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Show ALL Forums  > Single Parents  > being a single father and finding someone is so hard.why?      Home login  
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 singlemomof217
Joined: 2/26/2012
Msg: 151
being a single father and finding someone is so hard.why?Page 7 of 11    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11)
honestly i agree with you but i dont all at the same time ... there is nothing wrong with him for puting his child first second and third, children are such a blessing and once you have one you understand the feeling, secondly i do agree that your partner should come before your child but only if that partner actually came in your life before the child ... but anyways im not even sure you will even see this so im not going to take my time to get too heated
 mt-01
Joined: 5/18/2012
Msg: 152
being a single father and finding someone is so hard.why?
Posted: 5/22/2012 7:55:39 PM
AS SINGLE FATHER OF A 14 YR OLD I FIND IT IS I THAT IS BEING DIFFICULT LOL WHEN IT COMES TO WOMEN , IN THE PAST EXPERIENCE WITH A BLENDED FAMILY I FOUND I TOOK OUT ISSUES I HAD WITH THE OTHER KIDS OUT ON MY SON AND MADE HIM A PROMISE DAD WOULDNT MAKE THAT MISTAKE AGAIN BUT I HAVE HAD HIM FOR 8 YRS AND FOUND WOMEN ARE VERY ATRACTED TO THAT
 KenyanBeauty
Joined: 11/19/2007
Msg: 153
being a single father and finding someone is so hard.why?
Posted: 5/23/2012 5:26:44 AM
Hi there .It is so bad that it is difficult for
us as single parents to find the right person.
I am single mom myself to twin boys now 7years old ,I have been here for some time but not found that special person.I was wondering. what is wrong with me or maybe. my profile, but I understand now.
 Confuzzled4ever
Joined: 6/9/2005
Msg: 154
being a single father and finding someone is so hard.why?
Posted: 5/23/2012 4:14:57 PM
I think it's funny that Domo31 is "highly offended" at someone making a generalization about people who don't want to date parents.. she's been doing nothing but generalizing about single parents and all the "down falls" of dating them. lol

"most kids are spoiled brats, single parents don't have time for me, kids are disrespectful, they will always put me second"

wrong.. MOST kids are none of the above. The minority screams louder then the majority.

and ps.. if a person doesn't want to date someone with children, then they ARE NOT long term relationship material to me and probably anyone else who has kids. just like a person with kids IS NOT long term relationship material to you.


Edit: I don't really get the debate in here.. it's all a preference. If a person wants to cut an entire portion of the population out of their dating pool then that's their choice. No one has to date anyone and you don't have to have a reason other then you don't want to date that person. I've dated guys with and without kids, before and after I had my son. I have rarely been cancelled on, and rarely cancelled anything due to children issues, I have however been treated like crap and made to feel like I don't matter. Here's the shocker.. the worst culprit was a child free man, made me feel second to everything and everyone in his life. Anyway. it's all about the person. You can't say all single parents will do x,y,z because we are all individuals and we all won't do the same things. same for child-free people. There are amazing ones and crappy one in both groups. The hard part is finding the amazing ones.
 Lionesse19
Joined: 3/30/2012
Msg: 155
being a single father and finding someone is so hard.why?
Posted: 5/24/2012 2:26:56 AM
It may not be the single father thing that is causing you not to have much success, but other things. If you are looking on a dating site for instance, chances are very slim. If you have your kids only part time then not such a dealbreaker but otherwise it can be a real pain.
 Not_Stupid
Joined: 5/19/2012
Msg: 156
being a single father and finding someone is so hard.why?
Posted: 5/25/2012 3:00:29 PM
I have a son, but I do think I would be more open by saying I would love to meet someone with kids, and hopefully around my son's age (psst he is 12!) and I'd rather find someone with kids, that knows what all single parents go thru, like the times when you want to pull your hair out, because you have a better idea on "things" yet your son says omg no mom! :)
Or when he goes to bed, it'd be nice to have someone around, so that one could have some adult conversation rather than talks on disney, pixar, or other kiddy things.. I think it'd be totally kewl to be able to enjoy a day at the park, as a date, and take the kids.. make sure there is enough picnic food, and make it for all day.. Summer is here, and I plan on enjoying it!
 PsyberMind78
Joined: 2/17/2011
Msg: 157
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being a single father and finding someone is so hard.why?
Posted: 5/26/2012 1:43:47 AM
You know, I'm the same way. I find it downright impossible to find someone as a single father.. I kinda skimmed through all the replies, and made some adjustments to my profile, but somehow I don't see it making much difference. As was stated, being a single father carries with it a Stigma that most women won't touch. Weather it be the fact that the mother is still in the picture, and it's a jealousy thing, (Thank god that's not the issue for me, My ex just up and left) or whatever.

