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Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > Why do women marry/date "needy" and overly dependent men?      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 relax385
Joined: 4/13/2011
Msg: 27
Why do women marry/date needy and overly dependent men?Page 3 of 3    (1, 2, 3)
I think that they are unable to be okay with themselves and unable to truly have a standard of independent men. I've been there and I was not okay with my standards for dating.
It is definitely a lesson that can be learned in this type of situation if it poses a risk.
Sometimes, people can just compromise and be okay with the results.

Personally, it does not work for me.
 tinsleyhut
Joined: 12/6/2009
Msg: 28
Why do women marry/date needy and overly dependent men?
Posted: 9/21/2013 11:26:41 AM
I have become involved with a man that I feel is extra needy. He says he really enjoys being with me, but it seems like he wants me with him ALL the time that I am not at work. He goes into a quiet sort of pouty (passive agressive?) mood when I am not with him and I continue to have other obligations in my life. Although he doesn't seem to ask for help much he does seem to flounder when left to his own devices sometimes. I am a pretty independent person and like my own space. I am not controlling in any way, shape, or form. I do not enjoy having to run someones life for them and he doesnt seem to want that either, but he just WANTS ME with him all the time just to be there I guess. What does this mean? I don't like confrontations and am willing to discuss and compromise if it is two adults speaking calming. This quiet not talking but obviously hurt form he takes may take this 4 month relationship to an end.
 gtomustang
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 29
Why do women marry/date needy and overly dependent men?
Posted: 9/21/2013 1:04:40 PM
everyone wants different things from their relationships. some want a healthy situation, and thus unhealthy situations look too weird to feel comfortable, so they gravitate towards the healthy and away from the unhealthy.

if you want only companionship, then there's plenty of people out there who want a companion. you cast your net that wide, you tend to get a lot more offers. and a lot more time wasters.

if you wish to argue women are more geared towards building social circles, then you can argue women are more interested in a partner who is willing to join that circle. But a hot woman--or an above-average one willing to trade sex for her needs--who is needy isn't as alone as she claims, either.
 Steam_Engenius
Joined: 8/20/2013
Msg: 30
Why do women marry/date needy and overly dependent men?
Posted: 9/21/2013 2:12:09 PM
Assuming here, and I think someone pegged it earlier, that it may be a controlling mechanism and a way to mold the person into what they desire. Just as well, some people love the constant attention.

As for me, I need my alone time (space), and time spent with the guys doing the cavemen things that we do. It's funny because the reasons people see in why I strike out in dating is that I have no hang ups or problems and have dictated the way I have lived my life for the last 25+ years. I guess I'm too independent for my own good.
 adventurejoe70
Joined: 3/1/2013
Msg: 31
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Why do women marry/date needy and overly dependent men?
Posted: 9/21/2013 2:40:37 PM
I don't look at it that black and white. As people grow together a couple may contain 2 members with different needs.For some that might include being apart a lot , for others it might mean being together almost all the time. Its only a problem when the 2 have different distinct wans and desires. Best to discuss and talk about it, compromise if necessary.
 Proteaus
Joined: 6/9/2009
Msg: 32
Why do women marry/date needy and overly dependent men?
Posted: 9/21/2013 5:52:40 PM
It has been a life long observation of mine that women tend to pick the dirtbags and then get frustrated that they cant save them from whatever . I have seen very nice looking women in very abusive relationships and they stay there because they think they can save the scumbag (they fail) .
 John255317
Joined: 12/28/2012
Msg: 33
Why do women marry/date needy and overly dependent men?
Posted: 9/21/2013 6:04:30 PM
What a woman looks like has nothing to do with them being in abusive relationships. Lots of women who are "attractive" have very low self esteem, and there are attractive and non attractive women who know who they are and never can be in an abusive relationship.
 billingsmason
Joined: 2/3/2012
Msg: 34
Why do women marry/date needy and overly dependent men?
Posted: 9/21/2013 9:21:36 PM
^^^ nailed it.

self esteem. what they think they deserve, or even what they think is "normal"... someone may have seen this growing up or had a traumatic ltr that has skewed their ideas of how things are.

then again, my idea of a functioning relationship might looked pretty fvcked up to someone else too. to each their own.
just don't come whining around about things you choose, or be butt hurt if someone bags on you for your choices.


But if they gave medals for honky tonk wars
Hell, I'd keep mine in my chest of drawers
With my IRS bills and divorce papers and all that stuff
If you're gonna be dumb, you gotta be tough

if you're gonna be dumb, you gotta be tough
you get knocked down, you gotta get back up
I ain't the sharpest knife in the drawer but I know enough....
if you're gonna be dumb, you gotta be tough

Roger Alan Wade
 five-marie
Joined: 7/31/2011
Msg: 35
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Why do women marry/date needy and overly dependent men?
Posted: 9/22/2013 8:07:09 AM
I've dated needy dependent men. I've always had to be strong due to circumstances in my life and yearned for a strong man so I could take a break. Surprisingly, men whom appeared to be strong/independent ended up being the exact opposite.
 W_W_M
Joined: 7/20/2013
Msg: 36
Why do women marry/date needy and overly dependent men?
Posted: 9/22/2013 8:22:14 AM
^^^ That's interesting. Is it perhaps that the men who attempt to appear superficially "strong" and "independent" are just the typical alpha male types who have no social/life skills? I've seen the opposite as well. Quiet, low key, perhaps nerdy guys who might appear to be needy or desperate, but are actually comfortable with themselves and don't need much coddling when it comes to the domestic life.
 Vannili
Joined: 7/8/2008
Msg: 37
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Why do women marry/date needy and overly dependent men?
Posted: 9/22/2013 8:46:20 AM
Msg.#1:

Please kindly don't generalized all the women, not every WOMAN marry/date needy over dependent men. Why in the world would they (women ) want to take a person who can not survive in the world with out being a baggage to a woman ?


