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 DeerTaint
Joined: 4/3/2012
Msg: 151
Men 40+ and ChildlessPage 7 of 19    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19)

Here I am!!! :)

About 7 or 8 years when I was married and we both decided that we didn't want to have kids, I got a vasectomy because my wife couldn't go on birth control. Now at 45, I don't regret my decision. I love kids but my ex and I decided for various reasons not to have kids. I don't regret the decision


Oh too bad I didn't know you about 4 years ago. I actually lived in your neck of the woods. I was 5 minutes from Sawgrass mall in the Acres. My dog would have your dog for dinner though. LOL
 Infinity_G
Joined: 1/29/2012
Msg: 152
Men 40+ and Childless
Posted: 5/25/2012 11:11:44 AM
I've dated quite a few and when a guy is over 40, never married, no kids, no pets, something is usually wrong. It's very hard to get though life without any attachments. And at this point it's a red flag. If a guy has one of the above at least such as divorce or a pet or something then ok, otherwise no.


I get a kick on how people judge so incorrectly, a red flag should not be raised, because one should make an assessment on a case by case basis. My attachments are with my family, so I got that going for me and, well, I've made it this far. :-) I love animals, doesn't mean I have to be a pet owner though.

People mostly assume that the person is non-commital, likes to just play around from person to person, that's not my case. I really do want a loving and commited relationship. In fact, I think I'd be even more appreciative than most men are of their sig. others.
 ArtWalk
Joined: 4/25/2012
Msg: 153
Men 40+ and Childless
Posted: 5/25/2012 11:11:57 AM
I've asked men who are over forty with no children and have gotten several different responses. Some just didn't want to, some wanted to but it just never happened. I've met older men with no children who wish they had.
I've dated older men with no children and appreciate that their focus is self motivated. They know their way around a romantic evening.
There is a noticeable difference in men with and men without children at an older age.
Try to appreciate people for who they have worked on becoming and not the things they haven't done. I don't think her post was intentionally rude.
 tbicon
Joined: 5/6/2012
Msg: 154
Men 40+ and Childless
Posted: 5/25/2012 12:08:38 PM

People mostly assume that the person is non-commital, likes to just play around from person to person, that's not my case. I really do want a loving and commited relationship. In fact, I think I'd be even more appreciative than most men are of their sig. others.


The problem is that if you were unable to find a woman to love or to love you enough to want to get married, that is a red flag. I would find it a red flag with a woman who has never been married also, and i would find it a red flag with a woman who has been divorced more than one time. I agree the absense of children is meaningless. The absense of a committed relationship for a reaonsable period of time is not so meaningless. I would automatically assume a never married woman was either ugly or a total **** incapable of love or commitment. Not to say you could not prove somebody wrong, but its simply a hurdle you are going to have to get over, a mark against you from the very beginning.
 Infinity_G
Joined: 1/29/2012
Msg: 155
Men 40+ and Childless
Posted: 5/25/2012 12:19:32 PM
The problem is that if you were unable to find a woman to love or to love you enough to want to get married, that is a red flag. I would find it a red flag with a woman who has never been married also


Hm, from this statement, it sounds like the only people who might be compatible are the both genders who have never been married I would think.

Now, would this also mean, the red flags would only apply to those who conflict here? Meaning , someone who has never been married, would see a divorced person as a red flag, and vice-versa?

Also, would you let such a red flag stop you?

I guess if there's a hurdle in front of me, I guess I better jump it. ;)
 tbicon
Joined: 5/6/2012
Msg: 156
Men 40+ and Childless
Posted: 5/25/2012 12:30:22 PM

Now, would this also mean, the red flags would only apply to those who conflict here? Meaning , someone who has never been married, would see a divorced person as a red flag, and vice-versa?


A divorce can be explained . . people grow apart, especially when they married too young or for the wrong reasons to begin with. Two divorces from my point of view starts to indicate a red-flag issue. Perhaps a person is simply too difficult to live with, or too demanding or whatever. Three divorces is a huge red flag in my opinion. But never having been married is probably worse. . two people never having committed to a relationship getting married in their forties or fifties? maybe . . but that is likely a relationship asking for trouble.

But I don't concern myself with guys who have never married. I typically assume if the are reasonably good looking and intelligent that they are simply players. Nothing wrong with that. As for women, I tend to judge that if they have never been married that they were probably either too full of themselves to allow a guy into their lives, or too bit*** for a guy to want around for any length of time.
 tbicon
Joined: 5/6/2012
Msg: 157
Men 40+ and Childless
Posted: 5/25/2012 12:33:16 PM
But the no children issue I don't get. Some people simply cannot physically have children or have such demanding careers that they don't want children. The demanding career would be a concern for me if it was a woman I was interested in. I respect intelligence. I don't necessarily though want a power broker as a wife. I've dated lawyers, doctors . . and believe those would have been difficult marriages.
 Infinity_G
Joined: 1/29/2012
Msg: 158
Men 40+ and Childless
Posted: 5/25/2012 12:38:01 PM
Divorces can be explained. Sometimes it's a red flag to me, depending on the reason. Like for me "We grew a part" is a bit of a cop out, a platitude for people who simply got bored with one another. The red flag there would be, if they get bored with their spouse, chances are they will get bored easily with someone else....thus possibly leading to an ending to a 2nd marriage.

