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Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > Tattoo of his ex-wife!      Home login  
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 femaleconnection
Joined: 8/12/2010
Msg: 26
Tattoo of his ex-wife!Page 2 of 5    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)

I'm confused, you posters do realize that the Op has only been serious with this man for a few months right?. The simple fact it he had the tattoo when he met her. He had it when they first started getting naked together. And it's a VERY VERY new relationship. What tattoo the guy has on his body at this stage of their relationship is really none of the OP's business. If the Op don't like what his body look like she should stop having sex with him and go find somebody who she find more appealing.

The Tat was there before he met her. Why should he have to go through a very painful experience just to stroke her ego?. Simple fact is the number one reason for relationships crashing and burning is one person trying to change something about the other that they were ok with in the beginning. If she had no issue with it in the beginning, she should have no issue with it now.

The Op need to find something else to stress about besides this guys tattoo. I bet dollars to donuts the guys ex is quite attractive, the more attractive she is, the more the OP will stress.


I agree to a point, but with anything emotional, I always advocate being honest. Fact is, maybe at first she wasnt bothered because she didnt think this was going to 'go anywhere' anyways. The relationship has evolved to a point where she is wondering if she can look at this forever....so hence...it is time to confront the feelings about the tattoo.

This is why I did not suggest that she suggest he do anything, but she SHOULD tell him it bothers her, and see how he feels about that. If he doesnt like that it bothers her, he has some options. He can pay for a removal, he can look into some coverup creams, he can offer to keep his shirt on more often...or he is also within his own rights allowed to say take it or leave it. However, this conversation does need to happen. People need to know information before they make choices and Id want to know if I was doing/had something about myself that was offputting to my S/O. Give me the chance to choose to do something or not. She should also know if he is open to changing the tattoo before she decides she wants to bail because of it.

Wouldnt it be a shame if she just broke it off and ran into him a year from now and he had gotten it removed...because he always planned to and she never asked? How silly would THAT be? lol

He will have to face this with other women anyways as it is strange and not too many will be 100% accepting of it. He may as well learn that he will cross this bridge and be prepared to handle the consequences of the choice to ink himself up with a pic of an ex.
 abelian
Joined: 1/12/2008
Msg: 27
Tattoo of his ex-wife!
Posted: 6/17/2011 3:24:08 AM
He will have to face this with other women anyways as it is strange and not too many will be 100% accepting of it. He may as well learn that he will cross this bridge and be prepared to handle the consequences of the choice to ink himself up with a pic of an ex.

Yeah, I was thinking the same thing. He might as well hear her opinion about it now so she can find out what he thinks about it.

And you only started doing these things AFTER deciding to be exclusive with him? Did you hold out for a commitment from him before getting naked? Because if you had sex with him before becoming exclusive and had no issue with the Tattoo of his ex. And if you decided to be exclusive with him knowing about the tattoo of his ex. Then that tells me that it wasn't an issue with you before, thus it should not be an issue after the fact.

That sort of thing happens all the time. When people first start dating, they are always going to try to overlook some things to which they think they can adjust over time. It does take a while to know whether or not somethings will become less or more annoying over time.
 peppermint petunias
Joined: 9/2/2009
Msg: 28
Tattoo of his ex-wife!
Posted: 6/17/2011 3:51:49 AM
OP easy peasy..have it altered.

Put a Groucho Marx mustache and eyeglasses on it.

Then he loves YOU.

Had a bf cover up some boobies on a tat when younger with a halter top.
SERIOUS I was not rubbing that shoulder with boobs bared on it
 brocoli avec fromage
Joined: 1/4/2008
Msg: 29
Tattoo of his ex-wife!
Posted: 6/17/2011 4:19:53 AM
If you're in an exclusive relationship, you should be able to talk about anything without the fear of reprisal. You should definitely bring up the subject and tell him how feel. If you've posted about it on the forums, it obviously is bothering you and it won't go away if you just ignore it. If you don't tackle it now, it will become a sore point and eventually drive a wedge in the relationship.

If I were him, I would want to get rid of it as soon as possible, even if it is painful. I wouldn't want to have my ex wife looking over my shoulder for the rest of my life. lol (unless he is still hung up on her and is secretly hoping that there might be a chance for reconciliation...then you have another problem)

Having a tattoo of your wife is one of those things that just seem like a good idea at the time, much like licking a metal pole in winter or playing leapfrog with a unicorn.
 motown cowgirl
Joined: 6/30/2010
Msg: 30
Tattoo of his ex-wife!
Posted: 6/17/2011 4:44:06 AM
if i were you, i wouldn't hesitate to tell him it's a little disturbing, but i wouldn't expect him to get rid of it just on my account, especially if i haven't known him very long. you might have some fun and draw a moustache and an eye patch on it with a sharpie.

back in the old days, in the navy they used to just sand the tattoos right off ya with sandpaper. it doesn't leave a scar and removes the tattoo thoroughly when the scab falls off.... crude but effective. i doubt they do that anymore. gotta have a $1.2 million piece of equipment to burn off something it only took a $3 needle to create.

