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 Asimpleguy1064
Joined: 4/22/2012
Msg: 176
Men 40+ and ChildlessPage 8 of 19    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19)
I wanted but didnt have any kids but I like kids, it just didnt happen...cards I was dealt I guess. My ex wanted kids also but the longer I was with her the less I wanted them(with her anyway). She was off the pill for 6 years and never got pregnant and always blamed it on me lol which could be the case because I never got checked but at the same time I notice that she hasnt had any to date either so who knows who it was. I get along great with kids and they always seem to like me and would always love and treat the kids of the one I'm with as tho they was my own. For those of us that wanted kids but it didnt happen it would be a blessing to be able to take part in that.
 NotyouraverageD
Joined: 5/15/2012
Msg: 177
Men 40+ and Childless
Posted: 6/1/2012 9:49:52 AM
you make it sound as though everyone in the world is married and has children or even should.

i'm 52 and single and have never had kids. i came close to getting married twice, but decided to skip the 'starter' marriages as we didn't really make each other happy.

so, here i am at 52, with terrific health and in the best shape of my adult life and i don't feel very tempted to make excuses for why or how i got to this exact spot.

i will say that i love kids and never shy away from anyone with kids as i think people with kids is a part of the adult dating landscape.

and as to relating to a 'woman with kids' you got me, as i don't think relating to anyone is going to be different because they do or don't have kids.

first i want to meet the woman and see how we get along, quite alone - if we like each other a lot, i meet her family and she meets mine.

i don't treat anyone differently as that would imply different expectations - and that is a mistake in my opinion.
 tbicon
Joined: 5/6/2012
Msg: 178
Men 40+ and Childless
Posted: 6/1/2012 11:08:24 AM
Not sure who you are talking to, but I have no issue with people going without children. But I do and will wonder about people who have never married. I am basing it from my own experiences. I can't imagine having gotten through life without having been in love at least once, and if in love and young, the natural progression is marriage. .
 VandalMan4U
Joined: 2/28/2011
Msg: 179
Men 40+ and Childless
Posted: 6/1/2012 11:27:03 AM
I would have to say, first off, that you a “just a bit” close minded. In regards to myself, yes, I am over 40 without any children. Do I like it? Sometimes yes, a lot of times, hell no! I have worked many positions that did not allowed me to meet good, quality women due to geographical constraints. And of those few, limited ladies, there were too few in numbers to find a suitable mate. Life happens and when I realized that “Wow, I’m 40+, what happened?” Life events happen that are out of our control that make circumstances that may not be favorable.

Additionally, I have dated women that had children of their own, and the children and I got along fine. It was their mother that I didn’t somehow see eye to eye with. When I look at the possibility of children now, it pains me. I would very much still like to have my own child! But there are also issues that by the time that they are graduating, I will be ready to retire. Will I have the energy to keep up with them? What social effects will that child/children face growing up with having a parent that is considerably older than other parents?

Another thing is that I have LIVED MY LIFE and have experiences far greater than any 20+ year old could ever dream of to share with my mate and possibly child or step-child. Those wrong turns that I have made will be a real life experience to use as advice to those future children. On that same note, my best friend (who is my age, has children, and is a woman) says that now is the time in my life when I should be looking to find someone and possibly have a child.

Another gentleman posted on here my same sentiment that “….women like (you) automatically assume something is wrong with us because 1) never had children or 2) never been married…” I have no want, need, nor desire to be a single dad, half time dad, nor deal with bitter custody battles, baby mama drama! Thank you, by the way, Cdn_Iceman, for stating these things. And yes, we are a decent catch because we haven't been tainted by the stigma of divorced single parent and all the trappings that follows!

My parents will be married for 58 years come this Sept. 2012. That is what I want! I sometimes joke that I came from a dysfunctional family because my parents believe and acted upon the sanctity of marriage and EVERYTHING that is involved there in. They brought up 3 good children and we hold a great deal of beliefs and values that are considered to be the core of family values that were taught to use. I still want that for myself and for my children (if it so happens) and my future wife!

