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 dondea
Joined: 12/10/2007
Msg: 16
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50 Percent Divorce Rate-Fact or FictionPage 4 of 4    (1, 2, 3, 4)
From www.divorcerate.org:

The divorce rate in America for first marriage, vs second or third marriage
50% percent of first marriages, 67% of second and 74% of third marriages end in divorce, according to Jennifer Baker of the Forest Institute of Professional Psychology in Springfield, Missouri.

Also on the same site from the enrichment journal (whatever that is):
1st Marriage: 41%
2nd Marriage: 60%
3rd Marriage: 73%
 Hopeneverdissapoints
Joined: 12/30/2011
Msg: 17
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50 Percent Divorce Rate-Fact or Fiction
Posted: 4/6/2012 1:05:39 PM
Also consider the fact that, according to the Pew Forum, fewer and fewer people are actually getting married at all, so the number of divorces may well be going down but the percentage of marriages ending in divorce may well be going up (10 is only a third of 30, but 10 is "half" of 20, and 10 is 2/3 of 15...).

I happen to agree with CS Lewis who opined that most people who "casually" marry are doing it only for outward appearances and probably should drop the pretense and not be married in the first place. At least it's honest. Most people in our culture do not really practice marriage at all, but just serial monogamy...

I've pretty well given up on marriage at this point and think I'm going to opt for singleness. It is ultimately less painful to die alone than to try and be vulnerable with other people.
 Hopeneverdissapoints
Joined: 12/30/2011
Msg: 18
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50 Percent Divorce Rate-Fact or Fiction
Posted: 4/7/2012 5:44:23 AM
LOL...

I wouldn't say "we're screwed" but you hit on a real point... In our culture people-and relationships-are disposable commodities. Our culture treats people as a means-to-an-end, so if someone has ceased to amuse you or if a relationship gets a little tough (or a lot tough) just wad them up and toss-it-away.

Again, that's why I say very few people actually practice "marriage" even if they are "married." In truth most people do not practice marriage, but some sort of temporary relationship that is just looking to end.
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 19
50 Percent Divorce Rate-Fact or Fiction
Posted: 4/7/2012 6:09:23 AM

In our culture people-and relationships-are disposable commodities.


This is so true among the people here in POF. Whenever some posts a story about a problem they're having with a boyfriend/girlfriend/spouse, the automatic response everyone gives is "Dump the scumbag. Kick him/her to the curb." Like children, people would rather have a new toy (relationship) to play with than fix a broken one.
 Leib ben Yitshak
Joined: 3/26/2008
Msg: 20
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50 Percent Divorce Rate-Fact or Fiction
Posted: 4/10/2012 4:12:56 PM
I have this information. Please write to me at euphsdad@aol.com
Leib
 Hopeneverdissapoints
Joined: 12/30/2011
Msg: 21
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50 Percent Divorce Rate-Fact or Fiction
Posted: 4/11/2012 5:45:04 AM
I'm not sure that I agree with the notion that "most" marriages were "empty" and "unhappy," but stayed together because "they had to..." and so the higher divorce rates are just a reflection of "options."

Several years back, a clinical research study was done on happiness and the ammount of options someone had available. This was NOT a study on marriage/relationships. The findings were counter-intuitive; the "more" options people reported they had, the "less" happy they reported being. So, for example, the authors commented, you go to the grocery store and you are confronted with 50 brands of pasta, all with different prices, packaging, names, etc. Those who reported that they bought a specific brand, regardless of price, competition, etc... just because it was "their" brand of pasta, reported a higher level of generalized happiness as to those who went to the store, spent lots of time evaluating "all their choices" and trying to "make the most" of their choices. This is corrolation, not causality, but the corrolation was overwhelming. The "more" choices someone had or gave themselves the "less" they reported their own happiness.