.....does your boyfriend have a belt sander in the garage?
 TDH49
Joined: 8/13/2010
Msg: 31
Tattoo of his ex-wife!
Posted: 6/17/2011 6:17:51 AM
That sort of thing happens all the time. When people first start dating, they are always going to try to overlook some things to which they think they can adjust over time. It does take a while to know whether or not somethings will become less or more annoying over time.
And these things we "Think" we can adjust to over time we bring up during the discussion about becoming exclusive. That way when we bring them up later if we can't adjust we don't get a WTF look from our SO . Well I know that's how most rational people including you would do it .

But if it bothers the OP that much. And if she think she will be with this guy for many years to come. Then why don't she fork out the 10 grand or more that it will cost to have it removed? Maybe give it to him as a birthday present or something. Tell him it bothers her so much that she is willing to pay for it's removal. He has to go through the pain of getting it removed, she suffers the pain of having to pay for it. Or is she suggesting that he pays that kind of money and suffers the pain of it's removal too just to pacify her ego?. If Op is willing to foot the bill for the removal, then I'm totally on board with him getting rid of the tattoo.
 kayla1963
Joined: 4/1/2011
Msg: 32
Tattoo of his ex-wife!
Posted: 6/17/2011 6:36:46 AM
My question has to do with a large tattoo on his back of his ex-wife's face.


I don't get it ... Are you doing him from behind with a strap-on?

I don't get why you are seeing it "all the time." Just tell him to wear a t-shirt.
 TDH49
Joined: 8/13/2010
Msg: 33
Tattoo of his ex-wife!
Posted: 6/17/2011 6:43:44 AM
I don't get it ... Are you doing him from behind with a strap-on?

I don't get why you are seeing it "all the time." Just tell him to wear a t-shirt.
Thanks you! For a second there I thought I was losing my mind because I can't figure out why the Op is seeing this tat "All the time" myself. They must be nudist and walk around the house and in public naked or something. But the strap on thing makes sense.
 RUFunny
Joined: 3/27/2011
Msg: 34
Tattoo of his ex-wife!
Posted: 6/17/2011 7:14:29 AM
Obviously some posters need some real intimacy in their lives. I couldn't imagine being in a relationship with someone without massages, showers and spooning... and all of these are done naked in my house. Give em a try in your next relationship, i highly recommend them!

Your responses are greatly appreciated!!!... some more strangely bitter and antagonistic than others, but there will always be some strangeness when dealing with the masses. I posted my question as a means of processing my own thoughts on the topic before i broached the subject last night with my bf. Seems he had already looked into the issue (before he even met me) because he wants it altered himself. Several of you mentioned the option of having it covered, and that is apparently what he is going to do... the same artist who applied it is going to alter it into something else. He even showed me pics of the options the artist has encouraged him towards. Thanks again for the constructive feedback!!!
 Vannili
Joined: 7/8/2008
Msg: 35
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Tattoo of his ex-wife!
Posted: 6/17/2011 7:18:14 AM
I don't get it ... are you doing him from behind with strap-on?
I don't get it why you are seeing it ''all the time.". Just tell him to wear a t-shirt.


According to the OP she always straddled her BF and scrubbed his back in the shower (ooooh wet t-shirt that's SEXY!!) and she hold him at night from behind(spooning),I guessed the light is on for the reason she is seeing his wife's face staring at her, from the back of her BF .
The strap-on ???????????? That is freaking kinky!!!!!!!!!!!!
PS
I hope the OP won't consider this as a hateful/bitter comment on her thread .

OP did you have your Bf read all the forumites comments ???????
 kayla1963
Joined: 4/1/2011
Msg: 36
Tattoo of his ex-wife!
Posted: 6/17/2011 7:25:52 AM
Is he an animal lover? Maybe he can go for something like this:

http://news.bmezine.com/2007/05/08/cat-ass-navel-tattoo/

P.S. RUfunny? No.
 MsMicki
Joined: 10/2/2006
Msg: 37
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Tattoo of his ex-wife!
Posted: 6/17/2011 7:31:57 AM
Good deal OP.......now you know he's as bothered by it as you are and has plans to do something about it!!

and I agree, seems some folks here think the only time couples see each other naked is during sex........guess they've forgotten about the intimacies that go on between couples on a day to day basis!
 carolann0308
Joined: 12/9/2006
Msg: 38
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Tattoo of his ex-wife!
Posted: 6/17/2011 7:36:51 AM
Don't even get me started as to why people do dumb sh1t like this. Permanently marking your body to represent something fleeting like your favorite rock band or love.
But..............

NEW relationships should not make any demands of you to change. He will undoubtedly get rid of it or cover it up with something else eventually but it is his body and you are in no position at this time to make any kind of requests.
If your relationship does progress in a few years to marriage etc then discuss it and offer to help pay for it.
 majyk1
Joined: 4/26/2009
Msg: 39
Tattoo of his ex-wife!
Posted: 6/17/2011 7:42:06 AM
You have a profile that still states your looking to date with a header of
Seeking A Real Man - not married is a good start!
...

