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Show ALL Forums  > Dating Experiences  > Literacy: Is it important to you?      Home login  
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 Paddy_o_Lantern
Joined: 12/9/2009
Msg: 26
Literacy: Is it important to you?Page 2 of 9    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9)
If someone say "Hi how are you" maybe he really wants to know


If a woman says hi how are you in a first message to a man it will likely be answered. From what I see on these forums and in my own experience if that is the best a guy can come up with for a first contact message he is likely to be met with read/delete or unread/delete. It may not be fair but I'm afraid that's pretty much how it is. It basically boils down to if someone wants to be picky/selective then they probably will be.
 GerberData
Joined: 9/30/2008
Msg: 27
Literacy: Is it important to you?
Posted: 4/18/2011 8:53:53 PM
Yep. And we all wonder why our LTRs fail.
 mystique305
Joined: 2/28/2011
Msg: 28
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History
Literacy: Is it important to you?
Posted: 4/18/2011 9:51:03 PM
Literacy is important to me - not so much in perfect grammar and spelling, because I am guilty as anyone of grammar mistakes and typos. I do want someone to actually READ my profile and comprehend it, and I want to be able to read their profile and see that they bothered to spell-check and put up something that is understandable. IMO, if you can't be bothered to try to make a decent first impression via your profile or the first messages that you send to someone, you're saying that the person who views the profile, or receives the message, isn't worth the trouble.


This.

Also,


If you are weeding people out for "text speak", boy, good luck to you! If that is a relationship ender to you, I'd hate to see your reaction to some real problem!


See above. Real is subjective. First impressions are lasting. I believe that communication is the cornerstone of any good relationship. If someone can't understand me, or if we can't communicate, there is a "real" problem. Am I wrong? I have experienced situations like this where I gave the benefit of the doubt and phone conversations were like talking to a seventeen year old eighth grader. To clear things up, none of the people who posted in this thread (hell, probably anyone who bothers to read and post in the forums) are the kind I am talking about. Just basic literacy is all I ask for. Asking me how I'm doing is a great start. Unfortunately that's not how 75% of my messages begin.
 1234deleted1234
Joined: 10/8/2009
Msg: 29
Literacy: Is it important to you?
Posted: 4/18/2011 9:51:12 PM

I'll keep saying it, people, quit being so selfish and demanding. Get out of shallow, try the deep end of the pool.



Well, there I can agree... the only discrepancy is we disagree on which end is the "deep" end!
 valenciacityx
Joined: 3/10/2009
Msg: 30
Literacy: Is it important to you?
Posted: 4/18/2011 10:47:16 PM
Literacy, yes; additionally I fully expect proficiency in english and russian.
 E_keys
Joined: 10/3/2009
Msg: 31
Literacy: Is it important to you?
Posted: 4/18/2011 11:03:35 PM
Since I do most of my dating from online, more than likely if they are illiterate, well, they could not get online.

At least when someone posts a hypothetical, you know, thread for a friend, who is (sadly) illiterate, and would you date a person like that? we'd be less inclined to patronizingly tell them that the hypothetical illiterate person is really the OP.
 Helen0426
Joined: 6/2/2009
Msg: 32
Literacy: Is it important to you?
Posted: 4/19/2011 1:07:51 AM

... but please for the love of anything and everything, type like you could at least finish a book if you tried.

Thank you.

I used to think this wasn't important to me in terms of relative datability - after all, I have friends and family whom I love who can't get Stephen Hawking's name right, or even Stephen King's, and they are smart people whom I adore - but I have found through experience that it does matter to me.

Though I am not looking at present, when I am again, relative literacy will be a serious criterion.

Well, that, and the ability to train a dragon. That would come in handy, too.
 GWSmith
Joined: 12/18/2008
Msg: 33
Literacy: Is it important to you?
Posted: 4/19/2011 1:09:54 AM
It is, a little bit of it goes a long way I like to see people use whole words at least. The text speak annoys me even in text messages.
 Helen0426
Joined: 6/2/2009
Msg: 34
Literacy: Is it important to you?
Posted: 4/19/2011 1:25:22 AM
>>The text speak annoys me even in text messages.<<

I don't mind that in text messages that I receive, but I confess I am in sympathy enough that I am unable to use it myself. And my phone doesn't even have a keyboard.

