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 starfishgazer
Joined: 8/6/2011
Msg: 126
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Men 40+ and ChildlessPage 6 of 19    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19)
I love the way you get so hecked up and heated on this subject.
Having to look after children 24/7 and looking after someone else's is very different
You just make judgments on attributing theories from learnt experiences.
I know this may offend a lot of people but its personal to me, if a man has never been married or had children then he will not have a clue how difficult it is and rewarding to be a parent,,,,,,life sacrifices and wisdom earned from taking care of offspring and I don't consider child free men as they are too selfish and immature for me.
There will always be the exception ....but not enough for me to contemplate a relationship as our conversations and interests would conflict.
xxx
 pinkoleander
Joined: 8/16/2011
Msg: 127
Men 40+ and Childless
Posted: 8/22/2011 3:59:40 PM
About half my friends are single parents. They do most of the work and provide most of the financial support-sometimes all of both. A lot of the fathers have kids with more than one woman. Is this admirable? Something we should applaud? Does this make them mature and not selfish as starfishgazer implied? Really? Making babies is easy. Being a parent is difficult. Having a baby does not make a person mature or less selfish.
 bravehart64
Joined: 6/3/2009
Msg: 128
Men 40+ and Childless
Posted: 8/22/2011 4:06:11 PM
Gee this is REAL simple ..We learned how to use a CONDOM . Or we made sure the women was not lying and actually was using BC correctly .We are the few the proud and not paying child support .
 bravehart64
Joined: 6/3/2009
Msg: 129
Men 40+ and Childless
Posted: 8/22/2011 4:18:19 PM
Iceman :

"I something think its a insult and narrow mindedness of the person that thinks something must be wrong with the guy if he hasn't had children? do you know how many dead beat fathers and loser fathers out there?"

Check it out iceman ..I dont think they think something is wrong with us man .I think 'subconsciously' we scare the freaking shit out of em !

Now I am still working on the whys of my hypothesis LOL..I will keep everyone updated ..Fear manifests itself in many forms.

One is thinking there must be something wrong or abnormal with folks who have made the right decisions ..Or actually hating others who haven't screwed up like they did.


My assumptions of course .But I like it !
 Artful22
Joined: 7/31/2011
Msg: 130
Men 40+ and Childless
Posted: 8/23/2011 12:49:29 PM
Seems reasonable to me that if you have kids and have had a relationship longer than 10+ years, you have more in common with someone who also has that history. Some common ground is established right away there.

My experience has been that men who have not fathered can want and do become friends with your kids (mine are grown so perhaps that is different) but usually it a father gets that it isn't just you it's your kids in a more nature way. Meaning hey let's hop out of town for the weekend vs. hey let's hop out of town for the weekend unless something is up with the (either of our) kids.

I'm much more cautious with men who haven't had long relationships and shocked when I see some who admit their longest relationship was under five years. It isn't that they, like childless men, are any less interesting but that they won't share important life experiences that define a person's life.

To whomever it was that said she found childless men selfish - I saw that a couple of times myself. It's only because they've never had to consider anyone else first, I think, it has always been them first.
 Tremolux
Joined: 4/8/2011
Msg: 131
Men 40+ and Childless
Posted: 8/23/2011 3:26:03 PM
What happened to me? Shall I begin with a mother who died when I was 7 and a father who died when I was 13? Shall I relate a tale of a heavily impoverished family that more or less splintered when the parents died and remains partially dysfunctional to this day? When I was old enough to think about things like having children, I immediately thought of my parents and that history of poverty and I vowed that I would not bring children into this world unless I could afford to give them a stable and comfortable life. When I got married (22 years of age) my then wife and I agreed that we wouldn't bring children into this world unless we were emotionally, psychologically, and economically prepared to take on the responsibilities. That perspective was good for about ten years and then all of a sudden, the Big Ben Biological Clock started clanging. It wasn't what ended the marriage; her infidelity and selfishness did.

