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 SweetnessInFlorida
Joined: 6/26/2008
Msg: 76
Relationships with Bartenders and WaitressPage 4 of 6    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)
Lunch
Dinner
Snacks
Meeting with freinds
Meeting with co-workers
Shoot pool or whatever games the bar has
Unwind, listen to music and socialize
Watch sports

Those are the main reasons i have observed, after spending most of my 20's bartending. Not everyone goes to get rip roaring drunk or to screw the barmaid.
 verygreeneyez
Joined: 3/15/2006
Msg: 77
Relationships with Bartenders and Waitress
Posted: 4/22/2011 7:29:34 AM


There are many reasons men go to bars besides drinking and looking for women.

Such as?

Post #73:

First off, most of my best deals are made in a bar or (gasp) a strip club. Where do most married men wanna get away from? Home. So if they feel like going to a bar or club to talk business, I'm all for it.
So I know, in my experience, that although I may work 8 in the office or driving, but if the customers want to go out......well you're at their mercy.

And my own experience? I'm a competitive billiard player. Local leagues (that get you to tournament play) are bar sponsored. My ex-husband and I played three nights a week, I have played at least two/three nights a week post-divorce (unless unable to be in one place long enough to hit the fall leagues.) I have NO interest in men when I'm out, I'm there to play. That's all. I don't play darts, but that's also another reason to be in a bar for many players. There is also the reality that many little "dives" have great food. One can be in a bar and not be there to hook up or flirt or even to escape their home-life. One can simply want a drink and some alone time (as I do from time to time) in addition to other non-covert reasons. JMO
 gardenias2
Joined: 1/13/2011
Msg: 78
Relationships with Bartenders and Waitress
Posted: 4/22/2011 2:40:39 PM
from my experience, the men who were in everynight or close to it, even those from out of town on business trips, were pretty darn flirty and mostly open to sex if they could get it. here's another equation:

married man at bar everynight + alcohol + beautiful bartenders to look at and flirt with + other single women hanging out at bar = unhappy wife at home.
 NiceKindaWay
Joined: 2/8/2011
Msg: 79
Relationships with Bartenders and Waitress
Posted: 4/23/2011 12:14:35 PM
Well! It's great to see everyones opinions!

For those who seem to know everything about nothing here's a couple answers:

That night my husband said he would be back to the hotel by 10:30 and he would call me. At 11:30 I called him - Not exactly stalker material..haha. Anyhow After reading alot of the comments I suppose I should have offered more information... My husband and I talk 5+ times a night. Yes it said I heard voices in the background BUT that was a normal anytime night. I only called to check on him the once. He does get up for work at 3:30 because it's an hour drive to the plant.... He works 12 hours with an hour drive both ways. So yes I am upset with the "bread winner " when he decides to stay out past bedtime ( Where's the fun smilie for that ) drinking. We operate a farm, a family and a business. I handle whats going on back home and he gets to answer his phone.

As far as the bar staff making fun of me.. well...I pick my battles :)

Now these guys make a serious amount of cash. I can name 2 men ( only 2 ) that have not taken home a bartender or waitress while on the job. It didn't bother me in the least until the last outage and my husband told me that his bud had met a girl and she was invited to hang out with the guys. Well- He was dating another friend of mine ( yes all the girlfriends sit around with voodoo dolls ) and it made me realize that even the best man can be tempted.

No he didn't travel when we married. Yes he has cheated before, not sex but alot of other situations. I did get pictures once and that's how I found out.

Anyhow - Am I insecure, possibly. However when a deal is made and broken, the person who is holding up their end tends to be less understanding.
 Sabrosura089
Joined: 11/29/2009
Msg: 80
Relationships with Bartenders and Waitress
Posted: 4/23/2011 12:19:31 PM
I thought the scenario in discussion (the OP) was about a husband going to a restaurant/bar after working (during his business trips) with his colleagues.