At some point I guess we just have to face that we will most likely not be in that elite club. And after almost a year in this situation, rejection after rejection based on the fact that I'm a single father, it just becomes a part of my everyday..
 Not_Stupid
Joined: 5/19/2012
Msg: 158
being a single father and finding someone is so hard.why?
Posted: 5/26/2012 5:28:58 AM
Too bad you men are so far away. :/

It's ok tho, I hope to be relocating in the next year, and maybe then I can find someone. If he has kids or not, I hope that he will accept me and mine. Until then, I am happy to make new friends, and hopefully they will have kids that my son can make friends with too. Keep your heads up, there is some0ne out there for us all.
 TC2u
Joined: 6/22/2011
Msg: 159
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being a single father and finding someone is so hard.why?
Posted: 5/27/2012 4:06:22 PM
The last woman I dated for a couple of years, told me more than once. One of the things that attracted her to me most, was my relationship with my boy. She was in her late 20's. All I can say is, it takes a long tme to find that right one again. Hang in there man.
 ALNG87
Joined: 5/9/2012
Msg: 160
being a single father and finding someone is so hard.why?
Posted: 5/27/2012 8:15:43 PM
One day I hope to find a single father who realizes my kids are my world. Together our kids will be our world (hopefully) and we'll live happily ever after. I wish.


Someone who has children of their own will understand your daughter is everything to you, because they will feel the same about their kids.

As far as NOT showing up for a date after you've gotten a sitter and free'd up your night for them- that's just plain rude. I'd delete their messages, and block them. Point Blank Period
 CuriousFantasyWriter
Joined: 4/5/2012
Msg: 161
being a single father and finding someone is so hard.why?
Posted: 5/28/2012 9:24:16 AM
Just wanted to send out a word of encouragement to the single parents responding on this thread: I met someone and he is wonderful.. For the meet and first date, my 6 year old accompanied me and he had no issues with her being there whatsoever- in fact, my daughter kept wanting him to come home with us :)

Be patient and stay positive... the right person is out there :)
 mrteddybear454
Joined: 1/7/2012
Msg: 162
being a single father and finding someone is so hard.why?
Posted: 5/28/2012 11:06:57 AM
I've been a single father for 4 years and its hard. Especially raising 3 and thier ages are 5b,6g,&7g. I always get compliments on how great my kids are and all but the stigma factors in and poof they are gone. Yes I've noticed like many other single dads on here that it seems easier for single moms to find relationships. Right now my main focus is on my kids because I have to be both mom and dad. My kids (the girls) told me that they wished that I could find me a girlfriend. I asked them why and they said, so we can have someone to do all the girl stuff with, and so you'll be happy all the time. LOL. Ya they said that to me and the only thing I could say is you guys make me happy and i'm doing my best and if someone comes along then they do.... They just smiled at me and said we know your doing your best daddy we love you.
 Aries_328
Joined: 10/16/2011
Msg: 163
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being a single father and finding someone is so hard.why?
Posted: 5/28/2012 12:32:50 PM

in fact, my daughter kept wanting him to come home with us :)


Glad you found someone. I do hope you are aware that what you just described is like rule #1 in what never to do as a parent. Of course your child is going to like him. You didn't present him as a threat. It isn't a childlike sense of the other person’s soul that made it a pleasant experience. It was your projection of a non-threating enjoyable situation.

