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 Red Fish GF
Joined: 12/3/2009
Msg: 51
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Relationships with Bartenders and WaitressPage 3 of 6    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)
^^^^ Exactly, the stories keep changing so how can we give you an answer when every time you don't like what some one says you change the circumstances.




So I'm mad that he didn't leave when he said, he lied about his phone being dead ( again ) and that the waitress knew enough to answer the phone like that.....



As someone else said was he out past his curfew? He probably lied because he's tired of being treated like a child who you have to keep tabs on or they might get in trouble.


When my SO is traveling for work and I don't hear from him I start thinking what if something happened to him. Is he hurt or just unable to call or write. Not once does my mind go to thoughts of is he cheating. I had one text yesterday afternoon and nothing since, he's in Russia as I stated before.


 JerseyGirl2008
Joined: 12/27/2007
Msg: 52
Relationships with Bartenders and Waitress
Posted: 4/11/2011 9:59:57 AM
Just becuase the guy is known to be 'married' by the wait staff doesn't mean he's untouchable to the rest of the free world.

The fact that he's turning off his phone and LYING about when he leaves a bar speaks volumes. I find it comical how everyone berates the OP for checking up on her shady husband who clearly has something to hide. Geez, it isn't rocket science.
 Paddy_o_Lantern
Joined: 12/9/2009
Msg: 53
Relationships with Bartenders and Waitress
Posted: 4/11/2011 10:42:50 AM
^^^^ this is an alternate possibility but I don't think the OP has given us any background information to suspect that this is the case. If she has some definite cause to be suspicious then she needs to bring this up directly with him when he is at home and come to some resolution on the problem. As I said before when you are with someone who spends a great deal of time away from home you need to be able to be ok with the situation and if you cannot get to that point then maybe its time to think about moving on to a more suitable situation
 kayla1963
Joined: 4/1/2011
Msg: 54
Relationships with Bartenders and Waitress
Posted: 4/11/2011 11:06:39 AM
I didn't think this thread was about "My husband travels for work and I am afraid he is cheating." The thread is about the OP's impression of inappropriate behavior of waitstaff and bartenders in the places her husband frequents.
My question is more like this - Why do people who work in a bar think it's their right to be nosey with every person that comes in.
She is annoyed that they know something about her, that the management has the nerve to schedule 2 bartenders to work when there are only two patrons, that the waitstaff has the audacity to remember details of their customers' personal lives, etc.

She never accused her hubby of lying.(Oops, yeah she did)
he lied about his phone being dead ( again )
She thinks he turned his phone off for a period of time. She did not say whether her hubby told her he did, or whether she made the assumption. Maybe it was out of range, maybe he was on the phone and her call went straight to voicemail, so she assumed he turned it off.

She brings up the fact that he supposedly told her that he was leaving the bar at a certain time, he was not accessible by phone, his buddy sent a text at a certain time and she was livid that the bar staff did not handle her query about when her husband left the bar to her satisfaction.

She has misplaced anger issues. She is pissed at the bar staff when she should be either:
1) pissed at him for not behaving in a manner to which they have both agreed
2) pissed at herself for not communicating her fears and insecurities about his absences



Not that I have to explain anything to you but I never said he was chasing the women.


I think she is afraid that he is/will cheat. She does not want to appear insecure, so is trying to camouflage her fear by building a backstory that revolves around blaming external stimuli and piecing together a series of crime scene events (why did his bud text at 11 pm, but hubby couldn't be reached until his phone was "turned back on" at 12:45am?).

Too much covert subterfuge and too little direct communication.
 verygreeneyez
Joined: 3/15/2006
Msg: 55
Relationships with Bartenders and Waitress
Posted: 4/11/2011 11:19:31 AM
She never accused her hubby of lying.

Yes, this OP did indeed accuse him of lying:

So I'm mad that he didn't leave when he said, he lied about his phone being dead ( again ) and that the waitress knew enough to answer the phone like that.....


I think she isafraid that he is/will cheat. She does not want to appear insecure, so is trying to camouflage her fear by building a backstory that revolves around blaming external stimuli and piecing together a series of crime scene events (why did his bud text at 11 pm, but hubby couldn't be reached until his phone was "turned back on" at 12:45am?).

