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Show ALL Forums  > Single Parents  > being a single father and finding someone is so hard.why?      Home login  
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 AgnstAllOdz
Joined: 7/19/2011
Msg: 51
being a single father and finding someone is so hard.why?Page 3 of 11    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11)
You need to unhide your profile so they can find you easier :)
I don't see any links anywhere to see who you are.
 Mochara11
Joined: 2/11/2011
Msg: 52
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being a single father and finding someone is so hard.why?
Posted: 7/26/2011 5:14:49 PM
Butterfly. Yes we do make our choices. yes we may have made the choice to have a child with our wife/husband or whatever. However, that was as a couple, not as single parents. Yes we may then have decided for reasons of our own to get divorced. That decision though is not one taken lightly and is made for your own good and the good of the child or children. Some choices have to be made and it's not like we wake up some morning and decide that "hey I think I'm going to be a single parent now". You know I am sure that there is a hell of a lot more to it than simple decisions.
 Mochara11
Joined: 2/11/2011
Msg: 53
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being a single father and finding someone is so hard.why?
Posted: 7/26/2011 5:19:31 PM
Yep I agree 100%. I believe that more single men without children are more prepared to take on another persons kids because they like/love the mother and accept that it's a whole package deal. However women don't see it that way, They don't want the hasstle of another persons child(ren) so yes I would say that a lot of women are selfish in that respect and perhaps more so than men. Sorry Butterfly but it is true.
 Seabud
Joined: 5/13/2011
Msg: 54
being a single father and finding someone is so hard.why?
Posted: 7/29/2011 5:32:03 PM
I read where single Mom's write that their children are their world all the time. Why should a single father need to appear any less devoted to his children? I respect a Woman who puts her children first where dating is concerned and women I'm sure respect that same quality in a Man.
 Dally Irish
Joined: 3/29/2010
Msg: 55
being a single father and finding someone is so hard.why?
Posted: 7/30/2011 1:21:24 AM
a year ago a ladey told me "she'll find you"! still waiting...
 gerald101
Joined: 5/31/2010
Msg: 56
being a single father and finding someone is so hard.why?
Posted: 7/31/2011 11:45:40 AM

Maybe...just maybe....*listen carefully now as your overinflated brains might miss this one* Maybe they won't date YOU because of this attitude!! Or...it could be that they are not attracted to you ....or it could be because NO they don't want to play second fiddle to your child (which DUH is perfectly within their right as humans who can make choices)....or, or, or.....there could be a ton of reasons.

But how dare you call someone selfish for not wanting to date you for ANY reason!! It's not wrong....it's not selfish....it's a right and quite frankly ...a perfectly good one!!

Now grow up little boys and please don't pass that attitude on to your child....!!


I think, perhaps, you are being a bit harsh there. Sure i agree that calling 99% of them selfish is extremely rude. But the other guy who was talking about having a hard time is probably just frustrated. While i do not completely agree with him, i've also ran into the same issues. Though i also understand and do not blame them. Though there are people (both men and women) who have children that will not date people who also have kids. Which is hypocritical i think, and could be considered selfish. But still, their choice i guess. Even if a selfish one.
 gerald101
Joined: 5/31/2010
Msg: 57
being a single father and finding someone is so hard.why?
Posted: 7/31/2011 11:48:01 AM

Yep I agree 100%. I believe that more single men without children are more prepared to take on another persons kids because they like/love the mother and accept that it's a whole package deal. However women don't see it that way, They don't want the hasstle of another persons child(ren) so yes I would say that a lot of women are selfish in that respect and perhaps more so than men. Sorry Butterfly but it is true.


You can normally spot those, they tend to always have " No baby mama drama" written somewhere. that one always cracks me up.
 go_geo_go
Joined: 7/9/2011
Msg: 58
being a single father and finding someone is so hard.why?
Posted: 8/1/2011 4:30:22 PM
Uh I know a few single dads that find it easy. Single as in the moms went crazy and disappeared or signed something saying they don't want the kid. Anyway, my single dad friends are pretty much jerks but they still get lots of women. Its where you're looking maybe?
 Onie31
Joined: 1/13/2011
Msg: 59
being a single father and finding someone is so hard.why?
Posted: 8/13/2011 1:02:07 AM
As a single mother of a son who's father has never been in the picture, I think its amazing when a man actually shows his love for his child/children. It shows what good men they are.
 mahogony love goddes
Joined: 1/21/2006
Msg: 60
being a single father and finding someone is so hard.why?
Posted: 8/13/2011 11:40:56 AM
It's the samething with being a single mom, so its not like your the only one going through it. the majority of us single moms go through it because most of the time it is the woman thats a single parent. not bashing the men out there taking responsibility though. but I`m just saying it sounds like you wrote that out of fustration. but your NOT the only one. definitly not. because I really would love to have a nice guy. I`m not asking him to help me with my son and take the place of his dad. he already has one, I also dont have drama nor do I cause it but sometimes that is also what some people tend to think. maybe you should look for other single parents. some women love kids and will be happy to be their for you single parent or not. you just have to find her. which isnt easy to do. like I said I am not bashing single fathers or fathers in general in any kind of way either. so please dont take that as an offense. I actually applaud you guys. As for being stood up, well that just shows her lack of morals and charachter. I`m sure she could have found a nice way to tell you and plus she knew you had kids in the beginning RIGHT? I pray you find someone special that will fill that other void in your heart. be blessed!

