|Income LevelsPage 2 of 5 (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)|
|I believe money is important too, and have worked hard and have been really smart over the years to provide for myself. My favorite saying though, is your self worth isn't determined by your net worth and I don't believe money is the most important thing in a relationship.|
I think some things he says are conflicting to his beliefs, like his parents are spending his inheritance, and I should get a new job asap, to provide for myself (my job situation is changing). He could get a full time job, there are many jobs in our area.
I think if you are serious about a relationship and a future together, you'll do what is necessary to have that, and eight hours a day at a job isn't the end of the world for the benefits it can bring. He believes part time is ok as long as he is happy, and just doesn't want to have to change that. I just want to be able to do things together with him, he's a great guy. Are we basically not suitable for each other?
I don't want to offend anyone either, as economic and job situations vary from place to place, and I respect that.
Posted: 6/29/2011 12:30:15 PM
|Sugar, everyone is a *great guy to the right person, that's the thing most people think if someone and them don't match up then someone is in the wrong...they arent...what is right for him is right for him and what is right for you is right for you...so vs accepting who he is...you are trying to make him into who you want him to be...|
Depending on his age he might be afraid he wont find a better job and doesnt want to feel rejected by applying and being turned down...what he is saying to you is if something better comes along..sure he'll take it but he isnt going to put himself out there to get it..He'll coast until he get his inheritance...which means he will coast in a relationship with you also...allowing you to *fret about financial matters..they simply arent important to him.
The question is can you accept who he is versus who you want him to be? Does the *great part of him outweigh this matter to you...that is your decision
Posted: 6/29/2011 1:08:29 PM
Folks talk a good game that "money's not that important", but the fact is that small "judgments" are made all along the way by all of us regardless... everything from what kind of car we drive, where we live, the type of clothes we wear, what kind of restaurants we choose, who pays the check, how much tip we leave, etc., etc..
So it truly makes no difference arriving in a new car vs a "beater"?! Or whether you dress "Salvation Army-style", or that you're a skinflint with the tip? Yeah, right... and if you believe that, I've got a good deal for 'ya in a used car (with real low miles and only driven by a little 'ol lady)!
I do get the thing with the program that Cowboy described - what it does for me is match me with a lot of high school (maybe) diploma holders who’d wake up and apologize if they had a real thought in their heads, because we’re at the same income level. Bah. It’s a dead loss for me because every match that POF comes up with, isn’t - not because of income, but because of politics and religion.
When I first got on the various dating sites, I’ve asked men who are retired what they did before they retired, because I was interested in what they did, did they like it, etc. What I got was a lot of snarkiness about fishing for what their retirements amounted to. I had to figure out a different way to get around that, if someone seemed interesting - most of the time though, a bio will say what they did, as in retired military, and figuring out what their retirement is worth is easy enough. I’m surprised that most of those who are so worried about it haven’t figured that out already.
On another site I specified that income wasn’t as important as the ability to live within it - and oddly enough, I was rated as materialistic and ambitious. It really had never occurred to me that expecting a potential SO to be able to live within his means, whatever they were, could be taken that way. Just call me a gold digger without portfolio!
Over the years I’ve had a few new cars, but most of them were beaters. You never have to worry about what happens to a beater in a very salt-laden atmosphere that rots car bodies practically overnight. And I’ve always dressed “Salvation Army style” - or should I say basic thrift shop. It doesn’t mean having junk, I have some fine brand names, but I didn’t have to pay full price for them. And living where I did, the few things I did buy new were geared to weather and durability, not style. Unfortunately, virtually everything I had that suited life in Alaska is so NOT suitable for life in Arizona! Time to start haunting thrift shops again.
Speaking strictly for myself, I’d rather a man have only what he needs and have it all paid for, rather than have a lot of flashy toys he can barely afford the payments on.
And having been a waitress long ago, I’m never a skinflint with a tip. Someone who is, is a turn-off.
Posted: 6/29/2011 1:15:10 PM
|Thanks Giggles, yes, it is a matter of me liking his ability to coast, sort of, it was a novelty at first, and also wanting to do some of the things I never was able to do in the past, enjoy life a little, I've never travelled, and would like to do it with him, but that would take money on his part. Such is life, I guess I need to decide what is more important, you are right, so true, I don't know if I am willing to short myself as I see the future as wide open and full of possibilities, and for me that may be more important right now. We may just be the right people at the wrong point in our lives. I'm conflicted, but posting here has definitely helped me see it more clearly.|
Posted: 6/29/2011 1:17:13 PM
|Money should never be the basis of a relationship.|
Yes I would. In fact, I wont even look twice at a women if she even mentions the reguired amount of money or financial stability she wants in a man. Its shallow.
