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 marisia
Joined: 10/25/2008
Msg: 27
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Why do men do this?Page 3 of 5    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)
If I'm second best once, I know I could be second best again and I'm only a stop gap. So no I would not go into a relationship with them....may be friendship, it depends...

I am able to switch from lovers to friends, but only if I am truly over the lovers part...if I'm not I steer well clear..
 marisia
Joined: 10/25/2008
Msg: 28
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Why do men do this?
Posted: 6/23/2011 1:30:55 PM
Message 34 well said its very true..also go by actions and how they actually tray you and make you feel, not by what they say...
Remember people do things because they can...At the age of 50 I have learnt if it happens once it WILL happen again.
 hargoth
Joined: 4/8/2008
Msg: 29
Why do men do this?
Posted: 6/25/2011 2:49:36 AM
worth waiting no. And why do men do this, Its most likely a commitment issue. Which any more is more common among men then women. The right man after a few months won't even be able to look at another woman and think what about her... quit playing with the boys and find a real man. But with out being too harsh, I really do wish you best of luck.

Keith
 forums1
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 30
Why do men do this?
Posted: 6/25/2011 7:12:20 AM
Probably men do it for the same reason women do it.
 nipoleon
Joined: 12/27/2005
Msg: 31
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Why do men do this?
Posted: 6/25/2011 10:12:04 AM
How many times must I tell people this..... Love is a tough game and you have to learn to play hardball !


This is the second time I've been in a relationship with a guy where he says he wants to see how things go with someone else, which has been fine with me

Yea, that's the whole problem.... it's always fine with you, isn't it ?
You should tell them it's NOT fine with you and they should go back who they really want.

Then they "need to get stuff worked out first."

You'll be amazed at how quickly they get stuff worked out when it suits them.


I am an understanding and forgiving person,

It's admirable to be understanding and forgiving but don't be a damn fool about it.
Are you looking for a lover or starting a monastery ?
 bigshrek
Joined: 11/15/2007
Msg: 33
Why do men do this?
Posted: 6/25/2011 4:12:57 PM
Guys under 30 generally have no idea what they want, other than a hottie who will give them much sex.

That's the entire thing about guys. No magical answers, they just want nookie...that's all.
 mxlopix
Joined: 7/4/2009
Msg: 34
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Why do men do this?
Posted: 6/26/2011 1:55:30 AM
He is working nothing out...You are handy and usable. You are the plan B girl
 mikeyman69
Joined: 5/20/2011
Msg: 37
Why do men do this?
Posted: 11/15/2011 6:41:59 PM
hes testing ur interest in him
 mikeyman69
Joined: 5/20/2011
Msg: 38
Why do men do this?
Posted: 11/15/2011 6:48:48 PM
can some one figure out why im not getting any hits please, this is irritating :P
 SweetLilGTP
Joined: 10/22/2010
Msg: 39
Why do men do this?
Posted: 11/15/2011 7:07:35 PM
This is the second time I've been in a relationship with a guy where he says he wants to see how things go with someone else, which has been fine with me, but then they come back and tell me how big of a mistake it was to leave me and they regret it. Then they "need to get stuff worked out first." I am an understanding and forgiving person, but this drives me bananas!!! Why do guys do this and is it worth waiting for him to get his stuff worked out?


Testing how high in a woman, as he sees women, as he can go maybe?

Swing and a strike.

Seems like he's realizing he cant do better than you, at his own pace Who knows; maybe he sucks, or maybe you ARE that good. I wouldnt wait; I would live my own life,and have my own selfish fun while he is out striking out.

Maybe YOU find someone better than him, and if not, oh well....all even.... and its decided.

I'd definitely make him mow your lawn and do your house renos as punishment though. [Careful; I am sorta kidding...sorta. This could make him feel like aloser and even SEEM a looser to your surroundings, and THIS would mean that YOU have a loser as your partner] <--Partners....are one. ;)



I missed where it said "TWO" men. YOU should buy a horse farm,and use em as loveslaves and stable boys!!

Heck; see if you can find a few more!! (lol)

And marry someone who "doesnt" suck at relationship baseball

Does anyone think it is possible to still remain friends with someone after a situation like this?


Maybe if you're bored sometime.

