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 TDH49
Joined: 8/13/2010
Msg: 20
Separation and Dating. Men vs WomenPage 2 of 2    (1, 2)
In general, do you feel that men and women just feel differently about marital status?
The answer to your question is quite simple really. Women don't date seperated men out of fear of them getting back together with their ex.

Some men will date seperated women without this fear because even if they did get back together with their ex, at least the guy is getting sex out of it before that happens. And if they did wind up getting back together with the ex, it saves the guy from having to end the relationship himself if it don't work out.
Seperated women to some men are viewed as FWB. They don't put too much emotion into it because they don't expect it to really go anyplace.
 shakeitupbaby2012
Joined: 8/12/2010
Msg: 21
Separation and Dating. Men vs Women
Posted: 6/23/2011 9:48:21 AM
For me, I
Personally choose not to date anyone who hasn't been divorced for 2-3 years. Those of us who have been know the process that evolves post divorce and it simplifies matters to date someone well out of it. They're in a much different place IMO.

I think it's a case of the men falling out of their chairs when they were contacted and they're taking the opportunity. Good for them.
Keep plugging away Procol.
 JerseyGirl2008
Joined: 12/27/2007
Msg: 22
Separation and Dating. Men vs Women
Posted: 6/23/2011 9:50:58 AM
I actually DO think men are less inclined to be bothered by a woman's marital status than women.

But I think part of that reason is because most men don't automatically try to see the 'bigger' picture in the initial stages of meeting a woman. Alot of women, however, will gauge a guys' availability for the long haul right from the start, and a 'separated' status is definitely seen as a roadblock to that end. That's at least my theory as to why more women tend to shy away from separated men than vice versa.

So Procol, have you given any more thought to fathering my children? Just askin'....
 Here_In_Florida
Joined: 4/4/2011
Msg: 23
Separation and Dating. Men vs Women
Posted: 6/23/2011 9:52:32 AM

Personally choose not to date anyone who hasn't been divorced for 2-3 years. Those of us who have been know the process that evolves post divorce and it simplifies matters to date someone well out of it. They're in a much different place IMO.


Good luck with that, usually the person actually WANTING the divorce is ready to start dating the moment the ink dries (or earlier) lol

The other person..not so much
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 24
Separation and Dating. Men vs Women
Posted: 6/23/2011 9:58:23 AM
My view, also is that most men just aren't as picky about it. I do know that some are very adamant about a woman not being involved in any way though.

In my case I know that unless they have been separated a while and actually want to move on, they are going to go through a bunch of phases during the divorce they just don't know are coming. So while they say they are done and everything is past them (and I believe they mean it), I know they have no clue yet that things will change.

Unless they are in a mutual situation with no accumulation, or until they start dealing with court dates, lawyers, property division, custody and all that they can't possibly know what lies ahead.

Most people I know thought they were SO done with their spouse when they separated and moved out. Those same people now will tell me they didn't expect to feel the way they did once it got legal, once papers got signed, even in the end when it was finally over. Most wanted to date immediately, and now tell me the last thing they should have done was date.

*Shrug*
 URXO2
Joined: 8/27/2009
Msg: 27
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Separation and Dating. Men vs Women
Posted: 6/23/2011 11:20:25 AM
It's an individual thing some people care some don't.. I really haven't kept track of rejections as to separated or divorced, nor my successes..I'll say this on separation, it seemed to me my time in separation was like limbo a purgatory period, everyone has there own reason for extending or ending that period it's your choice PH, my advice would be end it, you've been in limbo way too long..

She's found another man let him provide her insurance, if he's milking the cow why should you pay for the feed ?
One lawyer can handle the divorce you don't need to pay two, fact, in most States you can download the forms file yourself..
 *Just Jim*
Joined: 7/6/2007
Msg: 28
Separation and Dating. Men vs Women
Posted: 6/23/2011 5:08:00 PM

Here's my question(s)

In general, do you feel that men and women just feel differently about marital status?
Is this just a unique situation?
Or am I just damn ugly? Um...no need to answer this question.


Bottom line ,imo is more then looks,as naturally, money & ego is more importantly now' Then, you have afterwards ones past,negative emotional baggage to follow,in the beginning of sep & also freshly divorce.

Money & ego is always first, it's the most important to them cuz, it helps pay the bills till the cut-off time. lol

So i do understand sep, but still imo, I rather have divorced & have move on for a few years,instead....jmo
 Spider_MacGyver
Joined: 6/11/2011
Msg: 29
Separation and Dating. Men vs Women
Posted: 6/24/2011 3:03:04 AM
Well, boo. I wanted to support your thread but I got zero insight. Other than that the fact you didn't spell it "seperated" would've had me giving you a second look, when I was looking. If you weren't so far away. Jersey no less.