The authors of the study did venture to extend their findings to marriage/relationships. Those who committed themselves to a "LTR/marriage" had a strong corrolation with happiness, while those who gave themselves "options" reportedly were less happy. The researchers posited that when you are constantly second guessing something...anything... you become less happy, whereas when you are committed to something and therefore are not second guessing "your options," you tend to be happier and work harder at being happy. Their own advice on relationships were, it you want to be happy in your marriage, don't always be looking at the door wondering if you would be happier somewhere else.

Just looking at my own parrents marriage, my parents did have HARD times, times when they were not happy with themselves or each other, but they did not constantly wonder if they would be happy with someone else. I know of one moment where my mother issued an ultimatum to my father that either the relationship would change or she was going to see an attorney. But they were committed to the marriage, their family, and each other and they made it work. And this was in the 80's when divorce was pretty well accepted. (My sister once opined that she was being cheated by my mom and dad staying together since it limited her pool of Christmas and birthday presents...)

Point is, I think marriages of old were actually HAPPIER (on the whole) and MORE LOVING because couples had fewer options. As one of my parishioners told me "We agreed that murder was an option, divorce wasn't... So we hung in there and worked through stuff." (She was kidding about the murder thing...)

I am divorced. I hate it. I wish my ex-wife would've helped me to address my issues that I had to end up addressing anyways. In fact, I found out from her later, she only GOT married because she knew she could always get divorced later...with child support, spousal support, half of my 401k, and all they sympathy that comes to women (not men)... In short, she never loved me... she used me. She got her wedding when all her friends were getting married. She got her kids. She got her financial coverage. I got??? Dumped, hurt, used, discarded.

Lovely. I just love this culture.
 AllAboutSports
Joined: 8/10/2010
Msg: 22
50 Percent Divorce Rate-Fact or Fiction
Posted: 4/11/2012 1:14:09 PM
I feel the divorce rate is because at a young age,we are in love,but not with the person,we are in love with the fact that we are in love,if that makes sense.the rose colored glasses are on.When we divorce,its a new chapeter and adjustments need to be made,but in most cases,for at least one of the people,its a liberating experience.but for young people,In MY OPINION...we live in a age of non commitment,we dont want to sign the 2 year cable plan,we dont want a long term cell carrier,We dont want to wait for our food,we want things instant,we want faster cars,we want to work less for more pay,entitlement....so divorce is saying,i dont like the way it fits,i want to switch my phone plan,or n this case the person im with.Anddd its relatively easy to get married in my state,pay the 180 dollers for the license,find a notary,and do it.no classes or councelling or anything.....its so easy,it can be just s easy to divorce.
 AllAboutSports
Joined: 8/10/2010
Msg: 23
50 Percent Divorce Rate-Fact or Fiction
Posted: 4/11/2012 1:48:10 PM
Actually,I do see your point moonbeam,
However,I have known people quite the contrary...the dividing of families??Most fla in laws from what I can tell are monsters.they expect everything and are very very judgemental.alot of people like to lose the in laws as much as the relationship.the spliting if things can be catty as well,lets say he has something he values and she know it,it can be spiteful but she will want it,and vica versa.it leaves bitterness.and some women can be perfect,but if her family is crazy,or his(everybody loves raymond anyone?)it can be a quick as a band aid tear off.
 Leib ben Yitshak
Joined: 3/26/2008
Msg: 24
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50 Percent Divorce Rate-Fact or Fiction
Posted: 4/11/2012 5:24:57 PM
I may be mistaken about this, but I understand that Muslims have a much lower divorce rate than Christians or Jews. It could be that they are happier, or that their solution to problems is ...
You get my drift.
Last year there were over 5,000 honor killings.
Leib
 Hopeneverdissapoints
Joined: 12/30/2011
Msg: 25
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50 Percent Divorce Rate-Fact or Fiction
Posted: 4/11/2012 8:14:13 PM
What I know is this:
1) You can ONLY take responsibility for yourself, you can ONLY take responsibility for your own issues... Married or not, you cannot fix anyone else but yourself nor can you be responsible for anyone else's happiness nor they yours.

2) Marriage...REAL marriage, where people bind themselves to someone else and commit to working ON THEIR OWN ISSUES with someone else is possible. Not only is it possible, it is how people are built...whether married or not...we are communal critters by nature.

