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 1234deleted1234
Joined: 10/8/2009
Msg: 26
She brings up politics in conversation, how to avoid/counter?Page 2 of 5    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)

That said, what should I do if I'm having a first date or a meetup, and my date either asks me about my affiliation, or if she mentions something that obviously has a political backdrop. Would it be best for me to be blunt and say that I don't discuss things like that with other people, or should I try to counter the argument by changing the subject?


Yes, lets all hide who we are and what makes us up when dating. That way we can start to like the person stiffling themselves for the sake of initial comfort and vice-versa.
THEN after the comfort period wears off and we THINK we're in love with the perfect person, we can ask the forums whay this seemingly persect person(except for...) can't change....and stay the moderated person we "got to know" initially!


GAWD people! Dating IS the best time to get to know someone!
The sooner you find out you are or are not compatible the sooner you can move forward...either together or still searching.

The whole notion of "perfect" first dates is really a waste of time...if you aren't compatible wouldn't you want to know ASAP?
 sweetest
Joined: 10/8/2007
Msg: 27
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She brings up politics in conversation, how to avoid/counter?
Posted: 7/3/2011 12:52:35 PM

Would it be best for me to be blunt and say that I don't discuss things like that with other people, or should I try to counter the argument by changing the subject?

^^^I'd recommend neither option. In a relationship, politics, especially if you have some very rigid and entrenched viewpoints is better out there from the beginning. I agree though, in certain social situations it can be a polarizing topic and can cause an unnecessary uproar and so personally, would not opt to bring it up.
 CMonster
Joined: 12/4/2004
Msg: 28
She brings up politics in conversation, how to avoid/counter?
Posted: 7/3/2011 2:59:48 PM
I'm one of the few that feel that people who define themselves primarily via a political affiliation should put an emphasis on becoming a politician before finding a date. They could do more good that way and it would be easier for them to pick a compatible date from their pool of supporters.
 Cathysaint
Joined: 6/21/2011
Msg: 29
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She brings up politics in conversation, how to avoid/counter?
Posted: 7/4/2011 4:44:13 PM
Yes ive seen the volcano thing when politics rears. Something people are very passionate about, so they dont like someone that can see how George bush is pretty ok and Obama seems cool too, in fact id be terrible in politics cos I can see something good in all of them,a s well as not so great,so I dont get involved.
Be nice if people could agree to disagree and respect others views though
 Cathysaint
Joined: 6/21/2011
Msg: 30
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She brings up politics in conversation, how to avoid/counter?
Posted: 7/4/2011 4:58:53 PM
Also I dont know much about politics in the states I know that they have Republicans and democrats.
End of knowledge
 CMonster
Joined: 12/4/2004
Msg: 31
She brings up politics in conversation, how to avoid/counter?
Posted: 7/4/2011 9:42:55 PM
^^^^ It's too bad that there can be people who are really compatible with one another until they find out who the other voted for. But I've seen potential couples get into arguments over the type of car that they drive (foreign, domestic, SUV, economy). I even know people who would hold it against a person if they tried online dating. It makes me wonder how often people actually date someone exactly like themself and if they had, how long it lasted.
 PittsburghVixen
Joined: 6/27/2009
Msg: 32
She brings up politics in conversation, how to avoid/counter?
Posted: 7/5/2011 11:15:08 PM
I agree with the folks who say it ought to be discussed early on. I'd rather know who I'm dealing with, not so much for their views as for how they react to the views that others hold that may not agree with their own. I have friends with whom I get along well because we agree to disagree on the topics where our views are diametrically opposed. OTOH, there are those who decided that because I hold a different view than theirs (without even asking me about mine), we cannot be friends any longer. ~shrugs~ Their loss.

I would not get involved with anyone who is so fanatical about their particular view that they cannot at least consider that others may disagree and yet still be good people. Talking about the taboo subjects is a good way to discover early on if the person is that fanatical.