Obviously, it shouldn't need to be stated that if a hubby or wife hung out in bars every night that would not be acceptable to the majority.
 gardenias2
Joined: 1/13/2011
Msg: 81
Relationships with Bartenders and Waitress
Posted: 4/23/2011 12:54:16 PM
As far as the bar staff making fun of me.. well...I pick my battles


another classic example of the difference btwn real women and imitations. professional female bar staff, unless they have a personality disorder, show deference and respect to partners of male customers at all times. whoever answered that phone should have been fired on the spot. call the owner and complain. good restaurants and clubs train the female staff in techniques to make the dates/wives feel comfortable and not threatened.

a consultation team of pro's with phd's were hired by my employers to train us how and where to stand infront of customers(never closer to the man if with his partner, but not noticibly too close to the woman or he subconsciously feels ganged up on - just 6 inches closer to the woman), how long to gaze in the eyes in the husband etc.. they had it down to a science with subconscious directives and all. very impressive. because if his date isn't happy he isn't coming back. good establishments take this very seriously.

sounds more like strip club mentality of competitive predators out to get as much money as they can from men the way that phone call was answered.
 NiceKindaWay
Joined: 2/8/2011
Msg: 82
Relationships with Bartenders and Waitress
Posted: 4/23/2011 1:31:18 PM
I prob. should have worded the entire first post better and not made it sound like I was solely angry with the wait staff.

I was more frustrated with the situation at hand and not being able to get a hold of him didn't help. I didn't think he was messing around until the waitress said what she did. I was nice to her on the phone. After calming down and talking to the husband, he told me that yes they all know who I am. WHY? Because he makes it known that he IS the married one. Can't fault a guy for that!

So I'm chalking it up to lack of communication. Both his and Mine.
 Red Fish GF
Joined: 12/3/2009
Msg: 83
view profile
History
Relationships with Bartenders and Waitress
Posted: 4/23/2011 1:34:32 PM

After calming down and talking to the husband, he told me that yes they all know who I am. WHY? Because he makes it known that he IS the married one. Can't fault a guy for that!

So I'm chalking it up to lack of communication. Both his and Mine.



This is what many of the posts, including mine were saying. As for the bedtime as long as he makes it to work I don't see what his being out late matters.
 abelian
Joined: 1/12/2008
Msg: 84
Relationships with Bartenders and Waitress
Posted: 4/23/2011 1:43:35 PM
Lunch
Dinner
Snacks
Meeting with freinds
Meeting with co-workers
Shoot pool or whatever games the bar has
Unwind, listen to music and socialize
Watch sports

You're very naive. I'm not surprised so many people are shocked to find out their partners are cheating on them. I'm also no longer very sympthetic as it appears most of the reason cheating spouses get away with it for so long is that people are willfully clueless. Trust is all well and good, but being willfully ignorant is not trust. It's just being dumb.
 verygreeneyez
Joined: 3/15/2006
Msg: 85
Relationships with Bartenders and Waitress
Posted: 4/23/2011 1:48:23 PM

No he didn't travel when we married. Yes he has cheated before, not sex but alot of other situations. I did get pictures once and that's how I found out.

And this? Is exactly what most of us were asking to begin with. Although I would guess many of us assumed this to be the case and likely the root of this:

Anyhow - Am I insecure, possibly. However when a deal is made and broken, the person who is holding up their end tends to be less understanding.

Clearly this man should either NOT be traveling or you shouldn't be married to him. You've allowed cheating behaviors (as defined by you "not sex but a lot of other situation.") in the past, it's very likely that he's thinking his current actions are no big deal because he's been allowed to remain in your life post-actions that you found "cheating" in nature previously, so why on earth change or be overly concerned now? "What you accept in the beginning, you can expect in the end." JMO
 NiceKindaWay
Joined: 2/8/2011
Msg: 86
Relationships with Bartenders and Waitress
Posted: 4/23/2011 1:56:04 PM
Well Red Fish...They have a ZERO tolerance. I'd bet 110% that this wasn't the case.

Lets hope your husband makes it home to you too :)

As far as letting it happen.. People get a grip. You don't get to have it both ways.
 Red Fish GF
Joined: 12/3/2009
Msg: 87
view profile
History
Relationships with Bartenders and Waitress
Posted: 4/23/2011 2:08:59 PM
Well Red Fish...They have a ZERO tolerance. I'd bet 110% that this wasn't the case.