I'd give em the low tier friendship plan though; its really where they deserve to be with you...no? [an example is the girl who stood me up when I had an amazing date set up for her..TWICE. She called me back and let meknow she was ready to date one night, on amoents notice. I had no plans really; so decided to be a good man and take her out....to the taco bell....around the corner] (I was hungry for a snack....so.why not..and ya..I did agree to go because I wanted a cheap snack myelf...why) ;P

She looked so cute and perfect; all pis*ed off in her brand new 200 dollar Parasuco jeans and Tommy Sport for her shirt. [I thanked her for the company, and walked home, full with tacos and content]

Hope she had a fantastic night!! :D

She called back, probably to yell at me; I didnt bother answering. (all due respect right)

becoming real friends with someone you come to resent or disrespect for their inability to make up their minds isn't likely.


Use em as you see fit; until they decide they dont want to be in the inferior spot anymore. ;)

From what I get it bugs him


Naturally; because you are in control of your own life; where he has to take what he gets; which apparently isnt so satisfying :)


can some one figure out why im not getting any hits please, this is irritating :P


None of us do really; its normal. (its not you; its them) lol

Try getting your profile checked on the profile board.
 CheckPrime
Joined: 7/20/2011
Msg: 43
Why do men do this?
Posted: 11/16/2011 2:02:11 AM
The appropriate response to this is to tell em to go **** himself.
 Greatcatch12345
Joined: 5/2/2011
Msg: 44
Why do men do this?
Posted: 11/16/2011 3:37:19 AM
ur 22 yrs. old for gods sake...they are using you because you are easy...u need to keep busy and worry about getting a job and improvoing your life..which doesnt require a man!!
 GuitarHero68
Joined: 6/15/2011
Msg: 45
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Why do men do this?
Posted: 11/16/2011 3:31:06 PM
redraider609 hit the nail on the head. Besides, you're too pretty to have to deal with losers who WON'T - and that's the key word here - commit to you.
 Giggles10000
Joined: 6/17/2011
Msg: 46
Why do men do this?
Posted: 11/16/2011 3:35:38 PM
Op, I think the guy wants to keep you on the back burner while he works things out...so you would be his *bit on the side of his new relationship.

If someone isn't treating you the way you want to be treated..don't be with them.
 onlydateIF
Joined: 11/15/2011
Msg: 48
Why do men do this?
Posted: 11/20/2011 10:28:19 AM
OP, you 'hate hurting their feelings', but why are you so willing to hurt your own? Do you have an awareness that you too have needs, feelings and worth? The fact you would even consider a proposition to be 'friends' with a guy who ran off on you makes me want for you to have more dignity and self-worth!
 SweetLilGTP
Joined: 10/22/2010
Msg: 50
Why do men do this?
Posted: 11/20/2011 11:39:28 AM


That's a fantastic story.

THAT is how its DONE!

Stupid, rude people can go ahead and be stupid (and who are we to judge or care); but when they think you should allow abuse of yourself OVER their stupidity, and give them a free pass? Pfffftt; Ya, ok!

;) Yer my hero
 krazypurple
Joined: 11/16/2011
Msg: 51
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Why do men do this?
Posted: 11/20/2011 2:17:48 PM
i had a couple like that...and when they thought they could come back i simply told them no...don't have time for games and don't have time to wait...let them know they had their chance and you waited as long as you could but you can't wait forever for them to make up their minds. if they were really serious they would get their stuff together in a heart beat
 Archangel_07
Joined: 6/21/2010
Msg: 53
Why do men do this?
Posted: 11/20/2011 8:07:46 PM
trash em the minute they start acting let that. You're letting them treat you this way because you're allowing it. Cut em off
 larissan04
Joined: 8/11/2011
Msg: 56
Why do men do this?
Posted: 11/30/2011 3:52:32 PM
they are keeping their options open. also, a man that is reallyyyyy into you doesn't need to date other people just to make sure. no way. if a man is crazy about you then all other women are invisible. all they do is think about you. if they do go out with someone else, they suffer through the small talk wishing they were staring at you across the table. these guys didn't feel this way about you, and without knowing more details, i would assume that it is because you were to open with them to early. i am not talking about playing games or anything here. i am talking about holding back a little bit more in order to be sure that you and the guy are on the same page romantically before you get too deep into them. if you are a bit more detached, and just let things happen, then you'll see the "he's luke warm about me" signs, and you can avoid wasting your time and avoid getting hurt.
 larissan04
Joined: 8/11/2011
Msg: 57
Why do men do this?
Posted: 11/30/2011 3:57:07 PM
rotationaxle~

"There's the problem that I see -- this isn't fine! You should end the relationship when he tells you in what seems to be nicer words, "Hold up, I want to see if I can get a better deal first." A guy can do this however much he wants, but you don't have to put up with it! You deserve more than that."