BTW, "All's Fair" - the book that Carville and Matalin wrote about how they got together - is utterly fascinating. Now, THAT is a true love story.
 abelian
Joined: 1/12/2008
Msg: 33
She brings up politics in conversation, how to avoid/counter?
Posted: 7/6/2011 2:57:48 AM
Would it be best for me to be blunt and say that I don't discuss things like that with other people, or should I try to counter the argument by changing the subject?

Just say you're an anarchist and would rather not discuss politics.

BTW, "All's Fair" - the book that Carville and Matalin wrote about how they got together - is utterly fascinating. Now, THAT is a true love story.

I'll have to read that. I've always wondered how those two can even exist in the same room together.
 cenomeno
Joined: 4/21/2010
Msg: 34
She brings up politics in conversation, how to avoid/counter?
Posted: 7/6/2011 7:54:02 AM
Politics and religion should be discussed BEFORE a date. During email phase. No need to waste time with someone you have nothing in common.

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 cookie22222
Joined: 8/4/2007
Msg: 35
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She brings up politics in conversation, how to avoid/counter?
Posted: 7/6/2011 8:23:09 AM
I don't think there's any taboo subject, I mean if someone's point of view is too liberal or conservative on an issue - and you think that makes them either intolerant or a communist or something - what's the point? I'll discuss religion, sex, politics, the weather, whatever the conversation turns to. I agree that some things should come up before the date - I have avoided a few white supremacists that way, thank heavens!
 warren_book
Joined: 7/2/2011
Msg: 36
She brings up politics in conversation, how to avoid/counter?
Posted: 7/6/2011 8:34:17 AM

what should I do if I'm having a first date or a meetup, and my date either asks me about my affiliation, or if she mentions something that obviously has a political backdrop.

Answer her question.
That's what you are there for.
You are trying to "build" a social relationship through communication and understanding. Not maintain one, not get hired.



Would it be best for me to be blunt and say that I don't discuss things like that with other people, or should I try to counter the argument by changing the subject?

Oh.
Those are my two choices?
Between those two I would say it depends.

It depends on her.
If you try to change the subject, she might take that as being evasive, and shifty, and manipulative. All leading to bad judgments and possibly ditching you.

If you are blunt she might take it as an attack and start making a public scene.

There's no way to guarantee how someone is going to react to what you do or say.


As is the norm, politics is a very polarizing topic amongst people.

Are you dating people or a person?
Maybe they aren't polarized.

Ahh, went back and read

which is why when it comes to the sake of dating, I keep the topics light and fun.

So you ARE attempting to manipulate an exchange. You want a desired interaction so are trying to manipulate it.
That's easy. You do all the talking and don't let them get anything in at all.
You control all subjects. And anything they do say, you completely ignore.
But it's okay if you do so, because you are forcing it into "fun and light," and that's "good," so you feel justified. So they have to behave how you want them to.

Good luck with that.
Next step, chloroform.
 whytwater
Joined: 8/7/2008
Msg: 37
She brings up politics in conversation, how to avoid/counter?
Posted: 7/6/2011 8:54:10 AM

I don't think there's any taboo subject, I mean if someone's point of view is too liberal or conservative on an issue - and you think that makes them either intolerant or a communist or something - what's the point?


Dayymn. I love how you think, and even more so, how you approach the world.


I'll discuss religion, sex, politics, the weather, whatever the conversation turns to. I agree that some things should come up before the date - I have avoided a few white supremacists that way, thank heavens!


Trapped 'em, didjya?
Good job, Cookie. Good job.
 Arlo_Troutman
Joined: 9/26/2009
Msg: 38
She brings up politics in conversation, how to avoid/counter?
Posted: 7/6/2011 3:50:04 PM

(jco415) Yes, lets all hide who we are and what makes us up when dating.


What if part of what and who I am is, that I don't want to get into a heated discussion with a person I just met?


The whole notion of "perfect" first dates is really a waste of time...if you aren't compatible wouldn't you want to know ASAP?


Agree with ya about the "perfect first date": there's no such beast. But, one of the grounds for compatibility, for me, is a woman who understands and appreciates discretion and timing, and doesn't blurt out whatever crosses her mind, whenever it does.

