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 starfishgazer
Joined: 8/6/2011
Msg: 125
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Men 40+ and ChildlessPage 4 of 19    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19)
I love the way you get so hecked up and heated on this subject.
Having to look after children 24/7 and looking after someone else's is very different
You just make judgments on attributing theories from learnt experiences.
I know this may offend a lot of people but its personal to me, if a man has never been married or had children then he will not have a clue how difficult it is and rewarding to be a parent,,,,,,life sacrifices and wisdom earned from taking care of offspring and I don't consider child free men as they are too selfish and immature for me.
There will always be the exception ....but not enough for me to contemplate a relationship as our conversations and interests would conflict.
xxx
 Kaliphornia
Joined: 8/1/2011
Msg: 131
Men 40+ and Childless
Posted: 8/23/2011 9:29:16 PM
I didn't "miss" having kids. I made a very deliberate decision to not have any because, A). I don't want the responsibility, and B). I don't think I'd be a very good parent. I never saw reproducing myself as the be all end all of my existence and I don't buy into the "kids are our future" BS. From what I can see, kids these days basically don't HAVE a future and are pretty much f**ked. I would NOT be doing a kid a favor by bringing them into this world. Those kids I never had don't know how lucky they wouldn't be if they existed to appreciate how much they wished I hadn't had them.
 Kaliphornia
Joined: 8/1/2011
Msg: 132
Men 40+ and Childless
Posted: 8/24/2011 5:09:29 PM

I too am in my 40's with no kids


Cool! Would you like to have my kids?
 Hippiekinkster
Joined: 1/7/2010
Msg: 134
Men 40+ and Childless
Posted: 8/25/2011 12:08:48 AM
SORDID lIVES:
Men 40+ and Childless
Posted: 7/7/2011 1154 AM
I would totally enjoy dating a man who is over 40 and either doesn't have children at all or they are all over 18. This seems to be a very hard criteria to find."

I wouldn't really know, since I'm on another team, so to speak.


I decided a long time ago that it would be unfair to any child I mught have, as I have familial genetic problems, and I also was psychologically unprepared to have children. It would not have been right for me to reproduce.

I believe that, now, I would be a better father, but the age difference would be too great. I have always enjoyed my relationships with my younger nieces and nephews, and am very rpoud to be related to many of them. However, in retrospect, I do not regret my decision(s).

I certainly am not looking, at my ancient age >snort<, to bring forth another copy of myself. I'm just not that "selfish". I have no need to continue my genetic code. It wouldn't be fair to the child.

Not so very hard, Sordid. Peace...
 TryAgan
Joined: 4/4/2008
Msg: 135
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History
Men 40+ and Childless
Posted: 8/25/2011 12:33:31 AM

Could you men in your 40s+ explain why is it you never had children (those that don't)?

Well, you can try all you can but it's really hard to do it without the proper equipment.
 moun10dew
Joined: 12/3/2010
Msg: 136
Men 40+ and Childless
Posted: 8/26/2011 7:45:59 AM

Personally I find it more odd and disturbing that there are sooooo many single people with kids. I wonder...what happened.


Very true. I've got a friend that was dating this guy...my friend became prego..then she totally dumped the looser bf. I really don't think either of them were too bright...but I guess this guy has knocked up a couple other women, as he's got a number of children. Strangely enough women seem to gravitate towards him because he's a player.

lol..this also brings up another thing. Yesterday I got home from work and was watching a bit of TV. I can't believe I'm going to admit this. I was watching Judge Judy. She had a guy and his ex on. They were each taking the other to court for various reasons. Neither have jobs and are on welfare. They never got married but had four children together. She's got a restraining order on him....he's got no car. The Judge really laid into both of them for being stupid and having four children that they can't afford to raise...and the fact that the tax payers are raising their kids for them. There are a lot of situations like this...and people wonder what's wrong with others who don't have kids????
 soicat
Joined: 3/3/2010
Msg: 138
Men 40+ and Childless
Posted: 8/26/2011 2:30:58 PM
Time and money spent acquiring degrees combined with a fearful disposition and a complete lack of faith in the future.