Too much covert subterfuge and too little direct communication.

Insecurity and "fear he may be cheating" go hand in hand. Based on this OP's own words here, she has issues. She's a woman with children, running a household, acting like a girl in high school. She's chasing her husband via cell phone, calling bars, having her friend keep tabs when she isn't effective, etc., etc. She is indeed, insecure. And acting quite juvenile on top of it all. I'd be willing to be she's posted this silliness on FaceBook as well as here.
The reality of this situation? You've got someone acting childish by burning down the airwaves, and you've got someone being childish in NOT answering her. Both of these people have more issues than Sports Illustrated and we are likely only reading an itsy portion of what's truly happening. JMO
 Red Fish GF
Joined: 12/3/2009
Msg: 56
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Relationships with Bartenders and Waitress
Posted: 4/11/2011 11:26:34 AM
^^^^ this is an alternate possibility but I don't think the OP has given us any background information to suspect that this is the case. If she has some definite cause to be suspicious then she needs to bring this up directly with him when he is at home and come to some resolution on the problem. As I said before when you are with someone who spends a great deal of time away from home you need to be able to be ok with the situation and if you cannot get to that point then maybe its time to think about moving on to a more suitable situation



The OP never stated she had any reason to be suspicious yet was checking up on him more than once. Perhaps if we had more information most of us would have a different conclusion. The way most of us see it is her keeping tabs on him like a child. I don't find it strange at all that the waitress knew who she was. He probably warned them she might be calling because her first post said she checks up on him often.


As for my situation, my SO told me he would be in a remote area and was also having difficulty with his phone. He sent one text and a few emails before he lost all contact with me. I don't for a second believe he turned his phone off on purpose. I sure hope to hear from him soon though.
 abelian
Joined: 1/12/2008
Msg: 57
Relationships with Bartenders and Waitress
Posted: 4/11/2011 1:50:12 PM
As someone else said was he out past his curfew? He probably lied because he's tired of being treated like a child who you have to keep tabs on or they might get in trouble.

Well, if the guy is going out clubbing and drinking every night with a bunch of his single buddies, he is acting like a child. Personally, I would have just ended it because I have nothing in common with and wouldn't trust someone whose life revolves around clubbing and drinking with single friends, so I doubt I'd get as far as having to worry about cheating.

The fact that he's turning off his phone and LYING about when he leaves a bar speaks volumes. I find it comical how everyone berates the OP for checking up on her shady husband who clearly has something to hide. Geez, it isn't rocket science.

No kidding. Trust is one thing, but deliberately burying one's head in the sand is not trust. It's just choosing to be oblivious.

One can only spend so many hours in a hotel without going crazy day after day.

One could always choose to do something more intellectually productive than drinking in a club every night. What's wrong with spending that time learning something?
 Sabrosura089
Joined: 11/29/2009
Msg: 58
Relationships with Bartenders and Waitress
Posted: 4/11/2011 1:56:16 PM
Well, if the guy is going out clubbing and drinking every night with a bunch of his single buddies, he is acting like a child.


^^I thought the scenario was her husband and his co-workers going to a bar during business trips? A child can't do this. lol So if it was the scenario you described, he would be behaving like a single man.



Personally, I would have just ended it because I have nothing in common with and wouldn't trust someone whose life revolves around clubbing and drinking with single friends, so I doubt I'd get as far as having to worry about cheating.


^^But this case, it's a marriage most wouldn't just end it (or you would hope so). I'm wondering if there has been previous infidelity issues. I don't think the OP mentioned any, but I may have missed it.
 kayla1963
Joined: 4/1/2011
Msg: 59
Relationships with Bartenders and Waitress
Posted: 4/11/2011 2:04:46 PM
This still troubles me. The hubby reports for work at 3:30am. How do we know he doesn't go to sleep after his shift and is up around 9pm? Maybe he goes to dinner after the main Restaurant closes at 10pm. Maybe the only food venue open is the hotel bar (excepting fast food). Anyway, I have also traveled on business, I don't drink, but have attended social events with customers.