,sincerely
a single mom
 mahogony love goddes
Joined: 1/21/2006
Msg: 61
being a single father and finding someone is so hard.why?
Posted: 8/13/2011 11:43:18 AM
I totally agree with what you said, and why is it that some people want you to except that they have kids but cant except yours? am I the only one who notices that?
being a single father and finding someone is so hard.why?
Posted: 8/13/2011 4:59:21 PM
My response is not specifically for the poster but in response to several different comments.

Single parenting is single parenting, works the same way whether Mom or Dad. Dating and relationships with a single parent is also the same whether it's mom or dad. Having difficulty dating may not have anything to do with being a single parent and everything to do with the perception on how your partner would then "join" and/or “share” in your life.

When choosing to "date" a single parent, if one is eventually looking for a "partner" then one has to determine if a blended family would be possible... Why would I take the chance dating someone whom I might eventually care deeply for when we are not compatible when it comes to the value of the family unit? You want a "partner" but state very clearly that your child comes first...I assume at that point a "partnership" is not possible.

Consider this:

Whose child is number 1, yours, mine or both? How can one child be more important to one partner and another child be more important to the other partner?

What about when our perceived priorities differ regarding each others children? The family/household we're creating is split down the middle?

What about the partner's needs? Do they take a back seat to the "wants" of the child?

Be my partner without parenting my children but parent your own...wth? Any ideas on how someone pulls that off? I can’t even have my kids and my nieces/nephews in the same room and follow different rules for each family’s kids and they’re only visiting…

Honestly, if your child is your whole world, why are you even dating and looking for a partner? You already have your whole world...don't you?

A couple of posters have already said and/or implied this and I agree...

I think balance is key, partnership is key...it's not complicated. I don't care if you're a single dad or not. If I'm going to consider dating you, I care if you have room in your life and in your heart for a true partner. I care if you're mature enough to understand that life and parenting is about balance...priorities should be ever changing based on the needs of all the family members in the household and the needs of the family unit.

Just my 0.2 for what it’s worth…
 singleguy467
Joined: 4/8/2011
Msg: 63
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being a single father and finding someone is so hard.why?
Posted: 8/15/2011 4:34:40 PM
Just my opinion... thinking one of the biggest issues for single fathers that have majority/sole custody is the lack of support groups. This forum thread allows a small group of men to vent. I would hope most women would concede the notion that there are exponentially more 'Mommy's day out' groups available at local churches and the like. Sometimes it tough to press forward, but every one of us that posted to this thread as a single parent must do so for the benefit of our children. Paralysis to our situation(s) will most likely be more of a harmful disservice to them. May God have mercy on us and our children.
 antbog
Joined: 6/28/2009
Msg: 64
being a single father and finding someone is so hard.why?
Posted: 8/28/2011 3:36:52 PM
I would like to know the answer to that as well. Why does it seem theres a game thats being played that I dont want any part of. Just wanna find an honest and sincere woman to enjoy the rest of my like and my kids lives with. Havent had much luck on here cause it seems that all they are interested in is physical appearances.
 immenthatsthat
Joined: 3/2/2010
Msg: 65
being a single father and finding someone is so hard.why?
Posted: 8/29/2011 9:21:35 PM
Well said bree!
 forumjunkie942
Joined: 8/15/2011
Msg: 66
being a single father and finding someone is so hard.why?
Posted: 8/29/2011 10:48:30 PM
Hate to say this but

What do you look like? ( Do most women find you handsome?)

How much money do you make a year?

What do you do for a living?

Do you own your own home?

Can you afford to supply vacations, jewelry, a great neighborhood, a good car, a great home to a potential mate on your own?

No offense, but this is the stuff most people are going to look at when they are dating. There are plenty of good looking financially well off single dads with great careers and big houses that get laid and have an overwhelming number of dating options.

Personally I don't think having a child is a liability for dating. But that's how I see it personally. The rest of the world and how it works does see it as a big problem. Some don't, but those are not as many as the people feeling the other way.

To me, if you are an average looking guy and making average money and live in an average place, if you are a single dad with primary custody, it's just going to be harder to find dates. You need something that will stand out to a lot of women. And that thing is usually money.

Money. Money. Money.

It's not like it's a huge secret. Guys with big money get laid. A lot. Those who aren't getting laid a lot don't want to get laid bad enough, but if they did, they could literally buy their way into sex.

Is it fair? No. Is it easy to swallow? No. Is it the way most people want the world to work? No. But it is how the world works.

The more money you have, the more many many many women will put up with things, that they might not otherwise if you were poor, that they just don't like.

