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Men 40+ and ChildlessPage 5 of 19    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19)
well,I can only speak for myself. At 23 I was still out ramblin around & having my fun & be careful as i could yet still have fun. That was in the 80s mostly so there wasnt that much to worry about like nowadays. In 89 I met a chic,we spent 2 days talking,we clicked well. She said shes never having kids and never getting married. I knew that up front....But at 23 who cares,I was just having fun & I really liked her .... so years into the relationship,It started feeling like....there needs to be more. I suggested maybe having a kid one day. Year or two later I mentioned marriage. Both ideas wee slapped to the ground on teh spot. We both loved each other but she was against haing a kid or getting married.That relationship ended in 01 I speant a good year recovering & finding myself again. Dated a woman about a year. ,then a year of being alone, since then i have only dated 3 woman. so here i am at 47 with no kids & never been married. Dunno if this is good or bad,but its how the cards played out.
 carolinaman57
Joined: 7/15/2011
Msg: 102
Men 40+ and Childless
Posted: 8/4/2011 2:03:17 PM
I always looked forward to having kids, but never found the right woman to be their mother. Also I was looking while focusing on my career which has been very good to me as I am now semi retired and only work if I want to, not because I need the money to pay bills! I know there are women that have done the same thing, it's a choice you make.
 racy123
Joined: 4/6/2008
Msg: 103
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Men 40+ and Childless
Posted: 8/4/2011 10:19:53 PM
No, it's not just you. I have seen those on lots of profiles and I wonder the same thing too since I have a 12 year old daughter. I always wonder if they will have the compassion and ability to deal with children.
 Gastro Man
Joined: 7/25/2005
Msg: 105
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Men 40+ and Childless
Posted: 8/8/2011 12:10:41 AM
I am a 45 yr. old black man. I have never been married and never had any children. Among many black women, I'm considered a CATCH. Not necessarily because of looks, but because I harbor no "baby mama drama". In the black community, the majority of black mothers are SINGLE mothers. That's a real stat, I'm not making that up. I have personally never met a woman that I've seen as potentially being the mother of my children. I'm proud of myself in that I didn't let my PENIS put me in a category of men who lost their kids in a custody battle because their mama got them. When women see that at my age, I have no kids, and they find that I'm not deformed looking, gay, or sick, then they're HAPPY that I don't have kids. I also find that younger women tend to be more attracted to me because I'm an "older" man that's decent looking and yet has no baby mama drama.
 shemstreet45
Joined: 1/15/2010
Msg: 106
Men 40+ and Childless
Posted: 8/9/2011 5:40:17 AM
Sounds right. There is no pressure or social requirement for men to have children. Perhaps back in the old days when children were a help on the farm and a net plus to the family, then they were a good thing. Now they are a net drain on the family, and people that have them really have to want them (or screw up massively).

You can also see this economic change in the number of children families in industrial or richer societies have than in farming based poorer countries.

As for marriage, if you make it through college and your 20's, it also starts to look a lot less like a good deal. Personally, I see women that had children in their teens or had multiple marraiges as a red flag, and consider them well behind those that put their own lives ahead of that.
 Florida_MusicManUSMC
Joined: 10/21/2010
Msg: 107
Men 40+ and Childless
Posted: 8/12/2011 11:04:37 AM
I was married twice to very obese women who could not have children according to their Dr's.Myself I enjoy kid's and would not forsee any problem relating to a Lady with children.Albeit at my age it's alot more likely to be Grand Children.My travel's around the world would be wonderful bedtime stories dont you think?
 thewhitetigersb
Joined: 7/5/2011
Msg: 108
Men 40+ and Childless
Posted: 8/13/2011 12:35:12 PM
Well. In my case I have been careful with who I wish to spend my life with. Most women who I had been attracted to married and have children with someone that makes them very happy. Other then that I have not met a single woman who Likes me or I her. It is getting very difficult the older we get. I believe that not all men or women find someone. Thats ok. We must enjoy who we are and our lives, even though we do not have a partner.
 RUsickofkissingfrogs
Joined: 6/11/2011
Msg: 109
Men 40+ and Childless
Posted: 8/14/2011 12:35:01 AM
Made the choice long ago I never wanted kids. At 55 I have never looked back nor would I change a thing. More so in today's society I find them (I do realize it's the lack of parenting now days) very annoying. Can't go "anywhere" without a group of screamers ruining a movie, flight, meal, etc...... Two recent events highlight this.....once in Jamaica at 2:00 a.m.....parents drinking at the bar and six year was pushing the infant around the bar in a stroller...never giving it a second thought....NOW that's selfish. Few months later on a cruise..kids were truly running wild all over the boat with parents thinking the staff should be their baby sitters. Since the b s of not being able to spank them and hold them accountable for their actions it has made going most places miserable. Actually decided to have a quiet meal with a date I have to out spend them. Parents are not parents anymore as they are defense atttorneys. Remember growing up and telling mom that mean teacher told me I had to...and Mom said you will damn will do it. Now days parents run up to the teacher to challenge their decision and never supporting the teacher.

