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 karma1160
Joined: 6/10/2008
Msg: 26
Am I over reacting?Page 2 of 4    (1, 2, 3, 4)
Well the birthday thing would have gotten my nose a little out of joint, dinner would have been nice, but 3 month aniversaries honey, if you want a man to be that romantic you are going to have to go older.
 Kitten189
Joined: 5/25/2011
Msg: 27
Am I over reacting?
Posted: 6/7/2011 12:59:24 AM
"Anniversary"?
What anniversary?
You've only been together for three months

As for your birthday................did he even know it was your birthday?
I doubt he'd come up with a present NOW.
I mean,what on earth for? That day's been and gone.
Sounds like you ought to be working more on your communication skills NOW so you'll get a christmas present
 I-am-Rei
Joined: 9/11/2009
Msg: 28
Am I over reacting?
Posted: 6/7/2011 2:53:45 AM
Why is it that a partner should be obliged to treat or plan their partner's birthday? Is it the norm? Why is it so?

IMO, if it is my birthday then I'm the one responsible to arrange a thanksgiving for myself and invites my friends and love ones to celebrate with me. If I don't have plans and my friends or partner do it for me it is alright but it won't raise a hair from me if they don't.

With regards to "monthsary" I guess some young ones are really into it. If you want him to be in the same page how about giving him a present on your monthsary to set a trend with him and that way it will let him know that it is important to you. Sometimes one should learn the act of giving not just receiving.
 femaleconnection
Joined: 8/12/2010
Msg: 29
Am I over reacting?
Posted: 6/7/2011 3:20:29 AM
Birthdays...people typically invite people over/out to celebreate birthdays...did you invite him to do something to celebrate and did he know in advance it was a birthday celebration? Being a new relationship he may have assumed you have family traditions that he is NT ready yet to be a part of. He may have felt uncomfortable around your birthday being such a new relationship.He could have at least said Happy Birthday though.

These issues can be easily discussed if you are not passive agressive.

You have not had an anniversary of any type.

You are over reacting, as you have not discussed anything with him but are allowing your emotions to control you.
 majyk1
Joined: 4/26/2009
Msg: 30
Am I over reacting?
Posted: 6/7/2011 5:00:03 AM

Am I over reacting?

Yes!! Again... you have NOT had an anniversary! Sounds like you have a need for someone to express how "in love" they are with you. That seems very immature on your part.

As far as your birthday, Geez get a grip! It's still a new relationship. Maybe the guy just doesn't see birthdays as a big deal. I mean he DID tell you happy birthday...right. What, you want him to run out and buy you a house? You have no right to EXPECT anything, especially if this guy has no idea what you expect. Did you bother to communicate to him how 'important' it was to you? I doubt it.
 JerseyGirl2008
Joined: 12/27/2007
Msg: 31
Am I over reacting?
Posted: 6/7/2011 5:13:30 AM
The anniversary stuff is silly and juvenile.

However, he could have at LEAST gotten you a card or taken you to a simple dinner for your birthday, so he gets demerits for that.
 AquanGold
Joined: 11/22/2010
Msg: 32
Am I over reacting?
Posted: 6/7/2011 5:33:11 AM
Op,
I`d say your BF is disrespecting you! He`s taking you for granted and thats not good! He`s selfish and not what i would call BF material.
For a man, not to be able to purchase a $2.00 B-day card is there anything left to say or believe?!
What type of a cheapskate is he? Does he make you pay for your own meal,movie or drink?
You`re being used, nothing more..You have to realize he`s taking full ladvantage of you and your feelings...
Your best bet is to get the heck away from this person. Stop abusing yourself..
 motown cowgirl
Joined: 6/30/2010
Msg: 33
Am I over reacting?
Posted: 6/7/2011 5:40:00 AM
paging princess jenni!!...
paging princess jenni!!...
attention!! your lost tiara has been located!!

you've got quite the expectations after only three months. i can't wait to see your unwritten rules and method of keeping score after six months, assuming you make it that far. do check in....
 OutMind
Joined: 2/13/2007
Msg: 34
Am I over reacting?
Posted: 6/7/2011 7:04:18 AM

"Thank you. Should I tell him that I've been patient and gave him some time to come up with something?"


I find this to be the preamble to emotional manipulation. Three months is nothing. Three months means, it could end next month, or it could move to the next stage. Soon, you are going to start demanding a bigger emotional commitment out of the guy and for him to say the L word give him some other form of ultimatum.

