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Show ALL Forums  > Dating Experiences  > Literacy: Is it important to you?      Home login  
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 AndrewCD
Joined: 12/2/2005
Msg: 52
Literacy: Is it important to you?Page 3 of 9    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9)
I don't message anyone who butchers our language in her profile. It's irritating and painful to read. I'd like to find someone who I can enjoy an intelligent conversation with, which certainly won't happen with someone who can't be bothered to learn the language at least at a basic level. In my experience they're the first to complain about any number of things but the last to educate themselves about what is going on in the world or how things came to be the way they are.

So, I don't contact anyone who doesn't write properly. I've had a couple contact me and I respond briefly with "Sorry, I don't think you're my type." or something similar.
 GerberData
Joined: 9/30/2008
Msg: 53
Literacy: Is it important to you?
Posted: 4/19/2011 6:17:54 PM
Reading some replies, like text speak being "LAZINESS", could I not argue 40 extra pounds comes across as laziness? I'd say, despite being almost vulgar, it is no less a stretch.

And you say I am blaming women? Hardly. I have talked to enough women to realize us guys on here are equally as undateable.

The psychology of dating certainly is interesting. It has been shown people, in the beginning, certainly want someone very similar to themselves. Later, its those complimentary differences that hold things together.

And the reason I personally don't type that way? I don't know anything but tech jargon which makes little sense here. However, it could be one of those differences in people I learn to cherish.

Finally, since it happens so often to you, there must be people who agree texing type messages are OK. They are just less likely to care to argue or explore answers to the subject. Too lazy :) *I'll sneak that emoticon in there, too!
 verygreeneyez
Joined: 3/15/2006
Msg: 54
Literacy: Is it important to you?
Posted: 4/19/2011 6:30:08 PM

Finally, since it happens so often to you, there must be people who agree texing type messages are OK. They are just less likely to care to argue or explore answers to the subject. Too lazy :) *I'll sneak that emoticon in there, too!

That would be me. I vowed the I'd never be one of "those" people that used text-type/speak. And then? I met my former. He and I texted on and off all day/evening, even when we could be talking. We are both multi-taskers and texting was more convenient. We'd even set up our time together via text. Terms of endearment were "xoxo" and stuff like that. It certainly didn't take away from the meanings behind what was being "said". To each their own. I hope I never get so set in my ways that I miss something as sweet as "xoxo" in the future.
 GerberData
Joined: 9/30/2008
Msg: 55
Literacy: Is it important to you?
Posted: 4/20/2011 8:40:08 AM
Those were two GREAT examples. I have vowed myself to open up to opportunities by simply not closing the door at the first thing that may be a small bit off-putting, but is really inconsequential.
 Paddy_o_Lantern
Joined: 12/9/2009
Msg: 56
Literacy: Is it important to you?
Posted: 4/20/2011 12:26:11 PM
^^^^ personally I don't mind if someones English is affected by a speech impediment or the fact that English is not thier first language or if they are from a part of a country where these is a pronounced accent - What I find a put off is when people speak or write in a put on accent or dialect deliberately when you first meet them just because it is the now thing to do.

It's ok to have a little fun doing this from time to time with people who know and understand you but if you do this when you first meet someone it indicates to me a lack of interest in communicating openly and honestly.
 Molly Maude
Joined: 9/11/2008
Msg: 57
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Literacy: Is it important to you?
Posted: 4/20/2011 2:12:36 PM
sadly, Consigliori ... that's just the point ...

ALMOST anyone CAN learn to read and spell ... not everyone ... there are exceptions ... and that's ok ...

but ALMOST everyone CAN learn to read and spell ...

and the sad truth is that a lot of capable people just plain CHOSE NOT TO ... they can't be bothered to take the time to figure out whether to use an objective pronoun or a subjective pronoun ... "me and him, we did that there" ... "hand it to I" ... "him and me thought" ... or the different reasons for using ... there ... they're ... their ...

and it matters!

and ... for me, intellect is and always has been a huge turn-on ... not bulging muscles, how tall, how good looking ... it's intellect and attitude ... authentic interest and concern for others ... the ability to communicate!
 Paddy_o_Lantern
Joined: 12/9/2009
Msg: 58
Literacy: Is it important to you?
Posted: 4/20/2011 2:22:44 PM
... for me, intellect is and always has been a huge turn-on ... not bulging muscles, how tall, how good looking ... it's intellect and attitude


So if a bunch of skinny short guys wearing horned rimmed glasses with duct tape who looked like they had never seen the sun and had their hair cut with a bowl went to the beach and started flexing their grammar and intellect. Would there would be girls gathering around to oooogle and awe and clamour to be in their presence or would they be staring and thinking WTF... is this some sort of circus act?
 majyk1
Joined: 4/26/2009
Msg: 60
Literacy: Is it important to you?
Posted: 4/20/2011 3:14:21 PM
It is important to me.
I don't expect anyone to be perfect, what I expect is the effort!
There is a big difference between "Hey, how are ya doin today" and "hey bby waz up u fine". The first example is... well, not great but passable. The second... lord have mercy, what a turn off! Can you believe 40 year old men talk like this? SOME do, and it's scary!
 PittsburghVixen
Joined: 6/27/2009
Msg: 61
Literacy: Is it important to you?
Posted: 4/20/2011 3:18:03 PM
OK, time for some levity regarding textspeak...

