Plentyoffish dating forums are a place to meet singles and get dating advice or share dating experiences etc. Hopefully you will all have fun meeting singles and try out this online dating thing... Remember that we are the largest free online dating service, so you will never have to pay a dime to meet your soulmate.
     
Show ALL Forums  > Over 45  > How do we deal with transition?      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 JD4Real29
Joined: 3/28/2011
Msg: 51
How do we deal with transition?Page 3 of 4    (1, 2, 3, 4)

growing old doesn't scare me, as long as GROWING is still part of the equation. I still have lots of things I want to learn and do. Its a great big world out there Ruby , and my life's goal is enjoying every second of whatever LIFE is left.


Heck yeah!

It wasn't until I was in my 40s that I finally starting making goals for myself to achieve. I'd spent my early years raising kids and living day to day and paycheck to paycheck.

I went to college at 45 to become a nurse, I didn't care that I was the oldest in the class. I really enjoy my new career.

This last year has seen a few big transitions in my life. both of my sons moved far away, I started working in my new career and then I sold my house and moved thousands of miles away to a city I've never lived in.

I'm excited about my new life although there are days that I'm lonely for my friends that I left behind. But ahead of me is endless opportunities to challenge myself and enjoy myself.

I'll be 50 this year. Heck yeah! I'm excited, my life has never been better.

Its all about me baby!

Make some goals Ruby and enjoy yourself.
 URXO2
Joined: 8/27/2009
Msg: 52
view profile
History
How do we deal with transition?
Posted: 5/17/2011 1:21:29 PM

Just watched Maria Shriver's youtube plea for advice on transitioning from a 25-year marriage to singledom.

Well the use of the word transition by Maria definitely expands the definition..It's seems Arnold has a love child, a secret he's concealed for 10 years.
 Seakytten
Joined: 10/2/2010
Msg: 53
How do we deal with transition?
Posted: 5/17/2011 4:42:20 PM
Well the use of the word transition by Maria definitely expands the definition..It's seems Arnold has a love child, a secret he's concealed for 10 years.


Yes, I'm sure we've all read this but can Maria Shriver really be honest with herself and not know that her husband was a philandering rat? I'm sure on some level she knew whether it be from her close friends or the media. I just don't buy that she didn't know Arnold was unfaithful on some level...somewhat like Bill and Hillary. Unfortunately, with politics and fame also comes compliance...CWB. Compliance with benefits. Maria surely knew that her husband was a rat but complied..until she realized a child was involved.

Transition for some of us is hard but for me it's a new chapter. I can adapt to any situation and deem that as a strength and not a weakness. I do wish Maria the best, though.

Kytten
 Island home
Joined: 7/5/2009
Msg: 54
How do we deal with transition?
Posted: 5/18/2011 1:12:10 AM
Life is constant transition
Throughout which we constantly transmit and receive
Both through communication and experience

Being single doesn't mean isolation unless you let it be.


I think it's different for couples. They have each other for company and support, but what about single old people? What do they do each night?

What ever one wants with what ever one has got.
A lot depends on the extent to which one appreciates (understand and value) what they have and the possibilities perceived.
 damassteel
Joined: 7/22/2009
Msg: 55
view profile
History
How do we deal with transition?
Posted: 5/18/2011 7:56:54 AM
This a question I believe we should all consider when we are actually in our younger years. That is by taking control of those things we do have influence over; lifestyle, diet, exercise,intellectual flexibility...etc. And fer chrisake stop comparing ourselves to the mental picture of uncle Jack or aunt Alice we have in our heads. IME, there are just too many rigid ideas about what a given age "should be" in our heads. GET RID OF THOSE IDEAS, they are utterly and completely useless.
It just blows my mind when I hear people saying that 50 , 60 is old. At 61, I'm still as fit and active as I was at 40.
I admit I've been extraordinarily lucky health-wise, but much of that luck I've created by my choices.
 _TALL_IQ2_
Joined: 2/10/2010
Msg: 56
How do we deal with transition?
Posted: 5/18/2011 8:35:13 AM
It just blows my mind when I hear people saying that 50 , 60 is old. At 61, I'm still as fit and active as I was at 40.