I never wanted children then and I do not now that I am older. I guess that makes me an ogre of some stripe or variety. I don't worry about relating to women in their 30s and 40s who might be considering children. They won't be looking at my 53 year old carcass and saying that is the man who is going to father my children. If I had Johnny Depp's looks and bank account, they might think twice, but since I have neither, and only gravity as my wing man, I think it's a non-starter of an issue.
 Kaliphornia
Joined: 8/1/2011
Msg: 132
Men 40+ and Childless
Posted: 8/23/2011 9:29:16 PM
I didn't "miss" having kids. I made a very deliberate decision to not have any because, A). I don't want the responsibility, and B). I don't think I'd be a very good parent. I never saw reproducing myself as the be all end all of my existence and I don't buy into the "kids are our future" BS. From what I can see, kids these days basically don't HAVE a future and are pretty much f**ked. I would NOT be doing a kid a favor by bringing them into this world. Those kids I never had don't know how lucky they wouldn't be if they existed to appreciate how much they wished I hadn't had them.
 Kaliphornia
Joined: 8/1/2011
Msg: 133
Men 40+ and Childless
Posted: 8/24/2011 5:09:29 PM

I too am in my 40's with no kids


Cool! Would you like to have my kids?
 OneShotRising
Joined: 8/21/2011
Msg: 134
Men 40+ and Childless
Posted: 8/24/2011 8:16:29 PM
they misfired
or wore rubbers
 Hippiekinkster
Joined: 1/7/2010
Msg: 135
Men 40+ and Childless
Posted: 8/25/2011 12:08:48 AM
SORDID lIVES:
Men 40+ and Childless
Posted: 7/7/2011 1154 AM
I would totally enjoy dating a man who is over 40 and either doesn't have children at all or they are all over 18. This seems to be a very hard criteria to find."

I wouldn't really know, since I'm on another team, so to speak.


I decided a long time ago that it would be unfair to any child I mught have, as I have familial genetic problems, and I also was psychologically unprepared to have children. It would not have been right for me to reproduce.

I believe that, now, I would be a better father, but the age difference would be too great. I have always enjoyed my relationships with my younger nieces and nephews, and am very rpoud to be related to many of them. However, in retrospect, I do not regret my decision(s).

I certainly am not looking, at my ancient age >snort<, to bring forth another copy of myself. I'm just not that "selfish". I have no need to continue my genetic code. It wouldn't be fair to the child.

Not so very hard, Sordid. Peace...
 TryAgan
Joined: 4/4/2008
Msg: 136
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Men 40+ and Childless
Posted: 8/25/2011 12:33:31 AM

Could you men in your 40s+ explain why is it you never had children (those that don't)?

Well, you can try all you can but it's really hard to do it without the proper equipment.
 moun10dew
Joined: 12/3/2010
Msg: 137
Men 40+ and Childless
Posted: 8/26/2011 7:45:59 AM

Personally I find it more odd and disturbing that there are sooooo many single people with kids. I wonder...what happened.


Very true. I've got a friend that was dating this guy...my friend became prego..then she totally dumped the looser bf. I really don't think either of them were too bright...but I guess this guy has knocked up a couple other women, as he's got a number of children. Strangely enough women seem to gravitate towards him because he's a player.

lol..this also brings up another thing. Yesterday I got home from work and was watching a bit of TV. I can't believe I'm going to admit this. I was watching Judge Judy. She had a guy and his ex on. They were each taking the other to court for various reasons. Neither have jobs and are on welfare. They never got married but had four children together. She's got a restraining order on him....he's got no car. The Judge really laid into both of them for being stupid and having four children that they can't afford to raise...and the fact that the tax payers are raising their kids for them. There are a lot of situations like this...and people wonder what's wrong with others who don't have kids????
 godlessguitarist
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 138
Men 40+ and Childless
Posted: 8/26/2011 8:48:26 AM
Judeo Christianity still runs the majority of media, politics and domestic life, in the Western world and the Mormons are high ranking in the polls now too,wich have been no.1 in upholding not just 1 family but many. it's all a washover, numbers is power.
and they who are in power pass the laws. Procreation is also lauded in the bible because the earth needed to be populated at that time, but now, any more children is the last we need. Anyone of Postmodern or secular thinking knows that the role of the male is not just limited to the function of making child. It's a time when people for the sake of your own crreature comforts and posh lifestyles may have to put a cap on the end. being a man is to be free first and know that you set your life's direction, and not what traditional christianity thinks no progress is made by clinging to the past.

