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 trinity818
Joined: 9/1/2006
Msg: 21
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Should I Move On?Page 2 of 3    (1, 2, 3)
He likes you a great deal and he obviously enjoys your company. But, I don't think he is going to change his mind. In my experience, when a man actually tells you he doesn't want to get into a serious relationship, he won't. It's hard enough to get people to tell you how they really feel. Once they tell you clearly, you should believe them.

It sounds like you have feelings that go beyond "likes a great deal". I like my friends a great deal. I think you want someone who loves you. If he was heading towards love, he would know it and express it already.
 LatinMami7
Joined: 5/23/2011
Msg: 22
Should I Move On?
Posted: 6/23/2011 1:52:33 PM
It's so easy for someone not in your shoes to say, "move on." I wish I could give you advice. Instead, I'll share my story. My bf of 3 yrs and I were living together then it turned long distance. He went to help out his family. He and I finished each other's sentences and even voiced out loud what the other was thinking. He said I know him better than anyone else. I was pregnant twice and had miscarriages. My job is taking me thousands of miles away. He knew this 8 months ago. 13 days ago, he stopped calling and texting. In the past when he was going through things he would call within days. I know that he will call or text. The question is when? Life is not stopping for me though. I am in pain and my heart and soul are mending.

He may be confused. I dunno. Communication is key. Wish my friend would utilize it. Good luck to you and your decision.
 Icestorm
Joined: 1/15/2007
Msg: 23
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Should I Move On?
Posted: 6/23/2011 2:43:24 PM
You're asking, he's answering. Are you just going to keep asking until he gives you the answer you want?

He's given you his terms. If they aren't acceptable, they aren't acceptable to you.

My guess is that all the feelings and emotions that are turned up about your cancer are being mixed with your feelings about him. Try to keep them separate, because they are.

You don't have to "move on" but you do have to accept his answers. If that means you move on, then you move on.
 dragonfly529
Joined: 5/4/2011
Msg: 24
Should I Move On?
Posted: 6/23/2011 2:46:53 PM
oh darn those guys who say they want emotional distance and then lure us in with all this lovey dovey bait. no fair! get yourself some new clothes and make some new friends here at pof. you'll distract yourself having fun and you'll be over him before you can say JIFFY JOHN! maybe he will change his mind when he sees that you are no longer behaving like the black hole of emotional need. i'm sure you are not the black hole of emotional need, but at the very least you are jumping as soon as he snaps his fingers, as soon as he wants you. it's all about him! he's got you in a tail spin, or a head spin, or both! uh, uh! don't try to suppress your feelings for him. they are there. level with him and then take care of yourself. see him and see others. maybe he will come around and maybe he won't. you will be in an emotionally safe place either way. maybe you will be the one that got away instead of the other way around. i don't care what he says about keeping an emotional distance. he does sound like he's leading you on. sounds very manipulative! you are beautiful inside and out. it's not your fault if he just doesn't get it.
 dogwood
Joined: 2/2/2007
Msg: 25
Should I Move On?
Posted: 6/23/2011 4:57:42 PM
I'm gonna go ahead and agree with the rest of the crowd here; OP should hold out for someone who's genuinely interested.

That said, having looked at favoritelure's profile, I'm gonna say that genuinely nice guys might just be a bit put off by the laundry list of negativity. And, by 'a bit', I mean holy hell, they're gonna read that and run! You're attractive, educated, can string a sentence together without any misspellings and, from what I could tell, have most of your teeth. Major plusses around here!

Remember, you catch more fish with honey than vinegar. Er, or something like that.
 vanceblackisback
Joined: 4/23/2011
Msg: 26
Should I Move On?
Posted: 6/23/2011 5:45:17 PM
Anybody got anything original to say?
 majyk1
Joined: 4/26/2009
Msg: 27
Should I Move On?
Posted: 6/23/2011 6:11:43 PM
When a man tells you
not to form an "emotional attatchment"

LISTEN!! Don't just hear the words... actually LISTEN.


He has made it obvious to me that he doesn't have the same feelings

Hello?? Is any one home??
 simplegal67
Joined: 4/27/2010
Msg: 28
Should I Move On?
Posted: 6/23/2011 7:01:17 PM
Yes move on. If he really has developed similar feelings then he will miss you and call you. If the phone doesn't ring then he is probably dating others as well and that's why you don't hear from him for a few days. He was honest with you so don't lie to yourself then you can change him or his needs. It's not likely to happen:( Good Luck...you seem like a really nice and attractive persoon and some guy will love you the way you need:) Don't settle and sit on anyone's back burner. It sounds like your his OPTION.....nothing to do...call you otherwise he has plenty of other options for a few days.
 Jamesat40something
Joined: 5/3/2011
Msg: 29
Should I Move On?
Posted: 6/23/2011 8:36:55 PM
i just wonder how many other women he has doing the "i love you but i'm not I'N love with you,,,now lets have sex!" dance with>>>>

i guess you never get to old to get played.......and yes i KNOW he is being totally honest with YOU and you finish each others sentences ......

