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 abelian
Joined: 1/12/2008
Msg: 47
Ladies do u perfer 4play or striaght to the point.Page 4 of 4    (1, 2, 3, 4)

Even if he does everything in his power to prolong it and even if he enjoys doing so the Orgasm is still the point of sex for a man.

Orgasm is more or less the end of sex for a man, so I'd much rather spend a lot of time getting there, usually longer than I get to spend.
 goodquestion
Joined: 6/29/2005
Msg: 48
Ladies do u perfer 4play or striaght to the point.
Posted: 7/1/2011 5:29:53 AM

What i mean is, for guys Its is mostly about getting to the orgasm even if he knows no girl wants her man to only last 30 seconds. Even if he does everything in his power to prolong it and even if he enjoys doing so the Orgasm is still the point of sex for a man.

I can only speak for myself sex to me is not all about the orgasm. It is being with someone close to you and shareing everything that comes with being with someone you have feelings for. The orgasm is like the iceing on the cake. Maybe I feel different than most guys but that is the way I feel.
 barefootkitten
Joined: 12/17/2009
Msg: 49
Ladies do u perfer 4play or striaght to the point.
Posted: 7/1/2011 7:44:17 AM
I think many men have come to believe that ALL women have problems having orgasms that they think they've done a superb job if they can just give her one. I have also found the problem of men that seem to think once they've made me cum once that it's like a pass for them to cum themselves. The problem is, I cum very easily, have multiples very easily, and am not satisfied with one. Having just one is actually extremely frustrating for me, because as yew stated, I'm just getting started. If he can make me cum within 30 seconds (which happens 99% of the time), how does he think I'm even remotely near done? Personally, I need to be able to lose count to be satisfied. (ah....sometimes I miss my ex who wouldn't cum until I begged him to...)

After having talked to many of my girlfriends, I think the problem most women have with cumming is they can't get out of their own heads. They start to think about "why can't I cum", etc.... and then they're not going to because they're not in the moment. I've actually had several of my girlfriends THANK me for my advice on this, because by taking my advice on it, they were actually able to achieve their first Os. I've told them, get out of your head, enjoy the sensations, and don't be afraid to let go (ie. just go with the wave). I've told them to practice, practice, practice -- alone, with a man, it doesn't matter, so long as she discovers what does it for her.

Oh, and if all that doesn't help, usually a pillow placed under her hips (while in missionary) works....it helps to elevate the pelvis and realign where he's hitting so he hits THAT spot with every single thrust.

To make this relevant to the thread: of course foreplay is important. But we're not just talking about what happens immediately before sex. It's EVERYTHING that happens in the relationship. It's you telling her how much you care for her. It's you helping with the dishes (ok, it doesn't have to be the dishes, but I love when my man does them for me because he knows I hate doing them. It makes me feel cared for because he's doing them so I don't have to). It's you coming up behind her while she's cooking and hugging her and kissing her neck. It's you thanking her for everything she does. It's that closeness that you want to be touching her all the time (this doesn't necesssarily mean you're all over each other, but even just holding her hand while on the couch together can be sensual and build that closeness). It's the playfulness in your relationship. It's the importance of finding time for just the two of you. But most importantly, it's taking the time to make sure she knows she's loved and appreciated. Personally, I see my whole relationship with a man as foreplay, not just the few moments that happen right before intercourse.
 abelian
Joined: 1/12/2008
Msg: 50
Ladies do u perfer 4play or striaght to the point.
Posted: 7/1/2011 9:46:52 AM

I think many men have come to believe that ALL women have problems having orgasms that they think they've done a superb job if they can just give her one.

I don't assume that. I don't know if a woman has problems with having an orgasm unless she tells me she does. Since I used to try to find out but gave up trying to read minds, I only assume that if a woman thought it was a problem, she'd tell me. If not, I assume she's happy.

Oh, and if all that doesn't help, usually a pillow placed under her hips (while in missionary) works....it helps to elevate the pelvis and realign where he's hitting so he hits THAT spot with every single thrust.