Now, I don't care and don't concern myself about birth control, because I could easily afford any number of children, but to date my antique sperm - doubtless somewhat sabotaged due to my sexual predilections - have yet to achieve conception, alas.

But I do get along great with kids. I think it's because, never having had any I'm not sick of them, and I don't boss them around.
 WanderingRain
Joined: 3/9/2008
Msg: 139
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Men 40+ and Childless
Posted: 5/20/2012 4:44:20 AM
There's a million reasons to this.
But the one thing you should never do is assume without any information at all and make snap judgements about any guy.
 Greatcatch12345
Joined: 5/2/2011
Msg: 140
Men 40+ and Childless
Posted: 5/20/2012 6:57:19 AM
For myself personally..@ 25, my first wife had a double hysterectomy, so that ended that possibility. My 2nd wife @age 35, was a career woman, (i started a new business as well), and really neither one of us wanted or had that burning desire to have kids..call it selfish..or trying to get ahead in the rat-race..or whatever. I've been divorced for some time now from wife #2, and when i looked around at my friends kids who mostly were obnoxious, disrespectful, and felt entitlement it left a bad taste in my mouth. I know they say when ur kid says i love u daddy, before going to bed..there is nothing better, i'm not sure that makes up for the trial and tribulations of the day.
I feel i can relate to a woman with kids because #1, i was a kid at one time also, and still have that child-like enthusiasm. I also have nieces, nephews, and a god-daughetr whom i'm very close to. Although sometimes its difficult to date women with young kids..or teenagers..eventually they are going off to college or on their own, so its not a forever type of situation.
The ship has passed for me having or adopting kids at this point in my life ( i have a dog). I also seek out women (45-54) whom have never had kids, or their kids are out of the house as i feel it is a better match without much of the drama.Does this limit my pool of women?/ maybe, but i think i'd have a better success rate, and besides i only need one...lol..
 PittsburghVixen
Joined: 6/27/2009
Msg: 141
Men 40+ and Childless
Posted: 5/20/2012 8:41:07 AM

What do you think about more minority babies are being born in the U.S. than caucasians.


I think that question makes you sound like a bigot. I do agree with the statement you made just prior to that one:

We NEED more children raised by two parents and taught to be prtoductive citizens.


I would be fine with dating a guy who's 40+ and childless. Less chance of drama with an ex-wife or with adult offspring. (If the guy has young children I wouldn't be dating him anyway, so there's no issue there for me.) But I married a guy with adult children, and that was fine because he put his wife before his offspring.
 DeerTaint
Joined: 4/3/2012
Msg: 142
Men 40+ and Childless
Posted: 5/21/2012 1:28:01 PM
Oh where are they? Bring them on. Bonus points if he had a vasectomy.
 02hdf150
Joined: 3/24/2012
Msg: 143
Men 40+ and Childless
Posted: 5/21/2012 2:19:10 PM

Oh where are they? Bring them on. Bonus points if he had a vasectomy.


Here I am!!! :)

About 7 or 8 years when I was married and we both decided that we didn't want to have kids, I got a vasectomy because my wife couldn't go on birth control. Now at 45, I don't regret my decision. I love kids but my ex and I decided for various reasons not to have kids. I don't regret the decision
 fillyphilly
Joined: 5/12/2012
Msg: 144
Men 40+ and Childless
Posted: 5/21/2012 4:20:08 PM
I've dated quite a few and when a guy is over 40, never married, no kids, no pets, something is usually wrong. It's very hard to get though life without any attachments. And at this point it's a red flag. If a guy has one of the above at least such as divorce or a pet or something then ok, otherwise no.
 Sciencetreker
Joined: 2/13/2012
Msg: 145
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History
Men 40+ and Childless
Posted: 5/21/2012 5:24:30 PM
I've never wanted my own rug rats. I enjoy spoiling assorted nephews and nieces...taking them camping, ...on trips...helping put them through university.