Lets hope your husband makes it home to you too :)



I'm not sure what the first sentence is referring to. My SO, not husband yet was able to send a few texts and emails from Russia before he made it safely back to my home town airport. He also called once 2am time there because he couldn't sleep. It was difficult to have contact with the time difference and lack of internet. He only was able to spend one day with me before leaving for his house and the work office over 2 hours away. Plenty of opportunity to cheat IF he wanted to. When he is here sometimes he stays up until 3am, granted it is spending time with me but he leaves for work less than 2 hours later. I mention he should probably get some sleep but it's up to him.

If your husband has cheated in the past then there are obvious reasons for you to be concerned. However, I wouldn't stay in a relationship without TRUST.
 SweetnessInFlorida
Joined: 6/26/2008
Msg: 88
Relationships with Bartenders and Waitress
Posted: 4/23/2011 3:10:06 PM

You're very naive. I'm not surprised so many people are shocked to find out their partners are cheating on them. I'm also no longer very sympthetic as it appears most of the reason cheating spouses get away with it for so long is that people are willfully clueless. Trust is all well and good, but being willfully ignorant is not trust. It's just being dumb.


Not naive at all, those observations come from slinging drinks in some of the busiest largest venue's in S. Fl. Female patrons and female bartenders arent there to get laid.



another classic example of the difference btwn real women and imitations.


Right....because only real women pander to other peoples insecurities. Whatever works for you.


whoever answered that phone should have been fired on the spot. call the owner and complain.


The owners i have worked for would have said in these exact words "wer dont have time for this shizz. kindly go fvck off"


good restaurants and clubs train the female staff in techniques to make the dates/wives feel comfortable and not threatened.


Actually, all they give a hoot about is liquor sales and that the staff can keep up with a high volume of customers. I have yet to meet a restaurateur/bar/club owner who gives a ghoot about little insecure girls, and i know about 20 of them.



a consultation team of pro's with phd's were hired by my employers to train us how and where to stand infront of customers(never closer to the man if with his partner, but not noticibly too close to the woman or he subconsciously feels ganged up on - just 6 inches closer to the woman), how long to gaze in the eyes in the husband etc.. they had it down to a science with subconscious directives and all. very impressive.


Funny....places i have worked at we never needed to be trained like that, because none of us were interested in screwing the customers to start with.



sounds more like strip club mentality of competitive predators out to get as much money as they can from men the way that phone call was answered.
Sounds to me like someone was sick of taking time out of her night to have to handle jealous girls.
If your man is going to cheat, he is going to cheat, and hating on women who have nothing to do with the fact that is ghoing to cheat, well if it makes you feel better by all means you do you, but dont get butthurt when you get set straight.

Another observation, usually when women are paranoid about her man cheating, the guy isnt even anything special to begin with. Just sayin.
 forums1
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 89
Relationships with Bartenders and Waitress
Posted: 4/23/2011 4:51:20 PM
a consultation team of pro's with phd's were hired by my employers to train us how and where to stand infront of customers(never closer to the man if with his partner, but not noticibly too close to the woman or he subconsciously feels ganged up on - just 6 inches closer to the woman), how long to gaze in the eyes in the husband etc.. they had it down to a science with subconscious directives and all. very impressive.


Funny, I've never felt 'ganged up on' by having a waitress closer to my date/GF than me... even if they on occasion 'friendly talked' about other things (including me ), I just presumed she was being friendly, perhaps for a better tip, and as long as "taking our order" was included in there it was fine by me. And I really must be visiting the wrong places, because in 30 years I don't think I've *ever* been hit on by a waitress at a bar... can you tell me where these places are? Might be better than POF.
 Paddy_o_Lantern
Joined: 12/9/2009
Msg: 90
Relationships with Bartenders and Waitress
Posted: 4/23/2011 5:06:41 PM
^^^^^^ yes I would also have to agree. I spent a good part of my 20's being a bit of a bar fly and have travelled quite a bit for business in the last 20 yrs. Although I would have at times welcomed it if the waitress were to have hit on me when I was a 20 something I can honestly say that beyond the usually friendliness and flirting for tips that is part of the job I have not had one waitress, front dest clerk, stewardess, bartender etc. proposition me... the majority of women in the customer service industry behave professionally IMO - if the guy wants to cheat he would probably have an easier time with one of the patrons rather than one of the staff.
 gardenias2
Joined: 1/13/2011
Msg: 91
Relationships with Bartenders and Waitress
Posted: 4/23/2011 7:06:10 PM
Funny, I've never felt 'ganged up on' by having a waitress closer to my date/GF than me... even if they on occasion 'friendly talked'


