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 suburban_gal
Joined: 4/25/2011
Msg: 26
If the woman/man never initiates contact when datingPage 2 of 3    (1, 2, 3)

What are guys and girls thoughts when you start going on dates with the opposite sex and they never text or call you?


I would probably think they aren't that interested in the other person if they don't initate contact. Although in some cases, perhaps a woman is passive and expects the man to initiate most or all of the contact.
 catamount11
Joined: 2/18/2011
Msg: 27
If the woman/man never initiates contact when dating
Posted: 5/9/2011 8:08:48 AM
I just want tothank everyone for the solid advice that was given. I have decided to not initiate contact with her and pursue other women. If she is truly interested in me she will wonder why I have not contacted her and will end up contacting me. Thanks again.
 sukkatash
Joined: 3/27/2011
Msg: 28
If the woman/man never initiates contact when dating
Posted: 5/9/2011 8:51:18 AM

What is everyones thoughts when the opposite sex or same sex never initiates contact with you and it is just one-sided?

I tend not to care all that much.
If I want to do something, then I call and ask them to go with me.
If I don't want to do something, then I don't call.
If I am interested in someone I am more interested in actually getting together and what is done and talked about.

I don't measure their interest by if they initiate contact so much as if they return my initiated contact and weigh how much they do go with me to do things vs. how many times they say no. And how open and communicative and conversational they are during that time, basically if I am learning something about them.

So I don't really care if they call me, I care if they call me back, and (in general) what they have to say.


If she is truly interested in me she will wonder why I have not contacted her and will end up contacting me.

To me that's just a manipulative game.
It could easily go "Hmmm, he just disappeared, oh well, must not have been interested in me, why do guys do that? Why do they just disappear? Especially if they tell you they are going to contact you later? What's up with that?"

So as said in many other forums, if you disappear, or start playing games and disappearing is part of it, you are ultimately doing her a favor, not helping yourself.

Basically what you are doing is simply showing you aren't interested in her.
You were not interested in sticking around. You were not interested in communicating like an adult whatever problem you feel has come up.

You are basically rejecting her....but putting responsibility for doing so on her.
So win win to keep you out of anything meaningful or adult.

But you've painted yourself into a corner.
I mean if she gets back to you then she's easily manipulated, plus she likes playing games, as she's a willing participant.
If she doesn't, you get no more dates or conversations with her.

So basically, this shows you are completely self centered, irresponsible, childish, you play games, are unable to think of consequences (or avoid them), short sighted, and unable to handle adult relationships.
Real winning move there.
 happybunny8
Joined: 4/16/2010
Msg: 29
If the woman/man never initiates contact when dating
Posted: 5/9/2011 10:14:45 AM

To me that's just a manipulative game.
It could easily go "Hmmm, he just disappeared, oh well, must not have been interested in me, why do guys do that? Why do they just disappear? Especially if they tell you they are going to contact you later? What's up with that?"


Yup. As I said, I had a guy call me and outright ask me if I was still interested in dating and getting to know him. It put me on the spot, but it solved any further mystery for both of us.
 druminky
Joined: 8/10/2009
Msg: 30
If the woman/man never initiates contact when dating
Posted: 5/9/2011 10:45:29 AM
OP, many, many women rely upon the guy to initiate, pursue, chase. That includes calling or texting.

Years ago, I had a date with a doctor - she was an in-charge type gal, always took the lead in conversations, and otherwise had many "traditionally male" aggressive traits - including a very competitive side in sports. Yet, when it came to dating, she wanted the guy to always call - period. She wanted the guy to open doors, buy flowers, and all that traditional stuff. It was contradictory to her personality, to me anyway, but nonetheless a valuable lesson learned.
 ladyc4
Joined: 2/14/2006
Msg: 31
If the woman/man never initiates contact when dating
Posted: 5/9/2011 11:18:26 AM

Yeah I went on 5 dates but so far she is the best while the others I'm not interested in blow up my cell phone.

The reason you think she's 'the best' is BECAUSE she's not blowing up your phone.

