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 AUTHOR
 peppermint petunias
Joined: 9/2/2009
Msg: 38
When is it considered cheating?Page 2 of 5    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)

I'd hate you too. You haven't said what motivated you to do what you did. What was it that your friend told you about the guy that made you think he might "cheat", and lead you to try and trap him like this? Or have you just appointed yourself as your friend's keeper, and you do this to every guy she meets?


^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
What you want to bet shes the gal that he went out with and she had him set up?

PULEASE.

Either way both women KNEW or she IS the other woman AND the date.

She just wants to know if she should give him a second chance when there is nothing he needs a second chance for.

Maybe testing him for other reasons and nothing to do with romantic interest...

Epic failure OP however it went down. Scammer/cheater..... whatever.
Slimy, low down catfish, juvenile behavior
 Red Fish GF
Joined: 12/3/2009
Msg: 42
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When is it considered cheating?
Posted: 4/6/2011 3:16:53 PM
southaustingal
I noticed the Phd and being a pediatrician also. If this is true it just goes to show that formal education does not mean the person is really all that smart.


There is a difference in being book smart and street smart. When it comes to dating she is definitely not too bright. How could talking and texting all the time equal an exclusive relationship. The OP never answered if they have even been on a real date yet.

OP
When you meet someone online and you hit it off and that person is still actively interacting with an online "DATING" website is it considered cheating? I have a friend who met a guy on POF and they hit it off great. I sware you would think it was love at first sight by the way she talked about this guy. They talk all the time, text, etc..




I was emailing my SO every day and going on dates when we could but the exclusive talk was brought up by me after 2 months. I still kept up my profile on the site where we met but updated it with dating some one to see where it goes until I was sure our relationship was serious. Eventually I completely deleted the profile. He went on a date with one other woman before deciding he only wanted to get to know me more. We have been together now for 2 years and neither one of us would ever cheat.


Keeping your options open is NOT cheating until/if a relationship develops.
 _TALL_IQ2_
Joined: 2/10/2010
Msg: 43
When is it considered cheating?
Posted: 4/6/2011 3:21:42 PM
Bad situation and I know where I was wrong but my question here is.. IS IT CHEATING?

Yes.. What you said you did was definitely cheating.. Emailing from anothers profile to test your latest online "paramour"..
But understand it wasn't very original.. Happens often here in POFerland..


So I go and email the guy with neither one of them knowing about it and he "being a guy" responds. Not only does he respond, but he also gets my number and calls me as well. At that point I contacted my friend immediately to let her know what was going on.


Yes you managed to upstage your "friend" and feel a tiny bit of control over another, which may have been your ulterior motive.. Wonderful if you actually DID apologize to him..

As you may be realizing, finding and maintaining a compatible long-term SO relationship IS
the second greatest challenge in life..
Since it REQUIRES giving up about 50% control to another imperfect human being like yourself...
 femaleconnection
Joined: 8/12/2010
Msg: 44
When is it considered cheating?
Posted: 4/6/2011 4:31:52 PM
If your friend had not talked of closing down profiles and only seeing one another with her new guy, then he didnt do anything wrong. You did.
 Red Fish GF
Joined: 12/3/2009
Msg: 46
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When is it considered cheating?
Posted: 4/6/2011 5:23:16 PM
sweetness-one

Your actions seem very odd to me though, especially at your age. Why would you have gone out of your way to test this man in the first place? Your friend is a big girl, so why would you ever have dreamed of interfering in the first place?

Your actions speak volumes more about you than his did about him, IMO.



I agree, does your friend need you to "test" every man she meets? And continuing to let him call you as pointed out in the above post seems odd too.
 Butterfly~Effect
Joined: 12/12/2008
Msg: 48
When is it considered cheating?
Posted: 4/6/2011 6:25:00 PM
Gardenias....just so you know, the green light means they were just online.

If it has the "Chat" highlighted...it only means that their chat is on but not that they are necessarily chatting with someone...just that they haven't turned that feature off (which you can do in mail settings).

Also....when you log out of POF...the little green light will show you online for approximately 20 minutes after the fact...so it can appear that someone is online..even if they aren't.

But...if you do want to know if they are checking their mail, the best thing to do is add them as a favorite...it will show if they are online and the time will change every time they check their mailbox.