Along with a zillion other things one could try through trial and error. I think the pillow under the butt is familiar to most guys, so how about this. Instead of giving guys here, instructions on what works for you, tell women to tell the guys they're dating what works for them. It'll sure save a lot of time.

It's EVERYTHING that happens in the relationship. It's you telling her how much you care for her. It's you helping with the dishes (ok, it doesn't have to be the dishes, but I love when my man does them for me because he knows I hate doing them. It makes me feel cared for because he's doing them so I don't have to).

Look. At some point, a woman has to take charge of her own orgasm instead of needing someone to do the dishes, clean the bathroom and paint the house before she can get off. That's like me telling women that if they want their guys to not have problems with having an orgasm, women ought to get their guys a few beers while they watch monster truck wars and pet the dog earlier in the evening. (That wouldn't go over well, I'm sure.) If I have to get up early to do chores so I can start getting her warmed up at breakfast for sex later that night, she's going to need to invest in BoB while I find someone a little less particular.
 barefootkitten
Joined: 12/17/2009
Msg: 51
Ladies do u perfer 4play or striaght to the point.
Posted: 7/1/2011 10:10:21 AM

I don't assume that. I don't know if a woman has problems with having an orgasm unless she tells me she does. Since I used to try to find out but gave up trying to read minds, I only assume that if a woman thought it was a problem, she'd tell me. If not, I assume she's happy.
Hence why I said "many". There are, thankfully some men who do realize every woman is different, but sadly, I've found too many that think "oh, she's had one, I can cum now."


Along with a zillion other things one could try through trial and error. I think the pillow under the butt is familiar to most guys, so how about this. Instead of giving guys here, instructions on what works for you, tell women to tell the guys they're dating what works for them. It'll sure save a lot of time.
I actually don't use the pillow hardly at all, because I have NEVER had a problem achieving multiple Os. In fact, I don't think I've EVER had sex and NOT had at least one orgasm. I wasn't telling the men here how to do it, I was stating advice I've given my girlfriends about how to achieve it because there's been a few women here who've stated it takes them awhile. I fully agree that EVERY person should be able to tell their partners what they like/don't like.


Look. At some point, a woman has to take charge of her own orgasm instead of needing someone to do the dishes, clean the bathroom and paint the house before she can get off. That's like me telling women that if they want their guys to not have problems with having an orgasm, women ought to get their guys a few beers while they watch monster truck wars and pet the dog earlier in the evening. (That wouldn't go over well, I'm sure.) If I have to get up early to do chores so I can start getting her warmed up at breakfast for sex later that night, she's going to need to invest in BoB while I find someone a little less particular.
I wasn't talking about an orgasm here. I'm not going to cum from watching my guy do the dishes, but I WILL be excited and want to jump him out of gratitude. I said FOREPLAY isn't just what happens in the bedroom FOR ME. I see my entire relationship as foreplay. I see doing things for each other as foreplay. I see showing your partner CONSIDERATION and GRATITUDE as part of foreplay. When my partner does something NICE for me (like doing the dishes because he knows I hate doing them), IT TURNS ME ON. When my man does something nice for me, I want to make sure I show him my appreciation. That does NOT mean I expect my man to be a slave for me, because I don't. But if I've spent the last hour or more cooking dinner and he eats it and then goes and sits in the living room, leaving all the clean up for me, I'm hardly going to be in the mood for pleasuring him. 90% of what turns me on happens in my head before we even get to the bedroom. If I'm feeling taken for granted and under-appreciated, then I'm not going to want to GIVE more, whereas if I feel cared for and know my contributions to the relationship are valued, then I'm going to want to continue giving.

It's not a matter of being particular, it's a matter of recognizing that relationships require people to give of themselves. I appreciate the little things my partner does for me and reciprocate just as much. I see telling your partner they look beautiful and SHOWING them you care as an important part of a relationship. To me, an attraction to my partner, and my pleasure, is most definitely linked to how he treats me. If I'm the only one giving in our relationship, I'm not going to want to give in anymore in the bedroom, whereas, if he reciprocates and helps in the household, then hot damn. If your goal is just to achieve an orgasm, then it's only partly physical....like it or not, there IS a mental aspect to it.

