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Show ALL Forums  > Single Parents  > being a single father and finding someone is so hard.why?      Home login  
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 want to travel
Joined: 7/29/2006
Msg: 101
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being a single father and finding someone is so hard.why?Page 5 of 11    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11)
it is hard for a single dad, because it is not equitable for the single woman
simple as that!
 looptex1
Joined: 5/6/2008
Msg: 102
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being a single father and finding someone is so hard.why?
Posted: 4/4/2012 2:22:53 PM
id say almost impossible.. i have been divorced for almost 5 years. i have tey to get a date from here and have only talked to about 3 people.
yep ive sent messages and the whole 9 yards but no response it the typical response.
but of course i give the ladies a break, i was raising 4 girls ages 4,6, 8 and 15 own my own. that would have to be alot for someone to consider stepping into.
 Tealwood
Joined: 12/16/2008
Msg: 103
being a single father and finding someone is so hard.why?
Posted: 4/4/2012 3:21:02 PM

I'm 53 and raising an 11 yr. old. Best 11 yrs of my life. women come and go. Look at the turn around here on POF. Your kid will never let you down; as long as you don't let them down. Hell, some women will better deal a guy for the next better sounding e-mail. LOL. Who would you pick?

Oh, yes , something new, I have been told that I'm undateable because of my role. Numerous times. I also have established very good relationships with women as a result of me being a DAD. It takes special personalities for this to work. Narcisists would not be interested in gentlemen such as ourselves.


LOL.....well 52.....raised and raising a 19 and 16yr old....the finish line is within sight....or at least they are both in university? And as I feel they should be financially supported or assisted while they start their adult lives...not total freedom! I might suggest a woman who was my age with still an 11yr old would not be at the top of my dating wish list! Sorry Riptide!

But then that is what individual choice is all about. Just like the early 40is woman who found me unacceptable as their children were just leaving home and they were looking for that personal freedom...but then when they were in diapers at 24...I was face down in night clubs inebriated or living life without a care in the world.


Great post, RIPTIDE! A lot of women on here would probably think I am undateable also, but in my area, most of the women are single moms too, so it's a two-way street. I live in an area where everyone knows everyone, so I'm hoping to find someone in the same boat as I am locally.


He does have good posts...but I might suggest you might have problems finding a single mother in the same situation as yourself....check out the statistics on single mothers with custody and full time employment...versus single fathers with custody and full time employed....unless you do not mind picking up added financial responsibilities?
 Khal25
Joined: 8/11/2011
Msg: 104
being a single father and finding someone is so hard.why?
Posted: 4/15/2012 9:20:59 PM
I haven't had a problem finding women while being a single father. Most the women I have dated since me and my ex split had no problem with my daughter at all. In fact most loved the fact that I was such a loving and involved father. It doesn't hurt that my kid is cute and lovable as well so even if I have one or two that's on the fence about dating a guy with a kid she always wins them over... In fact I honestly believe one dated me just so she could be around my daughter even tho she wont admit it lol. It is all about how you present yourself. Everyone knows your kid will always come first but you shouldn't make it seem like they have to become mommy to your child just to date you. Most women I date or talk to never meet my kid and if they do or have it purely because I had no choice in the matter. Let a woman know that she is dating you and not you and your kid and she might not mind the kid too much.
 Confuzzled4ever
Joined: 6/9/2005
Msg: 105
being a single father and finding someone is so hard.why?
Posted: 4/16/2012 4:37:56 PM
I didn't read a single other reply.. just so you know.. There is nothing inherently wrong with being a single parent. It just is what it is. You are a single parent, that can't be changed. It's like saying I'm female.. I can't change that. There are people who get it and people who don't. Older people are more accepting then younger, Others with children are more accepting of it then those without. My child free friends get stood up too, I've been stood up both before and after becoming a single parent. Asking another person to accept you for who you are is one thing.. asking that same person to make room for another person, accept that person and let that person take priority over them is a whole other thing. Especially if you are young. No offense.. but MOST 20 something guy I met are completely selfish. They don't think they are, but they are. I've no doubt most 20 something women are the same. Even parents in that age range tend to be more selfish then their older counterparts. It's just part of growing up. It's hard to make a relationship work with 2 people, add a 3 person with a whole different personality who will eventually depend on them? Wow.. that's a big slice of pie to digest! Be thankful they realized it now and stood you up rather then breaking if off after your child likes them.
 trespa
Joined: 4/12/2012
Msg: 106
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being a single father and finding someone is so hard.why?
Posted: 4/17/2012 2:20:57 PM
i think its tougher for guys to have a child and date or find someone. women are expected to raise children ... its not an issue with much guys... i think however that if ur a dude sharing partial custody (i do the 50-50 thing) - women right of the bat think they're in second place or will have to raise the kid for you. Definitely, its tougher for men, women are less understanding when it comes to that.
 mellowgirl4
Joined: 12/23/2008
Msg: 107
being a single father and finding someone is so hard.why?
Posted: 4/22/2012 6:06:32 AM
I dont have a problem with a single dad, Im a single mum with 2 kids and its very hard. You cant jaut have any one come into your home. Iv been on my own now for over 10 years. I work, as well as bringing up my kids, i have 4 kids in all my 2 youngest are still at home.
Its just hard for a parent with kids to find a parnter that relates to you. I understand how yoy feel.
 ThreadMasterB
Joined: 4/15/2012
Msg: 108
being a single father and finding someone is so hard.why?
Posted: 4/22/2012 6:59:08 AM
I respect all single parents and what they do because I know it isn't easy, but I would never date a single parent because I like to go do random things and like on a Friday just take off to the beach or go some place and it's not planned and I know they can't do that so that's my main reason. It's just tough trying to be with someone who is a single parent.
 daf1970
Joined: 1/1/2012
Msg: 109
being a single father and finding someone is so hard.why?
Posted: 4/22/2012 12:25:50 PM
I've had the same problem. Im starting to think that women are just to hypocritical in what they are looking for or what they want outta life and a man.
 MrSmith317
Joined: 5/2/2011
Msg: 110
being a single father and finding someone is so hard.why?
Posted: 4/22/2012 8:04:16 PM
I as a single father think that there SHOULD be nothing wrong with women dating a single parent however all evidence to the contrary. Basically either party usually and I stress the usually part want other party to pay more attention to their world. The statement "My child is my world" usually means there's not much space for you. My children are very important parts of my life. My life... I had life before them, while I was raising them, and will after they've left the safety of my home.