Just thought that might help you out a bit...it can be confusing sometimes.
 Sabrosura089
Joined: 11/29/2009
Msg: 49
When is it considered cheating?
Posted: 4/6/2011 6:29:03 PM
Gardenia: less than a minute later i see the green light he is chatting with someone,



@sabrosura - i'm not all that computer literate, however in my inbox, there is a little green light that lights up with the name of anyone who has written me and is currently online. sometimes just their name and other times with the word chat next to it. right?


^^Now that I know the "green light" you speak of; it means the member is online not that he/she is chatting with someone else on IM (that is what had me confused). There is NO WAY of knowing when a member is chatting with someone or not.
 1234deleted1234
Joined: 10/8/2009
Msg: 51
When is it considered cheating?
Posted: 4/6/2011 7:22:52 PM
In addition to the OP's jealousy over her friend finding someone...I found this little nuggets in her profile:

Before you email me ask yourself if I was 300lbs and flipping burgers at Wendy's would you still be interested? If not save your time for someone else im not interested! ;-)


So... OP do YOU apply that to men you're interested in?How many 300# burger flippers have you dated?
Why is that relevent even?

Time to grow up OP! ....And stop sabotaging your friends...
 Red Fish GF
Joined: 12/3/2009
Msg: 52
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When is it considered cheating?
Posted: 4/6/2011 7:30:15 PM
^^^ I noticed that too. It was also mentioned in post number 8 of this thread. I bet she wouldn't date a 300lb guy who worked at Wendy's either.


The OP seems immature and seems to think all guys will cheat if given the opportunity. Maybe that's why she posted that in her profile to keep them all away, lol since she really seems too childish to have a relationship any way.

OP
and he "being a guy" responds.
 Red Fish GF
Joined: 12/3/2009
Msg: 54
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When is it considered cheating?
Posted: 4/6/2011 8:38:48 PM
I'm not saying he was cheating i'm asking to what extent is it cheating?


^^^When they agree to be exclusive and he is still on dating sites trying to meet other women. Meeting some one and chatting with others is not cheating. No matter if he would cheat or not it was none of your business to try and find out by tricking him.

carolann0308
So a person is obligated in some way after a few dates or phone calls to stop looking at or talking to other people? Good luck with that.
 1234deleted1234
Joined: 10/8/2009
Msg: 55
When is it considered cheating?
Posted: 4/7/2011 12:04:32 AM
My question to the OP is who made it your duty to test this guy? Why do you feel the need to interfere with your friends success?
Perhaps working on making yourself more attractive to prospects would be time better spent than ruining your friends prospects.

Or maybe you just need to know that you could steal him away from your friend? Is that it?
Either way, no matter your motivation....you have serious issues!

With friends like you who needs enemies?
 bikeman1467
Joined: 9/22/2009
Msg: 57
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When is it considered cheating?
Posted: 4/12/2011 5:29:35 PM
No the OP's friend's guy that she just met did NOT cheat. They had no exclusivity agreement.

Oh, if I meet a lady via this medium, and she's got a "friend" who played this sort of game with me like this, and she put a bunch of value on my reaction to her "friend's" actions, I'd be severely non-plussed. Big time turn off for a few reasons (1) poor choice of friends (2) endorses deceptive behavior (3) poor communicator (4) unrealistic expectations (5) overreactive drama queen. All this stuff indicative of a woman I don't really want to get to know much better.
 IgorFrankensteen
Joined: 6/29/2009
Msg: 58
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When is it considered cheating?
Posted: 4/12/2011 5:33:56 PM
I keep seeing people in this thread, and in others, telling everyone else that "online dating is different from real life dating in this way", meaning, that online daters also keep looking and dating after meeting someone exciting, but "real life" daters don't. Bollocks. Nonsense. False. Delusion.


My primary dating life was way back in the 1970's (before my Great Starting Over here), and I can say FOR AN ABSOLUTE FACT, that pretty much everybody back then ALSO kept looking, even though they had something hot and heavy going. The only difference I can see between online dating now, and real life dating then (and still! my teenage/early twenties sons are seeing the same behaviors!), is that many ONLINE daters get to SEE that they person they are with is still looking online. In real life, unless the person is dumb or blatant enough to make passes at other people right in front of you, you wont KNOW that they are still keeping their options open and looking, unless someone tells you.
Just because you only JUST NOTICED something is happening, doesn't mean it JUST STARTED happening.
 DoubleParked
Joined: 10/22/2008
Msg: 59
When is it considered cheating?
Posted: 4/12/2011 5:54:42 PM
I've had so called friends like you as well. It's not 'cheating' on the guys part. It's cheating on YOUR PART, pretending you are my friend. And then hitting on my guy. WTF
 GWSmith
Joined: 12/18/2008
Msg: 60
When is it considered cheating?
Posted: 4/16/2011 10:21:10 PM
Its cheating once you make the decision to go be exclusive.