How did she know his cell phone "came on" at 12:45 am? Is she tracking him via GPS?

To me, this whole scenario reeks of a deflected agenda.
 Cdn_Iceman
Joined: 12/1/2010
Msg: 60
Relationships with Bartenders and Waitress
Posted: 4/11/2011 2:05:04 PM
the old saying goes or something like it, when one is extremely jealous of one's partner to the point of "checking " up on him , what is it that " YOU ARE " hiding? are you doing the same thing and stepping out?

If not... then its really a issue of insecurity, mind you we dont have the facts, he might of cheated before or you might of done the same thing prior and you're worried he's doing or attempting the do the same, either way your marriage has some problems that needs attending to.
 abelian
Joined: 1/12/2008
Msg: 61
Relationships with Bartenders and Waitress
Posted: 4/11/2011 2:26:41 PM
^^I thought the scenario was her husband and his co-workers going to a bar during business trips? A child can't do this. lol So if it was the scenario you described, he would be behaving like a single man.

The OP wrote:

My husband and his friends travel for work. They visit alot of bars for dinner and drinks at the end of the day. All of the guys are single except my husband.

I can name about 6 instances where he's had a battery " die " on his cell phone.

The last place they have been working at is going on 5 weeks now. Every night I call I hear the bartenders in the background talking to the guys.

That, to me, is behaving like a single man.

^^But this case, it's a marriage most wouldn't just end it (or you would hope so).

Why not? If she has issues with his behaviour and what she's doing about it is unacceptable to him, I can't see any alternative. If my fiancee behaved like that, she wouldn't be my fiancee.

I'm wondering if there has been previous infidelity issues. I don't think the OP mentioned any, but I may have missed it.

I'm not sure why there should need to be a previous infidelity issues. The first time is once too many. I don't think it's necessary to wait for the video to put the pieces together.
 femaleconnection
Joined: 8/12/2010
Msg: 62
Relationships with Bartenders and Waitress
Posted: 4/11/2011 4:15:44 PM
First of all, I would not sign up to marry a constant traveller. I like a partnership, not to be left to do everything myself. May as well stay single for that deal.

Secondly, if I did have to travel for work...yes, a few nights I may join the co workers for a drink, but really...every night? There are no gyms in town? Or book stores? I would not be impressed if my SO thought the only way to kill time was boozing.

Third-OP...if hubby was into this line of work when you married, and he has not cheated...you calling and badgering him like this will make him cheat. If he is going to do 'the time' he may as well commit the crime.

If you dont trust him, then deal with that and stop playing detective. Just tell him outright you are having trust issues and get it over with.
 Sabrosura089
Joined: 11/29/2009
Msg: 63
Relationships with Bartenders and Waitress
Posted: 4/11/2011 5:04:22 PM
My husband and his friends travel for work. They visit alot of bars for dinner and drinks at the end of the day. All of the guys are single except my husband.


^^IMO; there is nothing wrong with going out to dinner/drinks after work while on business trips. I've worked for companies where we have had to travel for a merger, etc..., and after all our work is done we go eat and drink. There was no "funny" stuff going on.



I can name about 6 instances where he's had a battery " die " on his cell phone.


^^^Fishy, but we don't know their history.


Why not? If she has issues with his behaviour and what she's doing about it is unacceptable to him, I can't see any alternative. If my fiancee behaved like that, she wouldn't be my fiancee.


^^Because typically, that is what most people do when they have issues in their marriage. It's much easier than being done. Otherwise, a marriage would be a "revolving door" if people didn't at least try to work their issues out. Short of infidelity, etc....that is.

We know how you feel about your fiancee, but it doesn't mean everyone is going to handle things as you would.



I'm not sure why there should need to be a previous infidelity issues. The first time is once too many. I don't think it's necessary to wait for the video to put the pieces together.


But no where in this thread has the OP said that he has cheated. There is more to this story then we are being told. We can speculate and assume until the cows come home, but there is ALWAYS more then one side of a scenario.

