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Show ALL Forums  > Single Parents  > being a single father and finding someone is so hard.why?      Home login  
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 AtheistScholar
Joined: 6/18/2011
Msg: 26
being a single father and finding someone is so hard.why?Page 2 of 11    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11)
Bare foot - I just want to say I read your opinions on this thread and they are really well thought out. Thank you for sharing them!
 barefootkitten
Joined: 12/17/2009
Msg: 27
being a single father and finding someone is so hard.why?
Posted: 6/30/2011 12:28:37 PM
Thanks atheistscholar.

I've been raising my daughter alone since she was a few months old (she's almost 11 years old now). My daughter's father hasn't been part of her life (his choice) in all that time. I would love to have someone to share raising her with and to be a dad to her, but just haven't found that yet. When I do find that man, I want him to be a full member of our family and would hope that if he already has kids that I'd be considered a full member of his family. I just wonder how people think their kids are going to respect their new SOs when they don't allow that person to be a person of authority in their children's lives.
 BigSagman
Joined: 4/12/2011
Msg: 28
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being a single father and finding someone is so hard.why?
Posted: 6/30/2011 1:03:15 PM
Great point. And the adverse is true also. That is, as a single father meeting a woman with a child(ren) especially if she has BOYS....you and I as men have NO shot with a woman like this.
Most if not all "boys" are attached at their mother's nipple......for most of their life. So as a new "man" coming into their world you will NEVER be number one guy...NEVER.

I love my kids and always will. But if I'm in a meaningful relationship my "woman" is NUMBER ONE. And my kids understand that. It does not mean a love my kids any less. If anything, there is a new bond being built between us and that 'new woman'.
 more_22
Joined: 12/20/2010
Msg: 29
being a single father and finding someone is so hard.why?
Posted: 6/30/2011 5:07:48 PM
Are you picky about your women?

Alot of single girls want someone who's available to them 24/7 and will put them at the top of their priority list. I know, how selfish. Those losers! It's hard to find girls who will accept you for who you are and accept the whole package, but you will find the right one. She may not be perfect all around, but she will accept you for you and your children. :) Trust me.. I've dated a guy who had 2 little boys. The relationship didnt work because he wasnt over his ex. That was it.

Best of luck to you.
 barefootkitten
Joined: 12/17/2009
Msg: 30
being a single father and finding someone is so hard.why?
Posted: 6/30/2011 6:51:45 PM
I'm not wanting someone to cook for, clean up after or care for my children and I would be very surprised if thats what any single dad wanted. Everything I do in my life is centred around meeting the needs of my kids so I would like something seperate to that, a companion and a soul mate, someone who I can be with and whilst I'm with them switch off from all the normal stresses of being a single dad! That's very difficult if your companion is playing `mum` or `step parent` or whatever else you may want to call it.
When you choose to merge your families or have someone enter into your family, all family members have responsibilities. I cook for, clean up for and care for my child, and would expect to continue to do so for the children, or SHARE the responsibility of doing this with my SO, for my SO's children because that is what parents DO. Are you suggesting a woman enter your family but not do any housework whatsoever? So a woman, if you choose to live together/marry have to live with your children, but not cook or clean the house for the kids? So that woman should just cook her own meals and let your kids fend for themselves, or have you cook a separate meal so that she won't have to do it? You would NEVER leave your children in her care or expect her to watch them while you go out and work/vist people/whatever, because she's not a "parent", but rather a visitor in the home? Do you even see how ridiculous that sounds?

If you choose to live with/marry a new woman, she WILL be taking on the responsibilities of helping to raise your children and so SHOULD be granted authority over them and have a say in raising them.