Some males on here state it just wasn't meant to be to have kids, or that some are not picked or called, this is crap, your every bit as eligible, The majority of women buy into their ideal mate for sucklings, through bad DRAMA, and media imagery.
They lose their virginity to Capitalism not, a bad boy. Case CLOSED
 soicat
Joined: 3/3/2010
Msg: 139
Men 40+ and Childless
Posted: 8/26/2011 2:30:58 PM
Time and money spent acquiring degrees combined with a fearful disposition and a complete lack of faith in the future.

Now, I don't care and don't concern myself about birth control, because I could easily afford any number of children, but to date my antique sperm - doubtless somewhat sabotaged due to my sexual predilections - have yet to achieve conception, alas.

But I do get along great with kids. I think it's because, never having had any I'm not sick of them, and I don't boss them around.
 WanderingRain
Joined: 3/9/2008
Msg: 140
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Men 40+ and Childless
Posted: 5/20/2012 4:44:20 AM
There's a million reasons to this.
But the one thing you should never do is assume without any information at all and make snap judgements about any guy.
 Greatcatch12345
Joined: 5/2/2011
Msg: 141
Men 40+ and Childless
Posted: 5/20/2012 6:57:19 AM
For myself personally..@ 25, my first wife had a double hysterectomy, so that ended that possibility. My 2nd wife @age 35, was a career woman, (i started a new business as well), and really neither one of us wanted or had that burning desire to have kids..call it selfish..or trying to get ahead in the rat-race..or whatever. I've been divorced for some time now from wife #2, and when i looked around at my friends kids who mostly were obnoxious, disrespectful, and felt entitlement it left a bad taste in my mouth. I know they say when ur kid says i love u daddy, before going to bed..there is nothing better, i'm not sure that makes up for the trial and tribulations of the day.
I feel i can relate to a woman with kids because #1, i was a kid at one time also, and still have that child-like enthusiasm. I also have nieces, nephews, and a god-daughetr whom i'm very close to. Although sometimes its difficult to date women with young kids..or teenagers..eventually they are going off to college or on their own, so its not a forever type of situation.
The ship has passed for me having or adopting kids at this point in my life ( i have a dog). I also seek out women (45-54) whom have never had kids, or their kids are out of the house as i feel it is a better match without much of the drama.Does this limit my pool of women?/ maybe, but i think i'd have a better success rate, and besides i only need one...lol..
 PittsburghVixen
Joined: 6/27/2009
Msg: 142
Men 40+ and Childless
Posted: 5/20/2012 8:41:07 AM

What do you think about more minority babies are being born in the U.S. than caucasians.


I think that question makes you sound like a bigot. I do agree with the statement you made just prior to that one:

We NEED more children raised by two parents and taught to be prtoductive citizens.


I would be fine with dating a guy who's 40+ and childless. Less chance of drama with an ex-wife or with adult offspring. (If the guy has young children I wouldn't be dating him anyway, so there's no issue there for me.) But I married a guy with adult children, and that was fine because he put his wife before his offspring.
 DeerTaint
Joined: 4/3/2012
Msg: 143
Men 40+ and Childless
Posted: 5/21/2012 1:28:01 PM
Oh where are they? Bring them on. Bonus points if he had a vasectomy.
 02hdf150
Joined: 3/24/2012
Msg: 144
Men 40+ and Childless
Posted: 5/21/2012 2:19:10 PM

Oh where are they? Bring them on. Bonus points if he had a vasectomy.