Samuel Clemens reportedly said: "50 is NOT old, but you don't know it yet.."


That is by taking control of those things we do have influence over; lifestyle, diet, exercise,intellectual flexibility


That IS how some of us stay healthy indefinitely.. Making those daily choices at ANY age will improve us
as well as having the positive mindset that we STILL have much control of our health and happiness..
Never give it up...
 Snappy_Turtle
Joined: 2/27/2011
Msg: 57
How do we deal with transition?
Posted: 5/19/2011 4:46:50 AM
Never give it up.....?
And here all my life I've been asked "when are you gonna give it up?" :confusion:

Seriously back to the OP/OT,
I don't lack empathy for MS and her kind, but she appears to have nearly unlimited resources upon which to draw for help, so I'll leave that worrying for others.

It's OK with me for people to think 60 is not old -- advancements are being made but as of today -- it still sounds to me like whistling in the dark.

About my getting married at 50, a 30-something remarked, "wow. 50? Things are really changing, no more grandmothers sitting in rocking chairs on the front porch."

I thunked her on the head, and said, "What planet were you raised on, PUNK, that all changed before you were even born." OK, no, I didn't.

What I mean to say is, this:
I saw a bicycle riding couple near the New England coast. They had helmets and full gear for serious travelling by bike. So thin and toned they were, that I took them from behind to be in their 20's. Then they turned around and I was both amazed and admiring, that they had prune faces.

Impossible to guess their age. 60 with too much sun, all the way up to 80.
They cannot be called young. But they're redefining what old vs. young can do.



 DrummingNut
Joined: 4/26/2010
Msg: 58
How do we deal with transition?
Posted: 5/19/2011 6:03:56 AM
Spider, this isn't any sort of 'attack' or anything about what you personally wrote.
It just brings to mind something that bugs the heck out of me.....

It's funny to me how sitting on the porch in a rocking chair is seen as so darn negative.
Or strolling the boardwalk at the beach, or God forbid 'just' sitting on the boardwalk watching people and nature.
You aren't having a "good life" if that is what you're doing when you're 65 (or whatever).
Noooo, you're suppose to be playing volley ball on the beach, or rollerblading down the boardwalk, or whatever the heck.
You're suppose to stay busy with physical activity all the way till you die, or else you're seen as "pathetic" (or whatever).
And the ones who are "been healthy all my life.. look at me, I'm rollerblading" seem to get such pleasure from tooting their horns and actually looking down ("you won't catch ME just sitting on the porch, I'm superman") on the ones who very well may be quite healthy and will live long but ENJOY (read that.. ENJOY) (again.. ENJOY) the slowing down of "getting older" and enjoy 'just' sitting on the boardwalk soaking up the sun and watching.. or on the porch after they've baked up a batch of cookies and cleaned the house and walked the dog... or whatever!
They don't feel THREATENED by the (transition) "oh boy, I can slow down now" part of getting older.. they enjoy the hell out of it.
And they'll live to age 85 as easily as the ones out there rollerblading.

I think it's fantastic if someone wants to still rollerblade when they're 65 (or whatever age).. yeah, have fun, that's great you're doing something you like.
But I get so damn mad at any sort of superior attitude. That they're "doing more with their life".
okay, rant over, lol. Think I'll go walk the dog. hehehe
 woobytoodsday
Joined: 12/13/2006
Msg: 59
How do we deal with transition?
Posted: 5/19/2011 7:30:15 AM
I think that like everything else, progression/transition to old age is uneven. My ex, the father of my children at 85 maintains a stock market portfolio over a million bucks, on his own, with no broker. He's not riding his bike much right now, but his last 100 mile ride was five years ago. His blood pressure, without meds, hovers at about 120/70, and his HDL is in the 70's. My own health is exponentially better today than it was ten years ago. And I think ma brain is too, with the addition of the 'nets. (I could actually *see* the improvement within a week of getting my first online computer in '03!)