Wonder if your 'man' knows your here? Hmmm
and you're worried about a tattoo..
 Vannili
Joined: 7/8/2008
Msg: 40
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Tattoo of his ex-wife!
Posted: 6/17/2011 7:48:09 AM
Obviously some posters need some real intimacy in their lives. I couldn't imagine in a relationship with someone without massages,showers and spooning... and of those aare done naked in my house . Give it a try in your next relationship,i highly recommended them!


Hip Hip Horrray ! for you for bragging your errotic sex life in Public forum.

I will not divulge here in the forum that my Bf has no tattoos, but he has 2 diamonds inbeded in his penis like the eyes of a cobra.....................



Luv ya Msmicki, forgive me I am just a drama queen,trully I love reading erotic sex life of others hehehe
 MsMicki
Joined: 10/2/2006
Msg: 41
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Tattoo of his ex-wife!
Posted: 6/17/2011 7:58:56 AM
geez V........what would you have to complain about - or read about - if folks didn't come here to discuss their lives?!!
 abelian
Joined: 1/12/2008
Msg: 42
Tattoo of his ex-wife!
Posted: 6/17/2011 8:17:58 AM
And these things we "Think" we can adjust to over time we bring up during the discussion about becoming exclusive. That way when we bring them up later if we can't adjust we don't get a WTF look from our SO . Well I know that's how most rational people including you would do it .

Uh, no. That's not how I do it. As I've often said, I would not consider getting into an exclusive relationship with any woman who didn't date me exclusive from the time we went on our first date. We date exclusively for as long as it lasts, or in my current situation, we get married. Non-exclusive dating was about sex only with no future for a relationship.
 KaylaJay
Joined: 5/11/2008
Msg: 43
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Tattoo of his ex-wife!
Posted: 6/17/2011 8:39:00 AM
On the bright side since it's on his back HE won't be looking at her everyday. You could have him modify it someday, with your hand slapping her. Or with an X through her face, or some other mod you get the point ;)
 Siddharthra
Joined: 5/16/2011
Msg: 44
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Tattoo of his ex-wife!
Posted: 6/17/2011 8:50:15 AM
communication right? You can tell us but you can't tell him? You want him to read your mind. How female is that? Go ahead, keep it a secret, and when the relationship takes a big shit blame him for not reading your mind.
option 2. since humans can have any response to anything pick a response that is more useful than the one you have been having.
 RUFunny
Joined: 3/27/2011
Msg: 45
Tattoo of his ex-wife!
Posted: 6/17/2011 8:59:09 AM
My profile is hidden and my pics are removed. Try doing a search of my username, majyk1.
 RUFunny
Joined: 3/27/2011
Msg: 46
Tattoo of his ex-wife!
Posted: 6/17/2011 9:00:55 AM
wow, siddharthra.... that's a pretty intense response for someone who hasn't read all the posts. A little premature maybe? pretty interesting how people have such strong emotions without bothering to read the whole thread.
 femaleconnection
Joined: 8/12/2010
Msg: 47
Tattoo of his ex-wife!
Posted: 6/17/2011 9:10:07 AM
OP thats great your talk went well. I had a feeling he was going to want to change it up hmself, most people would under the circumstances.

Ignore the ones questioning how you'd see it all the time...I admire my mans back alot as well as love, love, love to give back rubs...it woulda turned me off too after awhile.
 Siddharthra
Joined: 5/16/2011
Msg: 48
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Tattoo of his ex-wife!
Posted: 6/17/2011 9:30:17 AM
I wasn't trying to be emotional just logical. Also I have found that when giving advice it is best to be as direct as possible. Many times "over the top statements" can prod a person to action where the kinder gentler approach results in no results. Communication that produces no results is not much use.
 daynadaze
Joined: 2/11/2008
Msg: 49
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Tattoo of his ex-wife!
Posted: 6/17/2011 9:39:06 AM
I have never understood why people do this, it's rare to see someone with a name or face tattooed on them, other than their children, who is still with the person. Plus they are unattractive.

But that's me.

First, you are lying to him, tell him the truth, it bugs you and it's upsetting to you. He may understand, he may not care, you don't know til you talk to him about. How's he suppose to know if you never tell him your real feelings? Figure out if it's a deal breaker for you, figure out how you really feel, but don't lie about it. He's not a mind reader. Also, if you find out he doesn't care if it bothers you, take a good look at that. As to whether he would want to remove it, that's a big deal I would guess, so he may hate it too, but not be willing to try to have it removed, but that's different than not caring how you feel having to see it.

~~~~~
Well I guess I should have read the other posts first. I hope things work out.
 RUFunny
Joined: 3/27/2011
Msg: 50
Tattoo of his ex-wife!
Posted: 6/17/2011 9:56:03 AM
My point was that you responded without even reading the thread, siddharthra. You lamblasted me for not communicating... and my whole intent of the thread was to process my thoughts before I communicated. If you had bothered to read the thread you would have seen that the conversation has already taken place. Some people are so quick to add their judgmental two cents that they don't even bother making an informed comment. But then there are others who are really helpful, so thank you!
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