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Show ALL Forums  > Over 45  > How do we deal with transition?      Home login  
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 BarbiedollToo
Joined: 7/21/2010
Msg: 63
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How do we deal with transition?Page 4 of 4    (1, 2, 3, 4)
Some 'raw footage' of POF messaging follows. Please read and let me know what you think of the underlying question here, which is: Do people really lie about their age on POF? At what age do they do this if they do? Is it acceptable OR indicative of a LIAR? Please read on:
Thank you for your interest and inquiry.
The pic of me in black was taken last Tuesday of this week! I was then and am still 55 years old.
You seem to be preoccupied with age, but your pics are nice. I'm thinking you are older than stated.
For example, there is a man on this site who now is the same age as me. However, I have known him for a long time and know that he is actually 60+, not 55 as stated. When I asked him about it, he claimed "everybody lies about their age online." I disagree with that statement and am of the opinion that if someone lies about their age, they will lie about anything and everything.
What do you think about my 'common sense' philosophy?...SmoothJazzingSome 'raw footage' of POF messaging follows. Please read and let me know what you think of the underlying question here, which is: Do people really lie about their age on POF? At what age do they do this if they do? Is it acceptable OR indicative of a LIAR? Please read on:
Thank you for your interest and inquiry.
The pic of me in black was taken last Tuesday of this week! I was then and am still 55 years old.
You seem to be preoccupied with age, but your pics are nice. I'm thinking you are older than stated.
For example, there is a man on this site who now is the same age as me. However, I have known him for a long time and know that he is actually 60+, not 55 as stated. When I asked him about it, he claimed "everybody lies about their age online." I disagree with that statement and am of the opinion that if someone lies about their age, they will lie about anything and everything.
What do you think about my 'common sense' philosophy?...SmoothJazzing
And now, the reply:
If you met me today....you would see that I look like those pics. Minus the tan. They took off the pic where I don't have a shirt on and my body looks like when I was in my late thirties. Same 6'2" and 195 lbs. If I put down my true age....people would say those are not my pics with the tan..epecially if they have still left the one with no shirt on. Even when people see I am 57 on here, they think I am a old man sometimes because of a number.
I am honest as hell otherwise. You can have your opinion. I just saw that most actresses and a lot of the actors we see lie about their age. I don't think that one lie means they are dishonest about everything.
And now, the reply:
If you met me today....you would see that I look like those pics. Minus the tan. They took off the pic where I don't have a shirt on and my body looks like when I was in my late thirties. Same 6'2" and 195 lbs. If I put down my true age....people would say those are not my pics with the tan..epecially if they have still left the one with no shirt on. Even when people see I am 57 on here, they think I am a old man sometimes because of a number.
I am honest as hell otherwise. You can have your opinion. I just saw that most actresses and a lot of the actors we see lie about their age. I don't think that one lie means they are dishonest about everything.
 southmeetswest
Joined: 4/26/2010
Msg: 64
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How do we deal with transition?
Posted: 10/21/2011 6:40:10 PM
old age and death will just have to catch up with me, which i am sure it will! but i won't be sitting around waiting or thinking about it. stay active, practice appreciation. i have done everything late in life.....degree at 40, started painting (see photo of art on profile) at 42, started a small business at 50,
now nursing school at 60! i don't even think about age as a factor in what i do at this stage.
forget the numbers in your life, go with your hearts desire and don't let anyone or anything sway you or cast doubt on your dreams.
i realize more and more that life is truly not a dress rehearsal, it is real, it is now, and it is what we make and percieve it to be!

kaylee
 3xsacharmsotheysay
Joined: 8/12/2011
Msg: 65
How do we deal with transition?
Posted: 10/21/2011 6:58:39 PM
Just remember that we are never too old to learn and experience new things. I plan on being one of those old blue haired ladies at the gym and on the tennis court.

