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Joined: 4/21/2011
Msg: 1
Dont understand Guys!!Page 2 of 3    (1, 2, 3)
I talked to this guy from here for awhile and then we finally met up. we went for a walk on the pier everything seemed great we had great conversation sat at the end of the pier for a while (his idea) when we got back to my car he gave me a hug and we talked for a bit longer he told me we could talk later that night if i was interested and i said sure.. never heard from him again.. why do that? Why spend all this time talking if its not someone you are intersted in. why not just say ya know you really arent my type why waste someones time!!especially when we had talked about if we werent intersted we could just tell each other? does any one have any answers for me on this!!
Joined: 12/9/2009
Msg: 2
Dont understand Guys!!
Posted: 6/11/2011 4:29:48 PM
Some guys just can't bring themselves to tell a girl they are not interested. Most of us don't have much practice doing that. As said above if you needed clarification you should have phoned him otherwise let it go.
Joined: 8/1/2008
Msg: 3
Dont understand Guys!!
Posted: 6/11/2011 4:56:51 PM
It's not polite to dump someone during a date. Because of this, most people get dumped after the date. So, you are experiencing the same things everyone experiences. If you think about it, would you really want someone to dump you public and just walk away?

Unfortunately, dating is a rough and tumble game. Don't worry, there is also good things that happen on dates too.
 Laha Math
Joined: 7/15/2010
Msg: 4
Dont understand Guys!!
Posted: 6/11/2011 5:37:26 PM
You're asking the wrong people. Sure, people will jump in with imagined reasons but we just don't know. The only one who knows, maybe, is the one you dated.

Just because you don't understand this one date, and not the guy himself, doesn't mean you "don't understand guys". That's an invalid generalization.
Joined: 9/13/2008
Msg: 5
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Dont understand Guys!!
Posted: 6/11/2011 6:35:39 PM
Better by far to find out early someone is not right for you. If this is the case it will only get worse after 12 years of matrimony, believe me, I speak from experience.
Joined: 7/26/2007
Msg: 6
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Dont understand Guys!!
Posted: 6/11/2011 6:51:09 PM
Many answers thus for you OP, one of which hit it on the head but you won't ever really know...even if he "tells" you later.

My guesstimates:

1. Has an SO and now feels guilty for "being" with you
2. Just wanted some attention
3. No "chemistry"
4. ______________ (fill-in-the-blank) with any excuse known to man.

Sorry you seem a bit miffed, but get used to it. Like other posters said, women do this too and it IS internet dating tangled with unpredictable human behavior...

Call back yourself...see what happens...make your decision.
Joined: 6/29/2009
Msg: 7
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Dont understand Guys!!
Posted: 6/11/2011 9:10:56 PM
I'm a little confused about one thing. It seems to me, that we have to spend time with each other as a WAY to find out if we are interested. Your question appears to suggest that you think that a guy can decide BEFORE getting to know you, that he wants to spend time with you.

As for this small event itself, my guess is just that at the time, he felt good about the pier walk and talk, and later he changed his mind.
Joined: 2/10/2010
Msg: 8
Dont understand Guys!!
Posted: 6/12/2011 11:26:19 AM
never heard from him again.. why do that? Why spend all this time talking if its not someone you are intersted in. why not just say ya know you really arent my type

Being an imperfect human being, he may have just been somewhat ambivalent about you..
Or a lonely guy with few other options at THAT time..

Maybe he has since found someone NEW and more EXCITING to him !
Joined: 3/8/2008
Msg: 9
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Dont understand Girls!!
Posted: 6/12/2011 12:07:18 PM
Hardly the exclusive province of men, I think.
Joined: 1/23/2005
Msg: 10
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Dont understand Guys!!
Posted: 6/12/2011 12:24:00 PM
Read the book He's Just Not That Into You. It will open your eyes, do not call him, if he was interested, he would call you and try to make a date that night.
Just move along, plenty of fish in the sea and you are worth a good man, not someone who cannot tell you to your face that you are not his type.
Joined: 4/26/2009
Msg: 11
Dont understand Guys!!
Posted: 6/13/2011 2:56:16 AM

he told me we could talk later that night if i was interested and i said sure.

If this is what you said, it didn't sound like you were really interested any way.
If you were, why not just call him, he left the door open for you with his comment.
Joined: 3/28/2007
Msg: 12
Dont understand Guys!!
Posted: 6/14/2011 11:03:22 PM

all the bullsh!t aside... i'm a guy and have this problem all the time after the infamous first meetings.

but if i got on here and wrote a thread about it everytime it happened all the threads would be deleted as soon as they were written by the moderator's and the other poster's on here would be telling me to grow up and suck it up on top of that as they do with most other guy's who'll complain of the same issue..