Of course, there's the obvious, cheating, abusive, and drug usage, that's a given, I could understand why a divorce would be necessary.

So a reasonably good looking man that's good looking and intelligent, he's a player, but....what about the average Joe?

Perhaps the same can be said for a never married woman?
 tbicon
Joined: 5/6/2012
Msg: 159
Men 40+ and Childless
Posted: 5/25/2012 12:43:54 PM
An average Joe should hopefully be able to meet an average Jane. If average Joe never got married, I would expect he simply was never successful in the romance department. Average guys have it tough out there. Women, even average women, are hard on average guys since so many women have this fantasy that they have more to offer than they really do. So an average guy with an average job and an average income . . is probably in the toughest spot of all. I guess I would understand that. As a guy, we have to be willing to make our mark on the world. Blending into the woodwork does not make women want to be with us. The bald, pudgy bookkeeper working in the backroom is not going to make a woman's heart go pitter patter.
 Lovegravy
Joined: 4/25/2012
Msg: 160
Men 40+ and Childless
Posted: 5/25/2012 7:39:08 PM
Hey Ya'll...I'm new here to POF,I'm a 47 year old male never married nor has kids,I've had plenty of girlfriends with children and we got along fine,most women that I have met over the age of 40 has totaly gave up on getting married again because of past ex's,anyways I'm childless because I'm sterile,guess I'll be lonely in my old age lol...ya'll Take Care
 TheL0grus
Joined: 4/15/2007
Msg: 161
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History
Men 40+ and Childless
Posted: 5/25/2012 8:53:38 PM
I wanted kids but the ex wife didn't. Now I'm in my mid 40s with no options to have any. Oh well.
 nubeginnings64
Joined: 4/8/2012
Msg: 162
Men 40+ and Childless
Posted: 5/26/2012 5:13:48 PM
My ex had 3 young ones when we met & her tubes were already tied. 20 some odd years later & divorced, I have no desire to be a daddy now. I'm still very much a parent to my step kids though & we remain close to this day, the youngest still lives with me as she attends college. My profile lists kids but I have no biological ones of my own.
 jonabella
Joined: 2/19/2012
Msg: 163
Men 40+ and Childless
Posted: 5/26/2012 8:03:47 PM
some highly successful couples rear children together..and everyone in btwn raises children, whether its circumstance or choice not to..is someXs a sensitive topic..I tend to shy away from childless men..just as they probably shy away from moi..like attracts like and to each their own
 FitAtFittyFive
Joined: 4/3/2012
Msg: 164
Men 40+ and Childless
Posted: 5/27/2012 9:01:55 AM
From a very early age, I just new that I didn't have any interest in having children. I can't 'splain it, Lucy. I don't dislike kids, but - especially now that I'm like, a thousand years old - my child tolerance is short. Doesn't take me long to get my fill at family gatherings.

Just didn't get that "must procreate" gene...
 animal725
Joined: 10/16/2011
Msg: 165
Men 40+ and Childless
Posted: 5/28/2012 12:29:39 AM
I am 44, was married 7 years and do not have any children. Why, Well my ex-wife made me a lot of promises that she never completed doing and I did not feel that she was the best person for me to have children with. Because I saw into the future and saw myself doing all of the cooking and cleaning in the house. I am not an unfair man, but i am also not a pushover. All of the household chores and everything else should be a 50/50 split between each married couple. I had to treat her like a teenager on a monthly basis just to get her to clean and learn how to cook, which she never did learn.

Now at 44, I do not want to have children of my own. If I find a wonderful woman and she has children, thats fine with me, but preferrably older or in their teen years.
 imrrc
Joined: 5/20/2012
Msg: 166
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Men 40+ and Childless
Posted: 5/28/2012 6:31:55 PM
51 years old now, no children.
Married at 22 to a woman who became abusive, she had a son already, and we got divorced. He is like my brother now, we both dealt with her abuse.
Dated a few women, next thing I know I am in my late 30s and lived with someone for 5 years, she had a medical condition that prevented pregnancy. We broke up for other reasons.
Then I dated a woman for 4 years that was older and had already had 4 kids 20+ years before.
3 girlfriends in between these others that said birth control was covered, got pregnant, had abortions and then told me. Said we weren't ready... thanks.... no asking how I feel..
So here I am. If I won the lottery to have the money to provide properly, and another lucky strike and meet a 35 year old that wants me to father her children, well, I'd do it.. but the chances are slim to null.
 Sciencetreker
Joined: 2/13/2012
Msg: 167
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Men 40+ and Childless
Posted: 5/28/2012 8:09:56 PM

I run into alot of men in their 40s and beyond that never had children and it always makes me wonder: What happened?