It just doesn't seem that hard to spell out a few words.
 mrcs84
Joined: 12/9/2008
Msg: 35
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Literacy: Is it important to you?
Posted: 4/19/2011 8:49:42 AM
I never really understood the whole text speak idea. I remember reading some guy's grammatical masturbation, and I went off on him for his haphazard grammar and spelling. His argument is that he likes to type fast, his posts end up that way. My counter argument was that court reporters, secretaries, and most computer-literate college students type fast, so that's no excuse. Moreover, the time saved in typing in such a fashion is lost in trying to decipher the message.

I'm really not a fan of someone who voluntarily makes themselves look stupid.

This is why I have a cell phone with a qwerty board. I type everything out in my text messages too. I even went so far as to have a "quick text" that says "your last text message made absolutely no sense."
 happybunny8
Joined: 4/16/2010
Msg: 36
Literacy: Is it important to you?
Posted: 4/19/2011 8:56:29 AM
^^^great example there about court reporters etc!


I'm really not a fan of someone who voluntarily makes themselves look stupid.


I'm thinking though if they say that, are they really doing it voluntarily? Otherwise they would have figured it out on their own, no?

Seems to me that everyone posting in this thread has a pretty good grasp of spelling and grammar. There are probably a few errors, but nothing that any normal person doesn't do now and then.

To me there is a big difference between "Hi, how are you?" and "hi howr u"

I don't mind text speak here and there. For example "When r u getting to my house"? But if it is all text speak, I'm with the poster above and figure why should I try to decipher a mystery message.

Back to online dating - I like complete sentences - especially if you are trying to put forth a good impression and effort. I know when I was dating on here, I figured I should do that. I guess others don't give a sh*t, but whatever. Just don't wonder at the lack of responses or responses from people you deem less intelligent than you.

The lazy speak comes once you know someone a little better after meeting.


Stick to your guns and wait for someone who is your peer--linguistically, intellectually, educationally, and in all other ways.


Yep. Funny though, this kinda gave me a chuckle for some reason.....

I would also reiterate that I think we may be speaking of two different things here. Someone who is illiterate is different than someone who uses text speak (lacks effort). Not sure if I worded that correctly, but anyway.
 GerberData
Joined: 9/30/2008
Msg: 37
Literacy: Is it important to you?
Posted: 4/19/2011 9:07:02 AM
Holly,

From each thread you are in, I see more and more required criteria, again showing that selfish topic to be accurate....


But back to the original topic: Did anyone ever consider asking hte person if they could not use it in the future, rather than dismissing them. After all, there are plenty of people who use the new "shorthand" (a form of which is used by fast typing court reporters) and like it. Some people may be more techy or trendy than you, doesn't make them illiterate. It goes back to dismissing people for very superficial reasons. In that regard, maybe you are doing them a favor as such dismissals do demonstrate a limited ability to form a lasting bond with someone. Do you want the guy who types like he is on his cell, but is otherwise a great guy, or the man with the awesome vocabulary and grammer that beats the snot out of you?

And yes, relationships, if ending, generally should fail in the deep end if they are to fail.
 Helen0426
Joined: 6/2/2009
Msg: 38
Literacy: Is it important to you?
Posted: 4/19/2011 9:13:03 AM

My counter argument was that court reporters, secretaries, and most computer-literate college students type fast, so that's no excuse.

Court reporters and other stenographers have different equipment, though, and have to be specially trained on it. It allows them to add a syllable at a time rather than just one letter after one letter. That's why they cost so much, to get them for depositions and the like, because they did the training and usually own the machine or have to rent it... This also leads to some pretty hilarious typos when they're trying to keep up with a live TV program for the closed-captioning! (For pre-taped things, regular typists are employed.)

I've been finding out about this recently as my mother has grown fairly deaf, so she and I keep the closed-captioning on most of the time when watching TV together. If I'd known it would be so much fun to watch the news with it, I'd have started using it ages ago!

Someone who is illiterate is different than someone who uses text speak (lacks effort).

Good point. Sometimes the two do go together, but surely not always.

I don't so much mind if someone simply can't spell. I think most people aren't particularly good at that. But I do care about syntax, and making at least a bit of an effort, when using a written medium.
 Paddy_o_Lantern
Joined: 12/9/2009
Msg: 39
Literacy: Is it important to you?
Posted: 4/19/2011 9:20:58 AM
Some people may be more techy or trendy than you, doesn't make them illiterate.


True... but shorthand and abbreviated speech is nothing new and really there is nothing high tech about it. I guess you could say that Tarzan was techy and trendy in the way he spoke in the movies...so easy even a cave man could do it. People used to take the time spell things out and give the other person a clear well thought out message if they felt that person was important to them.

Shorthand and short forms are fine for someone taking notes where there is not enough time to write it out in full but when you send someone you supposedly care about a note in abbreviated form it conveys ( at least to me ) an attitude that you are just too busy or disinterested to do it in long form.