So the title speaks for itself. but please try to avoid gender bashing as per the rules of POF.

for your information it is the rules of humanities not just the rule of POF.
In my logical mind you impressed me as an aggressive/passive person. You asked in black and white >why women marry /date a RETARDED MEN ? it beats me, maybe they are retarded themselves................ LOL
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 38
Why do women marry/date needy and overly dependent men?
Posted: 9/22/2013 9:45:07 AM
I remember a thread a while back where a woman was bytching and complaining because her boyfriend was spending hour after hour every day playing video games and not spending enough time with her. The "Dump Him" brigade came out in full force with heavy artillery demanding her to dump the guy. And in here, if a woman complains that a guy wants to spend too much time with her, the same army is here with the same military chant of "Dump Him". Until a law is passed, saying exactly how many hours per days you must spend with a partner/spouse, and not go a minute over or a minute under, everyone is allowed to tolerate what they decide to tolerate in a person and take appropriate action if it's not satisfactory. It seems simple enough to me.
 five-marie
Joined: 7/31/2011
Msg: 39
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Why do women marry/date needy and overly dependent men?
Posted: 9/22/2013 10:22:08 AM
These were not alpha type males, just good men who had had longterm marriages/relationships, good jobs, homes and initially seemed to be very together. Decent men who took care of their families and had successful lives. Upon getting to know them better they were emotional wrecks unable to cope with daily life.
Drinking, crying, needing me to "make them better", here I was with more responsibility. At least half of the time they were wonderful men, that other half was more than I could deal with.
This is not the majority of the men I dated but were the two men I initially thought could be long term. I'd be okay with a quiet nerdy guy who is comfortable with himself.
 W_W_M
Joined: 7/20/2013
Msg: 40
Why do women marry/date needy and overly dependent men?
Posted: 9/22/2013 10:29:36 AM
I see what you mean. I suppose everyone has their own unique set of strengths and weaknesses. When it comes to dependency, there are different facets as well. One guy might be domestically independent in that he lives on his own, is able to pay the bills, cook, clean etc, but may actually be an emotionally needy train wreck. Then there might be guys who need a "mother" to take care of their home life, but are rock solid emotionally and are able to provide that kind of support to their SO. There are all kinds of types out there I guess.
 BLONDE_ANGEL845
Joined: 8/4/2013
Msg: 41
Why do women marry/date needy and overly dependent men?
Posted: 9/22/2013 10:55:08 AM
My late father was not a bad man, but didn't pay me much attention & really enabled my Mom im a big way, so I used to choose men like him. Men who were somewhat nice, but I was not the priority. I broke that pattern & actually slowed down on my dating while changing my mindset.

I do not want OVERLY needy, but I want someone who adores me as much as I adore him & isn't afraid to show it & treats me as well as I treat him.

I am planning on more changes & want to go off into the sunset for once & for all :0)

So yes, maybe some women choose "needy" cuz they got tired of being IGNORED!
 Ladyinred4755
Joined: 1/30/2012
Msg: 42
Why do women marry/date needy and overly dependent men?
Posted: 9/22/2013 11:53:56 AM
IMHO, The question does not apply to ALL women, only some. A woman who is independent, self-confident, emotionally healthy, un-controlling, and non-manipulative, (yes we do exist) will most likely not attract, a "needy" or "overly dependent man". And if she does, she wont' tolerate this behavior for long. There is a healthy way, to be "needy"/needed. BOTH parties have needs, be it emotional or physical. One or the other is the giver or the taker attempting to meet or fulfill the needs of their partner. Ideally, this is a two way street. It is possible, without manipulating, controlling or suffocating the other. ...................IMO, A "NEEDY" is one who is incapable of giving, only taking, be it man or woman.
 daynadaze
Joined: 2/11/2008
Msg: 43
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Why do women marry/date needy and overly dependent men?
Posted: 9/22/2013 12:06:25 PM
As we can see, from reading posts here, some people really get off on hating the gender they are attracted to, finding all the *wrong* ones so they can get all sorts of attention from being the poor poor pitiful unlucky woman/man and always having horrible experiences in dating/relationships. Trust me, it doesn't happen over and over unless the poor poor pitiful person is seeking these people. Why do some people seem to end up in lousy situations a lot? Because that's what they are hoping to find. Now some truly are not seeing this in themselves and may or may not wake up someday and slap their forehead and figure out they are the problem, but most, well they like the attention they get and they love love love to complain and live in drama. It's there goal, so yes, they end up with what many of us would think they wouldn't want. They want it, they seek it, they use it. Nobody wallows in crap unless they are getting something they want, out of it.
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