Lathamath:A combination of good luck and being very, very careful.


Precious. Best post of the week award.
 Plenty_of_FreeTime
Joined: 10/26/2011
Msg: 168
Men 40+ and Childless
Posted: 5/29/2012 2:13:39 PM
To the op,I see just the opposite here in the land of Mormons,women who have had 6,8,maybe 9 kids...what happened there?
 Miss W
Joined: 12/4/2006
Msg: 169
Men 40+ and Childless
Posted: 5/29/2012 6:39:47 PM
A combination of good luck and being very, very careful.

Although I do not always agree with the viewpoints of this particular poster (the women have to work on themselves, while men can coast comes to mind), there is a lot to be said for this.

There are a lot of guys out there who would not be in certain situations had they exercised discernment, common sense, and condoms. I am not bashing here as I know women as well and they can be dumb too.

I know a guy whose ex said she was on the pill, got pregnant, married her after their 1st child was a year old and she got pregnant with their 2nd on their honeymoon. They had 2 more and he stayed in a loveless marriage for 15 years. He is now divorced, received an inheritance and is livng in Maui.

The last guy I dated is 54, and his baby mama is 15 years younger. Ten years ago, she asked him if they could have a kid, he agreed and 2 years later "surprised" him with another one. They broke up and after her being declared "unfit", he got custody and she only has visitation. His having kids were not the reason I stopped seeing him as I was willing to give him a chance, it was that 5 years later, he wasn't over being dumped for a much younger man and he was controlling.

I like kids but I find it sad how people sometimes have kids because they think they are "supposed to" so I have a lot of respect for those who look within and realize that they shouldn't.
 newlight5361
Joined: 1/21/2012
Msg: 170
Men 40+ and Childless
Posted: 5/29/2012 7:20:07 PM
I agree.. and to add to it i have several friends both male and female that don't want to have kids.. or maybe they have medical problems that they can't have kids.
 alberertaprime
Joined: 10/31/2009
Msg: 171
Men 40+ and Childless
Posted: 5/29/2012 9:00:00 PM
different maybe odd ? wow ignorance is bliss they say. you sound very close minded being 56 and no children myself odd is pretty offensive sounding to me. For myself anyways i trruly believe in family family forever and always growing up with 5 siblings i found out thru my sisters just having children is not the answer to overcoming lonileness . you can have people around you 24/7 and still be lonely . So by neing childless one is odd hmmm worth a little thought okay I am done . time to take off the bling fold I think .
 LuvADKs
Joined: 8/31/2011
Msg: 172
Men 40+ and Childless
Posted: 5/30/2012 8:05:20 PM
Well - I'll relate a friend's story. His first marriage at age 30 resulted in no children. They were married about 10 years and the wife decided she wanted to live an alternative life-style. So here he is - 41 and single with no children, although he was open to having kids. Remarried at 51 and now has 2 step-kids, but he will never have children of his own. Kind of sad, but that's the way things go sometimes.

So not every guy that has no kids in his 40's ended up that way because he didn't want children.
 Sciencetreker
Joined: 2/13/2012
Msg: 173
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Men 40+ and Childless
Posted: 5/31/2012 7:14:03 AM

So not every guy that has no kids in his 40's ended up that way because he didn't want children


Well, kids were not a priority for him... he waited to 30 to get married so before that he was doing other things .....and after being married a few years decided that staying with this woman was more important. He was an adult...his choices. Perhaps we wanted children but obviously didn't want them enough between the ages of 25 and 45 to make the effort to change his life.

I don't have children. Never really wanted them. I take 100% responsibility for the consequences of my decisions in life.
 LAgoodguy
Joined: 8/21/2008
Msg: 174
Men 40+ and Childless
Posted: 5/31/2012 10:59:43 AM
From a single guy with no kids.... I find it amazing seeing all those people who do have kids. Can't manage there own lifes, Let along the life of there own kids. Some who's household is a wreck and I dont mean dirty. Can't afford proper school for the kids. Or know how to talk to kids guide them and help them with out yelling and losing there temper. Having kids don't make a person any higher in stature. When all the SINGLE parents mention that there must be something wrong with me. I do agree with them there is something wrong with me. I don't date single parents. I also always tell all my friends men and women don't date single parents. Why I say that, Cause I been there done that and the reason we broke up were her kids. When some people I knew told me not to get involved with a single parent for more then sex. I didn't listen to them after all it can't be half as bad as they said. They are only kids and I kids always love me. What a wake up was that.
 tbicon
Joined: 5/6/2012
Msg: 175
Men 40+ and Childless
Posted: 5/31/2012 12:41:06 PM
The man raises homeless animals, so that makes him a good catch? Lots of nice guys out there that have never been married, but to me that makes them suspect. I said before and I will again, if a guy has never been married, he is likely either Gay . . which is fine of course, or does not have the capability of being in a loving, committed relationship. How does a guy get through life without falling in love or having a woman fall in love with him? That is simply not natural and probably pretty selfish.
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