But again: it's relative. I know of a man who felt useless when he could only chop four cords of wood versus the 12 cords he'd chopped when he was younger. He was 100 years old. . . .

Part of the fear of aging comes from ignorance. And attitudes we *ourselves* promulgate. Grampers jokes are fun for the moment they're made, but they reside in our brain as predictions for our own future. A very good info base for what's likely to happen -- or not -- is Betty Friedan's The Fountain of Age.

I personally hope I *don't* lose my brain, but the truth is that once you DO, you don't care any more: you've become someone else's problem, not your own. As for physical decline, sure, there's some of that, and a good bit of it depends on how pro-active one is about one's own health care. If you turn it over to the doctors, *count* on a fairly quick decline. If you use what resources are available to you, the slope is likely to be mild, and reasonably easy to accommodate. (Lord willing, and the crick don't rise, as we say around here.)

The best bit of advice I'd give anyone who's worried about it is: stay interested! The rest is a piece of cake.

 Stray__Cat
Joined: 7/12/2006
Msg: 60
How do we deal with transition?
Posted: 5/19/2011 3:13:50 PM
adapt.
grow.
and keep moving.
 Island home
Joined: 7/5/2009
Msg: 61
How do we deal with transition?
Posted: 5/19/2011 3:25:41 PM

and keep moving

Yep gotta remember that one
 DC1346
Joined: 5/26/2011
Msg: 62
How do we deal with transition?
Posted: 6/5/2011 4:19:39 PM
As the old adage goes, your glass is either half empty or half full.

I've spent a lot of years in the classroom. Looking back on my life, I can either feel sorry that I didn't pursue a relationship, get married, and have kids ... or I can realize that even though I never had any kids, I have touched the lives of everyone who has walked through my classroom door.

I have taught. I have motivated. I have inspired.

Granted, that's scant comfort in the middle of the night when I lie in bed alone and wonder why women appear to run from their computers screaming when they get an email from me (wince) ... but in the end, life is what you make of it.
 BarbiedollToo
Joined: 7/21/2010
Msg: 63
view profile
History
How do we deal with transition?
Posted: 10/21/2011 5:45:06 PM
Some 'raw footage' of POF messaging follows. Please read and let me know what you think of the underlying question here, which is: Do people really lie about their age on POF? At what age do they do this if they do? Is it acceptable OR indicative of a LIAR? Please read on:
Thank you for your interest and inquiry.
The pic of me in black was taken last Tuesday of this week! I was then and am still 55 years old.
You seem to be preoccupied with age, but your pics are nice. I'm thinking you are older than stated.
For example, there is a man on this site who now is the same age as me. However, I have known him for a long time and know that he is actually 60+, not 55 as stated. When I asked him about it, he claimed "everybody lies about their age online." I disagree with that statement and am of the opinion that if someone lies about their age, they will lie about anything and everything.
What do you think about my 'common sense' philosophy?...SmoothJazzingSome 'raw footage' of POF messaging follows. Please read and let me know what you think of the underlying question here, which is: Do people really lie about their age on POF? At what age do they do this if they do? Is it acceptable OR indicative of a LIAR? Please read on:
Thank you for your interest and inquiry.
The pic of me in black was taken last Tuesday of this week! I was then and am still 55 years old.
You seem to be preoccupied with age, but your pics are nice. I'm thinking you are older than stated.
For example, there is a man on this site who now is the same age as me. However, I have known him for a long time and know that he is actually 60+, not 55 as stated. When I asked him about it, he claimed "everybody lies about their age online." I disagree with that statement and am of the opinion that if someone lies about their age, they will lie about anything and everything.
What do you think about my 'common sense' philosophy?...SmoothJazzing
And now, the reply:
If you met me today....you would see that I look like those pics. Minus the tan. They took off the pic where I don't have a shirt on and my body looks like when I was in my late thirties. Same 6'2" and 195 lbs. If I put down my true age....people would say those are not my pics with the tan..epecially if they have still left the one with no shirt on. Even when people see I am 57 on here, they think I am a old man sometimes because of a number.
I am honest as hell otherwise. You can have your opinion. I just saw that most actresses and a lot of the actors we see lie about their age. I don't think that one lie means they are dishonest about everything.
And now, the reply:
If you met me today....you would see that I look like those pics. Minus the tan. They took off the pic where I don't have a shirt on and my body looks like when I was in my late thirties. Same 6'2" and 195 lbs. If I put down my true age....people would say those are not my pics with the tan..epecially if they have still left the one with no shirt on. Even when people see I am 57 on here, they think I am a old man sometimes because of a number.
I am honest as hell otherwise. You can have your opinion. I just saw that most actresses and a lot of the actors we see lie about their age. I don't think that one lie means they are dishonest about everything.
 southmeetswest
Joined: 4/26/2010
Msg: 64
view profile
History
How do we deal with transition?
Posted: 10/21/2011 6:40:10 PM
old age and death will just have to catch up with me, which i am sure it will! but i won't be sitting around waiting or thinking about it. stay active, practice appreciation. i have done everything late in life.....degree at 40, started painting (see photo of art on profile) at 42, started a small business at 50,
now nursing school at 60! i don't even think about age as a factor in what i do at this stage.
forget the numbers in your life, go with your hearts desire and don't let anyone or anything sway you or cast doubt on your dreams.
i realize more and more that life is truly not a dress rehearsal, it is real, it is now, and it is what we make and percieve it to be!