Posted: 6/29/2011 1:34:28 PM
|I agree with what Femaleconnection is saying on this. My friends have also told me the same thing, anyone can make money but it all comes down to on HOW you spend your money. If I'm dating a person that does not want to take responsibility to pay for their own bills, there's no way in hell on earth am I moving in with crazy spoiled spender. That's already a big red flag to me.|
Posted: 6/29/2011 2:07:36 PM
|Some people of means let it go to their heads. I've dated people who had more than I and those that had less. I have found both groups to be equally insecure about themselves. Still looking for someone ready for a healthy relationship...|
Posted: 6/29/2011 2:42:10 PM
|I agree with msg.#2..|
I will lower my standard with him ,if I enjoyed eating at that nice French Restaurant of their delicious escargots, I'll be happy to enjoy eating with him at Taco Bell nice burito..
And if I married him I will look for a job that match his income ,so I won't think that he is a golddiger who is after my big income.
Posted: 6/29/2011 3:12:53 PM
|Money is not important if one has enough to live the life-style one wants to live. |
Money is very important if one does not have enough to live the life-style one wants to live.
I would hope to figure out through my interactions with my mate which category she fits into!
Posted: 6/29/2011 3:27:11 PM
|In my age range,|
it is more an issue for women I've met than me.
Most I've met won't date down income-wise.
Not saying all....my sampling is very small relative to the large female population here.
(in spite of my best efforts to have a larger control group./LOL)
And it is a legit issue so, not knocking the ladies for thinking so.
Just another aspect of compatibility.
an example of that is if she wants to fly off to Hawaii to vacation...
well best have a guy who can at least afford his half.
so due to past experience I hesitate to date a girl with a much larger income.
Not for my male ego's sake.
I could care less.
But for her ego's sake.
alot of women my age do have issues with that.
If she earns less that is OK.
She won't think herself slumming to date me.
Neither ego gets bent.
Posted: 6/29/2011 3:28:20 PM
yes we also have to look on that angle..
Posted: 6/29/2011 3:30:40 PM
|I am an educated, self-employed woman, I own my own home and vehicles. That is all I will allow anyone to know. I will not disclose my financial status beyond that while dating. Nor would I consider their income either as a factor in deciding to date or get into a serious relationship someone or not.|
Posted: 6/29/2011 4:07:29 PM
In my age range, it is more an issue for women I've met than me.
Most I've met won't date down income-wise.
Though they don't come right out and say it, that's been my experience as well. For example I have 2 cars, one a larger SUV for trips and towing, and the other a much more "modest" econo-box just for daily running around. And while I never hear a word about the SUV, the small car often gets weird little comments from some dates, like "oh, is this your only car?" or "how long have you had this?", etc.!
And despite such disingenuous protests as "I just need enough to pay the bills and keep a roof over my head", it's still basically all "relative" to what you're accustomed to (for example, what 'kind" of roof & bills are we talking about, exactly?)!
So that someone coming from a more "humble" background might be be a lot less "fussy" about their partner's income, than perhaps another, who may not be all that "affluent", but has still grown accustomed to the little "extras" in life, like maybe those morning lattes at Starbucks, or the hair salon down the street that gives them just the "right" haircut! And just how much of the economic "slack" would they actually be willing to pick up, if it meant giving up a lot of those simple luxuries for the sake of "love"?
Posted: 6/29/2011 4:31:07 PM
|My only financial criteria is that they are able to function independantly and live comfortably on what they have and can share in the costs of doing activities together. I dont care what the exact numbers on their income are, or even what they do. |
I dont know the exact numbers on the incomes of most of the men i have dated, none of my business, nor is mine theirs. The only time i would need to know is if we were planning on getting married/living together and being a family.
Posted: 6/29/2011 4:36:52 PM
I'm more concerned with credit score than amount earned... is he responsible? does he pay his bills on time?
which is downright hypocritical of me since my credit score couldn't get any worse lol... when my husband died I went from 80k a year down to 0 overnight. I lost my home, car and had lots of debt too. It's taken two years to get my bills and income more compatible... but my credit score is still in the crapper.
Check out Dave Ramsey. He is a financial guru and quite frankly a genius. He can show you how to have a 0 credit score and still have more than most and you won't be in debt either.
"Live like nobody else so you can live like nobody else!"