Remain Calm it's pure platonic pity
 peppermint petunias
Joined: 9/2/2009
Msg: 30
Separation and Dating. Men vs Women
Posted: 6/24/2011 9:32:08 AM
I'll separate ya..
Well maybe just pull somethings out of joint.
 boarderdad50
Joined: 4/23/2011
Msg: 31
Separation and Dating. Men vs Women
Posted: 6/24/2011 12:08:00 PM
I dated fora bit while separated perhaps because I felt left out as my now ex left me for the guy she was cheating on me with. It took about a year for the divorce proceedings and didn't want to sit around feeling bad for myself. It was slow I guess to get replies but I got enough and dated a nice woman for about 6 months.

The difference isn't so much you or her but the people you and her are contacting, woman see a man looking to date while separated as emotionally unstable and probably looking to hook up and are turned away. Men see a woman looking to date while separated as emotionally unstable and probably looking to hook up and are turned on.

I personally was not that stereotype but that is the vibe you can give off, overall though it does take a while and you are not as ready to date as you would think and most woman know this and just rather not be the rebound or transitional girlfriend.
 browneyesboo
Joined: 5/19/2005
Msg: 32
Separation and Dating. Men vs Women
Posted: 6/24/2011 12:49:04 PM
I wouldn't date a separated man if I was looking for a relationship
long term or otherwise.

I might date a separated man if I was looking for some fun, companionship
or sex.

I think women who refuse to date separated men are thinking a long
relationship lines and men who date separated women are thinking a long the
lines of a NSA relationship. I also think, in a lot of ways, being separated gives
someone an easy out card. Not something I'm looking for this late in life.

I've heard there are a lot of reasons for not getting a divorce, but I haven't
really heard a good one yet. Unless of course it's for insurance purposes and
the spouse has a terminal disease.

I don't know what the answer is...it's just another preference IMO.
 VacationGuy234
Joined: 8/1/2008
Msg: 33
Separation and Dating. Men vs Women
Posted: 7/5/2011 11:11:02 AM
I don't know if this helps or hurts, but I can say with intense honesty your wife would not have gotten a meet/date from me(no pun intended) so while it is not exactly even there are a lot of guys who won't do it.

However, I will say that being involved in studies like this is NOT GOOD FOR YOU, OP.
 scottey63
Joined: 3/8/2008
Msg: 34
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Separation and Dating. Men vs Women
Posted: 7/5/2011 11:15:35 AM
For me, I don't date separated women, because:
A. They are still married, despite a woman's protestations of "the marriage was over months/years ago, I've moved on, blah blah blah".
B. It's too soon to be getting into a new relationship, and they still have issues, despite a woman's protestations of "the real marriage was over months/years ago, I've moved on, blah blah blah".

I think the difference is most women won't date a separated man because they want a relationship with a man who is free and single, and not likely to go back to the ex. I think more men are open to the idea of dating a separated woman because they simply want to get laid.
 Red Fish GF
Joined: 12/3/2009
Msg: 35
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Separation and Dating. Men vs Women
Posted: 7/5/2011 11:41:08 AM
write time
I think *individuals* feel differently about marital status. Don't think it breaks down necessarily along gender lines.



I met a man through another dating site who was separated and going through a divorce. I felt like I was a rebound as he came on strong quickly. Acting smitten after a few dates but I ignored the RED flags. Within 2 months he admitted he still had deep feelings for his ex and wasn't ready for a serious relationship. He said we could still date but not as often but we never went out again.


A few months later through the same dating site another guy still going through a divorce messaged me. I was hesitant to meet him in person at all but we connected so well in emails. The first few dates I acted aloof and he thought I wasn't interested in being more than friends. We discussed how I was being cautious because of the last guy and continued to see each other. His divorce was finalized months later and he found out his ex was already engaged. This man and I are still happily in an exclusive relationship over 2 years later. My ex though was telling his family and our kids "mommy is dating a married man".


Every situation is different. Some separated people are not ready to date, I know I wasn't while going through a stressful custody battle. There were guys I met that didn't care but they weren't wanting a relationship. It's the emotional separation that matters to me although I would not date someone who hadn't even started the divorce process.
 abelian
Joined: 1/12/2008
Msg: 36
Separation and Dating. Men vs Women
Posted: 7/5/2011 1:18:37 PM

In general, do you feel that men and women just feel differently about marital status?

Hard to say, but I think you might want to ask a different question. If men and women are looking for a relationship, would men and women view dating someone who's seperated differently? Same question except for men and women who are just looking NSA sex? I'd guess that if you seperate the questions that way, men and women probably feel pretty much the same way. In the former case, guys looking for relationships would not be interested in dating your ex-wife any more than women you contact seem to interested in you do to your seperated status. She would probably have fewer than 4 dates out of 4 contacts. On the other hand, guys and gals looking for NSA sex would both probably be interested in someone who is seperated to more or less the same extent. The diffrence is that there are probably more men than women looking for NSA sex.