Just not my thing to be tied down to a career or obligations where I can't just get up and spend a couple months lounging in Jamaica or be off to the Arctic on a contract. I also like to split residences betweeen Canada and our family home in France...hard to do that with kids in tow.

There's about 7 billion people in the world. Plenty to take up my share of offspring.

Having said all this, I've never had an issue to have a relationship with a woman with children. It's probably a postive influence on our relationship. We can be close and loving without actually living together. I like my independence and time alone...makes me a better and more attentive partner when we're together. In contrast, when I've been in a relatioinship with a woman with no children, I feel a bit more stifled and obligated to think of the future rather than just living life in the present.
 mon2169
Joined: 6/22/2009
Msg: 146
Men 40+ and Childless
Posted: 5/21/2012 6:42:49 PM
I tend to agree with this. I dated a guy over 40, childless, never married, no pets and after a year of on and off dating decided to end it because he was quite narcissistic. I really think he thought he was doing me some kind of favor dating a "woman with children" and that I should be grateful.

I just think it's unnatural not to want to share your life with someone, even if it's a pet. An empty house isn't my idea of a home.

Of course all 40+ and childless aren't narcissistc, etc. but have to wonder why they choose to be so alone and how they would adjust their life to let in a woman and her children if need be.
 Paderic
Joined: 2/23/2010
Msg: 147
Men 40+ and Childless
Posted: 5/21/2012 7:33:14 PM
The reason I didn't have children is simply because I never had a desire to raise a family. I always felt that it was the kind of thing you couldn't go into if you had any doubts about it.

That and the fact that my religious beliefs put me into a rather small minority of the US population.
 onewayoranuther
Joined: 3/21/2011
Msg: 148
Freedom = 40+ man and Childless
Posted: 5/24/2012 11:29:22 PM
In my perfect world my dark, thick haired, 6'2 man with very toned arms, and just a slight pudge on the belly with a hairy chest and a wit that would make Jim Cary laugh and the sensibility of Bill Cosby and humble compassion of Paul Newman, would have no children or maybe just one fully grown and on his/her own.

I have one daughter who rarely bothers me with anything. She comes to visit me and brings my grandson once a week, text me and calls me a few times a week but that is it...her life, my life and we love one another immensely.

The last thing I want to deal with is someone else's kids. I won't date a man if he says " I have children and they come first" Buddy, I did the kid comes first already and I am still young enough to go when I wanna go and screw on the washing machine if I want without fearing the kid s going to run in and catch us...or worse have to be quiet cuz the kid might hear us. No way, will I repeat that part of my life.

So a man with no kids....bring him on:)
 tbicon
Joined: 5/6/2012
Msg: 149
Freedom = 40+ man and Childless
Posted: 5/25/2012 9:49:36 AM
"I wanna go and screw on the washing machine if I want without fearing the kids going to run in and catch us".

What a wonderful reason to avoid children, to screw on the washing machine if you wanted to. That's the problem with so many women .. that its always about them. Its an attitude that starts with many of them at a young age and never leaves them, even when they are far beyond their peak years snd have little to offer. All i can say is if a guy dates a good woman, hold on to her if you can. Women may be a dime a dozen but good women are far harder to find.
 DeerTaint
Joined: 4/3/2012
Msg: 150
Men 40+ and Childless
Posted: 5/25/2012 10:34:29 AM

Here I am!!! :)

About 7 or 8 years when I was married and we both decided that we didn't want to have kids, I got a vasectomy because my wife couldn't go on birth control. Now at 45, I don't regret my decision. I love kids but my ex and I decided for various reasons not to have kids. I don't regret the decision


Oh too bad I didn't know you about 4 years ago. I actually lived in your neck of the woods. I was 5 minutes from Sawgrass mall in the Acres. My dog would have your dog for dinner though. LOL
 Infinity_G
Joined: 1/29/2012
Msg: 151
Men 40+ and Childless
Posted: 5/25/2012 11:11:44 AM
I've dated quite a few and when a guy is over 40, never married, no kids, no pets, something is usually wrong. It's very hard to get though life without any attachments. And at this point it's a red flag. If a guy has one of the above at least such as divorce or a pet or something then ok, otherwise no.