I have to wonder if all this txt speak is aimed at quantity over quality.

Edit to below: If you sent a girl you were dating a message that just simply said " I'm sory" do you think she might think you are not being sincere in your appology.
 GerberData
Joined: 9/30/2008
Msg: 40
Literacy: Is it important to you?
Posted: 4/19/2011 9:23:29 AM
I think it is much more important to have empathy, to communicate without an elaborate speech and long words.

I could write my significant other a long, eloquent letter about why I was justified in some action I took. It could be nearly poetic. But maybe some roses with a card that simply says "Im sory" (mistakes and all) is better communication.
 GerberData
Joined: 9/30/2008
Msg: 41
Literacy: Is it important to you?
Posted: 4/19/2011 9:30:08 AM
Paddy,

I am in the tech sector, we have all kinds of trendy acronyms going on. When I text them, they WANT the short version. It gets to be habit, especially when you are so used to saying things in under 150 characters.

One could argue you get to communicate more in less time, handy for talking with loved ones. No matter how poorly you try to spin it, it is just not an argument for dismissing someone unless you are shallow.


Kayla,

Is that the best you have, name-calling? At your advanced age? Too bad.
 mrcs84
Joined: 12/9/2008
Msg: 42
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Literacy: Is it important to you?
Posted: 4/19/2011 9:37:00 AM
Another thing that bothers me is when the "text speak" word is nearly as long, if not just as long as the proper word.

- hunny vs honey
- iz vs is
-wuz vs was
- nething vs anything

Of course, the list gets pretty lengthy, so I'll stop there.
 Paddy_o_Lantern
Joined: 12/9/2009
Msg: 43
Literacy: Is it important to you?
Posted: 4/19/2011 9:44:10 AM
I am in the tech sector, we have all kinds of trendy acronyms going on. When I text them, they WANT the short version. It gets to be habit, especially when you are so used to saying things in under 150 characters.


Many of us have worked in a field where we comminicate with technical jargon with our coworkers and some of our clients but many of us keep that to the work environment. Personally I like to keep my free time and my work separate - to each thier own.

Picture this a couple standing at the altar the priest and the couple all have blackberries and the entire ceremony is done in txt with no words spoken and displayed on a huge screen above the couple for the benefit of those observing the ceremony could this be someones idea of an ideal wedding?

"And now u may txt the bride"
 happybunny8
Joined: 4/16/2010
Msg: 44
Literacy: Is it important to you?
Posted: 4/19/2011 10:04:48 AM
Edit to below: If you sent a girl you were dating a message that just simply said " I'm sory" do you think she might think you are not being sincere in your appology.


Damn right, roses or no. I would prefer he phone or tell me face to face. I don't need flowers for an apology. I need a sincere apology. I'm sory doesn't come across as sincere. It comes across as he was walking to another appointment and was texting at the same time. No effort = no long lasting relationship because a relationship takes effort.

As I said before, someone who doesn't pay attention to what they are writing comes across as lacking effort. As a woman who DID put effort into her communications on here with the opposite sex, I expect what I can offer.

Many people on here have said that people come across as "stupid" when using too many text or spelling errors. If that is the way one wishes to be seen......

Many women are turned on by intelligent men. Shrug.

I have several friends in the tech sector of ALL ages as well as many female friends under 35. None of them use acronyms and/or intentional spelling mistakes.
 GerberData
Joined: 9/30/2008
Msg: 45
Literacy: Is it important to you?
Posted: 4/19/2011 10:17:32 AM
Hey, I will never argue your right to be shallow. You can focus on the wrong things if you want to, it's certainly your prerogative. You'll never handle the deeper stuff, but then again, you'll probably never get there.

For those who ARE looking for more, just take away from this the fact that there are many people like those in this thread. I know some get flustered when they get no responses to messages. This is why. All you can do is realize that some people can't get into the depths of relationships, the real stuff. And if you have been similarly shallow in the past, rethink it a bit. A simple "Hello, how are you" is honest, it's not a line and they probably do want to know more. Even if its "Hi how R U"? Everyone isn't a player with 500 lines to use to get you in the sack. The reality is, even someone with poor linquistic skills can be a great person. What do you want to rule out next? Won't date someone without a complete understanding of calculus because they won't be able to balance the checkbook!

I'll end with LOL!!!
 happybunny8
Joined: 4/16/2010
Msg: 46
Literacy: Is it important to you?
Posted: 4/19/2011 10:40:22 AM
Excuse me while I take my advice on the deeper issues from those who are actually in a LTR (+20 years) vs. a single man on POF.