If you think it's okay to take a woman for granted and expect her to do everything in the household, then good luck with your search. This doesn't mean YOU do everything, but that you SHARE responsibilities. One of my exes, I worked full-time, came home cooked dinner, did all the laundry, took care of our child, did all the grocery shopping, did all the dishes myself, did EVERY chore in the house, and all the yardwork, whereas he worked part time then went out with his buddies and I was supposed to get excited about being with him HOW? When the household chores aren't divided evenly, eventually one partner will start to build resentments against the other, and there is nothing that's a bigger O killer. If both partners work full-time, then BOTH partners should share taking care of the household duties evenly. In no way did I mean to imply the man should do everything, cause they shouldn't. But don't you think, if you know your woman has a particular thing she really doesn't like to do, that she'd want to show you how grateful she is if you do it for her?
 ohenryx
Joined: 3/12/2010
Msg: 52
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Ladies do u perfer 4play or striaght to the point.
Posted: 7/1/2011 11:37:01 AM

Along with a zillion other things one could try through trial and error. I think the pillow under the butt is familiar to most guys, so how about this. Instead of giving guys here, instructions on what works for you, tell women to tell the guys they're dating what works for them. It'll sure save a lot of time.

That works just fine for the women who already know what works for them. And many women do fall into that category. But there are a large number of women out there who have never had the chance to discover what will work for them. Sad, isn't it?

So speak up, ladies! Tell your lover what you want, what you need, and if you don't yet know, tell him you are open to some new experiences.
 Pingshooter
Joined: 3/15/2009
Msg: 53
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Ladies do u perfer 4play or striaght to the point.
Posted: 7/1/2011 1:34:42 PM
abelian, you beat me to it:


Not if you give BoB to your guy and let him use it.


I'm an excellent driver.
 abelian
Joined: 1/12/2008
Msg: 54
Ladies do u perfer 4play or striaght to the point.
Posted: 7/5/2011 2:58:34 PM
But if I've spent the last hour or more cooking dinner and he eats it and then goes and sits in the living room, leaving all the clean up for me, I'm hardly going to be in the mood for pleasuring him. 90% of what turns me on happens in my head before we even get to the bedroom.

You're backpeddaling. Sharing responsibilities is what normal couples do in relationships, so it's ridiculous to call that foreplay.

If you think it's okay to take a woman for granted and expect her to do everything in the household, then good luck with your search.

Look up ``logical fallacy.'' Just because I expect women to be participants in their own sexual satisfaction doesn't mean I think women should do all of the household chores. I can't imagine what kind of twisted logic you must have used to come up with such tortured reasoning.

When the household chores aren't divided evenly, eventually one partner will start to build resentments against the other, and there is nothing that's a bigger O killer.

You're just babbling.

That is exactly what barefootkitten means. FOREPLAY starts WAY before the sex.

No, barefootkitten just wanted an excuse to rant about men who don't do anything around the house. I have a difficult time relating to that, since I do things around the house. This last weekend, I even did some repairs on my fiancee's mother's house. It's not foreplay. It's just doing things because that's what relationships are about. Barefootkitten is trying to take the abnormal as normal to backpedal on her oriinal statements.

Now maybe that doesn't work for men but it sure works for a lot of women.

That's unfortunate. For once, it would be nice to have sex just because my SO wants to get laid without the spectre of whether or not I folded the underwear getting in the way.

 MsMicki
Joined: 10/2/2006
Msg: 55
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Ladies do u perfer 4play or striaght to the point.
Posted: 7/5/2011 3:07:07 PM
Never understood why someone would withhold their own pleasure just because their partner didn't help do the dishes?
To me......that is using sex as a weapon.
and if you think not helping with household chores is a big O killer......what do you think your man thinks about you using sex to train him to be a better relationship partner?