"wow that was ----amazing, amazing! oh my god we said the same thing after engaging in the same act! "

a man,,,who is interested in you in any long term sense,,,,does not play emotional games,,,he will let you know,,he will do everything in his power to make sure no other man is allowed in your life (it's a male ego thing)
but he did let you know,,you just don't want to face it,,,he told you up front he was a player but you are convinced your incredible charm and charisma has CHANGED his feelings...

it hasn't ,,,,,,

and no amount of convincing is going to get you to see this,,that's the beauty of being a player....
it's like being crazy,,,the harder and louder you claim you are sane,,the crazier you sound...

the more we tell you you are being played the more convinced you are that none of us know "the real him" so,,,,,,best of luck,,i could be wrong of course and he is just a mixed up emotional 13 year old girl,,,,,or,,he is amna who knows exactly how to keep multiple women dancing on a string called

"let's just hang out!" which is of course man code for,,let's have sex because i am into having sex with lots of women...

but again i could be wrong,,but i'm probably not
 favoritelure
Joined: 6/4/2011
Msg: 30
Should I Move On?
Posted: 6/24/2011 5:33:17 AM
Thanks dogwood ... point taken and profile re-vamping coming SOON!
 southaustingal
Joined: 11/2/2008
Msg: 31
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Should I Move On?
Posted: 6/24/2011 5:47:36 AM
Listen to what he is saying and take it as his truth. He is not interested in anything with connections and you are so YES you should move on. Staying in this situation will only hurt more down the road, I guarantee......been there done that myself and won't ever do it again.
 4x4fan
Joined: 4/29/2011
Msg: 32
Should I Move On?
Posted: 6/24/2011 6:07:33 AM

He has made it obvious to me that he doesn't have the same feelings

It's hard, but you sort of answered your own question. I don't think you should move on, just don't hitch your wagon to this guy.
 PasionLatina0529
Joined: 1/25/2009
Msg: 33
Should I Move On?
Posted: 6/24/2011 6:20:41 AM
I have been here a couple times and it NEVER happens that he feels the same...though it seems going well. Cut him NOW and give your myself time to heal because he's just NOT into you like you are to him though you may seem you are compatible. I know about the waiting game with the idiot guy I like and they don't care. Don't waste your time!!!!! If he didn't feel anything the first month and nothing yet at 4..he's not gonna feel anything now. Sorry but MOVE on..Im doing the same!
 icboobs
Joined: 6/11/2010
Msg: 34
Should I Move On?
Posted: 6/24/2011 6:31:07 AM
I can tell just from your very last post that your "emotional attachment" to him really isn't that strong, at least not anymore. This relationship is already over, because you have decided so in your mind. Even if you wanted to stay with him, I wouldn't recommend it; because just being "hang out" partners isn't working for you. I suggested in your last thread, which got deleted, that if you do not want to be just "hang out" partners, that you need to stop "hanging out"; but before you do, explain to him your reasons why. He might then just find another woman to "hang out" with. Or, if he really was into you, and if you don't dive into another relationship right away, he could have a change of heart and decide to commit to a serious relationship. At which point you could just take his word for it, or you could wait and see/test how truly devoted and determined he is. This has nothing to do with giving ultimatums, but the ultimatum exists in your mind. My advice is based on what I read in your original thread, which is very different from this one.
 dogwood
Joined: 2/2/2007
Msg: 35
Should I Move On?
Posted: 6/24/2011 3:01:36 PM

point taken and profile re-vamping coming SOON!