Posted: 6/29/2011 4:44:46 PM
|What ever happened to the age old idea|
"what is hers is hers and what is yours is hers also and the rest the lawyers will divide"
Posted: 6/29/2011 4:51:31 PM
|At this age, my income is my business, if ask someone out I pay, |
if we go skiing then dutch and Iprobally pick up dinner. What I think is alot of money may not be alot to others, I am looking for compatability skiing, hiking, concerts either I find someone who can hold there own or if I love them enough I pay for them because their company is more important then money to me, its simple
Its about discretionary income after support and alimony and college,
heck Jimmy Buffet tickets are 160each, yankee tickets are $125concert a week or Broadway Show or concert a month, its about discretionary income.
The commonality is, hey we go to a big dinner and show once a month or do you do small restraunts, its called compatability, thats what we all are looking for
Posted: 6/29/2011 5:01:00 PM
|Before I left the workforce I usually dated women who earned less than I did becase I'm a saver, not a spender, and my recreatiional passtimes were low cost. After I left the workforce I dated women in the same occupations but now their incomes were higher. Not that they had more money, because they spent all they earned. I had a higher net worth and was a gentleman of leisure. So it all evens out.|
I agree it's one's attitude and behaviour toward money which matters more than quantity. However, if you enter into a long term relationship and cohabit money is more likely to be an issue. Money is power. In my opinion and in my experience it's better if two people have more or less equal power in a relationship. Equal power was the basis of the feminist revolution, legistlative reform, and proactive policies. We're all equal now.
Posted: 6/29/2011 5:13:08 PM
|how much they make should not be an issue at all. however their ambition is. I would have an issue dating say a walmart cashier who didn't want to better herself. I wouldn't have an issue dating someone who made the same money but in a more prestigious job.|
Posted: 6/29/2011 6:49:10 PM
|I think having equal or similar incomes work best overall. The way we view and handle money is equally as important. I am a thrifter by nature and enjoy living below my means - it makes me feel safe and in control. I also detest debts and prefer having nothing than having things I don't owe. A car to me is a method of transportation, not a trophy or the sum of one's achievements, and as long as my car is safe, reliable and cheap on gas, I'm happy. And the same applies to my dwelling, although this is where I make an exception to the rule...my home, regardless if it's a mansion or a cardboard box is my haven and where I choose to spend my money. |
We're all different and unique in our approach to finances and I know myself too well to even consider being with someone who doesn't see things my way when it comes to money matters. Personally OP, I would let this man go even if he is otherwise a good person - it's not fair for you to have to give up your dreams and it's not fair to him to ask him to change. All the best to you OP and good luck.
Posted: 6/29/2011 7:15:11 PM
|Thank you all, I am so glad I posted on here, I see that I need to take a step back and see how things develop and see if he takes the initiative, then maybe try and make a go of it. If not I think I should move on.|
Posted: 6/30/2011 12:34:36 AM
|It isn't an issue with me, unless someone is intentionally living beyond their means. I once had a phone conversation with a woman in Walnut Creek, CA, that I will share though. She stated, "I will not date a man that does not make at least what I make". So I asked her a hypothetical question. I said you are walking down the aisle of a supermarket, there is a guy opening boxes and stocking the shelves and your eyes meet and you instantly know you are "right" for each other. Do you stop or keep on walking? She said she'd keep on walking. I felt so sad for her when she said that, as I knew that no matter what happened in her life that she would never be happy. Much to my dismay, many females are like that there.|
Posted: 6/30/2011 8:22:44 AM
|Thanks, as a fairly recent single person, I see the type of men my friends go for, and have many friends who only think of money and looks, and both of those are non negotiable. I'm sad for them, they may never find a real relationship, or maybe don't even know that aspect exists. My wealthiest friends are only focused on money, and getting more. I figure if you have enough to be comfortable and Mr. Right doesn't, what's wrong with just living and being happy, it's not like you are going to be broke because of him. It's all about status and trophy mates to some, and winning the lottery, and I reject that.|
Posted: 6/30/2011 9:36:35 AM
|Birds of a feather flock together. If a night out on the town means dropping a couple of hundred to one.. and a night on the town means dropping fifty bucks it doesnt take long before they begin to seek their own kind.|
Yes, you see crows fly with seagulls, But inevitably, they return to their own.
Posted: 6/30/2011 9:43:35 AM
|I wake up each day trying to survive off 2 nickels, and a quarter. There is no way in hell I could possibly date a man that makes less than I do. Not at this rate. |
If I date men who bring in less pennies than I do, then there is something wrong with that picture.