This is by Jamie Quatro on mcsweeneys.net; I found it in the Reader's Digest at my eye doctor's.

"If God had texted the Ten Commandments to Moses"

1. no1 b4 me. srsly.
2. dont wrshp pix/idols.
3. no omg's
4. no wrk on w/end (sat 4 now; sun l8r)
5. pos ok - ur m&d r cool
6. dnt kill ppl
7. :-X only w/m8
8. dnt steal
9. dnt lie re: bf
10. dnt ogle ur bf's m8. or ox. or dnkey. myob.
 Red Fish GF
Joined: 12/3/2009
Msg: 62
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Literacy: Is it important to you?
Posted: 4/20/2011 3:46:05 PM
incorrect spelling is always irksome..



LOL, if you're going to insist the women you talk to use correct spelling and grammar then you should do the same. I don't like it when I misspell words and notice it in a sent email. Sometimes my SO spells words wrong too but it's usually just a typo. I have a few words that I'm thankful to have spell check for. My SO occasionally speaks with words I've never heard of so I would definitely say he is literate. I couldn't stand it if every email was written using text speak. The only text speak we use in emails is lol. And xoxo if that is considered text speak. When dating online, I responded to even just short "hi" messages but they didn't make me want to get to know them better. I don't recall receiving any that were so bad I had a hard time deciphering them. One of the main reasons I wanted to meet my SO in person was his initial well written messages.



I know a typo when I see one, and those don't usually bother me, but believe it or not, those red squiggly lines that you see under all those misspelled words are there for a reason! But it's not so much spelling that is the issue here as it is just plain comprehensible typing.
 Halcyon_Skies
Joined: 2/1/2009
Msg: 63
Literacy: Is it important to you?
Posted: 4/20/2011 4:25:56 PM

I agree with a speech impediment or if your learning the language still or even if it's not your mother-tongue, both those are ligitimate reasons, for not being able to speak properly.


That's interesting. What's your excuse?
 Red Fish GF
Joined: 12/3/2009
Msg: 64
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Literacy: Is it important to you?
Posted: 4/20/2011 4:54:16 PM
Sometimes I type the wrong your which I admit to having to edit in my last comment. I went back and read it and realized it wasn't right. The guy who posted the above obviously didn't bother to use spell check either. I also wouldn't be able to date some one who insisted adding swear words to every sentence. That is so f***ing beautiful. In my opinion the f word in all its forms is a way over used word by many.

My ex used to correct my pronunciation of a few words like he was perfect. He acted like he couldn't understand the meaning if I said a word slightly different than him. Mostly how I pronounced restaurant and coyote. Even his mom played dumb over the phone about coyote and corrected me. I was telling her I seen a Kye-oht-ee in the back yard. She finally said, "Oh, Ky-Ote." I've always thought it was correct either way and I'm sure she knew what I meant. But being able to hold a normal conversation is important.
 Walts
Joined: 5/7/2005
Msg: 65
Literacy: Is it important to you?
Posted: 4/20/2011 5:10:17 PM
I know some very intelligent people that have been labelled "illiterate", and in the same sentence have met some very stupid people that are highly educated and can talk their way around anything.

I'll take the first over the second.

Literacy means a bit to me, but "important", not really. Can count on one hand(okay mayb two) what I truely find "important" and those things take up enough of my worries and time.
 Red Fish GF
Joined: 12/3/2009
Msg: 66
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Literacy: Is it important to you?
Posted: 4/20/2011 5:46:45 PM
I over looked a spelling error in the profile of the man I am in a relationship with. We met on another dating site. His well written messages told me that it was just an error in typing and not that he was illiterate. I saved it and it was even worse than I thought, lol but not a true sign of his spelling ability. If his profile and/or messages had been full of text speak I probably would not of been interested in meeting him.


"I have a great job, its changeling and pretty stable"
 honeycognac
Joined: 11/22/2010
Msg: 67
Literacy: Is it important to you?
Posted: 4/20/2011 8:18:22 PM
I wish that it were not so important to me, but I'm a "grammar lady" and I just can't help it. One of the men that I used to date didn't know the past tense of the verb "to see" - so it was always "I seen this", "I seen that". It drove me nuts. Either I'd be clenching my teeth or I'd be correcting him (it doesn't help that I teach English grammar for a living). I knew it was condescending of me and I didn't like myself for doing it. Now I only date guys who speak decent English unless it's not their first language.

