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 SingleGuy4912
Joined: 7/25/2006
Msg: 5
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Does physical attraction have to happen on the first date?Page 2 of 3    (1, 2, 3)
Depends on what kind of relationship you're looking for.

If you're looking for long term potentially leading to marriage and are making your decisions solely on physical attraction, then you're doomed.

If he has done nothing that is repulsive to you and you had a pleasant evening, you could give him another chance to see if attraction could develop.
 IgorFrankensteen
Joined: 6/29/2009
Msg: 6
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Does physical attraction have to happen on the first date?
Posted: 4/6/2011 7:04:55 PM
Are you asking a question, other than about the forums button? If it's the title question, I'd say the answer is, that it's entirely up to you! I've read of people who think as your sister, and some who have other things on their agenda, or other experiences in their past, so that they DON'T need to feel a "spark" right away to try again.
But since the you actually have experienced the feeling that you actively do NOT want to see this guy again, you don't need a general principle of dating to explain yourself. When it comes to how you spend your life, "I don't WANNA" is a perfectly viable reason.
 Red Fish GF
Joined: 12/3/2009
Msg: 7
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Does physical attraction have to happen on the first date?
Posted: 4/6/2011 7:15:59 PM
The above was in response to a date I went on. The man wants a second date, but I am not looking forward to seeing this individual at all.



There has to be something that makes you want to see them again but physical attraction can grow stronger as you get to know them. However, you can't be repulsed by someone and expect a spark to ignite.


Why would you agree to a 2nd date if you have no interest in this man at all?


You may not want to jump his bones, but his eyes or his smile should make your heart flutter just a little. Or you should leave hoping you get to see him again.
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 9
Does physical attraction have to happen on the first date?
Posted: 4/6/2011 7:53:37 PM
For guys, the answer is YES-unless the guy is really drunk on the first date. Then it doesn't matter because he won't remember the date the next day.

For women, the answer is: it depends. If a woman is a swamp donkey, she'll go on about how people should only look at inner beauty and not be concerned about outer beauty. If a women is hot, a real beauty, her answer will be "Dam right. The guy has to be as hot as me." I've never heard a women who is really hot complain that men are shallow because they are interested in physical beauty.
 MsMicki
Joined: 10/2/2006
Msg: 10
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Does physical attraction have to happen on the first date?
Posted: 4/6/2011 8:29:20 PM

Does physical attraction have to happen on the first date?


Isn't that up to you?
I, personally, don't have to feel physical attraction immediately to want to go on a 2nd date. I'm more of a personality girl. I make my connections with my mind and not my
libido. A great personality can make a person more attractive in time for me.
But as I said, that's me........not you.
Only you can decide what you want in your life. If a honest, caring, funny man isn't attractive to you and you can't get past that......that's all that matters.
 Halcyon_Skies
Joined: 2/1/2009
Msg: 11
Does physical attraction have to happen on the first date?
Posted: 4/6/2011 9:06:36 PM
Does physical attraction have to happen on the first date?


I don't need to experience fireworks---however there has to be enough attraction present on the first date to the degree where I can envision myself being intimate with the guy at some point in the future. If not, there won't be a second date.
 ICtheLite
Joined: 9/12/2010
Msg: 12
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Does physical attraction have to happen on the first date?
Posted: 4/6/2011 9:26:25 PM
Maleman wrote:

For women, the answer is: it depends. If a woman is a swamp donkey, she'll go on about how people should only look at inner beauty and not be concerned about outer beauty. If a women is hot, a real beauty, her answer will be "Dam right. The guy has to be as hot as me."I've never heard a women who is really hot complain that men are shallow because they are interested in physical beauty.


Not sure if I should Bray or ask you to...... as in, should I call you Jack and strap a sack of coffee beans to your back?
 OutMind
Joined: 2/13/2007
Msg: 18
Does physical attraction have to happen on the first date?
Posted: 4/7/2011 6:42:01 AM
Every person, including you, are driven by two types of thoughts. One is emotional, the other one is rational. Attraction is driven by a part of the brain that is more primitive. Thus we feel attracted to someone and we have no idea why is that. Then you meet someone that is very attractive yet, you feel no emotion for that person.