Sex is when you put aside all the petty little things that happened during the day and focus on the intimate part of your relationship.
If you withhold sex for every little thing your partner does wrong in a day......you might as well become a nun!
 Countrymom11
Joined: 7/2/2011
Msg: 56
Ladies do u perfer 4play or striaght to the point.
Posted: 7/5/2011 3:38:35 PM
It depends on the woman. Sometimes I like foreplay other times I like to just have crazy sex depending our mood and what starts it. I am not much into oral. Don't crucify me for that comment. Like others have said foreplay can start way before sex. A wink, flirting, or taking my face in your hands and passionately kissing me will all get me in the mood.
 goodquestion
Joined: 6/29/2005
Msg: 57
Ladies do u perfer 4play or striaght to the point.
Posted: 7/5/2011 3:38:54 PM

Sex is when you put aside all the petty little things that happened during the day and focus on the intimate part of your relationship.
If you withhold sex for every little thing your partner does wrong in a day......you might as well become a nun!

Very well put I can't think of anything to add...................
 barefootkitten
Joined: 12/17/2009
Msg: 58
Ladies do u perfer 4play or striaght to the point.
Posted: 7/5/2011 7:39:04 PM

You're backpeddaling. Sharing responsibilities is what normal couples do in relationships, so it's ridiculous to call that foreplay.
I'm not backpeddling at all. Perhaps "normal" couples do share, but in my experience, and according to most studies, responsibilities aren't split evenly, and women are still spending almost twice as much time doing household chores than men. http://www.statistics.gov.uk/cci/nugget.asp?id=288

Foreplay is what you make of it. Some people consider it to only include the kissing, petting, etc... that happens right before sex. FOR ME, I consider my entire relationship with someone as foreplay. When I'm happy in my relationship, I'm constantly wanting to jump my man. And when my man does something nice for me, then it makes me want him even more. Personally, I think it's ridiculous to tell someone else what they can and cannot consider as something that turns them on. My man doing something nice for me, turns ME on.


When the household chores aren't divided evenly, eventually one partner will start to build resentments against the other, and there is nothing that's a bigger O killer.

You're just babbling.
It's not babbling, it's speaking from personal experience.


No, barefootkitten just wanted an excuse to rant about men who don't do anything around the house. I have a difficult time relating to that, since I do things around the house. This last weekend, I even did some repairs on my fiancee's mother's house. It's not foreplay. It's just doing things because that's what relationships are about. Barefootkitten is trying to take the abnormal as normal to backpedal on her oriinal statements.
Don't presume to think you know anything about what I want. Again, FOR ME, I see doing nice things for your partner as part of foreplay. Just because you do things around the house doesn't mean that all, or even most, men do. If your woman isn't appreciative about the things you do and want to show you that appreciation, than I feel sorry for you. I know, FOR ME, when my man does something for me, I SHOW him how grateful I am because it excites ME. Just because you don't see the sexual in the everyday, doesn't mean others of us don't.


That's unfortunate. For once, it would be nice to have sex just because my SO wants to get laid without the spectre of whether or not I folded the underwear getting in the way.

You're completely missing the point. It's not about the clothes being folded or the dishes being done, it's about my partner doing something to be nice because he knows I don't want to do it. I'm going to have sex with my man for the sake of having sex anytime I want to, but when he's done something nice for me, hot damn, watch out, because I'm going to go above and beyond to make sure he's as happy as he made me.
 barefootkitten
Joined: 12/17/2009
Msg: 59
Ladies do u perfer 4play or striaght to the point.
Posted: 7/5/2011 7:51:56 PM

Never understood why someone would withhold their own pleasure just because their partner didn't help do the dishes?
To me......that is using sex as a weapon.
Good grief, I never said I wouldn't have sex with him if he didn't do them. I said that when he does them, it makes me want him even more.


and if you think not helping with household chores is a big O killer......what do you think your man thinks about you using sex to train him to be a better relationship partner?
I have NEVER used sex to "train" anybody to do anything. He's going to get laid whether the dishes are done or not, but it makes me extra excited to know he's done something kind for me.