I get a kick on how people judge so incorrectly, a red flag should not be raised, because one should make an assessment on a case by case basis. My attachments are with my family, so I got that going for me and, well, I've made it this far. :-) I love animals, doesn't mean I have to be a pet owner though.

People mostly assume that the person is non-commital, likes to just play around from person to person, that's not my case. I really do want a loving and commited relationship. In fact, I think I'd be even more appreciative than most men are of their sig. others.
 ArtWalk
Joined: 4/25/2012
Msg: 152
Men 40+ and Childless
Posted: 5/25/2012 11:11:57 AM
I've asked men who are over forty with no children and have gotten several different responses. Some just didn't want to, some wanted to but it just never happened. I've met older men with no children who wish they had.
I've dated older men with no children and appreciate that their focus is self motivated. They know their way around a romantic evening.
There is a noticeable difference in men with and men without children at an older age.
Try to appreciate people for who they have worked on becoming and not the things they haven't done. I don't think her post was intentionally rude.
 tbicon
Joined: 5/6/2012
Msg: 153
Men 40+ and Childless
Posted: 5/25/2012 12:08:38 PM

People mostly assume that the person is non-commital, likes to just play around from person to person, that's not my case. I really do want a loving and commited relationship. In fact, I think I'd be even more appreciative than most men are of their sig. others.


The problem is that if you were unable to find a woman to love or to love you enough to want to get married, that is a red flag. I would find it a red flag with a woman who has never been married also, and i would find it a red flag with a woman who has been divorced more than one time. I agree the absense of children is meaningless. The absense of a committed relationship for a reaonsable period of time is not so meaningless. I would automatically assume a never married woman was either ugly or a total **** incapable of love or commitment. Not to say you could not prove somebody wrong, but its simply a hurdle you are going to have to get over, a mark against you from the very beginning.
 Infinity_G
Joined: 1/29/2012
Msg: 154
Men 40+ and Childless
Posted: 5/25/2012 12:19:32 PM
The problem is that if you were unable to find a woman to love or to love you enough to want to get married, that is a red flag. I would find it a red flag with a woman who has never been married also


Hm, from this statement, it sounds like the only people who might be compatible are the both genders who have never been married I would think.

Now, would this also mean, the red flags would only apply to those who conflict here? Meaning , someone who has never been married, would see a divorced person as a red flag, and vice-versa?

Also, would you let such a red flag stop you?

I guess if there's a hurdle in front of me, I guess I better jump it. ;)
 tbicon
Joined: 5/6/2012
Msg: 155
Men 40+ and Childless
Posted: 5/25/2012 12:30:22 PM

Now, would this also mean, the red flags would only apply to those who conflict here? Meaning , someone who has never been married, would see a divorced person as a red flag, and vice-versa?


A divorce can be explained . . people grow apart, especially when they married too young or for the wrong reasons to begin with. Two divorces from my point of view starts to indicate a red-flag issue. Perhaps a person is simply too difficult to live with, or too demanding or whatever. Three divorces is a huge red flag in my opinion. But never having been married is probably worse. . two people never having committed to a relationship getting married in their forties or fifties? maybe . . but that is likely a relationship asking for trouble.

But I don't concern myself with guys who have never married. I typically assume if the are reasonably good looking and intelligent that they are simply players. Nothing wrong with that. As for women, I tend to judge that if they have never been married that they were probably either too full of themselves to allow a guy into their lives, or too bit*** for a guy to want around for any length of time.
 tbicon
Joined: 5/6/2012
Msg: 156
Men 40+ and Childless
Posted: 5/25/2012 12:33:16 PM
But the no children issue I don't get. Some people simply cannot physically have children or have such demanding careers that they don't want children. The demanding career would be a concern for me if it was a woman I was interested in. I respect intelligence. I don't necessarily though want a power broker as a wife. I've dated lawyers, doctors . . and believe those would have been difficult marriages.
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