I also remember fondly my grandmother and all her friends sitting around a table drinking bloody mary's and playing gin....those old gals knew how to party!!!! I'm going out pickled and giggling......
 HappinessOK
Joined: 7/19/2009
Msg: 66
How do we deal with transition?
Posted: 10/24/2011 12:49:17 PM
My transistion has taken a lot longer than I ever thought it would.. I am getting a little concerned now ... nearly 30 yrs since my divorce and a few LTR's but nothing that came to fruition ..so how long is too long?? (maybe thats another Forum topic?)

My own company is getting wayy too boring even though I have a good social life!

Getting older not younger sooooo transition has taken a long time here.. :-|
 Glenoran1
Joined: 3/1/2009
Msg: 67
How do we deal with transition?
Posted: 10/24/2011 11:21:12 PM
The following are some things I remind myself about. Mostly, it started with something my mother has a habit of saying: "In my day ...". This IS STILL her day. Every day that she is here, is her day. And it's mine, too -- each and every day, no matter what age my body is.

Life is meant to be lived. If it 'passes you by' it's because you've stopped directing it and are just drifting along, letting the stream (of time) take you wherever it wants to. There's nothing wrong with 'going with the flow', but only if it's going where you want to go.

Anyway, those are some of the things I use as self-reminders. As long as we're doing something different here and there, and learning as we go along, we have a reason to stick around. Personally, regardless of the physical reason we eventually die, I think most people die of boredom (lose interest in the game). With a world full of potential, how anyone could possibly become bored and just stick with the same-old, same-old is beyond me. So long as there is health, relative comfort, mobility, intellect and sufficient money to permit it, life should be one continuous exploration and adventure, even if it's just thinking new things, or researching something on the Internet.

Op asked, "How do we keep our lives relevant?" IMO, the answer is by ceasing to do things we've already (ahem) done to death and which have long since lost their purpose in our life. Always wanted to play piano? Take lessons or watch free YouTube how-to videos. Want to learn photography? Get a cheap point-and-shoot or a second-hand DSLR and join a local camera club. Refresh your life with newnesses, and you refresh YOU. Stagnation is a form of suicide ... it just takes a lot longer than a bullet.
 RubyWaxxx
Joined: 10/23/2010
Msg: 68
How do we deal with transition?
Posted: 10/25/2011 12:59:34 AM
thanks, all, for your wonderful advice and great poems!
Re-reading this, I think Igor got what I meant. I guess I'm talking about learning new life lessons, rather than new skills.
But his comments:

There is a dynamic in life that we all have to deal with, and that is the leading cause of 'transition confusions.' That dynamic, IS the dynamic nature of most of our lives times. As we move from childhood to adulthood, what we have to deal with accelerates tremendously. One thing after another challenges most of us: choosing a career, getting the job, finding a mate, finding ANOTHER career, raising children, finding ways to pay for them, struggling with the recognition that we can no longer think about "what we'll do and be when we grow up."
All that stuff causes MOST of us, to be living one moment to the next, one adventure to the next, one challenge to the next. That has the result of knocking most of our plans for ourselves into the waste bin, over and over again, as we put this or that off so that we can deal with the other things. By the time we get to our fifties, if not sooner, we are so far away from what we used to think our lives were for, that we have become entirely new entities.
Then something big happens. Our spouse leaves us, one way or another. the last child moves out on their own. The job we've done for many years ceases to exist. In Shrivers case, pretty much everything walks out the door at once.
What we have to do to deal with something like that is: we have to find our own foundation. We have to take what ever steps are needed to re-locate our fundamental selves. This is often called "grounding yourself" by folks who talk about such things a lot. Rediscover what you want to do, how you want to spend your time. The "bliss" pursuit is similar, with the exception that they failed to mention that before you LAUNCH towards bliss, you have to clear your launchpad, and completely separate yourself from all that stuff that took you so off course for so long. You have to fully establish where you stand before you are ready to jump anew.

This ^^ makes me think I'm on the right path to learning new life lessons and continuing to grow. Big changes are necessary, I think. Time to get out of the comfort zone...
 dmzvisitor
Joined: 3/25/2011
Msg: 69
How do we deal with transition?
Posted: 10/30/2011 10:32:02 AM
I've really enjoyed reading through this thread (and it is not years old, either!)