The reality is, even someone with poor linquistic skills can be a great person.


Please refer to the "nice guy" threads for the response to this. I've got lots of "great" folks in my life, don't mean I want to be in a relationship with them.

Here's the thing, over my years on these forums, I've come to realize that I like the forum posters. I've thought about it and realized it was because we share a common bond of enjoyment of writing and communicating with others. I have also developed crushes on some bloggers.

It is a commonality that many of us wish to share with a prospective partner. For those of us like this, it is so exciting when our date turns out to be like us - for me this is how a couple of my relationships jump started. For me, music does the same thing.

As we get older, communications skills are more and more important in dating. Especially for those who have previously been in a relationship when they were young, which dissolved due to communication issues (at the core, many issues start here).

No matter what anyone says first impressions count. In dating, it is even worse.


I'd like to share common interests and also learn from and adore each others' differences.


How interesting. Is it so difficult to understand that some people WANT to share a common interest in writing etc? For others, it won't matter. But for many the bad spelling etc., comes off as lack of effort no matter what traits we seek in a partner.
 Paddy_o_Lantern
Joined: 12/9/2009
Msg: 47
Literacy: Is it important to you?
Posted: 4/19/2011 10:49:00 AM
Gerber - for someone who insists that txt speak is an acceptable form of communication when you are dating and that abbriviated speech is widely accepted in your circle. I am surprised that your profile is deviod of it. Could it be that you actually think that a well written profile in the conventional sense will be more likely to get a positive response from the ladies - is there any hypocrisy here?
 happybunny8
Joined: 4/16/2010
Msg: 48
Literacy: Is it important to you?
Posted: 4/19/2011 10:56:51 AM
I also read this in another thread:


Read back a couple comments. You'll see what I mean. Some that are always single/no kids don't want to deal with any perceived "issues". This likely makes them BAD candidates for any relationship because, after all, there will always be SOMETHING that takes work and when it comes up, off they will run.


Can you not see how lack of effort in dating communications might come across? It "takes a little more work" to compose a message with no spelling mistakes or text speak.
 Casper66
Joined: 3/2/2007
Msg: 49
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Literacy: Is it important to you?
Posted: 4/19/2011 11:05:06 AM
I'm not bothered by some spelling mistakes but I can't stand "textspeak" or paragraphs with no Capitals,commas or periods, it gives me a headache trying to discipher what the person is trying to say, now I just delete it. If a person cannot put forth the effort to write a message that shows some signs that they took the time to read my profile and form a coherent message, doesn't have to be long,why do they think I'm required to read it and reply in a positive manner. One of the reasons I enjoy the forums is that there are many people on here who post very articulate and well thought-out opinions even if I don't always agree with them I appreciate a good debate.
 Bookbelle
Joined: 10/24/2008
Msg: 50
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Literacy: Is it important to you?
Posted: 4/19/2011 12:00:40 PM
Absolutely - literacy is extremely important to me.

Typos don't really bother me (... especially seeing as some of them are actually quite amusing).

"Text speak" came about because text messages have a limited number of characters, and also cost money. I tolerate it in actual text messages, because not everything will fit in a text message on every occasion. (Although, actually, I do type out my texts in full. Punctuation and all.) Outside of text messages, I can't abide it - it's just laziness, more than anything else.
I also get annoyed when people deliberately miss-spell words... "lyke"; "nuffing"... etc, etc. Aaaargh!
I constantly have to restrain myself from typing corrections into the comment box below my friends' Facebook statuses. I am grammatically correct whenever I can help being so... yes, even when drunk. The *content* of my drunken texts to friends may be slightly amusing/incomprehensible, but I can guarantee that the grammar/punctuation/sentence structure will be perfect!

If someone has a learning difficulty/disability or something, I make allowances. I don't pick on dyslexic people or anything. (However, I am perfectly willing to proofread essays and such if my friends want me to!)
Foreigners are also an exception. If English is not someone's first language, then I generally let it go, so long as I can understand them.

In terms of reading books, what surprises a lot of people about my attitude to reading is that I don't mind WHAT they read... I encourage reading in many forms. Some people complain that they don't get Shakespeare or Hardy or whatever; that "old stuff" doesn't interest them. It doesn't have to! Find something that interests you - chances are there'll be a book about it. Reading is meant to be pleasurable.

"I like complete sentences. Correct punctuation turns me on. Proper use of capitalization and sentence structure are mentally orgasmic. I'll admit to being a grammar junkie..." Awesome, me too!
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