reread what i wrote....i said he feels it subconsciously. actually it was quite educational and enlightening to be observed, interviewed and trained by a professional behavioral consultation team. it was the whole package... not just making the woman feel comfortable but that was definately a key issue.

we are talking about completely different venues which is creating some confusion and we are going off on tangents of miscommunication. however a bar is a bar and much of the same rules apply. sweetnessinflorida appears to work in a bar that makes its money with volume. i mostly worked in an exclusive, very high priced restaurant/bar and the help were mostly beauty queens, myself excluded. money was made by selling high end bottles of wine and champagne. i was slinging dom perignon all night. the owner wanted our interpersonal communication skills to be flawless.

regardless over the years i occasionally went back into the business in less glamorous places and the dynamics were pretty similar. there was a sexual vibe created by beautiful sexy women or men bartenders. a happening bar is a sexy place and its important as a worker there to be aware of others feelings. to say there is no sexual vibe and the bartender doesn't need to be conscious of mens wives is pretty ignorant. being beautiful and naturally sexy(the type of women mostly hired to tend bar) and sleeping with the customers is two different things because there is a code of ethics unless the place has absolutely no class. and that code of ethics includes being respectful of partners.
 RubyWaxxx
Joined: 10/23/2010
Msg: 92
Relationships with Bartenders and Waitress
Posted: 4/23/2011 7:19:11 PM
Oh for goodness sakes. Generally speaking, if a waitress's MO was to pick up guys, she'd be working in a different ''profession''.
 Sabrosura089
Joined: 11/29/2009
Msg: 93
Relationships with Bartenders and Waitress
Posted: 4/23/2011 7:36:37 PM
HUSBAND DAY CARE CENTER

* NEED TIME TO RELAX?
* NEED TIME TO YOURSELF?
* WANT TO GO SHOPPING?

LEAVE YOUR HUSBAND WITH US! WE LOOK AFTER HIM FOR YOU! YOU ONLY PAY FOR HIS DRINKS!


^^^LMAO! Yup, they get them hammered, "broke" and then send 'em home where the wife will hopefully get laid!
 verygreeneyez
Joined: 3/15/2006
Msg: 94
Relationships with Bartenders and Waitress
Posted: 4/23/2011 8:58:57 PM

HUSBAND
DAY CARE CENTER
* NEED TIME TO RELAX?
* NEED TIME TO YOURSELF?
*WANT TO GO SHOPPING?
LEAVE YOUR HUSBAND WITH US!
WE LOOK AFTER HIM FOR YOU!
YOU ONLY PAY FOR HIS DRINKS!

HA. I don't know if it's pro or con to this thread, but it's funnnnny and very likely a service that at least some will take full advantage of.
 abelian
Joined: 1/12/2008
Msg: 95
Relationships with Bartenders and Waitress
Posted: 4/24/2011 6:46:38 AM
Not naive at all, those observations come from slinging drinks in some of the busiest largest venue's in S. Fl. Female patrons and female bartenders arent there to get laid.

Then you are replying to the wrong person. I didn't say anything about about female bartenders or female patrons. I was talking about married husbands who spend their evenings hanging around in bars with or without their single buddies. (Although that would obviously extend to married, single female patrons, that wasn't what you meant when you misconstrued what I said.)

Another observation, usually when women are paranoid about her man cheating, the guy isnt even anything special to begin with. Just sayin.