Now there is a distinct difference between men and women. Men have a switch on and off button, women have a nob that goes up and down with scales of gray. Now, don't get me wrong here, not all men or all women are like that, but most are wired that way. Why?

Men had to learn to control emotions and feelings because they had to go hunt, go kill for the group. Men that had emotions got killed. Men that controlled their feeling survived.
Women in the other hand had to learn to negotiate what was going on in their group, relate to the emotions of the children, the older women with more power, the elderly men.

So back to your question. Two parts of your brain are sending signals, one set of signals are rational assumptions about the guy you met. The other are processing feelings and emotions that have to do more with non-verbal communication.

Depending to what is important to you, you should arrive at your answer. If a good provider, good man, good sense of person is what is most important, then that will drive your feelings. If a physical sense of attraction, challenge, intensity is what drives you, then you should let that attraction define what you will do.

In my case. If I do not feel the attraction right off the bat, it's game over. The ahmigdala process that information in 3 seconds and says, do not pursue or pursue.
 browneyesboo
Joined: 5/19/2005
Msg: 21
Does physical attraction have to happen on the first date?
Posted: 4/7/2011 12:04:39 PM
When I meet someone (for a potential relationship) and I can't
imagine myself kissing him or getting naked with him, I don't
see any point in going on a second date.

So yes, I would have to say there would have to be physical attraction
on the first date. I would suspect a lot of men feel the same? No?
Cool...I didn't think THAT was why I was single.

 ladyc4
Joined: 2/14/2006
Msg: 22
Does physical attraction have to happen on the first date?
Posted: 4/7/2011 1:53:59 PM
Regardless of whether you call it "physical attraction" or feel some sort of mental and/or emotional connection/resonance, why in the world would anybody agree to a 2nd date with someone that they don't look forward to seeing, for whatever reason?

There are, of course, situations where things just got off on the wrong foot,but if there just isn't ANYTHING you can hook your interest onto, continuing to date that person is doing both of you a disservice, IMO.
Cindy O
 Red Fish GF
Joined: 12/3/2009
Msg: 23
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Does physical attraction have to happen on the first date?
Posted: 4/7/2011 2:07:40 PM

Regardless of whether you call it "physical attraction" or feel some sort of mental and/or emotional connection/resonance, why in the world would anybody agree to a 2nd date with someone that they don't look forward to seeing, for whatever reason?



Exactly!
 ladyc4
Joined: 2/14/2006
Msg: 26
Does physical attraction have to happen on the first date?
Posted: 4/7/2011 5:16:38 PM
Noticed I have. Yoda phrasing,forumites from.

Topic on-seeing individual again,not at all looking forward to.
Dating, fun and pleasant is supposed to be. Ordeal not. Pleasure and fun not having with individual,continue why?
CindyodaO.
 lateef7842
Joined: 4/14/2008
Msg: 27
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Does physical attraction have to happen on the first date?
Posted: 4/7/2011 6:37:45 PM
I'm sorry, but a lot of people here are very immature. If I've thought enough of someone to go on one date with them, then I'll give them three to five dates to see if something develops. The concept of there must be "sparks" right away is what gets most of us into trouble and others of us consistently laid without having to commit to a relationship.

When I was younger, I felt that way. But, then I met a woman who I didn't have any "sparks" with after the first couple of dates. However, we remained friends. Overtime she grew on me to a point that I could not keep my hands off of her. No one else I dated measured up to her. We were together for 12 years and had I not been so immature, we would have been married.

Same thing with my parents. My mom was not interested in my father. No way, no how. Just not her type. Too bookish (as she would say). But, he wore her down and they married. Some years after his death I asked her why she doesn't re-marry? She said because my father was the best man she'd ever met and she couldn't imagine loving someone else as much as she had loved him. He was the love of her life and that was that. Had she believed in the whole "There has to be sparks on the first date" theory, she may never have found that kind of love.