Here I am!!! :)

About 7 or 8 years when I was married and we both decided that we didn't want to have kids, I got a vasectomy because my wife couldn't go on birth control. Now at 45, I don't regret my decision. I love kids but my ex and I decided for various reasons not to have kids. I don't regret the decision
 fillyphilly
Joined: 5/12/2012
Msg: 145
Men 40+ and Childless
Posted: 5/21/2012 4:20:08 PM
I've dated quite a few and when a guy is over 40, never married, no kids, no pets, something is usually wrong. It's very hard to get though life without any attachments. And at this point it's a red flag. If a guy has one of the above at least such as divorce or a pet or something then ok, otherwise no.
 Sciencetreker
Joined: 2/13/2012
Msg: 146
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Men 40+ and Childless
Posted: 5/21/2012 5:24:30 PM
I've never wanted my own rug rats. I enjoy spoiling assorted nephews and nieces...taking them camping, ...on trips...helping put them through university.

Just not my thing to be tied down to a career or obligations where I can't just get up and spend a couple months lounging in Jamaica or be off to the Arctic on a contract. I also like to split residences betweeen Canada and our family home in France...hard to do that with kids in tow.

There's about 7 billion people in the world. Plenty to take up my share of offspring.

Having said all this, I've never had an issue to have a relationship with a woman with children. It's probably a postive influence on our relationship. We can be close and loving without actually living together. I like my independence and time alone...makes me a better and more attentive partner when we're together. In contrast, when I've been in a relatioinship with a woman with no children, I feel a bit more stifled and obligated to think of the future rather than just living life in the present.
 mon2169
Joined: 6/22/2009
Msg: 147
Men 40+ and Childless
Posted: 5/21/2012 6:42:49 PM
I tend to agree with this. I dated a guy over 40, childless, never married, no pets and after a year of on and off dating decided to end it because he was quite narcissistic. I really think he thought he was doing me some kind of favor dating a "woman with children" and that I should be grateful.

I just think it's unnatural not to want to share your life with someone, even if it's a pet. An empty house isn't my idea of a home.

Of course all 40+ and childless aren't narcissistc, etc. but have to wonder why they choose to be so alone and how they would adjust their life to let in a woman and her children if need be.
 Paderic
Joined: 2/23/2010
Msg: 148
Men 40+ and Childless
Posted: 5/21/2012 7:33:14 PM
The reason I didn't have children is simply because I never had a desire to raise a family. I always felt that it was the kind of thing you couldn't go into if you had any doubts about it.

That and the fact that my religious beliefs put me into a rather small minority of the US population.
 onewayoranuther
Joined: 3/21/2011
Msg: 149
Freedom = 40+ man and Childless
Posted: 5/24/2012 11:29:22 PM
In my perfect world my dark, thick haired, 6'2 man with very toned arms, and just a slight pudge on the belly with a hairy chest and a wit that would make Jim Cary laugh and the sensibility of Bill Cosby and humble compassion of Paul Newman, would have no children or maybe just one fully grown and on his/her own.

I have one daughter who rarely bothers me with anything. She comes to visit me and brings my grandson once a week, text me and calls me a few times a week but that is it...her life, my life and we love one another immensely.

The last thing I want to deal with is someone else's kids. I won't date a man if he says " I have children and they come first" Buddy, I did the kid comes first already and I am still young enough to go when I wanna go and screw on the washing machine if I want without fearing the kid s going to run in and catch us...or worse have to be quiet cuz the kid might hear us. No way, will I repeat that part of my life.

So a man with no kids....bring him on:)
 tbicon
Joined: 5/6/2012
Msg: 150
Freedom = 40+ man and Childless
Posted: 5/25/2012 9:49:36 AM
"I wanna go and screw on the washing machine if I want without fearing the kids going to run in and catch us".

What a wonderful reason to avoid children, to screw on the washing machine if you wanted to. That's the problem with so many women .. that its always about them. Its an attitude that starts with many of them at a young age and never leaves them, even when they are far beyond their peak years snd have little to offer. All i can say is if a guy dates a good woman, hold on to her if you can. Women may be a dime a dozen but good women are far harder to find.
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