The long and the short of it is that unless both parties understand that this is a convergence of many lives, not just of the two directly involved with one another, it just doesn't or won't work. I wish it would, but since most people can't take themselves out of their own head space long enough to find out, we poor single parents are doomed to search for the few that can.. Just my 2 cents. Take it as such.
 Tealwood
Joined: 12/16/2008
Msg: 111
being a single father and finding someone is so hard.why?
Posted: 4/23/2012 3:37:18 PM
I disagree. If im shallow because I want a man who has time for me and doesnt have to call for a sitter every friday night than Im shallow and Ill be that way and be just fine with it. Id rather spend time with me or a guy who is free to come and go as he pleases than a man with 3 kids who clearly doesnt need to have dating on his mind for awhile. Just my opinion

It was an example it wasnt a personal attack sorry if you felt that way but it gets annoying to hear single parents over and over again expect people to want to take on others children. Not all of them do that just seems alot do


Hey domo31....I have no issue with what your choices or preferences would be.....that is after all your prerogative and right to choose what and where you put your time and emotional energies into.....one after all must get a real laugh out of the whiners who suggest they are just as viable or have just as much right to find someone who will care for them....when in much of the same time they have no problem suggesting their children are the most important criteria for them. After all one does have to take on responsiblity for themselves at to where they are in life...as you made your bed....lie in it and not expect others to to accommodate your choices in life.
 Confuzzled4ever
Joined: 6/9/2005
Msg: 112
being a single father and finding someone is so hard.why?
Posted: 4/23/2012 4:43:11 PM
I disagree with you Domo..You don't have a child, you don't know what a parent should have on their mind.. I find that I don't spend enough time with my child. He's away so much and involved in so many different things that I miss him. sometimes I only see him for dinner or right before bed, because he's busy. I have the last 2 weekends and the next one completely free, and I have 6 weeks in the summer without my child, that's over half the summer! If a guy is so selfish that this isn't enough time for him then he can go scratch! I wouldn't want to waste all my time on him! I hope the day never comes when you have to care for someone else.. whether it be a child or a parent.. and if it does i really hope you have someone giving you a taste of your own medicine!
 Confuzzled4ever
Joined: 6/9/2005
Msg: 113
being a single father and finding someone is so hard.why?
Posted: 4/23/2012 7:11:19 PM
Whining will get you no where.. i think you had a bad experience with a single parent and are lumping us all together. People in general are busy. Single parent or not. You don't want to date single parent? Good for you. You don't have the right to come in here and tell us that we shouldn't have dating on our agenda. We have kids.. doesn't' mean we're dead, or unable to entertain a normal relationship. I really don't even know why you're in this forums? You don't wanna date single parents.. great we get it.. you don't contribute anything other then whining how single parents don't have time for you, great.. NEXT

EDIT: You're right.. you have the right to say whatever you want.. You've said the same thing on just about every post you've submitted. it's whining. "single parent's don't have time for you and that's why you don't date them" great. we get it. move on.