I am guessing that you, ROZEWATER, are a divorced woman. With the attitude and beliefs that you have shown on this posting, I can see 1,000% why you are! So, if you “…keep running into a lot of (us) men in (our) 40s and beyond that never had children and have never been married”, KEEP RUNNING! You are obviously too closed minded to even be considered a “good catch”! I wouldn’t want to even be around you!
 SoulIIluoS
Joined: 1/8/2012
Msg: 180
Men 40+ and Childless
Posted: 6/2/2012 6:59:43 AM
This thread could have been done right from post1. Nozewater I won't think for you and your lack of imagination. Your one of those leftovers for the dorky and uncool.
 Happy Dude 63
Joined: 5/3/2009
Msg: 181
Men 40+ and Childless
Posted: 6/3/2012 12:31:43 PM
people who dont have kids smell funny..
hehehehe so kidding, I just see that this thread has some serious stress's in it. odd.

I think this, and I do see woman who have not had children and are older then 40. I am sure that there are many reasons people don't ever have kids. Some good,some sad some just choice. Maybe some are even lying?? BUT to each his own.

Although for me, it is a signal to me. NOT a fact, just a signal that this 'may' not be a lady for me. NOT that there is anything with her decision or situation that caused her not to have children. BUT having children creates certain feelings and memories. A person who does not carry those with them may be unable to understand them in me??
 TheReason_
Joined: 5/16/2009
Msg: 182
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History
Men 40+ and Childless
Posted: 6/6/2012 11:29:46 AM
My whole life, I was responsible. I always used a condom, unless I was in a LTR and she was on the pill. There were no oops, no one nighters gone wrong, no baby mamas, no drama. I played it safe, I played it smart. When I got married, my wife had 2 kids of her own, and I was fine with it. I was 29, she was 38. I stepped up to the plate an raised those two boys who were 9 and 12 at the time as my own. I stepped up and did the job their dad couldn't or wouldn't do, and it was perfectly ok. I skipped the diapers thing but we spent a lot of time together and had a great time.

Her and I tried and didn't try to have kids. It wasn't like we looked at the calendar to find the best day to have sex, basically before she was 40, I never pulled out. After she was 40, I did pull out. Turns out she had a tilted uterus and it was even difficult when she had her two boys.

Now we are divorced (split in 05, done deal by 07), since we don't have children together, I haven't seen her since. I still am in contact with the boys and we get together now and then. All my friends are raising kids, or are done.

For me, that ship has sailed. Any woman my age, probably already has kids and they probably aren't interested in having another, plus there's a risk of complications etc. Also, if I were to have a child today, I'd be working well into my 60's as that's a good 23 years before they are out of post secondary school.

Instead, I'm looking at the end game. I'd like to retire at 55, and wow that's a short 13 years away. I regret playing it safe, in some ways I regret marrying the person I did, and not having kids of my own, but I don't regret raising those boys as my own for a minute.

Like I said, I loved them as my own, and I still do.

Hope that sheds a bit of light on things.
 LAgoodguy
Joined: 8/21/2008
Msg: 183
Men 40+ and Childless
Posted: 6/6/2012 1:30:10 PM
Not having kids or having kids later in life is more and more common now days. Even more common with the more educated people. As school and work takes first place for the first 15-20 years. Here in LA I got over 600 pages or what ever is the max number of pages you get in the search of single women that dont have kids within a very close area to me. Im sure in others areas its not as common.
 PortBlue1
Joined: 6/22/2011
Msg: 184
Men 40+ and Childless
Posted: 6/7/2012 8:08:41 AM
You sound angry...
 SilverLight
Joined: 11/26/2010
Msg: 185
Men 40+ and Childless
Posted: 6/7/2012 9:04:36 AM
I am a female over 40 with no kids and wanted it that way!