Videos would definitely cut all the speculations....................and assumptions.
 gardenias2
Joined: 1/13/2011
Msg: 64
Relationships with Bartenders and Waitress
Posted: 4/11/2011 5:30:09 PM
we have responsibilities when we marry and one of them is not going to a bar and drinking with singles every night while traveling for business. occasionally, sure, but every night is clearly irresponsible. pretty amazing that so many posters don't understand this - it's bad form, and there is no getting around it unless you have a history of being a contestant on the jerry springer show.
 kayla1963
Joined: 4/1/2011
Msg: 65
Relationships with Bartenders and Waitress
Posted: 4/11/2011 5:44:19 PM

They visit alot of bars for dinner and drinks at the end of the day.


he starts work at 3:30am. The end of his day would be about noon. I think he sleeps and starts his late night with dinner out before going to work.
 PittsburghVixen
Joined: 6/27/2009
Msg: 66
Relationships with Bartenders and Waitress
Posted: 4/16/2011 7:33:54 PM
Just to point out one thing about the dying cell phone:

When your cell phone is getting "old" (the wireless carriers think over a year is old, and want to sell you a new one), the battery will no longer hold a charge and may indeed die by the end of the day, every day. Doesn't mean that he's lying or turning it off on purpose.

Although I would if I had someone nagging the shite out of me every night.
 platypus_man
Joined: 8/29/2007
Msg: 67
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Relationships with Bartenders and Waitress
Posted: 4/19/2011 8:27:35 AM

So he turns his phone off the other night after saying he was leaving at 10:30pm. 12:45am it comes back on. I was pissed. I ask him how late he stayed out ( he has to work at 3:30 am ) at first it was 11 then 11:30... So I thought screw it I'll call the bar..

I call and ask if the guys had been in and they said yes. I asked if they knew how late they were there. They put me on hold and a waitress gets on the phone. She says " Hello" I say "hello" She says "You must be so and so's wife" Huh????

So I'm mad that he didn't leave when he said, he lied about his phone being dead ( again ) and that the waitress knew enough to answer the phone like that.....

And now we know why he continues to travel for work.....to get away from you. Oh my gawd......
 dangerouscurves10
Joined: 4/17/2011
Msg: 68
Relationships with Bartenders and Waitress
Posted: 4/20/2011 11:53:01 PM
I AM a bartender at a hotel...I see guys like this every day...and you know what-they come in to unwind...to relax after a hard days work, and yes, they talk to us, we know they are married, and to be honest we aren't that interested...what would we want with them? Customers are transient. She knew he was married, I'd be more concerned if she didn't...Maybe you have a bad perception of us...We are not desperate, uneducated women in search of every customer that comes our way. We don't want your man.. Yes, there is often more than one bartender scheduled at one time, even if there are only 2 customers, it could easily turn from 2 to 200, we don't make the rules..
You're problem isn't with us, it's with your lack of confidence in yourself and in your husband. I am sure he hurried off the phone in front of his friends, I would have too...how embarrassing that would have been..Have a little faith in him, he is telling them that he is married..
The problems created by you acting this way towards your husband will cause him to look elsewhere...
 gardenias2
Joined: 1/13/2011
Msg: 69
Relationships with Bartenders and Waitress
Posted: 4/21/2011 12:53:01 AM
The problems created by you acting this way towards your husband will cause him to look elsewhere...


what? she's creating the problems? ever heard of being supportive to other women while their husbands are being d1kheads? he's not only gone much of the time travelling, he's hanging out in bars every night.

i too bartended and coctail waitress. guys that hang out in bars WITHOUT their partners generally are open to getting laid. and the good looking employees are usually their first choice. here's the equation and there will be a test tomorrow:

men hanging out in bars every frikken night = losers and bad husbands.
 SweetnessInFlorida
Joined: 6/26/2008
Msg: 70
Relationships with Bartenders and Waitress
Posted: 4/21/2011 2:26:53 AM

i too bartended and coctail waitress. guys that hang out in bars WITHOUT their partners generally are open to getting laid. and the good looking employees are usually their first choice. here's the equation and there will be a test tomorrow:

men hanging out in bars every frikken night = losers and bad husbands.


I bartended in some of the largest & busiest bars in South Florida, and that is absolutely not true. You are just feeding into this womans paranoia.