Agreed ^^^

Maybe the dude has been miffed by quite a few women as well and you was his "getting even with all the women that did it to me".

Just think about the ride back to your place (if you rode together to the place). If he said he wasn't interested. Or what if you had no money for a cab and ended up having to walk home, again if you rode together. Talk about a whine fest from a OP if he/she had to end up walking home or paying for a cab/bus/metro etc, because the date wasn't interested and just left them.

Just some food for thought. So yeah he was obviously not interested and a phone call/email since you two met on here, from you would have cleared it all up...

Best of luck to everyone
Joined: 2/10/2010
Msg: 14
Dont understand Guys!!
Posted: 6/15/2011 1:38:54 PM
On a more serious note, there just doesn't seem to be a "rule book". We confuse the guys I am sure as much, if not more, than they confuse us.

Now one is in the works..
"Guys 'Official Date' Rules" including much wisdom gleaned from pondering curious Forumites actions and seeming expectations..

First chapter will be devoted to dashing the expectation that anyone's behavior in RL will match up to anyone else's expectations of logical rational thinking/communicating..

Part of the reason that Finding and Maintaining a long-term SO relationship IS
the second greatest challenge in life for most..
It REQUIRES giving up about 50% control/expectations to another imperfect/sometimes irrationally acting human being like yourself... S
Joined: 2/10/2010
Msg: 15
Dont understand Guys!!
Posted: 6/16/2011 7:14:14 AM
I was supposed to meet a guy yesterday that said he was a police officer and he lied to me about things for sure and I think being a police officer is one of the lies...

Remember, most REAL police or government agents, are NOT going to broadcast that fact online
especially in their local area..
There may be a few felons out there they put in jail that may still be holding a grudge..
And they don't want to be thought of or used as an always on-call security agency..
Joined: 5/4/2010
Msg: 16
Dont understand Guys!!
Posted: 6/16/2011 7:35:59 PM
Sounds like this guy got dumped and was looking for attention, but wasn't interested in dating you.
Joined: 2/7/2009
Msg: 17
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Dont understand Guys!!
Posted: 6/18/2011 6:31:31 PM
It quickly showed you that he was not a man of his word and due to that it turned out to be to your benefit!
Joined: 4/22/2011
Msg: 18
Dont understand Guys!!
Posted: 6/18/2011 7:22:20 PM
Christ there is no winning with women. If he saw you and was not attracted and told you, you would call us shallow. But he stays and has a conversation like a stand up guy and you get angry that he does call later. He was being polite. At least men are generally easy to understand. Women freaking nuts
Joined: 3/29/2010
Msg: 19
Dont understand Guys!!
Posted: 6/19/2011 12:13:15 AM
he liked you at first , talking to you for a while, etc on here...

then he cuts the date short?

sounds like he wasn't as attracted to you as he wished...

so he did what he had to to get out of there...
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 20
Dont understand Guys!!
Posted: 6/19/2011 11:44:39 AM
The point of talking and meeting is to determine whether someone is a match for you. Therefore someone is until you realize they aren't and vice versa. At that point you (or they) will want to move on.

Granted, some people might want to be more tactful and tell you they're moving on based on something they learned - but that leads to being asked why, and it's not fair to get that question or have to deal with a conversation based on it you can't win with, so I can see why people avoid the conversation.

At the same time dating (online especially) isn't like it used to be - you're meeting a lot more people who aren't tied to your social circle - so they don't necessarily feel obligated to tell you anything once they've made a decision. The best thing to do is to realize this can happen, and probably will often - and let it roll off.

If you like them, the best you can do is let them know right then, or in a phone call afterwards that you want to meet with them again, and move on. If they call again, great. If they don't, you haven't spent a lot of time thinking about it.
Joined: 7/26/2010
Msg: 21
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Dont understand Guys!!
Posted: 6/19/2011 3:25:03 PM
janwb comes as close as any of the comments as to explaining why guys never get back to someone after what appeared to be a great date.

I think that "nice guys" may be especially guilty of this. I'm one of those. Often we'll go out on a date with someone whose just fine as a person. But there just isn't that chemistry that really makes a guy want to move to the next level. Sometimes this happens on subsequent dates.