Soo yes...with the very unfortunate changes that have taken place in our society I am happier than ever not to have children.

In closing...what ever happened to "Wait till I get you home"?......longest car rides of my life!.......lol
 Fifi47
Joined: 8/19/2004
Msg: 110
Men 40+ and Childless
Posted: 8/14/2011 1:36:11 AM
^^Don't forget "Wait until your father gets home", if this was said at 10 a.m. and father did not arrive until 5 p.m., there was some serious shaking in my boots going on for a while at age 6. I do find it a bit odd that so many men over 40 remarry and have a child or two when their first marriage produced several children who are then in their late teens or twenties.
 RUsickofkissingfrogs
Joined: 6/11/2011
Msg: 111
Men 40+ and Childless
Posted: 8/14/2011 2:56:50 AM
Hey...."The Look" was enough to make you want to clean out your shorts.....but probably today would be enough for them to call child protective services....lol.....

Got buddies that have been married three times with three sets of kids.......Again selfish A hole only thinking of himself.

Don't make me stop this car!.......lol
 wwibloved
Joined: 3/29/2011
Msg: 112
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Men 40+ and Childless
Posted: 8/14/2011 9:35:34 AM
I couldn't find a link to send you, but one of the most eye-opening things I ever read on the Internet was the comments section to a Newsweek article about a study as to whether having children actually makes people happier. A vast array of emotion was on display in those comments and I can tell you that people vary far and wide in their beliefs on the topic of having children. It was really something! I am one of the few (by your estimation, I don't actually know) over 40 women on here without children, so perhaps my point of view is helpful.

I tend to question the typical response of childless men over 40 to the question of whether they want children, it being "undecided/open". I suppose I would say to them "if you choose not to decide you still have made a choice" (Rush fan, anyone?) I guess from my perspective, I simply never made it a no-holds bar goal as I did see some friends who had children doing. I think that's probably what many of these men would say also.

Personally, I wish more people were as I am since population growth needs to slow down. I don't think we should continue with the presumption that everyone ought to have child(ren), or there is something wrong with them, if only for the well being of the planet and everyone already on it. However, I am well aware that some folks out there would like to see me hang for this suggestion (because of reading the comments to that Newsweek article). It's a realm of intense and dare I say insane emotion in many regards.
 platypus_man
Joined: 8/29/2007
Msg: 113
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Men 40+ and Childless
Posted: 8/14/2011 10:08:37 AM
The initial post was kind of harsh; I mean, you could also ask the same question of any woman in her 40's as well. I think most of us grow up intending to get married, have kids, watch them have kids, etc.. But life doesn't always work out the way we want. Lots of things went very wrong for me, often not of my own doing. So I did the best I could with the hand I've been dealt. How and why do I think I can relate to a woman with kids? Why not? I'm not a moron or anything like that. I understand how other people feel, and adapt to whatever circumstances she may be involved in. I like kids; I just don't have any of my own. I don't think there's anything wrong with that, the world is overpopulated already.
 KenM815
Joined: 1/7/2011
Msg: 114
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Men 40+ and Childless
Posted: 8/14/2011 5:19:10 PM
Hello..i get that ALL the time.."what is wrong with you?"I am a 51 yr old male,iv'e never been married,and obviously no kids.However for me,I have ALWAYS wanted to be married and have kids(that would be a lifelong dream of mine)but it just never happened for me unfortunately.There is absolutely nothing wrong with me..i am not an abuser,hate kids,hard to get along with,no medical condition,etc.I would love nothing more then to be married and have kids but it doesnt seem to be in the cards for me.
 LVRob129
Joined: 8/8/2011
Msg: 115
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Men 40+ and Childless
Posted: 8/15/2011 10:21:26 AM
I always thought that I would have children but never found someone I wanted to marry until age 30. We didn't have children to start with, and when I turned 35 I decided it was too late. Plus I liked having my freedom to go anywhere and do anything. I've been married twice now, and I've stayed basically the same, yet both of my wives have had mental illnesses that required hospitalization. I'm very glad no children were involved. Now I think I will never have children (can't now due to medical reasons), and never get married again. Just not worth it. Plus its not needed. Love doesn't need a piece of paper.
 lillsjul123
Joined: 4/22/2010
Msg: 116
Men 40+ and Childless
Posted: 8/15/2011 11:28:46 AM
Well put Spider,
I dated a guy in his 40's who was married, but did not have kids. He had a neece and a nephew, though, to whom he was close. He did very well with my son at first, but later, he stopped wanting to do "kid stuff" with us. I guess he had enough.