 Aries_328
Joined: 10/16/2011
Msg: 114
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being a single father and finding someone is so hard.why?
Posted: 4/23/2012 8:09:22 PM
I really don't get where she was whining at all? I'm a single parent. My child is 16 and the time thing isn't as much of an issue as it used to be but the time was only part of the problem.

It is a myth that women are attracted to guys with kids. Women do not naturally like others children. It takes conscious effort. They have to want to accept to be in their lives. Some people naturally understand this and it is not a conflict of interest. That in no way means that there is some magic mommy trait in women where there will be some perfect mesh of personalities. It also means that it is much better for a women to know herself well enough not to screw up people’s lives and try to be something they just aren't.

It is just reality. She isn't whining. She is actually being more realistic then a lot of women that don't want to accept their own reality that they just don't like other peoples children.
 Confuzzled4ever
Joined: 6/9/2005
Msg: 115
being a single father and finding someone is so hard.why?
Posted: 4/23/2012 8:25:01 PM
When every post is the same thing it's whining. Every post.. "I just don't want to date a man who doesn't have time for me." I get it, we all get it. She doesn't have to date a single parent. It's ok. Just the same thing over and over. We get it.. move on.

funny tho.. I don't mind men with kids and I have dated them. The majority of men who pursue me have no kids and most of them love my son. They haven't worked out for various reasons, but only 1 used my son as an excuse or scapegoat whichever word you prefer. and I agree with you. There is no magic mommy trait that makes you mesh with another kids, there is no magic daddy trait either. I know kids I can't stand and kids I love who aren't mine. I was heartbroken when one relationship ended, because I didn't want to lose his child in my life..and actually let the relationship linger on longer then it should have due to this. I have also ended a relationship because a man's kid was so disrespectful and he would do nothing to stop him. so you're right there also.. the personalities have to mesh.

I don't like misbehaved children, including when my own is misbehaved and I'll openly admit that I'm not looking for a baby, or a man with a baby. Young children are ok, as are older children, but I'm done with diapers. Other then that it's not a deterrent. It's actually the opposite. A man who is a good father to his kids means he's a decent person. Doesn't mean he's right for me, but a man who is selfless enough to take care of his children properly is generally a good man. Regardless of custody arrangements.

And I agree, the time in my world isn't a huge issue. My son is very busy, so I'm always dropping him off somewhere or taking him somewhere or he's always outside involved in stuff. I'm pretty busy. but no more then any other person my age. I like it this way. These last two weeks is a lull for me, but it's getting warm and beautiful out and the trails are starting to beckon me. lol.
 Aries_328
Joined: 10/16/2011
Msg: 116
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being a single father and finding someone is so hard.why?
Posted: 4/23/2012 9:29:21 PM

The majority of men who pursue me have no kids and most of them love my son.


I would tend to agree with this. Men tend to be more accepting of others children in relationships. I don't know if it is because men don't have the expectation that there is a magic biological connection and just look at a kid as a kid and that little humans are little humans. From my experience the lack of birth causes conflict with women. I have dated a single mother, one that couldn't have children and one that didn't have the opportunity. All of them conflicted with my relationship with my daughter. The same was not a problem for the one that had a child and me. We got along great. I think it was because I had no expectations of feelings with/for him. I just accepted him for the individual that he was and that’s it.

I treat kids as human beings with rights and expectations and not as biological feelings. I think that is more normal for men and confused by women. I think most women have an expectation of some 'special' bond that is magically created by birth. It isn't true. It is a myth. And again, I think it is far more common for women to have this conflict so having someone at least admit it is closer to admitting reality than whining.

And of course I would probably fall into the trap myself of thinking that because she could admit her conflicts with others children that she would probably be a good mother because she can acknowledge reality. And that would make my feeling wrong since as she is saying that she doesn't feel that drive which means she is probably telling the truth and it would be a really poor parental relationship. So... there is no winning. Reality sucks. Now I'm sad :)

I wish I could have given my daughter a good 'mother' experience. It is the one thing in life she will never know. The best I can hope for is that if she decides to be one herself that she will put her best foot forward and call me for advice :)
 RUtheone39
Joined: 4/20/2012
Msg: 117
being a single father and finding someone is so hard.why?
Posted: 4/24/2012 8:45:12 AM
I have to reply here, I'm 39 years old, divorced for 4 yrs, married 14 years. I wanted children badly during the marriage, I'd still like to have kids one day, I have resolved to myself that one I'm probably going to have a hard time finding a man that doesn't have children at my age, and 2nd that I'll never have kids, unless I find one that doesn't mind having another at the least.
Now with that said, I wouldn't mind dating a man that has children. Now yes age of the child/children may play a roll, and how many he has, but single fathers/mothers want someone in their life and their childrens life as much as I want to be in there. Look I'm realistic, I know that I'm not going to get along with everyones child. I know there's going to be from the misbahaving brat all the way to the little angel you never hear a word out of. Hey I have nephews and a niece I know what children are like. I'm not living in a fantasy world here.
The older a single woman/man gets the more apt they are going to be dating a man/woman with kids. I just happen to be the exception. And no I don't want to take a child's mother's place, I just want a relationship with a man, and I know at my age there probably aren't many single men. So there's my 2 cents.
 Proud_Dad83
Joined: 10/20/2009
Msg: 118
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being a single father and finding someone is so hard.why?
Posted: 4/24/2012 9:12:35 AM
Man it is hard. Im a single dad also and have full custody of both my little girls and i have had the worst luck to it seems like. Not sure why that is but it is i guess. Hang in there and you'll find someone.
 Aries_328
Joined: 10/16/2011
Msg: 119
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being a single father and finding someone is so hard.why?
Posted: 4/24/2012 9:28:35 AM
have had the worst luck to it seems