I guess where we differ is you seem to want someone to just be a cuddle buddy whereas I want a PARTNER.
 nicerebelguy
Joined: 3/30/2008
Msg: 31
being a single father and finding someone is so hard.why?
Posted: 6/30/2011 8:31:20 PM
I always list that I have my daughter and that it is a big part of my life. Some people don't like guys with kids or who spend lots of time with them. that's okay it's their life and their choices I respect that. We are all different, and it cuts down the time I don't want to go on a date or dates to find out someone has a problem that I must take into account my daughter. Best to be honest and upfront. mention your daughter prominently after all she is a big part of who you are and someone will see the beauty in that.
 ekw1234
Joined: 5/31/2011
Msg: 32
being a single father and finding someone is so hard.why?
Posted: 7/2/2011 5:58:21 PM
Most women do not mind being with a man who has a child. However... there are some things that your partner has to deal with because you have a child. It mostly depends on you, how you deal with your ex, how you reassure your partner that she is actually important to you, and how you deal with your child's behaviour because sooner or later that is gonna come up. I was married to a guy who had four children and it was an aweful aweful relationship, a part of my life i would jusst like to forget. Most of it had to do with the kids. So, remember, you having a child is a consideration. Some women have not done this before and may be gun shy, others have done it before and are jaded. Be responsible and don't expect to make an instant family with your prospects. It is a very good sign that you adore your little girl, but if that is all you talk about it can be a turn off. Finally make sure that your ex knows her role in your life because that is a deal breaker for a lot of people. I personally don't mind children that much but the exes, I can't fool with... that is my reason for vowing never ever ever to deal with a dad again. I am sure you will find someone soon and you will do great, good luck!!
 DelishAZmum
Joined: 5/14/2011
Msg: 33
being a single father and finding someone is so hard.why?
Posted: 7/2/2011 6:51:05 PM
Love the concepts u have mentioned here...Im going to agree with you on this one...Im a single mum of 8 kids and they will always know i will love them unconditionally, , weather I tell them all the time does not matter to them , me being their mentally, physically, emotionally, and so ..on and so on...is what they ask for , and you know what ...A single parent can only do the best they can possibly do and nothing more than that......For a single parent to another...Yes u need to find someone that not only shares ur goals and interest, but u also need to be on the same page as eachother and know that all is equal be it a relationship and the children....
 JHNsMommy
Joined: 6/13/2011
Msg: 34
being a single father and finding someone is so hard.why?
Posted: 7/12/2011 1:32:29 PM
Honestly, any man NOT putting his small children first is not worth dating. What does that say about you as a person if your own children don't rank as #1. Any real woman will understand that.
 BigBadNIrish
Joined: 1/31/2011
Msg: 35
being a single father and finding someone is so hard.why?
Posted: 7/12/2011 7:11:14 PM
Ommmmm...Ommmm...

Balance my friends...this is what one needs to achieve in life to succeed...

If your children perceive they are not number !...they will rebel...if your mate perceives they are not on an even footing they will leave...balance is whee you've made both parties feel like they are on an even footing and are number 1...easy to say...hard to achieve...harder to maintain.
 kawasakiprincess
Joined: 5/13/2007
Msg: 36
being a single father and finding someone is so hard.why?
Posted: 7/12/2011 9:09:29 PM
Lol ok we are losers because we don't wanna come.second or we are.selfish or maybe we don't Want a everyday reminder of what you and your ex had or hey maybe becaue if someone that doesn't have kids and want some.in the future wants her and her man to share first experience. Together its called a preference you chose to have gkid we choose not.to.date you because of it does you having a kid make you any less of.a.person because you had one Noooo does.it make.us bad because we don't wanna deal with any.of it Noo preference people
 KIWI3nme
Joined: 6/6/2006
Msg: 37
being a single father and finding someone is so hard.why?
Posted: 7/12/2011 10:30:49 PM
here is my persepective on this:

I think a single father who is devoted and dedicated and THERE for his kids to me is actually more or a turn on than a man who has never had children. For this man KNOWS whats its like to kiss booboos, clean spit up, change a diaper, have sleepless nights, take them to thier first day of school, cheer them on at sports days, stay up all night with a fever, freak out when thier dd has her first date, they KNOW whats it like to be a single parent.

They undertand the diffuclties, the time restraints, and also making sure thier kids are not shorted when a new partner comes around. My kids come first ALWAYS, but also my mate has to as well. He has to feel wanted and loved and accepted into our lives too.

SOME GIRLS want to be number one, to not take second fiddle, and also dont want to take on an evil exwife either! The mans kids DO HAVE A MOM out there, and to osme women im sure that can be scary, as they have to deal with the 'YOU'RE NOT MY MOM". Or my mom does this and that.