Personally, I prefer a style of dating where both persons behave like thinking adults,but this lady has chosen to play quite a traditional role and it seems to be working. This does not make her all bad...I think that if you continue to date her and she becomes more assured that you are firmly hooked, things will level out to a more balanced exchange of who contacts whom and what about.
I do think you need to be paying attention, if you are looking for a "bring home to Mom and Dad" kind of relationship, to her level of traditionalism and deciding whether you are OK with it. None of this courting and marrying an "oldfashioned girl" and expecting the wedding cake to turn her into a modern feminist who will bring home the bacon, fry the bacon AND the sausage, while similtaneously shingling the roof and mowing the lawn.
Cindy O
 KelleyNice
Joined: 4/13/2011
Msg: 32
If the woman/man never initiates contact when dating
Posted: 5/11/2011 1:53:14 AM
My goodness! She has accepted 4 dates so of course she likes you. Wait until she is certain, then she will be aggressive and start making demands.
 kailania
Joined: 4/10/2008
Msg: 33
If the woman/man never initiates contact when dating
Posted: 5/11/2011 2:30:23 AM

If she is truly interested in me she will wonder why I have not contacted her and will end up contacting me.

that is a game.
she is traditional. if you like her and want to see her again...call, dont text, her.
 kailania
Joined: 4/10/2008
Msg: 34
If the woman/man never initiates contact when dating
Posted: 5/11/2011 2:32:00 AM
some women do not call men until they are comfortably in a relationship with them,...or only if they are "just" freinds.
I dont call men.
 happybunny8
Joined: 4/16/2010
Msg: 35
If the woman/man never initiates contact when dating
Posted: 5/11/2011 5:11:24 AM
^^^So, even if you are dating and like each other you never call him until you have a commitment from him?!

How do you set up dates? How does anything get done this way?

I mean, I could see where some women do not call men to ask for dates at first; but once a couple is seeing each other alot, but haven't officially started a relationship?!

And if you say that "seeing each other alot" means a relationship, I have to question your "communication".

Men like getting a call from a woman they like just to brighten their day too ya know.
 catamount11
Joined: 2/18/2011
Msg: 36
If the woman/man never initiates contact when dating
Posted: 5/11/2011 8:46:32 AM
The whole "4 dates and he just disappeared" thing is ridiculous. In my opinion contact just be initiated by both sides. For the guy it tells him thT you are thinking about him. It takes 30 secs to send a text. Any woman can do that. I'm not plating any games. If she likes me she can contact me. I want to avoid the "oh he takes me nice places and free dinner is always good" kind of deal. I have no problems finding other dates so that is what I plan to do.
 five-marie
Joined: 2/9/2010
Msg: 37
If the woman/man never initiates contact when dating
Posted: 5/11/2011 9:31:28 AM
I met a man from here a few weeks ago for lunch. After lunch he let me know that he never contacts the women he meets after the first meet. He figures if they want to see him again they'll contact him. He doesn't "want to be pushy".
I told him straight out that it would be a stand off because in the beginning I'm more traditional, I wait for the man to show interest/call.
He then immediately said he wanted to see me again.
Is fear of rejection causing people to hide wanting to see each other again?
Seems a little silly op that you met a woman you like and are willing to let her go because of this. She may very well be aware that you are dating a lot and waiting for you to let her know how interested you are.
The reasons people never get together never ceases to amaze me.
 MsSookieStackhouse
Joined: 4/26/2011
Msg: 38
If the woman/man never initiates contact when dating
Posted: 5/12/2011 9:23:21 AM

some women do not call men until they are comfortably in a relationship with them,...or only if they are "just" freinds.
I dont call men.


Ditto. I don't want to come off as clingy or pushy, so in the early stages I let the guy initiate contact with me. I'll only contact them if they ask me to.
 cenomeno
Joined: 4/21/2010
Msg: 39
If the woman/man never initiates contact when dating
Posted: 5/12/2011 10:37:31 AM
If she doesn't initiate, meet me in the middle .... I'd leave.
Op find yourself a nice girl who shows her interest. Like a normal person.
 *Just Jim*
Joined: 7/6/2007
Msg: 40
If the woman/man never initiates contact when dating
Posted: 5/12/2011 4:25:39 PM

So I suppose if he's also afraid of appearing clingy or pushy by calling...neither person calls and there the relationship ends, even you both had a great time???

I'll never understand this mentality.


Well that's why there are so many self-help books out there & making millions! lol

Many are very good but there is a certain state of being,when both people feel the dance as it is mature & healthy,[same wave length] ,without their past baggage, and misconceptions in tow.

Those who know, know what I'm saying.....& those who think it's a chess game, then imo, life is too short for that.

love is not for the weak of heart,unless.......
 happybunny8
Joined: 4/16/2010
Msg: 41
If the woman/man never initiates contact when dating
Posted: 5/13/2011 7:31:06 AM
You know the more I read this thread and the angry men thread, the more it seems obvious to me that some people are so in charge of certain aspects of their lives, that they would like to NOT be in charge in other aspects.

From my experience, the women in my family are "in charge" in that they run the ship at home. However, since the men worked, this allowed the men the chance to NOT be in charge at home in addition to work.

So fast forward to today, where women watched the above at home so the women are not only in charge at work, but AT home. I can imagine that being exhausting for anyone. I see my brother almost faced with that and I feel bad for him. But maybe he's happy?

