as to how some cancers are contracted.

I have dated, and much more, persons with cancer. I am thrilled that you are well now. However, as someone else mentioned please look into the healthier diets for you.

I don’t think JMNY needs to hear the sad stories; but rather the ones that will lift his spirit. ~I'm coming right up on 26 years right now. ~like this.

I too think it was not a good idea to have this information on your profile. It is a personal issue. One that you can share as you see fit; you’ll know when someone will be supportive of this experience.


I love going to restaurants

Then you are in the best of all cities in which to do that! I love NYC…

Best wishes,
 forums1
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 33
Would you date a cancer survivor?
Posted: 4/3/2011 7:51:22 PM
So I throw it to the fishes for discussion:
- Would you avoid dating someone if you knew they were a survivor?
- Does just seeing that fact on an online profile make you say "NEXT"?
- Is it something that should be kept private and perhaps not talked about until the relationship is more serious?
- If you found out about it later on, would that be a deal breaker for you?


Date? yes... I have.

Does it make me say "next" - no... why would/should it?

Is it something "private" that shouldn't be talked about until its "serious"? Umm... I dunno, in the two women I've gone out with that had cancer it certainly wasn't any kind of great "secret", it came out in normal conversation on the first few dates... and they didn't wind up "serious", but not for anything to do with the cancer.

If I found out "later" would it be a deal-breaker? Um, well, I guess that would depend on whether I felt they were deliberately keeping it a secret (ie, *lying*) from me, and what their rationale behind that was (ie, they couldn't "trust" me for some reason).

Now, most certainly I can grasp that perhaps to someone that has lost someone to cancer, it might make them think about it... but honestly, that's on them. My grandfather got prostate cancer in his late 70's, did some treatment, and it came back in his late 80's and he died from it - my father is now 78 and going through treatment for it... so honestly its obviously a potential for me (family history). Its also (if I follow the "pattern" of history) 30 years off. If someone chooses to not date me because of that - oh well, it obviously wasn't meant to be. If someone chooses not to date you because of your cancer history, oh well, it wasn't meant to be. When/how you choose to 'reveal' it to someone is up to you, but honestly if someone doesn't want to date you because of your cancer history, or your big nose, or your shoe size, I don't think it matters... its their choice, not something to be worried/ashamed about.
 Agwan
Joined: 4/3/2011
Msg: 34
Would you date a cancer survivor?
Posted: 4/7/2011 1:24:24 AM
Is it wrong that I would date someone WITH cancer?

I apologize, but I feel the need to quote Shakespeare (I'm a tool, i accept this.)

"Cowards die many times before their deaths;
The valiant never taste of death but once.
Of all the wonders that I yet have heard.
It seems to me most strange that men should fear;
Seeing that death, a necessary end,
Will come when it will come."

If she was Wonderful. and she somehow took interest in me...

I'd dive in head first and get every moment I could.

It doesn't matter who you date. they could be dead tomorrow. So why miss any chance you could have to be truly affected by someone special?
 charlie_girl_2
Joined: 1/2/2010
Msg: 35
Would you date a cancer survivor?
Posted: 4/7/2011 8:02:53 AM
Of course, I would. Perhaps you'll get it and be lucky enough to be a cancer survivor too!

I am a cancer survivor, Thyroid, a few years ago. I never knew just how important the thyroid is to the body, but I've done well since, and aside from some of the issues that one needs a thyroid for, such as metabolism, hair, and skin ... I take a daily supplement to help offset those issues. I'm healthy and content.
Yet, I don't see any reason to put that I had cancer in my profile.

 sweetlikesugarcane
Joined: 1/31/2011
Msg: 36
Would you date a cancer survivor?
Posted: 4/11/2011 4:28:02 PM
Yes. I would date a cancer survivor.

The only exception would be someone with a malignancy that was caused by smoking or some other behavior that they still practice.
 Agwan
Joined: 4/3/2011
Msg: 37
Would you date a cancer survivor?
Posted: 4/12/2011 12:48:24 AM
^good point.