There are genuine women out there who can deal with that, you just have to find them, and that goes for woman too. It goes both ways that men can be spooked too.
Its pefect alright to prefer NO CHILDREN, but if you arent willing to accept all that goes with taking on a single parent then leave them be to find someone who WILL love them for all they have to offer.
 Carguy29
Joined: 7/10/2011
Msg: 38
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being a single father and finding someone is so hard.why?
Posted: 7/13/2011 12:25:46 AM
I am a single father of 4 beautiful children, I am new to this site and have been reading a lot of what people put on here. I see where the men and women are coming from and agree that you just have to bide your time and wait for that special woman to come along and love you... I also agree that Kids should not be put up on profile and the person wants to get to know YOU and then kids come into the picture... OP I hope you find that special someone one day and same goes for me I guess LOL...
 raptorgirl
Joined: 7/30/2007
Msg: 39
being a single father and finding someone is so hard.why?
Posted: 7/13/2011 6:44:25 AM
I think your being too hard on yourself; its not just about being a single parent, its about finding someone you enjoy spending quality/intimate time with. Lets face it, trying to find that Mr/Miss right is difficult in general with or without kids.
Dating in my late 30's and a single parent I feel overwhelmed and wayyyy out of the loop!
We parents tend to focus on taking care of our little ones and building a career and home. Once we start thinking about our needs it almost feels hopeless...left in the dust.
There is NOTHING wrong with being a single father, if anything you should be applauded! Obviously the women you have dealt with in the past have not reached the level of maturity needed to realize that responibility is a commendable trait.
Best of Luck!
 jaynejous57
Joined: 12/15/2009
Msg: 40
being a single father and finding someone is so hard.why?
Posted: 7/13/2011 8:14:58 AM
Good job Butterfly... You hit the nail on the head.. WOW
 KashayJoy
Joined: 2/25/2010
Msg: 41
being a single father and finding someone is so hard.why?
Posted: 7/15/2011 6:08:16 PM
It is hard for everyone that is truthful and tells everyone you are a parent. I am a single mom 50 yrs old, I have 2 kids 11 and 12. I find that men are scared of contacting you for anything serious. Most men only want sex and nothing more. I am not looking for a dad for my kids, or someone to support us, as I am doing it with out any help from the goverment or anyone else and doing it great!! But men my age have grown kids and do not want to be bothered by kids, even if they are well behaved, well mannered, and A, B students. so men are not the only ones that find it hard.. BTW,, I DO COMMEND YOU GUYS THAT ARE IN YOUR KID'S LIFE,, YOU ARE AWESOME AND THE BEST.. better then some men that move away and have nothing to do with theirs or even the ones that are close and never see or support them,, SINGLE DAD'S ARE GREAT, YOU SHOW YOU ARE CONCERNED ABOUT YOUR KIDS AND LOVE THEM AND DO THE BEST FOR THE, KUDOS TO YOU!!
 lilmoma1982
Joined: 7/19/2010
Msg: 42
being a single father and finding someone is so hard.why?
Posted: 7/15/2011 9:23:03 PM
It is the same as being a single mom all that they see is baggaged..... I put my son first no matter what. if they cant handle that then they dont need me. I feel you pain though.
 brtena
Joined: 8/31/2010
Msg: 43
being a single father and finding someone is so hard.why?
Posted: 7/15/2011 11:20:08 PM
its sad but true women are selfish and if you do find that one that is there for you and your child well then more power to you (not saying all women are that way just many of them)
 LiveLaughLovePraise
Joined: 5/26/2011
Msg: 44
being a single father and finding someone is so hard.why?
Posted: 7/17/2011 7:52:47 PM
Personally I prefer to date single fathers and if their children are not their world, I think there's a problem. The "single dads" I will not date are the ones that use their children as a common bond or a badge of honor with a woman. There are many that pawn their kids off to relatives any chance they get to go out. That's not the kind of single dad I want. There are also several that bad mouth their exes every chance they get. Yes, I realize you are not together anymore, but she is the mother of your child, have at least enough respect to bite your tongue. When I start dating someone, I do want them to be honest, but I'm also looking for someone that is happy and ready to move on vs. the bitter ex-husband/boyfriend.

All that said, in most cases, I've found that single dads are better dates because they are more responsible and caring. They know that the world does not revolve around them and together we are more flexible with each other in regards to scheduling dates or having to cancel plans last minute because of a sick kid. When dating anyone, it is only the two of us dating at first. If we are compatible and think there may be something there, then the kids are introduced. If for any reason he doesn't click with my kids or I don't click with his, the relationship is over. It's a package deal folks.