It seems to me to be a shallow indicator of a person's worth, but I just can't help it. My father had a PHD in linguistics so I guess proper usage of language was a part of my upbringing too.
 GerberData
Joined: 9/30/2008
Msg: 68
Literacy: Is it important to you?
Posted: 4/20/2011 10:25:58 PM
It is that shallowness and selfishness I think MOST of us struggle with. It's is seeing it and roping it in that counts.

Language evolves. Tons of things evolve. Those things tend to be actually pretty trivial. However, true inner beauty, values, honor, trust, loyalty.... those are deep and are always the same. I think it's in those traits you best find your mate. There are plenty of "silver-tongued devils" that will talk you out of your money, your common sense and your pants.
 pureblisscatch4u
Joined: 3/18/2011
Msg: 69
Literacy: Is it important to you?
Posted: 4/20/2011 10:33:08 PM
OP, I totally feel you! When guys write things like "your" instead of "you're" and "u" instead of "you," it turns me off like a light switch. I'm a total grammar nazi. The funniest one though is when they write "I'm looking for an intelligent womEn" lol!! What's also funny is that I have a friend who really likes me, but he has the most atrocious grammar in the world.
I used to have in my profile that I'd like messages composed of real words and I got so much hate mail, haha. Sadly, this is what our country is coming to. We're the last of a dying breed.
 1234deleted1234
Joined: 10/8/2009
Msg: 70
Literacy: Is it important to you?
Posted: 4/20/2011 10:47:55 PM
^^^^Your my tipe of women! I'm evrthng your lookin 4... I have a fancie car, our tall and rilly like wachin shows on TLC!
SO...how our you?
I'm vary edjucated to...


Seriously, I think the folks who write like that lack the depth to keep some of us interested beyond the superficial.
 pureblisscatch4u
Joined: 3/18/2011
Msg: 71
Literacy: Is it important to you?
Posted: 4/20/2011 11:03:01 PM
^^^^^HAHAHAHA hilarious!!
And, don't you mean, people who "right" like that?
I always wonder how much they paid their teacher to pass third grade? There's no other explanation.
 1234deleted1234
Joined: 10/8/2009
Msg: 72
Literacy: Is it important to you?
Posted: 4/21/2011 12:37:07 AM
No, the second paragraph was correctly written... I cud bearly handle ritin da wun paragraf...it almost kilt me too rite like that.

Sintz I is tall & got a kewl ride itz da bomb Yoo wanna dait?
 colt8301
Joined: 10/25/2006
Msg: 73
Literacy: Is it important to you?
Posted: 4/21/2011 3:37:39 AM

I LIKE WHAT I C or AY GURL WEN U GON LET ME SPANK DAT WIDE AZZ (I'm serious, somebody wrote that!) is not now, nor will it ever be a proper message for a woman who is looking for someone remotely intelligent. You might be a pretty smart guy, but how in the world am I supposed to know that at first glance if sheer idiocy is all you give me to work with?


LOL^^^^^

 majyk1
Joined: 4/26/2009
Msg: 74
Literacy: Is it important to you?
Posted: 4/21/2011 4:04:54 AM
jco415........ That was funny!!
 Casper66
Joined: 3/2/2007
Msg: 75
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Literacy: Is it important to you?
Posted: 4/21/2011 9:18:32 AM
How hard is it to string together a couple of sentences that isn't textspeak, you are trying to make a good impression, take a few minutes and spell check, it's a dating site that relies on the written word and maybe a pic not real life where you can just talk to someone, two very different situations.
 Paddy_o_Lantern
Joined: 12/9/2009
Msg: 76
Literacy: Is it important to you?
Posted: 4/21/2011 9:52:20 AM
And, like our physical selves, some folks present poorly. If you judge another person solely on their presentation and not on their substance, you are doing a disfavor to both.


So are you suggesting that you do not place significant value on whether you find a woman physically attractive when you are determining if she is a potential significant other - is this something that you are willing to overlook? It is afterall just presentation and not the substance of a person. If this were commonly the case people with no picture on thier profile would get far more responses than they currently do.

We all judge people every day based on how they present themselves IRL - based on appearance, how they carry themselves how they speak how they write etc etc. What we first see about a person online is thier profile the next is thier written message so we make a first impression with those two things and as they say you never get a second chance to make a first impression.

We place different emphasis on different qualities depending on whether we see that person as a role model, a friend, a co-worker a boss an employee or a potential significant other etc. This all boils down to preference and what we are looking for - we all have different ideas in what we think is important.
 Halcyon_Skies
Joined: 2/1/2009
Msg: 77
Literacy: Is it important to you?
Posted: 4/21/2011 12:22:09 PM
^^^^^^I agree with Paddy o Lantern. We judge people by their entire "package", which encompasses presentation as well as substance. For me, literacy is an important element. I might be willing overlook occasional grammatical errors or misspellings in a man's communications---as long as he has enough of the other qualities I'm looking for.

On the other hand, I do tend to zero in on his grammatical errors if I don't think the rest of his package is attractive enough to make up for them. Unfortunately for me, sometimes this doesn't become apparent until much later.
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