3) Happiness is achieved through hard personal work...it never "falls" into our lap nor are we entitled to it. Happiness is earned, it is not a right.

4) Happiness is rare...most of the time we live somewhere short of full happiness, so enjoy the happy moments. But we earn our happiness by how we live and act in the less than happy moments of our lives.

5) Happiness is achieved when we can look outside of ourselves. Selfishness never really makes us happy, instead it leads us to almost perpetual unhappiness because we are so focussed upon ourselves what we lack becomes an obsession.

I am not a smart man, but these things I do know...
 dondea
Joined: 12/10/2007
Msg: 26
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50 Percent Divorce Rate-Fact or Fiction
Posted: 4/12/2012 12:41:06 PM

From the stories of my past dates and friends... 50% of marriages end in divorce. Of those, more than 50% are because of cheating.

Of those 50% of cheaters, nearly 100% are wifeys.

I'm sorry but I would never want to get married if my wife is not gonna be loyal. So I've decided to just fck around until I die. Besides, you get more "ahem" that way instead of getting stuck with 1 for the rest of your life (sorry, make that 2, not 1, because you'll end up getting divorced most likely from a cheating wifey).

Ok to be fair, maybe 1/10 guys will cheat.


I guess that is your opinion, but it is not a fact that women cheat more than men. I do not know the statistics or where I saw it, but men are more prone to cheat in a relationship (including marriage) than a woman.
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 27
50 Percent Divorce Rate-Fact or Fiction
Posted: 4/13/2012 6:32:12 AM
If men are cheating. aren't there just as many women who are cheating? It takes two to tango.
 mrcs84
Joined: 12/9/2008
Msg: 28
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50 Percent Divorce Rate-Fact or Fiction
Posted: 4/13/2012 11:49:45 AM

If men are cheating. aren't there just as many women who are cheating? It takes two to tango.

Umm no. If a married man is cheating with a single woman, SHE is not cheating, especially if she doesn't know that he is married.
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 29
50 Percent Divorce Rate-Fact or Fiction
Posted: 4/13/2012 12:09:38 PM
"If a married man is cheating with a single woman, SHE is not cheating, especially if she doesn't know that he is married."

I guess that's open to interpretation. If she is knowingly part of the cheating arrangement, then I feel she is cheating. She is not cheating on her partner, but is cheating on his wife/girlfriend. The woman is just as much responsible for the cheating situation as the man. As far as not knowing the guy she's having sex with is married, that's a whole other topic. Most guys would consider it a red flag if they found out a woman they're dating was the mistress in a cheating relationship, just like it would be a red flag to women if they found out the guy they're dating has a history of cheating. Ask women who have been cheated on if they consider the "other woman", the mistress, innocent of cheating.
 mrcs84
Joined: 12/9/2008
Msg: 30
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50 Percent Divorce Rate-Fact or Fiction
Posted: 4/13/2012 12:31:23 PM
Ask women who have been cheated on if they consider the "other woman", the mistress, innocent of cheating.


I don't consider the mistress completely innocent if they knew what was going on, however, I don't feel it should carry as much weight because the married person had the intention of cheating. If it wasn't with that particular mistress, it would have been with someone else.



I was in the Army for 5 years. I have little patience for non sense any more. I can seriously see my self never being married if things continue this way.

You don't need to be married to love someone. The benefits of marriage don't outweigh the pitfalls for getting divorce.

