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Show ALL Forums  > Single Parents  > being a single father and finding someone is so hard.why?      Home login  
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 xxS1ngl3Dadxx
Joined: 12/14/2011
Msg: 126
being a single father and finding someone is so hard.why?Page 6 of 11    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11)
Dating women without kids stinks cause they don't get it for the most part. Single mothers are usually so much more attractive, mysterious, and sexy. More depth on the spiritual and emotional side. Not always, just a huge generalization I know, but my experience nonetheless.
 Aries_328
Joined: 10/16/2011
Msg: 127
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being a single father and finding someone is so hard.why?
Posted: 4/29/2012 5:52:32 PM

Exactly too hard to compete with the mother of his kid or kids so I will pass and not be put tenth on his priority list or when he gets around to make time for me no ty


And no thanks to being with someone that feels this way but tries to pretend and act differently. The feelings always win. Just so you know though... It is a made up belief that the ex or child are competition. Of course there are some that feel this way but it is not the normal behavior. It goes the same that if you ask directly then yes... the child will always come first. That is because it is kind of a stupid question. It has no context and meaning and there is no 'first' in life. You may have a mother and father. If they were on their deathbed and needed you by their side then 'they come first' unless you hate your parents.

So, I support your feelings to not feel second I just do think it is not really a positive quality in a person. And I have had enough experience with those that are not honest with themselves and they hurt everyone.
 Aries_328
Joined: 10/16/2011
Msg: 128
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being a single father and finding someone is so hard.why?
Posted: 4/29/2012 11:01:52 PM

If a single parent has way too much going on maybe they should wait because its not fair to date when you have no time for the person.


If... But I bet that you already know that once you have a child your husband will no longer have any importance... which btw destroys marriages. It's quite natural for this to be a womens position.
 Confuzzled4ever
Joined: 6/9/2005
Msg: 129
being a single father and finding someone is so hard.why?
Posted: 4/30/2012 3:58:43 AM
By this logic a person starting a new career, or who attends college, takes care of family members, and works, or who is just really active without a lot of spare time, just shouldn't date, since they won't have a lot of time for the other person. I've dating some very busy guys and not one of them didn't have time for me, they all took the time from their busy schedule to date me, they all lived far away, and some were parents, some were not. In the end it had nothing to do with anything other then they decided I wasn't the one.

Anyone who isn't over any ex shouldn't date me. Until they are ready to move on. the only feeling I have toward my son's father is gratitude that he helped me create this wonderful child and grateful that he stays away, rather then just coming and going as he pleases and wrecking my son's feelings. I personally think that if a guy has too much going on to see me, after we start dating then he just doesn't like me, and I don't need to attribute that to something from his past to make myself feel better. If he can't make the time to see me, then I'm probably not the one for him and I'll move on, after talking to him about it to see if I'm right.

You shouldn't assume things about people. Most assumptions are dead wrong.
 Aries_328
Joined: 10/16/2011
Msg: 130
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being a single father and finding someone is so hard.why?
Posted: 4/30/2012 7:27:30 PM
I personally think that if a guy has too much going on to see me, after we start dating then he just doesn't like me, and I don't need to attribute that to something from his past to make myself feel better.


Ahhh Reality... Such a b****

The snow white princess story is alive and doing quite well in the delusional world of relationships still. It's pretty amazing. It's right up there with candlelight dinners and walks on the beach. The reality is you can't see what you’re eating and then the beach is windy and freakin cold.

There is a priority in life and it pretty much goes like this:

#1 - Self (If you don't take care of yourself no one else will and you will fail those that need you)
#2- Marriage partner (Your partner should count on you to support each other to support your family)
#3 - Children (You need to raise a human being that has an understanding of life and not royalty)
#4 - Friends and Family (Your social support structure)
#5 - Community (You gotta give back sometime)

There is now a trick. Once #1 is taken care of you then take your place at the bottom of the list. Everyone gets a shot at being #1 at some point in life.

Just being a Girlfriend isn’t going to cut it on the priority list. If there isn’t intention of some level of commitment then priority is right around friend. If there is some intention then things should work out. If either are not willing to put in the effort towards a real relationship then there will never be an increase in priority.

Hmmmm.. Where does work fit in?

 Confuzzled4ever
Joined: 6/9/2005
Msg: 131
being a single father and finding someone is so hard.why?
Posted: 4/30/2012 8:47:05 PM
Um.. so you're basically agreeing with me? lol. i think?