And maybe everyone should just do what they feel comfy with and screw all these rules, equality business and such.

Isn't it more important to be happy?
 larissan04
Joined: 5/14/2011
Msg: 42
If the woman/man never initiates contact when dating
Posted: 5/20/2011 8:11:08 PM
i hate to say this, and i am guilty of this as well, but whenever i call a guy, or initiate communication, ask them out, or do any pursuing what so ever it never works out. now, i DO NOT call men unless it is to return their phone calls. In addition, this was how I was brought up as well, my generation of women were brought up to never call men or chase after them. that was just what we were taught. now that i am older i tend to think this is the best policy when it comes to men. if a man is really into you he'll call you and ask YOU out. if he is not then a woman is just setting herself up to be used or very hurt. If you like this woman call her and ask her out. my gut is telling me that unless you two are in a committed relationship the likelihood of her "initiating" contact with you is going to be pretty nil.
 larissan04
Joined: 5/14/2011
Msg: 43
If the woman/man never initiates contact when dating
Posted: 5/20/2011 8:15:11 PM
OP

I just had to add that I agree with Marie on this one. ..

You are a man, no? You pee standing up, right? That means that you have a set, yes? If so, then man up, and go after what you want. If a man really wants something he gets it. That is, in essence, what a man IS... or are you being lazy?

Grow a set. When she feels secure in your feelings for her she'll initiate communication.
 valenciacityx
Joined: 3/10/2009
Msg: 44
If the woman/man never initiates contact when dating
Posted: 5/20/2011 9:42:40 PM
the next coming friday, blow it off, dont call, go have a good time.
If she calls about it, she is actually interested; if not, then well at least you know you can have a good time without hanging on her every friday night.

50 text messages a day - psycho
3 phone calls a week, just about right, and they should be shared between you, ie not all you, not all her.
 abelian
Joined: 1/12/2008
Msg: 45
If the woman/man never initiates contact when dating
Posted: 5/21/2011 7:11:32 AM

i hate to say this, and i am guilty of this as well, but whenever i call a guy, or initiate communication, ask them out, or do any pursuing what so ever it never works out. now, i DO NOT call men unless it is to return their phone calls.

If my fiancee had played by those rules, we'd have never run across each other. I didn't look in the talk/email section for dates. If she'd have never done any pursuing or taken then the initiative to call me other than to return phone calls, I'd have assumed she wasn't interested enough or self-confident and assertive enough to even be worth meeting, much less date. If you never get what you want, it will be because you didn't do anything on your own to get it.
 Violet_Tigress
Joined: 4/29/2011
Msg: 46
If the woman/man never initiates contact when dating
Posted: 5/21/2011 2:18:57 PM
Maybe she's waiting to see whether or not you will call if she doesn't call first.
 Big_fun_wave
Joined: 2/28/2009
Msg: 47
If the woman/man never initiates contact when dating
Posted: 5/21/2011 4:01:33 PM
Dude, I know what that's like. That's not right. It should not be just one person showing the interest and initiative. It's very inconsiderate of the man or woman to ever not reciprocate. Because then the one person is likely going to end up feeling like an unwanted pest. A woman I met recently texted me a bit and we communicated. She seemed to like me and have a keen interest in ways. But it soon became me making all the contact effort. I said to her: I'm feeling ackward making all the contacts as of late, and if she wished to still be friends in any way, the ball was in her court.
 bimmerdude
Joined: 3/8/2011
Msg: 48
If the woman/man never initiates contact when dating
Posted: 5/21/2011 8:34:29 PM
Well there are signs in real life that a woman has an interest in you based on my experiences. Online is weird- not as easy to tell.
 SummmerEve
Joined: 7/6/2014
Msg: 49
If the woman/man never initiates contact when dating
Posted: 8/31/2014 7:56:47 PM
I know this is an old subject but I am sure the situation described is not.

Dear OP, you sound like you have a lack of self -confidence or as we girls like to call it a " wuss".

WHY should the lady contact you in between if you are NOT contacting her in between?
Start contacting her in between , show some confidence and interest and perhaps she will be more comfortable to do the same.

Something tells me you are not successful in relationships with women. Sorry...
 south_city
Joined: 10/12/2013
Msg: 50
If the woman/man never initiates contact when dating
Posted: 9/2/2014 6:22:09 AM

I would probably think they aren't that interested in the other person if they don't initiate contact. Although in some cases, perhaps a woman is passive and expects the man to initiate most or all of the contact.


True. Whenever I'm not sure if a woman is interested in me, I would clearly put the ball in her court and see what happens. In this case, I would tell her to contact me after a date or conversation.
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