BINGO!!!

You are soooooooo right on with this one! The OP obviously was not alright about this, and she was kind of being a doormat. She should have said, "Oh yeah? Well, see ya later, pal, and good luck." Then she should have quoted The Bard and told him not to, "...come in the rearward of a conquered woe...."
 ro1970
Joined: 10/23/2011
Msg: 58
Why do men do this?
Posted: 11/30/2011 4:33:41 PM

This is the second time I've been in a relationship with a guy where he says he wants to see how things go with someone else, which has been fine with me, but then they come back and tell me how big of a mistake it was to leave me and they regret it. Then they "need to get stuff worked out first." I am an understanding and forgiving person, but this drives me bananas!!! Why do guys do this and is it worth waiting for him to get his stuff worked out?


I get this sh*t all the time.

If they want to take a fly, then so be it.......but I always employ the Golden Rule of Relationships when they try to come back.......for those of you that don't know, it goes like this:

Once you want out the door of a relationship and say you are finished, then you are. This rule applies to both parties and is not transferrable. If you want to....

take a break,

see where it goes with someone else,

get your sh*t together,

need some space

whatever the reason of you taking a walk........

I am not going to wait around, much less pick up where we left off when you decide to come crawling/begging for me to take you back, because I just will NOT do it. For if I do, everytime the wind blows in the wrong direction, you will head out the door and expect me to take you back. Forget that, I don't have time for the on/off again shit, right along with the drama and instability that goes along with it.

Biggest mistake people make out here in the dating pond is waiting around for someone they think, hope, and pray will come around and ultimately, they wind up waiting for a very very long time.

If I had a dime for every time this has happened, I could retire in style today. Believe me, my skills of standing my ground on this issue have only gotten stronger with time.

So OP, in answer to your question of it being worth it........the answer is a resounding NO WAY IN HELL!

No kidding. No joke
 fire-work
Joined: 11/27/2011
Msg: 59
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Why do men do this?
Posted: 11/30/2011 7:24:32 PM
Men don't, sociopaths do. You clearly have self esteem issues, anyone in relationship will recognize that, and do one of a few things; decide you aren't ready for a real relationship and move on, or talk to you about it and try to help. Or, what you are getting, which is realize you don't respect for yourself and they know they can use you in many ways. And, since they are so selfish they are without a conscience, they will. But, know that they actually hate you. The only value you have to them is superficial.

So, is it worth waiting for an a-hole that has devalued you to the level of a tool for their selfish desires? I guess that is still up to you to say. And unless they are working out how to become a member of the human race, and come back with a certificate signed by God himself... I wouldn't give them the time of day. Oh, and these morons will keep reaching out once they think they lost their "mark" ...don't let them back in ever! They proved who they are and they aren't worth being in your life!
 mikeyman69
Joined: 5/20/2011
Msg: 64
Why do men do this?
Posted: 3/12/2012 4:02:21 PM
maybe someone can tell me if pof has a black list? and why women wont talk to me?
 dmzvisitor
Joined: 3/25/2011
Msg: 68
Why do men do this?
Posted: 3/12/2012 5:45:43 PM
Waiting? What does that even mean--I'm living my life on hold in case someone comes back around? I cannot even imagine why anyone would do that--life is short; I have places to go, people to see, things to do! IF someone comes back around and I happen to be free, I *might* give them a 2nd chance--actually, no I wouldn't. But, I sure wouldn't be "waiting," either!

If you think someone is worth waiting for, and they do not think you are worth the FIRST, BEST effort--then the relationship is really uneven to begin with. Why do that to yourself?
 MikeVincere
Joined: 2/24/2012
Msg: 70
Why do men do this?
Posted: 3/13/2012 2:38:59 PM
You teach people how to treat you! You are being too nice to these people, learn how to be selfish to get what you want. How do you become just a little more selfish? make the majority of your time focused on yourself and no one else. Become too busy for him to make him respect the time you give him. Better yet, become too busy for the next guys on your list because he should just have been crossed out! If you are more focused on yourself, you will be spending more time doing what you love rather then spend it on waiting for someone, which is mentally exhausting....

Don't make someone a priority when they don't make you theirs. Become the person that he wants to be with, rather than being the rebound. How do you do that? Always make the decision to drop and ignore people who tell you they want you to be the rebound. Doing that makes you respect yourself more and increases your value. If you can't be a little bit selfish, you'll never get what you want.
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