Being former military, you should know a thing or 2 about contracts. Getting married is a pretty big choice, and a marriage contract doesn't even have it's terms and conditions spelled out. My cell phone contract makes more sense than a typical marriage contract.
 AllAboutSports
Joined: 8/10/2010
Msg: 31
50 Percent Divorce Rate-Fact or Fiction
Posted: 4/13/2012 1:22:15 PM
I feel us guys cheat more than women do,not because we are scum,but because of how we are made.
Women are more emotional,men are visual.women look at sex as an emotional connection,and although most men do too...men think of sex to feel good,not for connection.So if a man sees a woman with curves,and hs woman is thin,he may want it.does that mean he wants a relationship with her??no.it just is what it is with most guys.not me,just my opinion.
also,Why most second marrages work is....because the mother of your kids,there are things youwont do w her,that you would with a regular woman.the mther of your kids is sacred,so all the deep freaky dirty nasty sex stuff you wnt to do you wont do with her,just what i know from friends growing up,sorry ladies but its true.
 Leib ben Yitshak
Joined: 3/26/2008
Msg: 32
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50 Percent Divorce Rate-Fact or Fiction
Posted: 4/23/2012 6:53:53 PM
Anyone who uses the fifty percent figure is only citing one way of calculating the divorce rate. As an economist, I assure you that I can show you at least three ways of calculating the divorce rate.

When you compare the number of couples in the US (approximately 1.7 million) with the number of divorces (approximately 5.5 million) you get a divorce rate around 2 percent.
Leib
 LAgoodguy
Joined: 8/21/2008
Msg: 33
50 Percent Divorce Rate-Fact or Fiction
Posted: 4/23/2012 8:03:42 PM
My niece is a high school senior she mentioned that all her friends except one girl have divorced parents. In other words except one girl all of them are a single parent family. She also said that most of the kids she talks to do have divorced parents. That has to mean something about the idea of getting married.
 smilingrock
Joined: 11/9/2008
Msg: 34
50 Percent Divorce Rate-Fact or Fiction
Posted: 4/25/2012 6:51:29 AM
Hmmmmm wonder what the cavemen did after clubbing a woman over the head, dragging her to his cave and having his way with her. Afterwards she stated talking too much and the caveman ( your answer goes here) =)
 Leib ben Yitshak
Joined: 3/26/2008
Msg: 35
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50 Percent Divorce Rate-Fact or Fiction
Posted: 4/25/2012 3:46:17 PM
Hi LA,
Your neice is not selecting friends at random from her high school classes. In all likelihood, the selection of associates is biased by her and their interests.
Leib
 platypus_man
Joined: 8/29/2007
Msg: 36
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50 Percent Divorce Rate-Fact or Fiction
Posted: 4/27/2012 6:46:25 AM
Last I read it was 58% in the U.S.. But the news is worse than that; nearly 100% of all 'non marriage' relationships fall apart, so you're probably looking at about a greater than 90% failure rate in long term relationships.
 Peppermint_Petunias
Joined: 3/30/2012
Msg: 37
50 Percent Divorce Rate-Fact or Fiction
Posted: 4/27/2012 1:52:04 PM
Sounds low for first marriages LOL

It's to easy to get married (and divorced in most cases).

You should have to pass a flipping test and go to couples boot camp to get a marriage license AND there be a 3 month waiting period.

Perfect test..Go on a 7 day trip in a small car with them.
Your shiot/issues will be ALL out there.
No motel.
 LAgoodguy
Joined: 8/21/2008
Msg: 38
50 Percent Divorce Rate-Fact or Fiction
Posted: 4/27/2012 3:55:11 PM
My niece mentioned the divorce rate in her cheerleading class( is it even a class). And many other classes she takes. so its not as they are all her friends but she knows many. Yes most of them are from single family household. With her friends except one all are single family. Thats why I did mentioned the diffrence..
Many years ago while backpacking in the high sierras I came across an old couple both in the mid 60s. I havent seen anyone for 2 days for them it was more like 4 days not seeing anyone. So we stoped and talked, One thing lead to another and the quiestion came up but brings them so far into the sierra. The husband mentioned that if you can go backpacking with your wife for a week alone and not kill each other then you got the perfect partner. It gives them the time to talk about everything and bring everything up. Cause there is not place to go they deal with what ever problems they have. No matter how upset one of them is they still have to help each other on the trail. They been happily married for over 40 years. Spend atlist twice a year a week backpacking. Guess the bottom line is talking to each other about things that you like or dont like and dealing with it like adults makes all the diffrence.
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