kaylee
 3xsacharmsotheysay
Joined: 8/12/2011
Msg: 65
How do we deal with transition?
Posted: 10/21/2011 6:58:39 PM
Just remember that we are never too old to learn and experience new things. I plan on being one of those old blue haired ladies at the gym and on the tennis court.

I also remember fondly my grandmother and all her friends sitting around a table drinking bloody mary's and playing gin....those old gals knew how to party!!!! I'm going out pickled and giggling......
 HappinessOK
Joined: 7/19/2009
Msg: 66
How do we deal with transition?
Posted: 10/24/2011 12:49:17 PM
My transistion has taken a lot longer than I ever thought it would.. I am getting a little concerned now ... nearly 30 yrs since my divorce and a few LTR's but nothing that came to fruition ..so how long is too long?? (maybe thats another Forum topic?)

My own company is getting wayy too boring even though I have a good social life!

Getting older not younger sooooo transition has taken a long time here.. :-|
 Glenoran1
Joined: 3/1/2009
Msg: 67
How do we deal with transition?
Posted: 10/24/2011 11:21:12 PM
The following are some things I remind myself about. Mostly, it started with something my mother has a habit of saying: "In my day ...". This IS STILL her day. Every day that she is here, is her day. And it's mine, too -- each and every day, no matter what age my body is.

Life is meant to be lived. If it 'passes you by' it's because you've stopped directing it and are just drifting along, letting the stream (of time) take you wherever it wants to. There's nothing wrong with 'going with the flow', but only if it's going where you want to go.

Anyway, those are some of the things I use as self-reminders. As long as we're doing something different here and there, and learning as we go along, we have a reason to stick around. Personally, regardless of the physical reason we eventually die, I think most people die of boredom (lose interest in the game). With a world full of potential, how anyone could possibly become bored and just stick with the same-old, same-old is beyond me. So long as there is health, relative comfort, mobility, intellect and sufficient money to permit it, life should be one continuous exploration and adventure, even if it's just thinking new things, or researching something on the Internet.