Also, a new high pressure dynamic was introduced by your daughter wanting him to come home. Basically, it was the open door to a relationship with a stranger. I have met many parents and children over the years. At parks, schools, malls, stores etc. Same rules of reality still apply. You do not know someone on first meeting them. It takes first meeting them to get the sense of their voice/face/mannerisms into perspective. The rest takes time.

So, I know you will continue to involve your child in this date because it was comfortable... however, I would strongly recommend a babysitter. Also, 6 years old is super highly romanticized in girls. That is when they want to be fairy princesses with fairy godmothers and Disney level princes will save the day. How she views healthy relationships pretty much gets formed right about now. Don't mess it up :)
 ECarr
Joined: 2/26/2009
Msg: 164
being a single father and finding someone is so hard.why?
Posted: 5/28/2012 1:43:47 PM
Single mothers tend to understand the time commitments of single fathers, and vice versa. Though I realize it sounds patronizing, it is all but impossible for a non-parent to understand. I dated a single mother shortly after graduate school. Though I really enjoyed her company, the child in her life had to come first. That didn't mesh with my schedule, which was a nightmare as I was an ambitious career-focused MBA with very little free time. Similarly, she had a one year old and thus couldn't simply comply with my erratic dating schedule. It was doomed from the start as we both wanted to enjoy time with someone special, yet neither of us had the flexibility or perhaps understanding to make it work out.
 Confuzzled4ever
Joined: 6/9/2005
Msg: 165
being a single father and finding someone is so hard.why?
Posted: 5/28/2012 7:39:03 PM
I disagree.. It is not impossible for a non-parent to understand the time commitments of a parent. What it boils down to is if they willing to be selfless enough to "share" the person with their kids or not. If they are not, then please don't even start. If they are, then make a go of it. Some people can do it, some people can't.
 Aries_328
Joined: 10/16/2011
Msg: 166
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being a single father and finding someone is so hard.why?
Posted: 5/28/2012 10:21:50 PM

is if they willing to be selfless enough to "share" the person with their kids or not.


Terrible position to put someone in. Looking for a partner is life, romantic relationship, date, or fwb not a hero or savior. It is not selfless. Simple facts of life are enough. Jobs, family, friends, relationships all take effort and involvement and not being a passive observer. It isn't about their being selfless. It is about being a human being and generally understanding of how life works. it isn't a magic trick. It's basic human consideration and acceptance of another. All of this "selfless" and "wonderful" stuff is magic and creating confusion and establishing roles prior to a relationship even starting. It just confuses everything and when the third party notices that they do not have tingly feelings towards the little strangers then it’s all over because the 'magic' wasn’t there.
 Confuzzled4ever
Joined: 6/9/2005
Msg: 167
being a single father and finding someone is so hard.why?
Posted: 5/29/2012 5:30:52 AM
Ok Aries... we can use your wording. The point is the same.
 CuriousFantasyWriter
Joined: 4/5/2012
Msg: 168
being a single father and finding someone is so hard.why?
Posted: 5/29/2012 7:21:31 AM

Glad you found someone. I do hope you are aware that what you just described is like rule #1 in what never to do as a parent. Of course your child is going to like him. You didn't present him as a threat. It isn't a childlike sense of the other person’s soul that made it a pleasant experience. It was your projection of a non-threating enjoyable situation.

Also, a new high pressure dynamic was introduced by your daughter wanting him to come home. Basically, it was the open door to a relationship with a stranger. I have met many parents and children over the years. At parks, schools, malls, stores etc. Same rules of reality still apply. You do not know someone on first meeting them. It takes first meeting them to get the sense of their voice/face/mannerisms into perspective. The rest takes time.