Sex is when you put aside all the petty little things that happened during the day and focus on the intimate part of your relationship.
If you withhold sex for every little thing your partner does wrong in a day......you might as well become a nun!
Again, I never advocated withholding sex as a "punishment" for not doing chores. I stated it excites me to have a partner who does kind things for me. Maybe people should put things aside, but if, as was the case with my child's father, I worked all day outside the home, then came home and had to do everything inside the home while he had only worked a few hours that day (or not at all) and refused to help with the household chores, I frankly was just too tired to bother with giving more by the end of the day. On the other hand, with my most recent ex, I worked all day, as did he, then came home and we took care of the chores together, not only did the chores get done faster, but I certainly had more energy and inclination to have sex and please him. It was never a matter of withholding something, it was a matter of being so physically and mentally exhausted from working from 8am at work to 10pm at home, that I just didn't have any more to give.

For me, having a partner that shares in the household maintenance is a turn-on. As I stated before, I see every moment in my relationships as foreplay. The chore thing is just a small part of it. It's also those little looks you give each other, the slightest touch of the hand while sitting on the couch, the playful banter and loving teasing that goes on, and the fantasizing of what you're going to do to each other the next time you see each other. FOR ME, foreplay is all mental, which is probably why with my men, I cum every single time, multiple times without much effort, because they've already turned me on WAY before we hit the sheets.
 MsMicki
Joined: 10/2/2006
Msg: 60
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Ladies do u perfer 4play or striaght to the point.
Posted: 7/5/2011 8:32:57 PM

Again, I never advocated withholding sex as a "punishment" for not doing chores



But if I've spent the last hour or more cooking dinner and he eats it and then goes and sits in the living room, leaving all the clean up for me, I'm hardly going to be in the mood for pleasuring him



He's going to get laid whether the dishes are done or not, but it makes me extra excited to know he's done something kind for me.


kitten.......it's very hard to decide what you advocate when you speak in circles!
 barefootkitten
Joined: 12/17/2009
Msg: 61
Ladies do u perfer 4play or striaght to the point.
Posted: 7/5/2011 9:01:40 PM
What's hard to understand? I'm a very sexual person and will have sex with my man at the drop of a hat. That said, there are times, and EVERYONE is like this, where you may not feel in the mood. If I'm physically and mentally exhausted, then I may not want to have sex. It doesn't mean I'm punishing my man, it means I'm not in the mood. Many hands make light work. If my man helps with the housework, it means less work for me to do, and I'm less likely to be too tired for sex. If I'm tired, it doesn't necessarily mean he won't get any, just that I won't be that enthused by it. Now, if he does something sweet for me and helps out, I'm grateful and show it....over and over and over again. The difference between him helping around the house or not is the likelihood I'm going to fall asleep out of exhaustion during or afterwards...
 abelian
Joined: 1/12/2008
Msg: 62
Ladies do u perfer 4play or striaght to the point.
Posted: 7/5/2011 9:36:33 PM

Perhaps "normal" couples do share, but in my experience, and according to most studies, responsibilities aren't split evenly, and women are still spending almost twice as much time doing household chores than men.

You're just on male bashing crusade.

It's not babbling, it's speaking from personal experience.

Then date men who share responsibility better instead of trying to tell us that foreplay includes the household chores.

If your woman isn't appreciative about the things you do and want to show you that appreciation, than I feel sorry for you.

You're trying so hard to connect chores to sex that you got it exactly backwards. The last thing I want is to be appreciated sexually for doing the dishes. What I said would be nice is sex that isn't coupled to anything but sex, which women seem to have difficulty with, in general. The only way you could feel sorry for me is if I was stuck with a woman who had your attitude about sex, which I'm not.

I know, FOR ME, when my man does something for me, I SHOW him how grateful I am because it excites ME.

I would find that insulting, to tell you the truth. I'd rather pay for sex than get laid because I took out the trash like a proper husband. I don't want sex from a woman who does it because she's grateful for anything but the sex. If my responsibility for a woman's sexual satisfaction was a 24 hour/day job, her best bet would be to invest in batteries while I found someone who appreciated me for sex.
 barefootkitten
Joined: 12/17/2009
Msg: 63
Ladies do u perfer 4play or striaght to the point.
Posted: 7/5/2011 10:03:27 PM
You're just on male bashing crusade.
I was simply stating, and backing it up with fact, that although you stated that you share in the responsibilities, that most men do not. I'm not male bashing at all, just stating a fact that many men do not help.