Now, I'm not sure if I should give guys without kids a chance? I don't want to recycle that history.... So, generally, I'm more interested in finding a man with kids, who I think maybe will understand it better. I've not dated anyone kids yet, so... wonder how that will go...
Lills
 sassy0130
Joined: 8/11/2011
Msg: 117
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Men 40+ and Childless
Posted: 8/15/2011 12:18:49 PM
I'd say they were smart enough to not get trapped or talked into it. Send them my way - I don't date men with younger children and have found it increasingly hard in my age group to come across ones that are child free.
 moun10dew
Joined: 12/3/2010
Msg: 118
Men 40+ and Childless
Posted: 8/16/2011 10:13:49 AM
I just really didn't feel like going out and just "knocking" some woman up. Yeah I'm a bit sad...even more so today seeing all my friends posting pictures of sending their kids off to school, that I never had a child but it's life. I haven't found a non game playing woman yet..so that's prevented the whole marriage thing. I've seen women all around me 21 -25 with kids 5 -10. Not my cup of tea....children should not have children. I'm also seeing people my age that are now becoming grandparents. A former friend once told me that maybe I'm just not meant to find a woman to spend my life with. IMO...that also mean's not becoming a parent.

Your one statement though "How and why do you think you can relate to a woman that has children?" reminds me of a comment I heard from a woman a long time ago. She told me she would never date a guy that didn't have children, due to the fact that they don't know what it's like. The amusing part of that whole thing is she is still single 10 years later. I've dated women with kids and without. The only time that kids would really be an issue for me is the # of them. 1 or 2 ok, but I really don't think I could see myself dating a woman with more than 2 kids. I think that just comes from the fact that I came from a small family.
 Capn_Leadfoot
Joined: 4/16/2011
Msg: 119
Men 40+ and Childless
Posted: 8/17/2011 8:06:00 PM
The woman I married couldn't get pregnant. When we got divorced I started dating a woman that had her tubes tied. The third relationship I was in was with a woman that had two beautiful girls (10 & 4) and I got a vasectomy around the age of 44. I invested more time and money than you can even imagine and the little one will never forget me. It’s easy to love kids just as much as if they were your own. People adopt children all the time and more often than not those children end up living a better life than the ones that will live in section 8 housing and other BS circumstances. The only drawback is that if you separate, you have no parental rights. Don't ever prejudge a man because he doesn't have children, because I see people everyday that doesn’t deserve the children they have. Do a search for "kelsey briggs" There are tons of children all over that suffered at the hands of their parents
 sweetfunfitgirl
Joined: 5/14/2011
Msg: 120
Men 40+ and Childless
Posted: 8/17/2011 8:25:52 PM
Whats up with the support for child abuse in this thread?
 moun10dew
Joined: 12/3/2010
Msg: 121
Men 40+ and Childless
Posted: 8/18/2011 7:29:24 AM

Whats up with the support for child abuse in this thread?


huh? I must be missing something.
 RUsickofkissingfrogs
Joined: 6/11/2011
Msg: 122
Men 40+ and Childless
Posted: 8/21/2011 1:23:59 AM
I have been told..lol....that there is supposed to be a group gaining in popularity called S I N K

Single Income No Kids

Never been able to locate but would like to start one in my area. Very difficult to find a lady that does not have children. After reviewing many profiles on POF and other sites...looks like the group would be seriously lacking female membership!
 Kevjohns
Joined: 8/9/2011
Msg: 123
Men 40+ and Childless
Posted: 8/21/2011 2:25:06 PM
Well for those without kids, you might be happy to know that studies show the happiness quotient goes way down for married folk who have kids. I would also say that Kids really do take over your life. Virtually everything I now do is not for me, its for the kids. If I were without any kids, the amount of traveling I would be doing would be geometrically greater than now, the amount of time I had to myself would be greater, and the amount of money I spend would be much less. I have simple tastes and need little by way of material goods. The kids however need the latest and greatest of everything on the market. And their mother sees to it that they have it. Of course I am paying for it. Kids also mean that your house must be much bigger than otherwise, because of course you need a house to hold your stuff, and kids tend to get lots of stuff, at least my kids do.

But whats worse to me is in my age bracket, I have seen not a few number of deaths among my peers, primarily from heart disease and some from cancer. For many of the older kids, its really important to them what Dad left for them.

Now having said all that, I probably would still have the kids that I had. I mean they are part of life, and there are times when they are really, really cute, especially when they are tots, but they make life a lot more difficult, that much is for sure.
 uvgotmaledagain
Joined: 1/7/2009
Msg: 124
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Men 40+ and Childless
Posted: 8/21/2011 10:26:55 PM
Perfect statement. Whole heartedly agree!
 tallgal619
Joined: 12/16/2007
Msg: 125
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Men 40+ and Childless
Posted: 8/21/2011 10:42:37 PM
I am 56 and don't have children because I have never married. In my marriage and childbearing years I had a major illness. I was very social in my 20's and 30's and had several long term relationships that did not lead to marriage. My best friend who is a successful attorney and has been married twice does not have children by choice. I introduced her to her husband and they have been very happily married for 23 years. I can site quite a few women in their 50's that have never married and chose to use birth control so they would not become a single parent or have an abortion!
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