It's true tho. When i'm focused on myself and don't have time for a guy, I just don't make time for them. some of it has to do with timing, but I've had guy butt right into line of sight and no budge until I've given them the time of day, and just wasn't interested.

either way, he just wasn't that in to me. and i'm really ok with it.

And I disagree that the husband no longer has any importance once the kids arrive. If you don't make each other important then the relationship fails and that's with or without kids.
 calitexan99
Joined: 4/6/2012
Msg: 132
being a single father and finding someone is so hard.why?
Posted: 4/30/2012 10:40:07 PM
I know I've been passed over when I mention how involved I've been in my kids lives. (They've lived with me for the last five or so years. They're both over 18 now)
And honestly, I don't care. I've finally arrived at the point where I *want* to meet a woman, but I don't *need* to do so.
If the women here don't like that I still consider my kids an important part of my life, oh well.
 CuriousFantasyWriter
Joined: 4/5/2012
Msg: 133
being a single father and finding someone is so hard.why?
Posted: 5/1/2012 12:41:35 AM
Hello :)

Don't give up, I am a single mom and I'd personally prefer to date single dad's. Single dad's understand what a single mom deals with. Right there, there's already a huge thing in common.
 TrayZone69
Joined: 5/5/2012
Msg: 134
being a single father and finding someone is so hard.why?
Posted: 5/9/2012 8:28:06 PM
Hey man, don't waste your time with women born in this country dude. They've been raised by the feminist movement to be selfish and are incapable of loving a single dad because the kids come first to the man. On the other hand, these same women, get married one day, have kids, get divorced and are in the same situation as the single dad was. But guess what, now they want a man who will accept being number 2. See what i mean bro? Marry an Asian: Filipino, Japanese, Korean etc etc. There culture molds them into mature loving women that are selfless and totally committed mother or step mothers and husbands. I spent years in the military and I've seen them make my buddies (single dads especially) way happier than they could have ever been being married here...good luck to you man, I don't have any kids but i highly commend you for being there for your daughter and not letting some selfish woman push her to 2nd place.
 CuriousFantasyWriter
Joined: 4/5/2012
Msg: 135
being a single father and finding someone is so hard.why?
Posted: 5/10/2012 9:03:03 AM
TrayZone69 That is SO not true. Don't stereotype American women like that please. :( Not all American women are selfish, self absorbed, spoiled brats. Single parents all know the kids come first, that is the way it goes and anyone who thinks differently has their priorities messed up in my personal opinion. Not all women were raised by the feminist movement either. Or maybe I am just too old? LMAO. It's all about finding the right balance in a new relationship and being able to think outside the box. For example, I met a very nice single dad yesterday and spent a couple of hours chatting and watching soccer with him. It didn't cost a thing, it was on my way home from work, and I had a blast.
 Maillesmith
Joined: 1/1/2012
Msg: 136
being a single father and finding someone is so hard.why?
Posted: 5/10/2012 7:35:52 PM

Women with children already don't get this. They believe it is only 'right' for them, but never for the man. I get cursed, put down, and ridiculed (only once, trust me, only once) by women who think I'm shallow for looking for a gal with 2 or less kids, in the same age range as my kid.


Well said. Why is it inheriently wrong for me to raise a child on my own, but socially acceptable and APPLAUDED for a single mother?
 Aries_328
Joined: 10/16/2011
Msg: 137
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being a single father and finding someone is so hard.why?
Posted: 5/10/2012 8:07:41 PM

Well said. Why is it inheriently wrong for me to raise a child on my own, but socially acceptable and APPLAUDED for a single mother?


haha Reality. It's a ****. How do you know you are doing the right thing? If it is difficult, unrewarding, unappreciated and no one applauds you and the end result is another human that is not a burden on society.

I would say good job but that’s just patronizing. :)

Society likes to praise the weaker type. Maybe it is some attempt to raise their self-esteem. It would be best if it was socially acceptable and applauded for a husband and wife to have children, raise them, stay together and live out their lives. That use to be the standard. But that made single mothers self-esteem low so we created thousands of programs and campaigns to improve their feelings. Some people think it’s even more 'courageous' to be single women with children... especially multiple children.

So, being a single parent is what it is and the best you can do is the best you can do. No applause necessary. The best standard should be a husband and wife. When that isn't in the cards it’s not shameful but it shouldn't be a preference.