Then date men who share responsibility better instead of trying to tell us that foreplay includes the household chores.
Which is why I DO date men who help with the chores NOW. Maybe for you foreplay only takes place within the bedroom, but FOR ME it doesn't. Why do you have such a problem with the concept that some people just may have different preferences than you. I choose to express my sexuality with my partner whenever I choose and see every aspect of our relationship as foreplay. Why do you have such a problem with this? Perhaps you'd prefer your woman to be asexual outside the bedroom?


You're trying so hard to connect chores to sex that you got it exactly backwards. The last thing I want is to be appreciated sexually for doing the dishes. What I said would be nice is sex that isn't coupled to anything but sex, which women seem to have difficulty with, in general. The only way you could feel sorry for me is if I was stuck with a woman who had your attitude about sex, which I'm not.
No, I'm stating what turns ME on. Just because you don't agree with it doesn't make it wrong FOR ME. If you'd prefer a woman who doesn't appreciate your help and show you her gratitude, then that's your right. Personally, I prefer to show my gratitude to my partner all the time -- I have never been accused of taking someone for granted. Look up the thread on the 5 languages of love book. I feel more loved, and therefore in a more sexual mood, when my partner performs acts of kindness. You don't have to agree with it, but that's the way I am. Personally, I feel sorry for your partner if your attitude towards her turn ons is as dismissive as you've been about mine.


I would find that insulting, to tell you the truth. I'd rather pay for sex than get laid because I took out the trash like a proper husband. I don't want sex from a woman who does it because she's grateful for anything but the sex. If my responsibility for a woman's sexual satisfaction was a 24 hour/day job, her best bet would be to invest in batteries while I found someone who appreciated me for sex.
Then I guess it's a good thing I would never f*ck you, because you dismiss what turns on the woman as "wrong" just because it doesn't suit YOUR beliefs. I don't see it as anyone's "responsibility" to be the only reason for someone's sexual satisfaction 24/7. However, to dismiss your partner's needs/desires as "wrong" is totally selfish. Personally, I prefer a man who wants sex with me because he wants to express his feelings to me, rather than one who only wants it for sex sake. I've had enough men treat me like my only value is for sex, sorry, just not doing it anymore.

OP questioned about foreplay. FOR ME, foreplay is the entire relationship. You don't have to agree with it, but it doesn't make it wrong. It's not about having sex as a "reward" for doing a chore, it's about the fact by doing that chore, my man has made me happy, and I want to make him as happy as he's made me. If you'd rather go with a prostitute than a woman who loves and appreciates everything you do, that's your prerogative. Personally, loving sex with my man and being appreciative (and thus wanting to show it), works FOR ME.
 abelian
Joined: 1/12/2008
Msg: 64
Ladies do u perfer 4play or striaght to the point.
Posted: 7/6/2011 3:58:41 AM

Personally, I prefer to show my gratitude to my partner all the time -

Having people fawn all over me gets old. I don't do things for people because I expect gratitude, so just saying ``thanks'' is more than enough.

Then I guess it's a good thing I would never f*ck you, because you dismiss what turns on the woman as "wrong" just because it doesn't suit YOUR beliefs.

No, I dismiss your beliefs because you're dumping your responsibility for your own sexual satisfaction onto a guy you expect to cater to you 24/7 before you'll be satisfied with the time you spend having sex. I have no interest in a woman with a high princess quotient.

If you'd rather go with a prostitute than a woman who loves and appreciates everything you do, that's your prerogative.

Which is not what I said, but that apparently doesn't matter to you.
 ohenryx
Joined: 3/12/2010
Msg: 66
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Ladies do u perfer 4play or striaght to the point.
Posted: 7/6/2011 7:23:13 AM

It's not about having sex as a "reward" for doing a chore, it's about the fact by doing that chore, my man has made me happy, and I want to make him as happy as he's made me.