Are you equating no dates with 'worst luck of a single dad' or are you saying that the dates you have had lose quality as a result of being a single dad?

For me, the dates I have had that turned into relationships developed problems because of me having a child. I couldn't get them to not confuse the relationshipss. Even after several years seperations only grew and never seemed to reduce and the periods of time where I thought things could be ok grew less and less.

Not getting dates and being a single father are most likely not related. Problems finding someone for a lasting relationship are. :)
 Tealwood
Joined: 12/16/2008
Msg: 120
being a single father and finding someone is so hard.why?
Posted: 4/24/2012 9:40:20 AM

If a guy is so selfish that this isn't enough time for him then he can go scratch! I wouldn't want to waste all my time on him! I hope the day never comes when you have to care for someone else.. whether it be a child or a parent.. and if it does i really hope you have someone giving you a taste of your own medicine!


Wow........guys...she will grant you all 6 weeks....or 8% of the year free and clear of obstacles and potential complications.

So I have no problem suggesting that is not good enough...at least good enough for anyone who has no children and no established responsibilities of their own....why should they settle for being second classed and marginalized in that manner?

I might suggest the wasting of time is not you but the poor smuck you feel should wait on you for your whim of when you might have time for him.

And I have no problem with this premise and equally agreed with a single mother whose child had left when she suggested as mine was still in the house that she could find far more suitable potential dating partners who were more suitable to where she was in terms of not having albotrosses or impeditments to the outside dating prospects.

So I agree with Domo....and as a single custodial parent I easily understand and agree with her premise and have no issues understanding that.
 Confuzzled4ever
Joined: 6/9/2005
Msg: 121
being a single father and finding someone is so hard.why?
Posted: 4/24/2012 2:54:52 PM
lol @ tealwood. That's free and clear of my child.. not how much time I would "grant" the other person. generally I find I am free much more often then my child-free dates seem to be.. hmm better time management? idk.. lol. Thanks for making me laugh anyway..

Funny..that I never find any of these things to be a issue anywhere but online. I guess what people say here and what they actually do are two different things.

PS: it's 11% of the year.. at least insult me properly.. ;~p
 Tealwood
Joined: 12/16/2008
Msg: 122
being a single father and finding someone is so hard.why?
Posted: 4/24/2012 3:26:51 PM

PS: it's 11% of the year.. at least insult me properly.. ;~p


LOL...you are so right....I think I should either toss the calculator or learn how to press the numbers better. I really feel like an idiot not being able to get the right numbers on so easy a process….So my compliments on quickly correcting the inaccuracies.
 Confuzzled4ever
Joined: 6/9/2005
Msg: 123
being a single father and finding someone is so hard.why?
Posted: 4/24/2012 3:36:19 PM
It's my job to point out the flaws of others while sitting high up on my pedestal waving my magic wand isn't it??? I coulda swore it was..


Wait.. who stole my crown????

LOL
 Lionesse19
Joined: 3/30/2012
Msg: 124
being a single father and finding someone is so hard.why?
Posted: 4/24/2012 3:55:47 PM
I would depend on your daughter and her attitude to having to deal with your friends. I think they may be using her as an excuse not to see you again as someone you really connect with, wouldnt care unless she is a real brat. Children can typically be resentful and jealous of anyone coming and taking the place of their parent, in a way. I dont know how old your daughter is and how often you see her but for it would not be a huge problem unless she lives with you, perhaps.
 waitingonsomething
Joined: 12/6/2010
Msg: 125
being a single father and finding someone is so hard.why?
Posted: 4/25/2012 10:36:10 AM
Having the same problem . Being a single mother I am finding that most men that are single or divorced do not have their children living with them and are out looking for I don't know what. I guess to relive their lives. I've gone out on a few First dates but when I talk about my children who are 16 and older, there isn't a second date. My children and grandchildren are my life and I have made room for as many people that can fit in my heart (whether single or with children)
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