Know that we single mothers go through the same. I've heard everything, but the worst was when a man told me he didn't want to be responsible for another man's mistakes and leftovers. However, I've also dated great men that were wonderful with my kids. I winced at the comment about not dating a single mother that has a son. My son is 10 and while we are close, he wants me to have a nice man in my life. He has been nothing short of respectful and loving to the men that he has met. I have no problem realizing a son's place vs. a boyfriend's place in my life and think that generalization is wrong. It just depends in how the child is raised and what they are taught about relationships.

Anyway....just my two cents on the topic and spinoffs that I've read....
 LeMonaLisa
Joined: 8/23/2010
Msg: 45
being a single father and finding someone is so hard.why?
Posted: 7/20/2011 5:23:58 PM
It seems the world is just breeding shallow flakey of people.....far and few people are jewel like thee days...keep the faith.
 doughman665
Joined: 7/11/2011
Msg: 46
being a single father and finding someone is so hard.why?
Posted: 7/21/2011 5:21:21 AM
I'd just like to say that not all single parents CHOOSE to be single parents. I've been kicked in the nuts twice by women who decided they didn't want to be a wife and only be a part time mom. Yes, life is about the choices you make, but there are times others make choices for you, whether you want them to or not.
 m0nk3y1986
Joined: 7/31/2010
Msg: 47
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being a single father and finding someone is so hard.why?
Posted: 7/21/2011 6:45:06 PM
Hey, don't blame the women because of your inadequacies. I am a single dad. Granted when I first became a single dad, I thought the same thing, cause not all women wanted to jump right on the band wagon. But stick it out, some women will see a single dad with kids, and just be like oh hell no. Some women won't care one way or another if you have kids. Some women will actually prefer it if you have kids (even if they don't have any kids), because it shows that you actually have a kind and caring heart, because face it, being a single dad is tough, takes a lot of time, dedication, sacrifice, and most importantly love.

Just be happy with life, love your kids like no tomorrow, and sooner or later you will find that special some one. I have found a few dates on here, some turned out to be great people that I had a relationship with, some turned out to just be friends, and of course I have been blown off. But that's because women are human, just like we are. No two people are exactly alike, that's what makes this so much fun. Also, I don't know what age your kids are, but try volunteering in your kids school, you would be surprised how many single gal's there are there volunteering as well.

Don't forget to make time for you either, if you have family around, or friends that will babysit so you can just get out for the night, it will lighten your spirits, and you are more likely to attract a solid date if you are enjoying yourself in life.
 urbliss
Joined: 7/13/2011
Msg: 48
being a single father and finding someone is so hard.why?
Posted: 7/22/2011 3:47:14 PM
I don't actually agree with most of what has been said. I think its wonderful to find a man that is willing to say, I have a child and she comes first. I think that speaks to your heart and dedication. To me that means you know your heart and what you want. Any woman who sees that and feels the same for her children, if she has them would understand and be proud and happy to not be second, rather to at some point, if she's lucky share in that relationship.
Just my point of view.
 Easygoin68a
Joined: 5/17/2011
Msg: 49
being a single father and finding someone is so hard.why?
Posted: 7/22/2011 7:03:10 PM
I am a single dad too -

I find that I am more picky, and less receptive to some women who may be showing an interest in me, because I have kids... we single dads are a picky bunch, and in my opinion - we should be.

good luck - no joke
 BillsBall
Joined: 2/23/2011
Msg: 50
being a single father and finding someone is so hard.why?
Posted: 7/22/2011 7:19:35 PM
This is an interesting subject, I don't necessarily think its difficult to find someone to date being a single dad. I think its more difficult to find someone that fits into my life with how active I am. My kids are great kids and have a lot of energy and sure it would be great to meet someone to share life with but between work, school, kids and hobbies a woman has to be willing to be apart of all of it. I'm one of those positive honest guys that truly could care less whether or not a woman wants to make me or my kids a priority in her life. The right woman is out there, when she comes great until then enjoy life, quit worrying about it and live! I know as a previously married guy not having a relationship is strange and somedays hard, but seriously you need to take the time to enjoy life, find a hobby and quit looking so seriously hard and it come around, or you will be alone and find a way to enjoy life and not worry about having someone around. Life is a heck of a lot more fun when you can enjoy with your buddies and people around you!

Just my .02 on this subject.
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