Notice: Forums will be shutdown by June 2019

To focus on better serving our members, we've decided to shut down the POF forums.

While regular posting is now disabled, you can continue to view all threads until the end of June 2019. Event Hosts can still create and promote events while we work on a new and improved event creation service for you.

Thank you!

Plentyoffish dating forums are a place to meet singles and get dating advice or share dating experiences etc. Hopefully you will all have fun meeting singles and try out this online dating thing... Remember that we are the largest free online dating service, so you will never have to pay a dime to meet your soulmate.
Show ALL Forums  > Dating Experiences  > Dont understand Guys!!      Home login  
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 21
Dont understand Guys!!Page 3 of 3    (1, 2, 3)
The point of talking and meeting is to determine whether someone is a match for you. Therefore someone is until you realize they aren't and vice versa. At that point you (or they) will want to move on.

Granted, some people might want to be more tactful and tell you they're moving on based on something they learned - but that leads to being asked why, and it's not fair to get that question or have to deal with a conversation based on it you can't win with, so I can see why people avoid the conversation.

At the same time dating (online especially) isn't like it used to be - you're meeting a lot more people who aren't tied to your social circle - so they don't necessarily feel obligated to tell you anything once they've made a decision. The best thing to do is to realize this can happen, and probably will often - and let it roll off.

If you like them, the best you can do is let them know right then, or in a phone call afterwards that you want to meet with them again, and move on. If they call again, great. If they don't, you haven't spent a lot of time thinking about it.
Joined: 7/26/2010
Msg: 22
view profile
Dont understand Guys!!
Posted: 6/19/2011 3:25:03 PM
janwb comes as close as any of the comments as to explaining why guys never get back to someone after what appeared to be a great date.

I think that "nice guys" may be especially guilty of this. I'm one of those. Often we'll go out on a date with someone whose just fine as a person. But there just isn't that chemistry that really makes a guy want to move to the next level. Sometimes this happens on subsequent dates.

We nice guy cowards just don't know what to say. We hate it when we're rejected. It's even worse when we're rejected after someone desirable gets our hopes up. Thus, the last thing we want to do is hurt the feelings of another nice person who has great expectations for us. So instead we cowardly shirk away to avoid the emotional pain of delivering the bad news. I think its easier for oncologists to tell patients they have cancer than for us to tell someone they don't meet our expectations.

Unfortunately, we don't realize that its much kinder and less hurtful to disclose that the relationship will not continue, than to leave someone wondering, frustrated, and ultimately hurt by our disappearing act.

Will I follow my own advice and not be a coward? I'm not sure.
Joined: 8/15/2009
Msg: 23
view profile
Dont understand Guys!!
Posted: 6/21/2011 1:36:25 PM
This definitely isn't a gender thing.

why do that?

The only misstep I see in what he has done is offer to call later. But that can easily put lumped in with the idea that he was having a good time in the moment but after he got home and thought about it he decided that he really wasn't interested and didn't want to lead you on by calling.

Why spend all this time talking if its not someone you are intersted in

How do you know if you are interested in someone if you don't spend time talking to them? Even if you are interested in that phase of things you can't really determine the level of interest until you meet in person. He lost interest then. There is no way he could have known prior to meeting in person what his level of interest would be.

why not just say ya know you really arent my type why waste someones time!

I'm going to make an assumption here that you are talking about the first meeting and why he didn't say so right when you met face to face instead of carrying on with the date? How could he know the moment he saw you what his level of interest might be? I mean, obviously he was interested in the person he had been getting to know and regardless of his initial impression he likely wanted to reconcile the mental image he had of you with the actual physical presence of you. So either he was interested but something during the date turned that off or he wasn't interested the moment he saw you but decided to carry on with the meeting to see if your personality could outweigh his disinterest. How is spending the evening in an enjoyable manner with another human being a waste of time? Did you have something better to do? How was your time wasted? Did you sit by the phone and do nothing else waiting on him to call? That would be a waste of time but it would be you wasting your time.

especially when we had talked about if we werent intersted we could just tell each other?

Why would this even be necessary? If either of you weren't interested then there would be no further communication. That *is* what disinterested people do. I bet if you hadn't been interested in him you would have been thankful that he never called again. The thing that really sticks out is that your level of interest must not have been that high because if it was - you wouldn't have been waiting passively for him to call, you would've called him to see what's up.

does any one have any answers for me on this!!

How about a suggestion. Don't invest yourself to the point of this much angst in a person that is by all definitions a complete stranger. Don't take anyone seriously as a potential until you have went out 3 or more times and they remain consistent throughout. Expect that when you go on a date that you will have a good time, that it will be fun and enjoyable but will likely be the last time you see that person. Expect that if someone isn't interested that they will cease all communication and don't take it personally.
Joined: 4/17/2008
Msg: 24
view profile
Dont understand Guys!!
Posted: 7/2/2011 2:39:50 AM
Shoot, I don't understand women. Never
Joined: 3/22/2008
Msg: 25
view profile
Dont understand Guys!!
Posted: 7/24/2011 4:08:59 PM
First, let me point out that it is not "guys" you don't understand... there is just this one guy you don't know what to make of!

For all you know, he is wondering why you haven't called him... after all you had a nice meeting, great conversation, he brought up the idea of you talking later... you said you wanted to... and you never called him.

Or perhaps he wasn't interested or lost interest and thought he was being a gentleman by not confronting you with his lack of interest... sparing your feelings or being a chicken... who can say?

We can all guess, assume, contemplate... but the only one who knows is the young man... call or e-mail him.

If not, move on... with the knowledge that while you didn't understand that one guy, perhaps you will do better with the next guy... for each "guy" is unique.

Good luck!
Joined: 4/26/2009
Msg: 26
Dont understand Guys!!
Posted: 7/27/2011 3:58:56 AM

Men can be real dirt bags and most likely on the free site that is what you will meet

Most are players and hide their identity totally or they expect you to be the desert when they buy you dinner

Wow, someone is a bit bitter!
If you really feel that way why be here? Oh ya....It's free for you too.
Women do the same damn thing, that doesn't make us ALL 'dirt bags'.

All we women want is honesty its pretty simple

I find this funny as hell.... with as bitter as you are, I'm pretty sure you would have a problem with 'true' honesty. Most people CLAIM they want honesty but in truth can't really handle it at all.
IE: YOU: "Why didn't you call"?
HIM: "Because I didn't want to"
YOU: "Well, that was rude"
Show ALL Forums  > Dating Experiences  > Dont understand Guys!!