So, I know you will continue to involve your child in this date because it was comfortable... however, I would strongly recommend a babysitter. Also, 6 years old is super highly romanticized in girls. That is when they want to be fairy princesses with fairy godmothers and Disney level princes will save the day. How she views healthy relationships pretty much gets formed right about now. Don't mess it up :)


Thanks Aries :) We are taking it very slowly. He's not coming to my house, I'm not going to his, and I wouldn't have introduced my 6 year old to him without already having a very high level of trust and comfort with him. We talked for a long time on the phone and online before the first meet which was at a fast food restaurant. And yes, a babysitter is highly desired but difficult because of my ex. (explaining that would take a book) Custody is joint with my ex, week off week on, and so coordinating dates with job schedules and children schedules often takes some creative thinking outside the box...which is why I like a lot of communication before that first meet/date.
 Aries_328
Joined: 10/16/2011
Msg: 169
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being a single father and finding someone is so hard.why?
Posted: 5/29/2012 8:04:03 AM
Custody is joint with my ex, week off week on, and so coordinating dates with job schedules and children schedules often takes some creative thinking outside the box...which is why I like a lot of communication before that first meet/date.


Although week on week off sounds great to some it is pretty painful. I hope you didn't pick the weekends to make the transition. Only having one day for a weekend every weekend makes everything more stressful. Having a Monday transition could make it a pretty comfortable deal including for the child.

If you don't have the weekend schedule for transition it should be really easy and not require creative thinking. Baby sitter would not really be required because unless you joined at the hip early on you would have a full week to meet and do what you want than the next week could be date free if you wanted.

If you do have the weekend schedule I would try for a modification. It can be sold as a stabilizing thing even if you have a terrible relationship with a crazy psycho ex. You think it would be better for them and you to have a full weekend together so instead of trading over the weekend he or you take kid to school on Monday and you/he pick them up. Less chance of seeing the ex and it is all around more peaceful and stable. The break of school in between makes the transition between homes less apparent to the child.

Don't tell me... The ex lives too far away to take the kid to school in the morning or has to start work at like 5 am and can't do the 7:30am delivery to school. Someone always has to make it difficult.

I think one of the common points in this thread is that the guys that have run into the dating issue tend to be full time fathers and are not sharing custody. I think that alone is a bit threatening to some women. In the back of their head they may not feel they have the typical 'female advantage' of always winning. :)
 TallGuy_77
Joined: 7/14/2011
Msg: 170
being a single father and finding someone is so hard.why?
Posted: 5/31/2012 8:10:56 PM
I feel your pain. I am also a single father and just getting a woman to look at me as though I am a possible date in nearly impossible. I don't know if it is me or the fact I come with 2 kids...
 Lin321
Joined: 5/30/2012
Msg: 171
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being a single father and finding someone is so hard.why?
Posted: 6/3/2012 6:37:45 AM
well said i agree totally
 LIVE4JESUS918
Joined: 5/9/2012
Msg: 172
being a single father and finding someone is so hard.why?
Posted: 6/3/2012 10:12:47 PM
Well personally I think its awesome to see men stepping up to the plate. I wouldn't mind dating a man who had his children throughout the week or on the weekends. Atleast the man is being a daddy!
 nightowl2004
Joined: 1/18/2011
Msg: 173
being a single father and finding someone is so hard.why?
Posted: 6/5/2012 11:09:52 PM
Butterfly is right on.
 nightowl2004
Joined: 1/18/2011
Msg: 174
being a single father and finding someone is so hard.why?
Posted: 6/5/2012 11:14:54 PM
I minded & NOT my cup of tea. My profile states man with no children. People just have to be upfront about what they want or don't want.
 nightowl2004
Joined: 1/18/2011
Msg: 175
being a single father and finding someone is so hard.why?
Posted: 6/5/2012 11:16:25 PM
In response to JESU4.
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