Arlo...
 mateo45
Joined: 1/17/2008
Msg: 39
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She brings up politics in conversation, how to avoid/counter?
Posted: 7/6/2011 5:04:20 PM
Then maybe it's really more about finding someone with the same "discretion and timing" as you.... only to both find out LATER that your values and politics are STILL worlds apart!

Agreed with the earlier posts that if you think you might have some issues you feel very strongly about, earlier is always better than later to bring 'em up. Just do it tactfully, assuming you trust your own sense of self control.
 CMonster
Joined: 12/4/2004
Msg: 40
She brings up politics in conversation, how to avoid/counter?
Posted: 7/7/2011 11:06:43 AM
Politics and religion should be discussed BEFORE a date. During email phase. No need to waste time with someone you have nothing in common.

Call me an oddball, but even though I am interested in the political happenings in the world, there is no way that I find that trait interesting enough to base meeting someone; and forget considering a romantic involvement based on politics and religion. In the grand scheme of things, neither will be that helpful in keeping a relationship together when confronted with the challenges of day-to-day life. There's so many other things that matter more when you're a couple.
 bikeman1467
Joined: 9/22/2009
Msg: 41
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She brings up politics in conversation, how to avoid/counter?
Posted: 7/7/2011 12:27:33 PM
I honestly wouldn't worry about talking to a potential partner about politics when on the first few dates. Politics is an interesting topic, and since I like to have interesting and intelligent conversations, politics is ripe for this sort of conversation.

However, lots of people seem to get heated up about their particular political point of view. I think it's better to discover sooner than later if a woman I'm dating is a "political crackpot". That saves me time getting to know such a polarized closed-minded person. If she decides not to continue to see me because of my political viewpoints, that's great for me too--why waste time with someone like this?

I always think it's a win-win situation when people share their opinions and viewpoints with their partner. Better to do that than to repress those feelings inside you when getting to know someone.
 blueceleste
Joined: 6/2/2005
Msg: 42
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She brings up politics in conversation, how to avoid/counter?
Posted: 7/7/2011 6:18:46 PM
wow. this reminds me when i went out with a guy and we had a conversation on yahoo about yahoo when i said bush is an idiot and shouldnt have been president. we didnt talk long about it. he picked me up one night going to the movies, he was attractive. he barely talked to me to the movies, paid for our tickets, practically tried to get away from me when we went to the movie we planned to go see.

i didnt understand his behavior at all, he saw my pic but claimed he didnt have one. he was the one who asked me out in the 1st place and then he acted like he didnt wanna be around me. so, movie over and he took me home. it was boring we didnt do anything else. he takes me home, told him had a good time like to do it again he had this annoyed look like really do we have 2? never gave me a kiss or hug good nite definitely not with that behavior.

i saw him online he was red hot saying how he hated the "date" i was this and that. i couldnt believe what he said to me. he told me he felt i was "weird" and i said what do u mean? he said because ur a democrat! i was on the floor in laughter!

i told him im an independent if my political views were such a bother when we chatted about bush and his policies, u should have OPEN UR MOUTH THEN and then we didnt have to worry about meeting! he got even more red hot saying i was a stupid **** typical blk person being a democrat i said what the hell does the color of someones skin have anything to do with how they feel about the gov or the president? made no sense! i said think what you want but whatever. i forgot he was a jock too big mistake. he told me all of this online.

i would never bring up politics during the date it always brings out drama and finger pointing saying you are such a democrat ruining the country and vice versa. i guess i didnt know back then how saying i didnt like bush hurt his feelings since he was a republican yet he asked me my opinion!! he told afterwards how he wanted a republican chick not a democrat again independent lol.
 Simon4567
Joined: 10/9/2010
Msg: 43
She brings up politics in conversation, how to avoid/counter?
Posted: 7/7/2011 6:45:17 PM
I just tell them I'm a part of the Whig party. Then I say things like 54 40 or fight, or Im a part of the anti-slavery branch. You could ask her what she thinks about the annexation of Texas or should new states be free states or slave?
 1234deleted1234
Joined: 10/8/2009
Msg: 44
She brings up politics in conversation, how to avoid/counter?
Posted: 7/7/2011 7:16:56 PM

What if part of what and who I am is, that I don't want to get into a heated discussion with a person I just met?