All this anniversary have relevance only after as the word means "anni" meaning year, "versary" celebration. It's not an monthyversary or an hourversary.
 DrummingNut
Joined: 4/26/2010
Msg: 35
Am I over reacting?
Posted: 6/7/2011 9:21:47 AM
I was wondering the same thing, Procol.
What did SHE do/give for the anniversary(s) that she thought were important?

Just sit there and wait/hope for him to do something?
Major sense of entitlement!


OP, a relationship is BOTH people smiling, BOTH people giving, BOTH people talking, BOTH people sharing. BOTH people enjoying. BOTH people helping the other out. BOTH people not holding grudges or playing stupid games against the other.

You two don't have that going on. And I don't mean just the anniversary/birthday thing.

And I also agree with those that say it's real silly .. the 3 month thing.

Now, the birthday issue.
In my old age (lol) I've come to the sure knowledge that in general birthdays mean something different to (most)men than they do to (most)women.

This is a bit of a joke but also a bit of a truth:
A lot of men think "oops, I have to get something for her birthday" and a lot of women think "oh, I want to get him something for his birthday".
Neither loves the other less, by the way.

Also, bear in mind, (as others have pointed out), different upbringings have taught everyone different ways to 'handle' birthdays.

Now in your case .. you have expectations and you should be open and honest about them.
NOT hold grudges after the fact for something he probably had no idea about.
 carolann0308
Joined: 12/9/2006
Msg: 36
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History
Am I over reacting?
Posted: 6/7/2011 9:55:20 AM

An anniversary is a day that commemorates and/or celebrates a past event that occurred on the same day of the year as the initial event


You've never had an 'anniversary' so get off the poor kids back. Forgetting or not knowing your birthday when you are dating??? That sucks. Of course he may not be aware that you two are already bonded for life.
 scottey63
Joined: 3/8/2008
Msg: 37
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History
Am I over reacting?
Posted: 6/7/2011 10:30:41 AM
My gosh, it's all about you, isn't it?

I believe the root word for "Anniversary" is "annum", which means a year. You have not had an anniversary yet. Three months is not an anniversary. So yes, you are overreacting about that.

However, letting your birthday pass without more than a verbal greeting means your boyfriend may be clueless about observing them. Some people go their entire lives simply not doing it.

It may also be that he isn't invested enough emotionally in your relationship yet to think that after three months, nothing more than a verbal greeting is warranted. I would think a card and/or some token gift would be appropriate , but he evidently doesn't think so.
 Janet_Always
Joined: 12/7/2010
Msg: 38
Am I over reacting?
Posted: 6/7/2011 11:27:27 AM
Come to think of it, I don't think I ever remembered anniversaries regarding dating? Not sure I would have known what date even. Is that common? Anniversary as a couple meant as in married. (to me)
 abelian
Joined: 1/12/2008
Msg: 39
Am I over reacting?
Posted: 6/7/2011 11:39:35 AM

Come to think of it, I don't think I ever remembered anniversaries regarding dating? Not sure I would have known what date even. Is that common?

I don't know if it's common, but I do know that women seem to appreciate that I remember those things. Perhaps the reason they do is because it isn't common.
 Gashlycrumb_Briny
Joined: 9/26/2010
Msg: 40
Am I over reacting?
Posted: 6/7/2011 12:29:15 PM
It's the one-day 'anniversary' of the posting of this thread! Where's the cake?
 I-am-Rei
Joined: 9/11/2009
Msg: 41
Am I over reacting?
Posted: 6/7/2011 3:54:31 PM
I think people comes up with monthly anniversaries so they will be able to celebrate something because some relationships no longer last more than a year

 Bookbelle
Joined: 10/24/2008
Msg: 42
view profile
History
Am I over reacting?
Posted: 6/7/2011 4:28:21 PM
Like everyone else has said, 3 months is not an "anniversary".

With regards to your birthday... did he *know* it was your birthday?
Also, what did *you* do about your birthday, OP? When it's my birthday, I generally organise something and invite my friends/family etc. Did you sit around on your birthday waiting for people to suddenly arrive with a cake singing "happy birthday", or jump out from behind the furniture as a surprise party? Did you drop hints for weeks in advance, or point to the date on the calendar circled in red pen?
If he did know it was your birthday, then yes, he should have at least said "happy birthday", or got a card or something.
 LiebeJenni
Joined: 3/29/2010
Msg: 43
Am I over reacting?
Posted: 6/7/2011 5:05:25 PM
Okay, I did have plans for my birthday. I was going to a lounge with friends and he was invited and made an excuse not to come. It's not that I expect something on our 'anniversaries' it's just that I do everything for him and on my birthday, I figured he'd show some appreciation.