Would I date someone with cancer? yes.

would I date someone who GAVE THEMSELVES CANCER. no.
 HorseyHay
Joined: 3/2/2011
Msg: 38
Would you date a cancer survivor?
Posted: 4/12/2011 10:44:42 AM
There are a lot of serial daters on this site. They will use any reason to move on. 3 to 6 weeks is the first hurdle, 4 to 6 months the next.
 OneHotMamaInAZ
Joined: 4/15/2011
Msg: 39
Would you date a cancer survivor?
Posted: 4/23/2011 4:21:14 PM
Joe,
Congrats on being a survivor ! Many hugs and high fives ...
To answer your questions,
I would definately date someone if they were a cancer survivor. (I am one ,myself)
Seeing it on a profile wouldn't make me say next and move on . In fact, I prefer the
up front, honest, everything on the table approach.
If someone waited until after the relationship became more serious, my first thought
would be, "Why didn't you trust me enough with this important information before ?"
and that thought would be closely followed by, "What else have you been hiding?"

Personally, I think it is a good idea to be honest and upfront about ALL the important stuff, from the start. Women who are seriously looking for a long term relationship
won't think that approach is TMI.
 KelleyNice
Joined: 4/13/2011
Msg: 40
Would you date a cancer survivor?
Posted: 5/11/2011 2:00:54 AM
How much money do you have?
 boarderdad50
Joined: 4/23/2011
Msg: 41
Would you date a cancer survivor?
Posted: 6/17/2011 9:17:59 AM
Even if it makes 9 out of 10 hit the next button, is that really so bad?

I see this online "dating" more like online "filtering" of potential dates. The real question is would you want to date someone that you would reject you based on something that happened in your past?

Also you can take it however you want but I look at events and traumatic things in our past as what happened to us not who we are. It sounds like you have embraced the good with the bad and are doing well with it but people tend to reflect their personal associations with words upon others. So if they personally had a traumatic encounter with cancer with someone they knew they will reflect those feelings towards you.

Live strong and remember all you need to find is 1 person out of the millions on here.
 Janet_Always
Joined: 12/7/2010
Msg: 42
Would you date a cancer survivor?
Posted: 6/17/2011 12:20:09 PM

I actually prefer to be around people who have had a lesson on what is precious about living and dont take time for granted...

That was beautifully worded, femaleconnection, and I agree with your sentiment.
 lateralusspiral
Joined: 4/4/2009
Msg: 43
Would you date a cancer survivor?
Posted: 6/19/2011 2:53:59 PM
I`m a survivor also. I do not make that point in mine. It`s hard enough to find someone to be attracted period. Most women on dating sites are looking for the absolute PERFECT match, forgetting that they aren`t gems themselves. I was diagnosed at 23 and it seems like saying I had cancer is alot like saying I have herpes.. While I don`t the reaction is seemingly the same. Ignorance is absolute bliss and this is no different.
 icboobs
Joined: 6/11/2010
Msg: 44
Would you date a cancer survivor?
Posted: 6/19/2011 3:30:06 PM
I am disabled, and have been for a long time, since I was 22 years old. My body is physically mangled and grotesque to look at, and I have had to adapt to a new life of physical limitations and pain. If there were two women that I was interested in, and one of them had cancer or was a cancer survivor, I would probably be more intrigued by her, since she might be able to relate to me better. Some disabilities are a real hinderance in a relationship, which is why I would be careful not to get involved with someone who was sick 99% of the time or anyone who was completely immobile, but I don't think many cancer survivors are.