A good rule of thumb for cheating (to me anyway): If you feel like you have to hide the behavior from someone you are dating/your SO then its cheating.
 woobytoodsday
Joined: 12/13/2006
Msg: 62
When is it considered cheating?
Posted: 4/17/2011 10:05:53 AM
Personally? I think OPie is WAY out of line. That'd be way more than enough for me to end a friendship.

My own perspective, after a medium sized learning curve, is once I start talkin' seriously, *I* am exclusive. I don't ask, and don't expect *them* to be until and unless we talk about whether we are or not. Everyone plays this differently, so it's wise to ask if you're curious or if it actually matters to you.

 NotGorshkovAgain
Joined: 4/29/2009
Msg: 63
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When is it considered cheating?
Posted: 4/18/2011 5:20:34 AM


I'm not saying he was cheating i'm asking TO WHAT EXTENT IS IT CHEATING?

To rephrase: "To what extent is it (he) cheating?". Your accusation is very clearly displayed in your question.
 valenciacityx
Joined: 3/10/2009
Msg: 65
When is it considered cheating?
Posted: 4/20/2011 5:58:20 PM
smells like entrapment.

wouldnt hold up in court, I wouldnt be concerned.... because wait for it.... it is none of your F-ing business.

this is the kindo shiate that happens in Jr High. Why would you want to perpetuate that behavior?
 NotElvisJunior
Joined: 6/8/2008
Msg: 66
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When is it considered cheating?
Posted: 4/20/2011 6:27:15 PM
If they did not have the "exclusive" conversation, where they BOTH agree that they are in an exclusive relationship and will not date other people, then it is not cheating.

No ASSUMING based on one person or another's own personal preferences or habits . . . did the "exclusive" conversation take place?

If so, then it's cheating.

If not, then it's not cheating.

If that conversation did not take place, then what you did was very wrong, but also, if your friend subsequently reacted as if the guy had done something wrong, then she isn't really any better.
 karma1160
Joined: 6/10/2008
Msg: 67
When is it considered cheating?
Posted: 5/19/2011 6:52:13 AM
The problem with what you expect and did is this:
In a lot people's "tale of love" you will find that there are moments of indecision.
There are moments where one person gets cold feet and retracts some of themselves to feel balanced, this may come from fear of the unexpected or fear of success or failure.
It is not a commitment until you have discussed terms.
During the coarse of a relationship at some point, the person decides that the object of
their desire is worth the fear of the unknown.
Although he got your # it does not mean he would have called you.
He may have had a moment of cold feet and now you have made that worse.
YOur job as a freind is to support and nourish your freind, not try to dig up dirt on her partner to protect her.
I always say to people if you are looking for something wrong you will find it, no one is perfect .........
In the beginning strong desires can make a person feel out of balance, that does not mean that they don't have feelings.
 Janet_Always
Joined: 12/7/2010
Msg: 68
When is it considered cheating?
Posted: 5/19/2011 2:48:34 PM
You didn't say if they were intimate, exclusive, etc... just talking and emailing does not a relationship make. So no, he wasn't cheating.

Your behavior, however, was unforgivable.
 DivineBovine
Joined: 5/13/2005
Msg: 70
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When is it considered cheating?
Posted: 5/20/2011 7:30:27 PM

...she would have an obligation to protect her friend.


i don't think so.

we were talking about supposed adults. there is no obligation to protect your friends from making bad decisions in relationships. if they ask for your honest opinion, sure, give away.

but setting traps for the "alleged" boyfriend?

that's not protection...
 valleyguyaz
Joined: 11/13/2008
Msg: 71
When is it considered cheating?
Posted: 5/21/2011 7:03:16 AM
if your eating its cheating

if your meeting its probally cheating

i don't know what is considered cheating or not cheating.
if you feel guity about it then its probally wrong.
 Walts
Joined: 5/7/2005
Msg: 72
When is it considered cheating?
Posted: 5/21/2011 7:28:43 AM

When is it considered cheating?


When ya get caught, or the ref tells you to go to the penalty box.
 CharminC
Joined: 2/19/2011
Msg: 73
When is it considered cheating?
Posted: 5/21/2011 8:10:05 AM

but setting traps for the "alleged" boyfriend?

that's not protection...


.....it's childish behavior.
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