Isn't that kind of a connection worth the time it takes to let it develop? I've matured. The boy I was in my 20's is not the man I've become in my 40's. I don't need sparks out of the gate. In short; I've grown up. I suggest others do the same. Your love lives will be a lot better for it.

Lateef
 ladyc4
Joined: 2/14/2006
Msg: 28
Does physical attraction have to happen on the first date?
Posted: 4/7/2011 7:02:50 PM
Lateef
There is a great deal of merit in what you say.
However, I think what most of us hooked onto was the OP saying that she is

not looking forward to seeing this individual at all.
As in, " a root canal would be more fun".
If there is just plain and simple NOTHING about that person that piques your interest(even if it's more of an "intellectual" or "mental" attraction) why force yourself to keep seeing someone based simply on his(or her) interest in you?

Yes, love doesn't always happen all at once on the first date, I am more than well aware of that. But if there is ZERO connection on any level, why take advantage of someone else's interest in oneself, if there is little hope of ever being able to return the interest at all, let alone match it?
I get where the OP is coming from, and I am one that hates like hell to hurt another person-but to force myself to keep seeing someone, to make dating a CHORE, based on some idea that maybe they'll "grow on" you? Better to let them go,so they can find someone with whom they can SHARE romance.
Cindy O
 femaleconnection
Joined: 8/12/2010
Msg: 33
Does physical attraction have to happen on the first date?
Posted: 4/11/2011 1:46:00 PM
Im not after looks, but I have to feel some kind of attraction, the deisre to see him again, or I am just wasting his time.

Basically, if I feel repulsed by the idea of a kiss, there will be no second date. I would expect the man to feel feel the same way.
 browneyesboo
Joined: 5/19/2005
Msg: 34
Does physical attraction have to happen on the first date?
Posted: 4/11/2011 2:00:45 PM
Physical attraction to me is I'm attracted to the guy physically.
It's not about looks, but you have to be attracted to the person,
otherwise, why see them again?

It's pretty much that simple.

I know I'm not much to write home to mom about and I've met
guys that my friends didn't find particularly attractive, but obviously
I was attracted or I wouldn't be hanging around them.

Why do people sometimes assume those that say they need a "physical
attraction" mean they have to be good looking?



 femaleconnection
Joined: 8/12/2010
Msg: 35
Does physical attraction have to happen on the first date?
Posted: 4/11/2011 4:31:50 PM

Why do people sometimes assume those that say they need a "physical
attraction" mean they have to be good looking?


EXACTLY

Im physically attracted to alot of men that my friends wrinkle up thier little noses at...we see what we see, we like what we like. It is personal and no one can be talked into feeling attracted to another person-its there or it aint.

On the flip side, alot of men think I am pretty...but when we touch or kiss, they feel nothing...couldve kissed thier own sister and felt the same-no pull. They'll 'do me'...but they have no chemistry with me, to build upon. It has to be there.

If I posted pics of my exes, no one would say I was going for looks. I found thier looks interesting, and thier personality is what shined and hooked me...made me think they were hotter every day I knew them more....but Mr GQ/appeals to the masses they aint.
 daysleeper5
Joined: 11/6/2009
Msg: 41
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Does physical attraction have to happen on the first date?
Posted: 4/30/2011 12:43:06 AM
Well it's more than just 'physical attraction.' Generally people won't end up on a date with someone they meet off a dating site if they didn't approve of that person's photograph(s). A picture can't tell the whole story though because it's flat and lifeless. Only the three-dimensional figure standing in front of you can tell the whole story. Even then it's more than just attraction. What you're looking for is chemistry, or sparks or a connection. It's like a gut instinct. Two attractive people can sit at the same table and not feel one degree of heat for the other. If you don't feel it on that first date, chances are it won't be there on the second one, either.
 Pretty RI Lady
Joined: 11/25/2009
Msg: 47
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Does physical attraction have to happen on the first date?
Posted: 12/14/2011 7:06:21 PM

I don't need to experience fireworks---however there has to be enough attraction present on the first date to the degree where I can envision myself being intimate with the guy at some point in the future. If not, there won't be a second date.


Agreed.
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