Op asked, "How do we keep our lives relevant?" IMO, the answer is by ceasing to do things we've already (ahem) done to death and which have long since lost their purpose in our life. Always wanted to play piano? Take lessons or watch free YouTube how-to videos. Want to learn photography? Get a cheap point-and-shoot or a second-hand DSLR and join a local camera club. Refresh your life with newnesses, and you refresh YOU. Stagnation is a form of suicide ... it just takes a lot longer than a bullet.
 RubyWaxxx
Joined: 10/23/2010
Msg: 68
How do we deal with transition?
Posted: 10/25/2011 12:59:34 AM
thanks, all, for your wonderful advice and great poems!
Re-reading this, I think Igor got what I meant. I guess I'm talking about learning new life lessons, rather than new skills.
But his comments:

There is a dynamic in life that we all have to deal with, and that is the leading cause of 'transition confusions.' That dynamic, IS the dynamic nature of most of our lives times. As we move from childhood to adulthood, what we have to deal with accelerates tremendously. One thing after another challenges most of us: choosing a career, getting the job, finding a mate, finding ANOTHER career, raising children, finding ways to pay for them, struggling with the recognition that we can no longer think about "what we'll do and be when we grow up."
All that stuff causes MOST of us, to be living one moment to the next, one adventure to the next, one challenge to the next. That has the result of knocking most of our plans for ourselves into the waste bin, over and over again, as we put this or that off so that we can deal with the other things. By the time we get to our fifties, if not sooner, we are so far away from what we used to think our lives were for, that we have become entirely new entities.
Then something big happens. Our spouse leaves us, one way or another. the last child moves out on their own. The job we've done for many years ceases to exist. In Shrivers case, pretty much everything walks out the door at once.
What we have to do to deal with something like that is: we have to find our own foundation. We have to take what ever steps are needed to re-locate our fundamental selves. This is often called "grounding yourself" by folks who talk about such things a lot. Rediscover what you want to do, how you want to spend your time. The "bliss" pursuit is similar, with the exception that they failed to mention that before you LAUNCH towards bliss, you have to clear your launchpad, and completely separate yourself from all that stuff that took you so off course for so long. You have to fully establish where you stand before you are ready to jump anew.

This ^^ makes me think I'm on the right path to learning new life lessons and continuing to grow. Big changes are necessary, I think. Time to get out of the comfort zone...
 dmzvisitor
Joined: 3/25/2011
Msg: 69
How do we deal with transition?
Posted: 10/30/2011 10:32:02 AM
I've really enjoyed reading through this thread (and it is not years old, either!)

I've been surprised to find that my transition--from married to single--is taking so much longer than I expected (although I'm not sure I thought about it, frankly). It is not "done" the day you are granted a legal divorce by the court, as I guess I thought it would be. But "single" meant a lot more to me than just "not married/attached." It meant financially independent, my own home, etc., etc. Because I still have school aged kids, it has all been tricky and taken time. My transition is their transition, too, and of course I make sure theirs is as smooth as possible, letting my own drag out a bit more. I have delayed setting up my own home b/c we "nest," which means I'm with the kids in our previous home for about 1/2 the week. I needed to finish a certification program and get established in a new job, also, to be able to afford the kind of home I want one my own, while maintaining the previous home. I have all the pieces in place, finally, and in about another year, I'll have that home. It will have taken 3-4 years, but I know it has been best for my kids to do things this way.

I guess what I'm really trying to say is, the "transition" depends on how you define it. For me--and writing all this helped me realize it--I've been defining it as "in the home I want to be in." I've felt really unsettled lately b/c I wasn't aware I was defining it that way--and now that I realize I have been doing so, and that the delay is due to the fact that I've put my kids first, I actually feel a lot better about things.

Thanks for this thread. I don't know if I will have helped you, OP, but your question has helped me!
 Gwendolyn2010
Joined: 1/22/2006
Msg: 70
How do we deal with transition?
Posted: 10/30/2011 4:27:28 PM
My transitions are often jarring, thrusting me from one life situation to the next. It sometimes seems that they come without warning, but in reality, I often spent years thinking about the change before I made it.

I have pondered how I will shift from middle age to old age, and I think it will be an easier transition for me than shifting into middle age. I consistently seek role models, and the people whom I see as having the easiest time of it accept the aging process but do not succumb to the myths to which others have given in.