Good - vamps are another thing we need more of.
 gr8tall2
Joined: 4/15/2011
Msg: 36
Should I Move On?
Posted: 6/25/2011 5:32:19 AM
I know it may seem a little odd but I looked at your profile" if" he read that and still proceeded maybe he's the one that needs to check his priorities. "If you love something set it free if it comes back it was yours if it doesn't it wasn't meant to be". As for dogwood you NEED to get out of the county in other places they pay people to fly airplanes and run into burning buildings!!
 favoritelure
Joined: 6/4/2011
Msg: 37
Should I Move On?
Posted: 6/25/2011 8:39:08 AM
to cathysaint - thank-you SO much! so far, you are the ONLY person who has expressed exactly how i feel!
 acolortoremember
Joined: 4/20/2011
Msg: 38
Should I Move On?
Posted: 7/29/2011 12:07:03 PM
Well, you should have never got involve with someone who was looking for "hang out" while you were looking for "long term relationship" this gave him an easy way out. Furthermore, he shows a personality of a socio-path because they seek to manipulate. If he was a nice guy, he wouldn't have went out with you knowing your goal is a long-term relationship. You just was an easy victim for a notch on his belt.
 kailania
Joined: 4/10/2008
Msg: 39
Should I Move On?
Posted: 7/29/2011 1:44:23 PM
you can take your chances with him...hoping he will begin to feel as you do.
hoping.
but how long do you want to do this?
the longer you wait...the harder you fall in love...the more it will hurt in the end.
date other men.
are you two exclusive? how would he feel about you seeing other men?
 dashenka4
Joined: 4/4/2011
Msg: 40
Should I Move On?
Posted: 7/29/2011 8:21:34 PM
If you have to ask then yes, move on. A person is only willing /able to give you wings and drumsticks, and you obviously want a whole chicken(not here, only wings and drumsticks)
And introducing you to his friends, children etc is not an indicator-I am sure you have introduced your new friends to your older friends/family when you deem them safe/sane.
 jmark4
Joined: 7/3/2011
Msg: 41
Should I Move On?
Posted: 7/30/2011 3:19:50 AM
Well you are making "female mistake 101". The old, "I know if I love him hard enough I CAN CHANGE HIM."

No you can't.

Profiles are there for a reason. You should not have gone out with him because you dont want the same things. Now you are trying to make it out like it's so magical that you can't let go. Obviously he doesn't feel the same.

He enjoys your company but I'm sure he enjoys other people as well. he is being a very responsible guy saying, I'm not going into this exclusive thing with you but like so many women do, they try to change the guy. Never has and never will work.

He is saying all the right things because he is a nice guy and doesn't want to hurt your feelings; he cares for you and thats nice.

You are in for a HUGE downfall. If he wanted to be with you he would. He doesn't and won't. Time for you to be friends and move on. It's not fair to you.

Cut your losses or you will really be hurt. I still don't get why grown women think they can change a man. Can't.
 Mr. B from Dallas
Joined: 7/10/2010
Msg: 42
Should I Move On?
Posted: 7/30/2011 12:05:03 PM
I wouldn't cut the guy out of your life. He's been honest with you from the beginning and you two obviously have a lot in common. Maybe you two are meant to be "just friends". There's nothing wrong with that. My suggestion would be to start seeing other guys. Just because you start seeing other people doesn't mean you have to stop being friends with this guy. You never know you two may end up together some day, and if not at least you've made a really good friend.
 1234deleted1234
Joined: 10/8/2009
Msg: 43
Should I Move On?
Posted: 7/30/2011 12:23:49 PM

He has made it obvious to me that he doesn't have the same feelings ... "yet." He has also admitted that he wasn't prepared to meet someone he was so compatible with and has told me that he likes me very much.



What's so hard about this? He answered your question...you just don't like the answer...you want to read into everything he does to SEE that he somehow really wants what you want...he never did!

He wanted someone to HANG OUT with...you are IT and he likes you.

YOU wanted a LTR...he is NOT it...

No need to cut him out of your life..just keep your emotions in order...don't say you CAN'T...you CAN you just don't WANT to...

Enjoy the friendship...that's all it is! he whole reason you're in love with him is because you finally have a man's attention who enjoys your company without having to have sex.


to cathysaint - thank-you SO much! so far, you are the ONLY person who has expressed exactly how i feel!


So you just wanted validation and encouragement to do the CHICK thing and ruin what IS there and try to FORCE what YOU want? GEESH!

Women, like you, SAY you want men to be honest and not PLAY you.... YOU are gonna offer up sex to LURE him, he will probably go for it because you will LIE about the intent...then you'll come on here crying that HE used YOU for sex!

If the guy wanted any more from you than friendship he would have made a MOVE by now... on second thought....maybe you SHOULD move on...you aren't mature enough emotionally to deal with a relationship...even a friendship.
 ravenhair4u
Joined: 8/13/2011
Msg: 44
Should I Move On?
Posted: 8/27/2011 5:04:01 PM
I don't think you can change him. He is looking to hang out. You are looking for a long term. You are already too attached. I don't think waiting around for him to change is good for your emotional health. You are really pretty, you won't have any problem meeting a nice man who is available, & wants the same thing that you do, a long term relationship. Women who try to change a man end up wasting often the best years of their lives, & end up regretting it in the end. This guy is not available. It is what it is.
 sugarandspiceandnice
Joined: 12/27/2010
Msg: 45
Should I Move On?
Posted: 8/30/2011 7:33:33 AM
you are beautiful- do not waste your time on this man, he can not and does not appear to want to give you what you want and need.
He was up front to begin with- although he may try to play you when you move on, do not let yourself be drawn back unless he says he was mistaken and wants a relationship.
good luck
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