If the conversation gets HEATED then you're probably not compatible... If you can have a conversation, disagree and still want to jump each other then you might have something worthwhile!
 mateo45
Joined: 1/17/2008
Msg: 45
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She brings up politics in conversation, how to avoid/counter?
Posted: 7/8/2011 6:31:10 PM
Actually, what bothers me even more than being "passionately" Left or Right, are the ones who claim they're "independents" or "not really interested in politics", or they're "middle of the road", etc.. Yet if you kinda "investigate" that a little further, underneath it seems they still always have some "hot button" issue or value that they feel strongly about (much the same as most everybody else)!

Of course, it probably doesn't help that I'm one of those types who believes the only thing in the "middle of the road" is "road kill"! ;-p
 CMonster
Joined: 12/4/2004
Msg: 46
She brings up politics in conversation, how to avoid/counter?
Posted: 7/8/2011 6:51:40 PM
Of course, it probably doesn't help that I'm one of those types who believes the only thing in the "middle of the road" is "road kill"! ;-p

Smelly sewer water running down one gutter; on the other side smelly sewer water running down the opposite gutter and road kill sitting in the middle of the road. Sounds like our political system alright.
 Sirenne
Joined: 6/3/2011
Msg: 47
She brings up politics in conversation, how to avoid/counter?
Posted: 7/8/2011 9:02:03 PM
Just say you dont talk about religion or politics. We all have our own ideas.
those trying to convert me are just gone...
 vnufall
Joined: 3/6/2011
Msg: 48
She brings up politics in conversation, how to avoid/counter?
Posted: 7/8/2011 10:04:06 PM
i just think he should know how i lean one way or another. it does make a difference in how i think. if he doesn't care or want to know my political persuasion then i don't think i want to know him anyway. i like politics so if he doesn't....it won't work out, period......lol.
 freethink77
Joined: 12/27/2009
Msg: 49
She brings up politics in conversation, how to avoid/counter?
Posted: 8/6/2011 8:11:07 AM
DISCUSS IT!!!! don't avoid topics like religion or politics!!!!

wow ...too funny I just posted something similar in science/philosophy category ... search for 'taboo' in that category if curious...

not sure if it is cool to copy paste and 'double post' it so i won't...

i say no topic is taboo or off limits!! especially when it comes to a talking to a potential friend/life mate/partner/spouse etc
...and pof gives bad advice on this i think
it says:
"Controversial Topics: Politics, Religion or Activism may be a huge part of who you are, but don’t let controversial topics manipulate the process of getting to know another user. Sometimes opposites attract. It’s best to get to know your new fish for a while before sending off those interrogating emails."

I DISAGREE STRONGLY!!! nothing is off limits!!
 PrunellaJones
Joined: 1/22/2011
Msg: 50
She brings up politics in conversation, how to avoid/counter?
Posted: 8/6/2011 9:37:39 AM
As is the norm, politics is a very polarizing topic amongst people. I have seen usually calm and docile people react like a volcano when anything political comes up, which is why when it comes to the sake of dating, I keep the topics light and fun. Plus, I am very personal with my political (and religious) beliefs, and I rarely express them in public.
I would not date anyone I could not speak my mind to. I can be very passionate about ideas. I only get involved with men who enjoy discussing everything under the sun. I even remember one time a guy told me how much my passion for ideas turned him on sexually...lol. Yep. If you are going to spend quality time with anyone, what is the point of pretending you don't think what you think?


That said, what should I do if I'm having a first date or a meetup, and my date either asks me about my affiliation, or if she mentions something that obviously has a political backdrop. Would it be best for me to be blunt and say that I don't discuss things like that with other people, or should I try to counter the argument by changing the subject?
I would avoid, however, getting too serious about anything on the first meet. But I would answer any question honestly. If he wanted to start taking politics right off the bat and I saw we were going to have very different views, I'd be out of there. Only an idiot would get into politics on the first meet.
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