I've always paid my way, and more than half the time paid for him as well, he's never 'paid me back'. I always pick him up to go out, he doesn't have a vehicle. I feel like he's taking advantage of me, and I figured after all I've done for him these past months he could at least throw something together for my birthday.
 LiebeJenni
Joined: 3/29/2010
Msg: 44
Am I over reacting?
Posted: 6/7/2011 5:09:57 PM
Thank you.

Honestly, I wouldn't have been upset if he showed me appreciation. After all I do for him, he treated it like a normal day. Speaks volumes how he feels about me, doesn't it?
 UglyFroggieCritter
Joined: 8/21/2010
Msg: 45
Am I over reacting?
Posted: 6/7/2011 5:22:49 PM
Sure does. Fine someone more in tune with how you wish to be treated.

And make sure he's aware of your neediness towards monthly anniversaries. It'll make him feel young again (you know, like in elementary school?).

Good luck

 PittsburghVixen
Joined: 6/27/2009
Msg: 46
Am I over reacting?
Posted: 6/7/2011 5:30:18 PM

Okay, I did have plans for my birthday. I was going to a lounge with friends and he was invited and made an excuse not to come. It's not that I expect something on our 'anniversaries' it's just that I do everything for him and on my birthday, I figured he'd show some appreciation.

I've always paid my way, and more than half the time paid for him as well, he's never 'paid me back'. I always pick him up to go out, he doesn't have a vehicle. I feel like he's taking advantage of me, and I figured after all I've done for him these past months he could at least throw something together for my birthday.

Honestly, I wouldn't have been upset if he showed me appreciation. After all I do for him, he treated it like a normal day. Speaks volumes how he feels about me, doesn't it?


And there you have it, OP. You recognized that he can't or won't give you back what you need and want. Time to move on - this guy's not the one for you.
 majyk1
Joined: 4/26/2009
Msg: 47
Am I over reacting?
Posted: 6/7/2011 6:32:50 PM
You had plans for your b-day and he didn't want to tag along.. and? Maybe he's not comfortable around YOUR friends. Maybe he had the impression you didn't really want him to go... who knows.

It's not that I expect something on our 'anniversaries

We've already covered this... You haven't had any anniversaries!!


I do everything for him and on my birthday

Why would someone...anyone do this? That makes no sense to me, please explain.

I figured he'd show some appreciation.

Show appreciation for you paying for the plans that YOU made for your own birthday? I don't get that either.


I've always paid my way, and more than half the time paid for him as well, he's never 'paid me back'. I always pick him up to go out, he doesn't have a vehicle. I feel like he's taking advantage of me, and I figured after all I've done for him these past months he could at least throw something together for my birthday.

So what you're saying is that in order for a relationship to work for YOU, you need to keep score? You put yourself in the position of paying for things and driving him around, if you feel he's taking advantage of you then blame YOURSELF.

This seems to have nothing to do with your birthday but more like your pissed for not being the center of his world after you have 'invested' so much into him.
Does he even know what expectations you have?? Just sayin....
 Laha Math
Joined: 7/15/2010
Msg: 48
Am I over reacting?
Posted: 6/7/2011 7:20:34 PM
Three months and he's missed all your anniversaries, plural? No, you're not over reacting. You're just expecting 'way too much. As has been pointed out anniversaries are annual. I'd ditch the subscriptions to whatever womens' magazines you've been reading and fantasizing about. Get real.
Have you by any chance been analyzing this relationship with your best friends? If so that's not very exclusive is it? Sharing him with your friends like that. Let them find some other form of entertainment.
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 49
Am I over reacting?
Posted: 6/7/2011 7:56:01 PM
I think the guy is smart by "forgetting" your birthday and all of your anniversaries. You're expecting to be showered with gifts all the time and by the sounds of it, you wouldn't be satisfied with an "average" gift. You would only settle for the Hope diamond or some other ultra expensive gift and dinner at the finest and most expensive restaurant in town. If he attempted to wine and dine you and get you a gift he could afford, you would be here posting a whine about how cheap he is and you are worth more than what he could afford. I think you need to put your tiara where the light don't shine.
 Janet_Always
Joined: 12/7/2010
Msg: 50
Am I over reacting?
Posted: 6/7/2011 8:25:14 PM

and I figured after all I've done for him

This makes my skin crawl. I've had instances when people have done things for me with an agenda but I didn't find out about that part until later.

OP, you didn't do anything for this guy if you were expecting some kind of pay off. You did it for yourself. Like everything else you've posted it kind of points to you're being self-centered.
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