Now... being a sole single parent myself. I am incredibly thankful that the equal rights insanity finally swung enough to allow men to win the role of sole parent. It hasn't been this way for very long.
 KatarzynaS
Joined: 1/17/2012
Msg: 138
being a single father and finding someone is so hard.why?
Posted: 5/11/2012 9:32:50 AM
i think that puts people off single parents is where they'll be in that relationship and how it will develop. i've had experiences with guys who have kids and their exes not liking the new relationship and making things difficult. at that point i give up, it would never work

They guy I was dating while ago just refused to let his ex know that she needs to go n get her own life she would came n use brestfeeding bs while kids is like 8 mo old she would stop like every 4 hrs n call of fri night to talk about bs nothin daughter related n didn't let him see a kid that week she found out I was never good enough to meet her so I left reather be single than ain't into love triangles she singlehanded destryed what n he had he refuses to see that n although I'm still on looking so is he
 Aries_328
Joined: 10/16/2011
Msg: 139
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being a single father and finding someone is so hard.why?
Posted: 5/12/2012 9:15:18 AM

Single parents should date other single parents. Most women dont want the baggae that comes with kids. I know for me and my friends we dont want a guy who has to run around to find a sitter instead of a guy who can come and go as he pleases


Funny, this would seem logical but isn't reality either. When my daughter was younger it seemed to be easier to find a date. Single mother or not. Now that my daughter is older and doesn't need a sitter and I'm pretty free to do what I want it seems that it is even more difficult now. It never had anything to do with if the women were parents themselves or not. It is about competition. Women see competition in children. Even when it doesn't exist.
 Confuzzled4ever
Joined: 6/9/2005
Msg: 140
being a single father and finding someone is so hard.why?
Posted: 5/12/2012 10:40:46 AM
There are single parents who are women. So what then? If we date a single dad, then we are dating a guy with "baggage" as you put it.
I had a guy give me this excuse once.. he didn't want to date a woman with "baggage" and all the drama that goes along with it (not that he knew me or anything about my situation, assumption.. you know what they mean right?), now about 8 years later, he tried pursuing me, but I couldn't get the bad taste of him calling my child baggage and drama out of my mouth, so he never really had a chance.
Just saying. your words may come back to haunt you in the future.

I agree with Aries on some respects... I have a lot of free time.. my child is not baggage and there is basically no drama.. I've never really run into the whole "I don't date single parents thing" much, maybe twice in the 13 years I've been a mon and both those times the men ended up pursuing me anyway. It's all a matter of personality and compatibility, and normal relationship issues.