I've been surprised to find that my transition--from married to single--is taking so much longer than I expected (although I'm not sure I thought about it, frankly). It is not "done" the day you are granted a legal divorce by the court, as I guess I thought it would be. But "single" meant a lot more to me than just "not married/attached." It meant financially independent, my own home, etc., etc. Because I still have school aged kids, it has all been tricky and taken time. My transition is their transition, too, and of course I make sure theirs is as smooth as possible, letting my own drag out a bit more. I have delayed setting up my own home b/c we "nest," which means I'm with the kids in our previous home for about 1/2 the week. I needed to finish a certification program and get established in a new job, also, to be able to afford the kind of home I want one my own, while maintaining the previous home. I have all the pieces in place, finally, and in about another year, I'll have that home. It will have taken 3-4 years, but I know it has been best for my kids to do things this way.

I guess what I'm really trying to say is, the "transition" depends on how you define it. For me--and writing all this helped me realize it--I've been defining it as "in the home I want to be in." I've felt really unsettled lately b/c I wasn't aware I was defining it that way--and now that I realize I have been doing so, and that the delay is due to the fact that I've put my kids first, I actually feel a lot better about things.

Thanks for this thread. I don't know if I will have helped you, OP, but your question has helped me!
 Gwendolyn2010
Joined: 1/22/2006
Msg: 70
How do we deal with transition?
Posted: 10/30/2011 4:27:28 PM
My transitions are often jarring, thrusting me from one life situation to the next. It sometimes seems that they come without warning, but in reality, I often spent years thinking about the change before I made it.

I have pondered how I will shift from middle age to old age, and I think it will be an easier transition for me than shifting into middle age. I consistently seek role models, and the people whom I see as having the easiest time of it accept the aging process but do not succumb to the myths to which others have given in.

I can't retire because I will not be able to afford to do so, but that is fine. If my health holds out and if the super-volcano under Yellowstone doesn't erupt, I should be fine.

I guess the thing that I wonder about the most is whether I will "do" old age alone or with a partner.

I have also learned that any aspect of my life can change--and so, I keep an open mind.
 Natgoat
Joined: 3/24/2011
Msg: 71
How do we deal with transition?
Posted: 11/2/2011 6:43:08 AM
While my transition from married to singledom was Absolute Torture,
(Widowed - '98, 2-yrs of sobbing recovery)
it also masked the Age-boundary..!!
I didn't think that I'd spend over 10 years finding a new partner...
In my 30's...in my 1st marriage...all I ever heard from single women was ..:
"Why are all the good ones Taken..??!!"
In my 2nd marriage, I didn't even socialize with single women, but the guys I knew ...all envied me!!
I was a Great Catch....Caught!!
Now that I'm back to Square One...I can't find a Lady that'll give me the Time of Day..!!
All I get is that "You're too far Away!!" - Jazz..!!
I'm about this >*< far from going back to celebrating Birthdays, again...
and Not trying to maintain my 35-year-old perkiness..!!
 3xsacharmsotheysay
Joined: 8/12/2011
Msg: 72
How do we deal with transition?
Posted: 11/9/2011 7:45:32 AM
Jennara I too was with my ex for 30 years. I am in no way bashing him or the relationship but I am so much happier now. Yes it has been 3 years and much counseling but I see this as a new chapter and excited about the path I have found.

I say "cheers to new beginnings"
 nativerock
Joined: 10/16/2010
Msg: 73
How do we deal with transition?
Posted: 11/9/2011 8:22:19 AM

They have each other for company and support, but what about single old people? What do they do each night?
I don't want to make finding a partner my life's goal. I don't want to be relevant only as a mother or grandmother. There's got to be more to it than this...what do you think?


What do I do at night as a single person?
I go to Yoga Classes 3 -4 times a week, which makes sleep come very easily..