If you read my profile, you will not see anything in there about my disability. That is because I don't want to scare anyone off. I won't get upset if the other person chooses to stop talking to me, once I reveal that I am disabled. I'm better off without them. I just do not want to do anything that limits my opportunities to establish new connections. As you can see, it would benefit me more to know that a woman was a cancer survivor than it would to include information that I'm disabled on my own profile. I hope that helps. Good luck!
 mateo45
Joined: 1/17/2008
Msg: 45
view profile
History
Would you date a cancer survivor?
Posted: 6/19/2011 5:34:51 PM
Am a longtime cancer survivor myself, and not to be too cavalier about it, but treatment has become way more sophisticated, and if you catch it early, it's not necessarily the "death sentence" it once was. Anymore than diabetes, AIDS or any other disease has to be.

That said, it's a significant life experience, like marriage, having children, relocating, whatever, but it's not my "defining" feature. So I'll mention it at an appropriate time in the conversation, along with any other significant info. as we get to know each other.

But mostly, I notice how folks react. Have they experienced it in their own family, do they show a bit of empathy or curiosity, are they uncomfortable with it... or is it just a break from talking all about "them"?!
 marrkie
Joined: 7/21/2008
Msg: 46
view profile
History
Would you date a cancer survivor?
Posted: 6/19/2011 8:13:43 PM
Glad your cancer free :-) Brain Tumor here...not something I post, but will tell someone if there is the possibility of a relationship. My reasoning... while going through treatment I would joke about having one...it's how I coped, but it freaked others out...most people do not do well with illness, and if its cancer - double whammy, having said that people cant make decisions if they dont have all the information,i.e. seriously date someone who had or has a medical issue,which is why I would tell someone when I actually start dating them. I do have a question...why do you want to post this information ?
M
 jaturner
Joined: 1/12/2011
Msg: 47
Would you date a cancer survivor?
Posted: 6/20/2011 6:02:15 PM
from one cancer survivor to another, Be proud of the fight you fought. do not remove it from your profile unless you want to. I did not post that I was a survivor only because I had breast cancer and not wanting to answer the question of weather or not they were still real or there? But it is one of the first things I tell about myself when a member contacts me. You would be surprised how many guys never respond again. That being said any woman who uses that as an excuse to not keep in contact with you, just wasnt that into you to start with. So dont let it be an issue that stops progress. good luck to you. btw yes I would definatly date a cancer survivor.
jody
 mateo45
Joined: 1/17/2008
Msg: 48
view profile
History
Would you date a cancer survivor?
Posted: 6/20/2011 6:38:03 PM
No offense, but folks don't all approach experiencing cancer in the same way. And even for the ones who see it as a "fight.... well, heart disease is a "fight", and so's diabetes, rheumatoid arthritis, and any number of other long-term health "challenges". But unless it directly impacts my ability to have a relationship with someone, or I'm seeking "special treatment", then I see little reason to include it in my profile, at least until we've had a chance to get to know each other a little better. Any more than I expect someone to disclose all their "ex-es", car wrecks, or tattoos so early on (well, OK, maybe I wanna know about all the tats... LOL)!
 italsmile
Joined: 3/20/2011
Msg: 49
Would you date a cancer survivor?
Posted: 7/25/2011 10:00:16 AM
hi,

i have non-hodgkins lymphoma, should be strait 8 cycle chemo and i'm done, had it in 1 spot...in terms of my dating life its quite boring as i'm sure i've been rejected most part because i revieled i have cancer and that i'm wearing a wig most of the time, well now its summer and i have to be on scarves its too hot...i'm depressed cuz i'm super lonely...not sure if i should continue dating...hope you can reply thanks :)
 OutMind
Joined: 2/13/2007
Msg: 50
Would you date a cancer survivor?
Posted: 7/25/2011 12:37:12 PM

i'm wearing a wig most of the time, well now its summer and i have to be on scarves its too hot...i'm depressed cuz i'm super lonely.


When my ex went through chemo she lost her hair too. She felt ugly with no hair anywhere. I bought her a wig and she also had some short ones and long ones. She liked to wear the different wigs when we made love. Still, I told her that I liked her best when she was bawl, it was her at her best. It made her feel better.

I think she had a harder time when her hair first came out and it makes it difficult to wear the wigs.

So hang in there. There are people that will love you bawl and with cancer.
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