We nice guy cowards just don't know what to say. We hate it when we're rejected. It's even worse when we're rejected after someone desirable gets our hopes up. Thus, the last thing we want to do is hurt the feelings of another nice person who has great expectations for us. So instead we cowardly shirk away to avoid the emotional pain of delivering the bad news. I think its easier for oncologists to tell patients they have cancer than for us to tell someone they don't meet our expectations.

Unfortunately, we don't realize that its much kinder and less hurtful to disclose that the relationship will not continue, than to leave someone wondering, frustrated, and ultimately hurt by our disappearing act.

Will I follow my own advice and not be a coward? I'm not sure.
Joined: 8/15/2009
Msg: 22
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Dont understand Guys!!
Posted: 6/21/2011 1:36:25 PM
This definitely isn't a gender thing.

why do that?

The only misstep I see in what he has done is offer to call later. But that can easily put lumped in with the idea that he was having a good time in the moment but after he got home and thought about it he decided that he really wasn't interested and didn't want to lead you on by calling.

Why spend all this time talking if its not someone you are intersted in

How do you know if you are interested in someone if you don't spend time talking to them? Even if you are interested in that phase of things you can't really determine the level of interest until you meet in person. He lost interest then. There is no way he could have known prior to meeting in person what his level of interest would be.

why not just say ya know you really arent my type why waste someones time!

I'm going to make an assumption here that you are talking about the first meeting and why he didn't say so right when you met face to face instead of carrying on with the date? How could he know the moment he saw you what his level of interest might be? I mean, obviously he was interested in the person he had been getting to know and regardless of his initial impression he likely wanted to reconcile the mental image he had of you with the actual physical presence of you. So either he was interested but something during the date turned that off or he wasn't interested the moment he saw you but decided to carry on with the meeting to see if your personality could outweigh his disinterest. How is spending the evening in an enjoyable manner with another human being a waste of time? Did you have something better to do? How was your time wasted? Did you sit by the phone and do nothing else waiting on him to call? That would be a waste of time but it would be you wasting your time.

especially when we had talked about if we werent intersted we could just tell each other?

Why would this even be necessary? If either of you weren't interested then there would be no further communication. That *is* what disinterested people do. I bet if you hadn't been interested in him you would have been thankful that he never called again. The thing that really sticks out is that your level of interest must not have been that high because if it was - you wouldn't have been waiting passively for him to call, you would've called him to see what's up.

does any one have any answers for me on this!!

How about a suggestion. Don't invest yourself to the point of this much angst in a person that is by all definitions a complete stranger. Don't take anyone seriously as a potential until you have went out 3 or more times and they remain consistent throughout. Expect that when you go on a date that you will have a good time, that it will be fun and enjoyable but will likely be the last time you see that person. Expect that if someone isn't interested that they will cease all communication and don't take it personally.
Joined: 4/17/2008
Msg: 23
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Dont understand Guys!!
Posted: 7/2/2011 2:39:50 AM
Shoot, I don't understand women. Never
Joined: 3/22/2008
Msg: 24
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Dont understand Guys!!
Posted: 7/24/2011 4:08:59 PM
First, let me point out that it is not "guys" you don't understand... there is just this one guy you don't know what to make of!

For all you know, he is wondering why you haven't called him... after all you had a nice meeting, great conversation, he brought up the idea of you talking later... you said you wanted to... and you never called him.

Or perhaps he wasn't interested or lost interest and thought he was being a gentleman by not confronting you with his lack of interest... sparing your feelings or being a chicken... who can say?

We can all guess, assume, contemplate... but the only one who knows is the young man... call or e-mail him.

If not, move on... with the knowledge that while you didn't understand that one guy, perhaps you will do better with the next guy... for each "guy" is unique.

Good luck!
Joined: 4/26/2009
Msg: 25
Dont understand Guys!!
Posted: 7/27/2011 3:58:56 AM

Men can be real dirt bags and most likely on the free site that is what you will meet

Most are players and hide their identity totally or they expect you to be the desert when they buy you dinner

Wow, someone is a bit bitter!
If you really feel that way why be here? Oh ya....It's free for you too.
Women do the same damn thing, that doesn't make us ALL 'dirt bags'.

All we women want is honesty its pretty simple

I find this funny as hell.... with as bitter as you are, I'm pretty sure you would have a problem with 'true' honesty. Most people CLAIM they want honesty but in truth can't really handle it at all.
IE: YOU: "Why didn't you call"?
HIM: "Because I didn't want to"
YOU: "Well, that was rude"
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