I mean, seriously, you said your ex-wife doesn't have a photo. No photo + not divorced implies sex on the sly, no strings.
 Daisyrose73
Joined: 9/23/2010
Msg: 37
Separation and Dating. Men vs Women
Posted: 7/6/2011 4:54:02 PM

Seperated women to some men are viewed as FWB. They don't put too much emotion into it because they don't expect it to really go anyplace.


I believe as a separated woman of 4 yrs that this view is pretty accurate. I really need to gather up the cash to pay for the divorce. It isn't that my marriage is not over, we have been totally separated for 4 1/2 yrs, it's just as a single mom of 3 kids it's hard to come up with the money to get that ink on the papers.
 Molly Maude
Joined: 9/11/2008
Msg: 38
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Separation and Dating. Men vs Women
Posted: 7/6/2011 7:22:26 PM
I don't date separated men (deliberately) ... because there have been too many instances where the MAN thinks they're "separated," going their own ways for good and forever ... while the wife still thinks they're "separated," while going to marriage counseling, still sharing a bed, spending most weekends together and she's sure they're going to get back together again once their issues are resolved or, at least, being addressed ...

been there, done that, have no intention of doing to some other wife what some witch did to me ... it wasn't a case of the ink not being dry ... it was a case of no one had even discussed divorce, much less had papers drawn up, served, etc.

there's no feeling quite like it ... sort of like going down with a sinking ship ... with a "wth just happened?" expression on your face ...
 soicat
Joined: 3/3/2010
Msg: 39
Separation and Dating. Men vs Women
Posted: 7/6/2011 11:56:36 PM
I've been separated for several years, we never had children, and my wife lives on the other side of the country. We have a separation agreement which divided our assets, and requires me to pay her spousal support, for life. This sounds worse than it is. I can easily afford it, and it's tax deductible.

Obtaining a divorce decree would be simple and cost only a few hundred dollars. I thought that my wife would want a divorce eventually, but she feels very insecure, and I don't have the heart to push the issue.

Do women my age - 50ish - really care whether I have a divorce decree? It's not like we're going to have children together.
 statesshapes
Joined: 6/11/2011
Msg: 40
Separation and Dating. Men vs Women
Posted: 7/7/2011 12:17:46 AM
I think all you've done is gathered proof that men have a harder time online than women.
 buckeye1332
Joined: 5/19/2011
Msg: 41
Separation and Dating. Men vs Women
Posted: 7/9/2011 4:18:08 PM
Women are more hesitant to date a "seperated" man, it's that simple. Men will jump all over a "seperated" woman in a heartbeat, like a pack of wolves on a 3 legged cat.

Me, I'd never date someone in any kind of relationship whether it be a BF/GF thing, legally or nonlegally seperated, or married.
 soicat
Joined: 3/3/2010
Msg: 43
Separation and Dating. Men vs Women
Posted: 7/10/2011 1:11:25 PM
Now that I think about it, in the offline world, women have never cared that I was married. Even when I lived with my wife, and wore a wedding ring. I'm not saying I acted on their advances, just that they made them.

Perhaps it's only in the rarified air of the POF forums that this is an issue at all.
 SpittyKitty
Joined: 5/2/2011
Msg: 44
Separation and Dating. Men vs Women
Posted: 7/10/2011 6:17:33 PM
I always say:
Finish the business at hand before starting anything new. It's not fair to anyone.

I just hate that....when they say single and they're really separated.
Either tell the truth or STAY the F off till you can be honest.

And that goes for representing oneself honestly in all matters.
There is honor in being truthful.
 ForRumOnly
Joined: 3/16/2009
Msg: 45
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Separation and Dating. Men vs Women
Posted: 7/11/2011 9:31:32 AM
OP, I never had trouble finding dates when I was separated. After the first few weeks of trying dating sites and getting NO responses, I simply changed tactics. I made sure my profile was excellent yet truthful. And I let the women make first contact, knowing my status. I totally and completely stopped initiating contact.

It's a fact of life that most women can attract a man just by being available, yet most men have to work at it. Most women who are available and reasonably attractive can probably pick and choose from numerous contacts. Few men are going to pass their filters, so most are rejected often. However, women also get much better results if they do the choosing because they will initiate contact with men THEY think are interesting and attractive. Men who LET the women make contact get to make the decision to continue or not.

Finally, there IS a double standard. Men are more willing to date separated women than women are willing to date separated men. It's the nature of their psychologies. You can take a cynical view of this fact and say that women won't date men whose assets aren't available, but it's more likely that they feel that the man himself isn't available whether he is or not. Most men care less about a woman's status in the short term, and begin to care only if they reach the point of wanting a permanent relationship with a particular woman.
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