Ever heard that Tila Tequila song "i dont wanna fvck your man"............thats probably how the bartender feels about you.
 gardenias2
Joined: 1/13/2011
Msg: 71
Relationships with Bartenders and Waitress
Posted: 4/21/2011 12:12:45 PM
This type of place is a dive.


nope you all just failed. first, mostly where i worked catered to the rich and famous. your average joe could not get a reservation. never said the employees slept with the men just that they tried constantly.

beautiful women get hit on by married men all the time. especially the guys hanging out in bars every night, regardless if the establishment is posh or a dive.

it would not be acceptable to me for my husband to hang out in bars every night. apparently the last few posters seem to think its ok behavior from a married man. instead would rather guilt the woman about feeling uncomfortable with the scenario. bad, bad, once again you guys failed. you are crazy making.

and there IS something wrong with an attractive female bartender in a busy place that doesn't get hit on and asked out every night. it goes with the territory and doesn't matter how conservative you are. beauty with personality attracts men in droves..

note to holly below:
did you not read my 2nd paragraph saying kinda the same thing? have you ever been a bartender?

 abelian
Joined: 1/12/2008
Msg: 72
Relationships with Bartenders and Waitress
Posted: 4/21/2011 12:26:56 PM

You don't trust him. You insecurities are dictating your actions.

Lack of trust doesn't mean a person is insecure. A more obvious possibility is that it's rather natural to not trust someone who doesn't behave in a way that inspires trust.
 femaleconnection
Joined: 8/12/2010
Msg: 73
Relationships with Bartenders and Waitress
Posted: 4/21/2011 12:38:44 PM

men hanging out in bars every frikken night = losers and bad husbands.


Certainly would NOT be my dream man...and I dont know too many men who would accept this behaviour from thier wives either.

OP, have you ever sat down with hubby and asked him how he would feel if the shoe were on the other foot? Have you told him it doesnt sit well with you that he drinks pretty much every night?

Like I said in my earlier response, I can totally understand joining the work gand periodically for a drink while travelling, but who can afford to drink every night in a bar? Why is he not into something else with his time? A gym, a book, furthering education online? There are so many better ways to spend free time and I would hate being married to someone who thinks drinking regularly is a good way to spend time and money.
 SweetnessInFlorida
Joined: 6/26/2008
Msg: 74
Relationships with Bartenders and Waitress
Posted: 4/21/2011 10:06:53 PM

beautiful women get hit on by married men all the time. especially the guys hanging out in bars every night, regardless if the establishment is posh or a dive.



Doesnt mean they WANT the guy hitting on them.


it would not be acceptable to me for my husband to hang out in bars every night. apparently the last few posters seem to think its ok behavior from a married man. instead would rather guilt the woman about feeling uncomfortable with the scenario. bad, bad, once again you guys failed. you are crazy making


Just because it is unacceptable to you, doesnt mean all men that are in bars are cheaters, and all bartenders are doing your man. There are many reasons men go to bars besides drinking and looking for women.


and there IS something wrong with an attractive female bartender in a busy place that doesn't get hit on and asked out every night. it goes with the territory and doesn't matter how conservative you are. beauty with personality attracts men in droves..



Bartenders get hit on wheather they are supdermodel hot, or look like a tranny on crack, or anywhere in between. And usually its the college frat boys. The locals and regulars are very respectful.
But i will let you in on a secret......they (the staff) dont care. When i bartended, i was there for 2 reasons; to run my bar, and to make a load of cash to take to the bank the next day, pay my bills feed my kids and fatten up my bank accounts. Thats it. If i got hit on by guys in the bar, i took it with a grain of salt. After about 3 days on the job you begin to tune that shizz out. Took their cash, laughed and moved on to the next person that wanted service.

One day they might mess with you though and tell you that your man cant come to the phone because he is doing jello shots of some college hotties boobs.
 abelian
Joined: 1/12/2008
Msg: 75
Relationships with Bartenders and Waitress
Posted: 4/22/2011 4:16:04 AM

There are many reasons men go to bars besides drinking and looking for women.

Such as?
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