Go back and re-read what you wrote. Your sentence (quoted above) is self-contradictory. You ARE using sex as a reward, and you just admitted it.
 MsMicki
Joined: 10/2/2006
Msg: 67
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Ladies do u perfer 4play or striaght to the point.
Posted: 7/6/2011 10:06:35 AM
Thanks henry......I thought it was just me that was reading it that way.....
along with this comment from her


Now, if he does something sweet for me and helps out, I'm grateful and show it


How does that not read as "rewarding for sex" ??
 barefootkitten
Joined: 12/17/2009
Msg: 68
Ladies do u perfer 4play or striaght to the point.
Posted: 7/6/2011 11:15:05 AM

No, I dismiss your beliefs because you're dumping your responsibility for your own sexual satisfaction onto a guy you expect to cater to you 24/7 before you'll be satisfied with the time you spend having sex. I have no interest in a woman with a high princess quotient.
Guess what....you don't have to agree with my views, because they don't concern you. In my youth I was much like a guy that I had sex just for the sake of sex....it got old quick. I found it meant I had meaningless encounters and in the end, felt unsatisfied (that doesn't mean I didn't cum, it just means I felt empty afterwards). As I've gotten older, I've discovered ABOUT MYSELF, that I feel much more satisfied with sex if I'm feeling loved in the relationship. I don't expect my guy to "cater to me" at all. What I did state, is that if I feel loved and appreciated in the relationship, my sex life is much more satisfying FOR ME. I don't want a slave, but I do want a guy who doesn't take me for granted. Funny how every man I've ever been with has nothing but great things to say about me and none of which would actually ever dream of calling me a "princess". Take your self-riteous attitude elsewhere, it's not needed here. You're free to take your selfish views to a woman who doesn't care that you have no concern for her feelings/desires and I'm free to get a man who does know how to show he cares and wants an appreciative woman. You don't have to agree with my beliefs any more than I have to agree with yours, but that doesn't give you the right to tell me mine are wrong because they work FOR ME.
 barefootkitten
Joined: 12/17/2009
Msg: 69
Ladies do u perfer 4play or striaght to the point.
Posted: 7/6/2011 11:21:18 AM
Go back and re-read what you wrote. Your sentence (quoted above) is self-contradictory. You ARE using sex as a reward, and you just admitted it.


I don't see that as "rewarding" the chore. As I've said before, my man is getting sex whether the dishes are done or not. The only way it's a reward is if it's ONLY given because he's done something nice, because he's going to get some anyway, it's not a reward. The difference, for me, is that when he does something nice for me, then I feel much more turned on by it and am that much more enthusiastic. I find, FOR ME, that when I am happy and feel loved, sex is much more satisfying. I've yet to have a man complain about me dropping to my knees and pleasing him because he's done something nice for me.

You don't have to agree with my views, but that doesn't make them wrong FOR ME. There are lots of things on the forums people talk about that turn them on that I personally may not agree with, but that doesn't give me the right to attack them and tell them their views are wrong. Just because they may be wrong FOR YOU doesn't make them wrong FOR ME. Sexuality is very individual. If you don't agree with someone's views, then move on.

I agree that feeling loved outside of the bedroom is critical to a good sex life. It isn't about not wanting to have sex tonight, because he didn't take out the trash earlier today. It's usually a constant build up of negligence, that will break down the sexual relationship over time. Feeling used, is something that gradually eats away at someone like a knawing rat, until one day, you just don't feel like having sex with that person who doesn't appreciate you, anymore.
Yew gets it.
 Pingshooter
Joined: 3/15/2009
Msg: 70
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Ladies do u perfer 4play or striaght to the point.
Posted: 7/6/2011 12:56:17 PM
yew..

I had never heard of that book before, surprise, you can take the Love Language test online.

http://www.5lovelanguages.com/learn-the-languages/the-five-love-languages/

Pretty neat.

My primary love language is Physical Touch, followed by Quality Time. Maybe that's why I really enjoy foreplay so much. Not only is very touchy/feely, but it's most definitely is quality time as well..
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