As for feeling relevant that really comes from within.. No grandchildren are in my future and my children are now adults... Yes I am still their mother and give them advice from time to time, but that is not what defines me as a whole?

nativerock
 LuvinBeinSingle
Joined: 10/9/2011
Msg: 74
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How do we deal with transition?
Posted: 11/9/2011 6:01:49 PM
During my marriage of 27 yrs I never thought I would ever get divorced - and then it happened. I moved away for over a year to gather my life together and started enjoying 'me'. Throughout my marriage, I was a wife, a mother, a student, a cook, a maid, etc. When I divorced it took me a very long time to realize that it was ok to take time for myself. I use to feel guilty about taking time to sit and enjoy TV or play on the computer ... now? Its a different story. I've been out on dates, have gone the route of casual dating, but just recently realized that I may be single for the rest of my life and decided THAT is okay with me. I feel I had given my best in my marriage and now, if I happen to find someone, that would be great ... but I'm not going to be distraught if I don't have a S/O. I was blessed once and if it happens to be again ... then I'm open to it.

There is so much to do at my age that I'm excited about the possibilities!! Once I get my finances under wraps (by end of year) I want to begin looking at traveling, out of the country, within the country and just some weekend jaunts ... I deserve it - and you do too!!
 professora
Joined: 7/28/2008
Msg: 75
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How do we deal with transition?
Posted: 11/15/2011 4:36:51 PM
OP---It's natures plan.

Eat right... avoid obesity, etc ( this leads to depression and a bad transition)

Enjoy family (if thats your thing)

Read, learn, and grow

Be sure to read Erik Erikson on lifes stages.

Fascinating!

Its never easy but its nature's plan and those of us who make the best of the journey have a better journey than those that fight it, drink, over eat, or give up :)
 GooFish
Joined: 9/15/2011
Msg: 76
How do we deal with transition?
Posted: 11/16/2011 1:21:36 AM
Very simple. Find a transition person.
 Rythmn
Joined: 1/21/2006
Msg: 77
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How do we deal with transition?
Posted: 11/16/2011 6:13:17 PM
how? one day at a time. without the concept of "ass u me" and riding the waves. some days the tide is up. other days it is down. when it is down, remember it will go up. so.....learn to surf and keep your balance. balance in all things.

see the half full cup and not just what has been emptied. you don't have to fill it right away. think espresso!

if all else fails, go for cognitive therapy and reframing your perspective on life or paradigm revolving around the word "relationship". always get to know what love is to you and what it is to others. it is not just a feeling (in my opinion). get involved in community and get in touch with nature.

it all passes......
 Natgoat
Joined: 3/24/2011
Msg: 78
How do we deal with transition?
Posted: 11/21/2011 10:12:23 PM
My ~Transition~ was from Husband to Widower....
It took over 2 Very L o n g years to even Begin to look for a new partner, again...
Now....10+ years later....I've lost many of my 'social skills', so I'm nearly back to my
self-deprocating, shy, wall-flower-stage...!!
I'm making the effort.... ...but so far... ...there are a few 'stumbling blocks' that keep getting in the way.
Plus...the general 'Wariness' of women, today, that prevents them from giving a decent chance
to a decent guy..!!
 HeresL00kingAtYou
Joined: 8/20/2009
Msg: 79
How do we deal with transition?
Posted: 11/22/2011 2:52:22 AM
Rather than when is old age, what is old age? Old age is when you give up feeling youthful. It's when you give up. I know youthful people in their 80's. They don't fear tomorrow of even death because they are too happy to be concerned with negatives. You can be as happy as you choose to be. If you're happy you will appear appealing to someone. If you're unhappy people won't want to be around. Be a Tigger. Don't be an Eeyore.
 professora
Joined: 7/28/2008
Msg: 80
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transition? like heart break?
Posted: 1/9/2014 9:15:37 PM
I thought I was smart enough not to lose myself, to remain my own person. I have education, good health and energy but I was fooled and being part of a couple will not come easy again. The more relaxed we are in love, the easier it is for someone to hurt us.

There is enough happiness with family, work and friends to live a healthy live.

I need to reflect and be more cautious. It is too easy to want love and want to give love -----> then have it turn ugly.

Frankly, I thought age would be a protective factor.... surprise.......(:
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