Since I don't date women, I don't really know if they see children as competition. I think if the guy is capable of balancing the two aspects of his life, then there shouldn't be an issue. Same goes for women. I know I can't stand it when a guy always pushes me off or cancels or alters the plans because of someone else, regardless of who it is. I imagine a guy would feel the same. I think truly single parents have it easier in this regard then those who have shared custody. Since the other parent can step in and ruin everything for the evening. I know it's not always this way, but at least they don't have anyone else to answer to and there isn't anyone else to step in and ruin plans at the last minute.
 Kattelina
Joined: 4/16/2012
Msg: 141
being a single father and finding someone is so hard.why?
Posted: 5/12/2012 12:13:56 PM
hey guessn. I am a single mother and I get that all the time. It is kindof depressing sometimes but I just think, hey, that's ok. If they don't like that then they were never meant to be anyways. I move on. I would love to meet single father's in my area but all they really want is someone to just have a one night stand. I mean. I know they are probably done with dating and all but I would really love to find someone who is INTO dating me even when I have a child.
 fish4ever1977
Joined: 3/8/2012
Msg: 142
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being a single father and finding someone is so hard.why?
Posted: 5/14/2012 11:09:40 PM
I have.tried that to and guess what fail I am starting to think women are more shallow then men
 fish4ever1977
Joined: 3/8/2012
Msg: 143
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being a single father and finding someone is so hard.why?
Posted: 5/14/2012 11:17:28 PM
That was supposed to go as a reply. To someone saying maybe since your a single dad lower your standards
 Angel_73
Joined: 7/4/2005
Msg: 144
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being a single father and finding someone is so hard.why?
Posted: 5/14/2012 11:31:44 PM
I am a single mother, i was married now divorced with a beautiful 12 year old . I just came back to this site today after my friends told me its time for me to get out there again since i have had a date in years lol and me personaly would love to date a single father.... they know what its like trying to date when you are a single parent. They know what real love is there is no greater love then the love for your child. They understand that your child will always come first. Im close to hitting 40 and with a 12 year old im not sure if id want to do the baby thing again at this point so dating someone with kids would prolly be more ideal. Sure it might be a bit of a challange at times if a child is sick or something comes up but as a single parent they will be a lil more understanding. Im not saying people with no children wont be as understanding but it is easier from my experience. When me and my ex divorced i dated a single father and a guy who wasnt. i felt less quilty for canceling plans or changing times with the father he was very understanding as he was more understanding and had done that a few times as well .. the single guy seemed to be ok with everything untill i need to find a sitter or she sick cuz i couldnt just get up and go. What about people with jobs that take alot of thier time or have to be on call all the time is thier job an issue as well cuz you cant just go at the drop of a hat? and if anyone ever thought of my daughter as baggage that would be the last time i ever talked to him. Single people have baggage too and sometimes its even worse then so called single parent baggage. ok my rant is over lol
 fish4ever1977
Joined: 3/8/2012
Msg: 145
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being a single father and finding someone is so hard.why?
Posted: 5/14/2012 11:37:40 PM
Actually it wasn't my choice she took her own life leaving me with two kids to raise on my own and that's an almost she even tried to kill the kids but failed I came home from work and she had tied a noose around my daughters throat and then overdosed with my son still inside her he was barely saved he now has cp from that but I guess that was my choice to
 missvenus31
Joined: 4/4/2012
Msg: 146
being a single father and finding someone is so hard.why?
Posted: 5/16/2012 7:54:58 PM
im a 36 year old (mom) single parent of a 19,17,and a 16 year old ,and trust me i know how it is ... i ask myself alot is there something wrong with me ? am i not pretty enough? why can't i find my one and only ? ..... :( ,but i just put it all in GOD'S hands .... trust me i can't wait until i see my one and only ... are you out there ?? .............................................................. glendafaye76 single parent
 CuriousFantasyWriter
Joined: 4/5/2012
Msg: 147
being a single father and finding someone is so hard.why?
Posted: 5/18/2012 9:04:53 AM
domo31 has a point. It's easy to stereotype and automatically categorize people we meet into certain groups but in doing that we could be missing out on something wonderful. We should all remember that everyone is unique and shouldn't be judged based on our own past experiences. Good communication, common sense and an open mind will get each and every one of us a lot farther than preconceived notions about how someone will or wont behave.
 Desireedawn28
Joined: 5/3/2012
Msg: 148
being a single father and finding someone is so hard.why?
Posted: 5/18/2012 12:54:56 PM
I'm a single mother and I know what you are talking about. There are women out there who wants a single father just for the simple fact that you know your priorities and know what unconditional love is like. You have two options, be patient and wait for someone to find you or you take initiative and go out there and look. There are A LOT of single moms out there looking for single dads. Trust me.
 Vap12
Joined: 5/12/2012
Msg: 149
being a single father and finding someone is so hard.why?
Posted: 5/21/2012 4:59:32 PM
being a single parent is hard, such as life. The thing is your daughter will grow before your eyes. One day she'll be gone and you'll have missed out on every little tear, crazy fun moments and accomplishments if your too worried about finding a companion. Don't look back and regret. The right woman will support your relationship with your daughter and be the perfect woman you never knew you belonged in your life.
 iamamaneater
Joined: 5/13/2012
Msg: 150
being a single father and finding someone is so hard.why?
Posted: 5/21/2012 6:27:13 PM
I am not interested in taking on someone else's kids, never wanted a big family, and am not responsible for other people's choices in life. Having kids and getting divorces are choices, and have nothing to do with me or anyone else outside the picture. Some of us refuse to take on these burdens, as there are very good reasons for doing so. People are not ideal, anyway, and cannot be bothered with certain things. I have a very pragmatic and realistic viewpoint of relationships that has served me well, and protected my interests.

I have nothing to gain and a lot to lose in taking on other people's problems, and there really is no sentimentality attached to household chores, babysitting, bottles, diaper changes, transporting little ones, and dealing with temper tantrums, bills, etc. There is a serious downside to taking on a relationship with anyone who has young children, and since they are not mine, they are not my concern. If not one, then why not all?? (Why would your or anybody else's kids be my problem? Or anyone else's? Why not everybody's kids then? Note others are not responsible for this).
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