If you were blind and had a billion dollars in the bank, what would happen? You would be bumping into supermodels trying to blow you on your yacht with Stevie Wonder playing in the background.

If you were an ex con who just killed 17 people and got out of prison on a technicality, but the murder tape was all over YouTube, but you had a billion dollars, what do you think would happen? You'd be the only judge in a wet T shirt contest with super model looking women, where the T shirts say, "The Media Will Frame Anyone"

If you had 1852 children, if you had four legs, if you had no nose, if you only spoke a language that goats understand, but you had a billion dollars, what do you think would happen? You'd have super model looking women getting you shoes in double pairs right before they blew you while you rested the remote on their bobbing head.

Your kid looks less like a liability to a lot of women in a dating situation the more money you have. If you doubt it, walk outside and look at the world, tell me what you see, not all the politically correct BS people spout, but what people are actually doing and choosing.
 phys_asst2012
Joined: 8/9/2011
Msg: 67
being a single father and finding someone is so hard.why?
Posted: 8/30/2011 7:52:08 AM
OUCH! i so want to join this banter but am sort of holding back for fear of being called a moron as well. I have pics of my daughter and son on here...ive been raising my two alone for about 13 years....and needless to say if that is a turn off or deterent to women...then so be it. I will not waiver or falter the life which has gotten my children ad i to the solid structure that exists within our house hold today. We thrive with the love that has been built within our home..and any additional love is always welcomed and embraced but will never substitute...only compliment what we already have. Whether the disclosure of a woman's stance on my priority list is done here or on our first date...she ultimately has the choice of taking it or leaving it. Most do leave it...only to complain later about how ALL men suck. Men this, men that...blah blah blah...when in reality if they CHOSE the MAN...who has proven his loyalty, capacity to love, nourish, nurture and be completely devoted to family...then perhaps they wouldnt be complaining about the bounty of those men out there that DONT! Nothing wrong with being second in the heart of a man who has lived his life to care for his kids. Eventually all love within that familial circle will come full circle or paralleled anyway. It just takes a little time to earn your place in that wheel.
 DesertGem68
Joined: 6/18/2010
Msg: 68
being a single father and finding someone is so hard.why?
Posted: 8/30/2011 9:17:38 PM
Ok just a thought. How about all you single dads give us single moms a shot since we all seem to have issues with finding dates? After all who better to be patient, understanding and accepting of you and your situation???
 BigBadNIrish
Joined: 1/31/2011
Msg: 69
being a single father and finding someone is so hard.why?
Posted: 8/31/2011 7:01:18 AM
What's in a name-Plenty of Fish....in other words...there are many people of the opposite sex out there in dating land...and there are even a few for us single parents...all one has to do is look or the right person, not settle, find someone who's compatable with our life-styles..sounds simple...but, it's not...it's as hard as not making the wrong mate choices we'd made in the past...yet, still posible.
 Titanicrose
Joined: 6/12/2011
Msg: 70
being a single father and finding someone is so hard.why?
Posted: 8/31/2011 8:40:46 AM
I agree with what you said! You hit it on the head! I have children in college now and I do not want to become a step mom to young children. Many women do not want this including me. I try to find someone with children the same age range as mine. I do not put up personal pictures , this is the internet, especially children. He may find someone who has children of his girls age range. Some women want to start a family with their "Own' children as well.
 wishimaywishimight
Joined: 9/17/2008
Msg: 71
being a single father and finding someone is so hard.why?
Posted: 10/26/2011 3:03:07 PM
Interesting assumptions and feedback.
Personally, I choose to only date single fathers. I feel we have a kinship, similar lifestyle as well as a loving disposition that can only come from parenting.
 GalforGod
Joined: 9/1/2011
Msg: 72
being a single father and finding someone is so hard.why?
Posted: 11/1/2011 6:32:16 PM
I never had a problem dating single dads because I have kids myself. But having met monstrously disrespectful kids, and fathers who shelter their kids more than I shelter my younger kids, not to mention the ones that let their children sleep inbed with them I'm now a little more weary about dating single dads. Most men I've dated and even been in relationships with, realised that my having children never hampered my movements during the weekends in a major way. But I agree I wouldn't like to get the impression that I'd always play second fiddle, maybe because I've always realised that the role of a man in my life is potentially more enriching in the long run than children that will grow up and have their own lives.
 dixiepixie08
Joined: 9/11/2008
Msg: 73
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being a single father and finding someone is so hard.why?
Posted: 11/1/2011 9:51:21 PM
You are SO right. Good points. Smart man! :)
 Kathleen18201
Joined: 6/16/2011
Msg: 74
being a single father and finding someone is so hard.why?
Posted: 11/6/2011 6:20:37 AM
I am a single mom looking for a single dad I am coolbeansnyc18201 on yahoo messenger give me a hollar.

Kathleen
 sheiladez
Joined: 4/10/2011
Msg: 75
being a single father and finding someone is so hard.why?
Posted: 11/6/2011 9:18:35 PM
i think single dads are great look at my profile sheiladez !
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