In other words, you think that if you think your partner is cheating, your partner must not be very special? So, the only way a partner can be hot and exciting is if you're naive and oblivious to your partner's behaviour? Nice try.
 SweetnessInFlorida
Joined: 6/26/2008
Msg: 96
Relationships with Bartenders and Waitress
Posted: 4/24/2011 12:30:08 PM
^^^^ In other words, i think that a man who is married and looking for some cooch on the side is not a prime catch. Thats just me though. Maybe other people think its hot.
If you think your partner is cheating, one of 2 things is going on.
You are paranoid and jealous.....or...he is cheating.
And 9 times out of 10 the guy isnt anything most women would want to tap on to begin with.
 abelian
Joined: 1/12/2008
Msg: 97
Relationships with Bartenders and Waitress
Posted: 4/25/2011 4:24:56 AM

In other words, i think that a man who is married and looking for some cooch on the side is not a prime catch. Thats just me though. Maybe other people think its hot.

Apparently, enough people seem to think married people are hot enough to become involved with before realizing they aren't prime catches. However, the only thing relevant here is the married person out trolling, not whether or not he/she is a prime catch.

You are paranoid and jealous.....or...he is cheating.

Those two options don't even make logical sense. The options are: Your partner is (1) not cheating; (2) cheating or planning to cheat. You can either be oblivious to your partner's actions, be cognizant of your partner's actions or be paranoid/jealous without justification. Being suspicious of a partner who is out trolling bars every night is just being cognizant of your partner's behaviour and in my opinion, that behaviour is not acceptable for someone who is married. If you think it is, then in my opinion, you're naive. What do you need before you would consider suspicion to be more than paranoia and jealousy, a youtube video of your partner cheating?

And 9 times out of 10 the guy isnt anything most women would want to tap on to begin with.

That doesn't keep married men/women from finding someone to tap. People who cheat and get away with it, do so because it's easy. They can easily find someone to cheat with and their partners are hopelessly naive.
 RubyWaxxx
Joined: 10/23/2010
Msg: 98
Relationships with Bartenders and Waitress
Posted: 4/25/2011 4:37:37 AM
^^You're excluding the fact the guy "trolling bars"is actually away from home on business.
Yes, I agree with you that a cheater would find this situation ideal. But not every guy is a cheater. And not every waitress is a slut.
I worked behind bars and waitressed for three years while I was at uni and I didn't see or hear of my female work buddies dating customers. If anything happened, it usually involved guys who worked with us or friends of theirs.
I don't know how easy it is for a married man or women to regularly cheat if they aren't travelling for their work. I've read enough stories here from average Joe married guys to know that the pickings are slim. Even the intelligent-sounding ones are here for years, wishing hoping praying...
 abelian
Joined: 1/12/2008
Msg: 99
Relationships with Bartenders and Waitress
Posted: 4/25/2011 4:55:10 AM

But not every guy is a cheater. And not every waitress is a slut.

OK,, so not every person is a cheater. (The waitress aspect is irrelevant.) I have yet to hear a story of someone who was cheated on for any length of time where the person being cheated on was not completely oblivious. Trust is fine, but ignoring the obvious is just dumb.

I've read enough stories here from average Joe married guys to know that the pickings are slim. Even the intelligent-sounding ones are here for years, wishing hoping praying...

Any guy who just wants to get laid, can do a google search using terms like, hobbyist, escort, provider, and/or others to locate forums just like pof that are devoted to escorting and guys looking for escorts, spend some time reading those forums and find hundreds of opportunities at his fingertips. Women have it even easier. They can get paid to cheat. Cheating is easy. Lots of married men do it and lots of married women and women in relationships do a little escorting on the side. They are only able to do it because their partners are oblivious to what they're doing.
 gardenias2
Joined: 1/13/2011
Msg: 100
Relationships with Bartenders and Waitress
Posted: 4/25/2011 11:53:23 AM

I worked behind bars and waitressed for three years while I was at uni and I didn't see or hear of my female work buddies dating customers.


haha in your same shoes it was my best fishing ground. always a great way to meet men.
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