I can't retire because I will not be able to afford to do so, but that is fine. If my health holds out and if the super-volcano under Yellowstone doesn't erupt, I should be fine.

I guess the thing that I wonder about the most is whether I will "do" old age alone or with a partner.

I have also learned that any aspect of my life can change--and so, I keep an open mind.
 Natgoat
Joined: 3/24/2011
Msg: 71
How do we deal with transition?
Posted: 11/2/2011 6:43:08 AM
While my transition from married to singledom was Absolute Torture,
(Widowed - '98, 2-yrs of sobbing recovery)
it also masked the Age-boundary..!!
I didn't think that I'd spend over 10 years finding a new partner...
In my 30's...in my 1st marriage...all I ever heard from single women was ..:
"Why are all the good ones Taken..??!!"
In my 2nd marriage, I didn't even socialize with single women, but the guys I knew ...all envied me!!
I was a Great Catch....Caught!!
Now that I'm back to Square One...I can't find a Lady that'll give me the Time of Day..!!
All I get is that "You're too far Away!!" - Jazz..!!
I'm about this >*< far from going back to celebrating Birthdays, again...
and Not trying to maintain my 35-year-old perkiness..!!
 3xsacharmsotheysay
Joined: 8/12/2011
Msg: 72
How do we deal with transition?
Posted: 11/9/2011 7:45:32 AM
Jennara I too was with my ex for 30 years. I am in no way bashing him or the relationship but I am so much happier now. Yes it has been 3 years and much counseling but I see this as a new chapter and excited about the path I have found.

I say "cheers to new beginnings"
 nativerock
Joined: 10/16/2010
Msg: 73
How do we deal with transition?
Posted: 11/9/2011 8:22:19 AM

They have each other for company and support, but what about single old people? What do they do each night?
I don't want to make finding a partner my life's goal. I don't want to be relevant only as a mother or grandmother. There's got to be more to it than this...what do you think?


What do I do at night as a single person?
I go to Yoga Classes 3 -4 times a week, which makes sleep come very easily..

As for feeling relevant that really comes from within.. No grandchildren are in my future and my children are now adults... Yes I am still their mother and give them advice from time to time, but that is not what defines me as a whole?

nativerock
 LuvinBeinSingle
Joined: 10/9/2011
Msg: 74
view profile
History
How do we deal with transition?
Posted: 11/9/2011 6:01:49 PM
During my marriage of 27 yrs I never thought I would ever get divorced - and then it happened. I moved away for over a year to gather my life together and started enjoying 'me'. Throughout my marriage, I was a wife, a mother, a student, a cook, a maid, etc. When I divorced it took me a very long time to realize that it was ok to take time for myself. I use to feel guilty about taking time to sit and enjoy TV or play on the computer ... now? Its a different story. I've been out on dates, have gone the route of casual dating, but just recently realized that I may be single for the rest of my life and decided THAT is okay with me. I feel I had given my best in my marriage and now, if I happen to find someone, that would be great ... but I'm not going to be distraught if I don't have a S/O. I was blessed once and if it happens to be again ... then I'm open to it.

There is so much to do at my age that I'm excited about the possibilities!! Once I get my finances under wraps (by end of year) I want to begin looking at traveling, out of the country, within the country and just some weekend jaunts ... I deserve it - and you do too!!
 professora
Joined: 7/28/2008
Msg: 75
view profile
History
How do we deal with transition?
Posted: 11/15/2011 4:36:51 PM
OP---It's natures plan.

Eat right... avoid obesity, etc ( this leads to depression and a bad transition)

Enjoy family (if thats your thing)

Read, learn, and grow

Be sure to read Erik Erikson on lifes stages.

Fascinating!

Its never easy but its nature's plan and those of us who make the best of the journey have a better journey than those that fight it, drink, over eat, or give up :)
Show ALL Forums  > Over 45  > How do we deal with transition?