I don't care if a man doesn't have kids, instead, I look at the longevity of their past relationships to gauge on what I feel is most important to me.
 daltexjack
Joined: 6/18/2007
Msg: 186
Men 40+ and Childless
Posted: 6/7/2012 5:21:38 PM
MOST women in their 30s and beyond have children and it always makes me wonder: what happened? How about explaining to me why you'd give up control of your life like that? How and why do you think you can relate to a man who isn't a slave to kids and the responsibilities that come with them? After years of being on the sidelines because of kids and relatives, I have a difficult time understanding why ANY man 40+ would WANT to be around children/women who have kids. And it has been my personal experience that most children raised by women who put them 100% first in their lives are usually 100% spoiled AND 100% inconsiderate to their mothers. In fact, most of these brats are unable to imagine that MOM might have a life that doesn't revolve 100% around them and they misbehave accordingly.

Yes, this DOES cut out alot of women for dating. On the other hand, a man 40+ who refuses to date women with children has a limited field to choose from...except in the very largest of cities. And, even though I keep hoping to finally find THE woman for me, it IS difficult. I'm NOT looking for immature...nor worn out.
 zookie57
Joined: 1/27/2012
Msg: 187
I don't care if a man doesn't have kids, instead, I look at the longevity of tMen 40+ and Childless
Posted: 6/7/2012 5:40:36 PM

I don't care if a man doesn't have kids, instead, I look at the longevity of their past relationships to gauge on what I feel is most important to me.


Love your logic silver-light.... peace to you........
 x-dave-x1212
Joined: 4/14/2007
Msg: 188
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Men 40+ and Childless
Posted: 6/8/2012 1:38:25 PM
For me the answer is simple, my long term girlfriend did not want to get married or have children and though I did because I came from a large family who all have loads of kids,I had to respect her wishes, the last girl I was with had two of her own and didn`t want any..So being with someone with or without kids is only a problem for those who make it a problem..
 dbiggs69
Joined: 12/12/2010
Msg: 189
Men 40+ and Childless
Posted: 3/28/2013 8:29:49 AM
Oh this should be good... Should get the feminist real riled up.


I've sat here and read every post and although a few got close to the truth, I'm going to post an opposing view for discussion sake.

#1
It's possible that many men now days aren't getting married or having children because the woman are too busy to be a mother. She is busy trying to be the bread winner rather then taking care of the household. Though time as well as the laws of nature, the male species has always been the gatherer... me man, me great hunter... me great farmer.

Today, men no longer have a specific role in the household, he no longer knows what his role is, there for he ain't playing and you can thank the feminist for ruining a good thing for the rest of you women.

Think about it... our grand parents and great grand parents... who played what role when they they were playing house ? They also stayed married 30,40,50 yrs too.


#2
Also divorce has become too easy with the courts sympathizing with the woman with children and the man knows that he will pay out the ars for yrs to follow while she gets remarried and lives in a nice 300K house enjoying 3 incomes (her's, his and her spouses) while the man can't afford a reliable transportation to go to work to pay his support.


#3
Men are getting vasectomies because birth control is no guarantee and there are too many women that want to cash in on child support... 2-3-4 children @ 3-400 even 500 a month per child, plus welfare , food stamps and SSI and they are set for 20 yrs.


This should be good for at least 6+ pages
You are my hero! When I lay down,and have sex,somebody has got to be responsible. And it might as well be me!
 ForumFiona
Joined: 1/7/2013
Msg: 190
Men 40+ and Childless
Posted: 3/28/2013 9:17:49 AM

Oh this should be good... Should get the feminist real riled up.

Why?

Today, men no longer have a specific role in the household, he no longer knows what his role is, there for he ain't playing and you can thank the feminist for ruining a good thing for the rest of you women.

Um, blame the country you live in along with the politicians/authorities that got rid of the laws that were a detriment of emancipation of women.
Cheers bud. :)
 Paderic
Joined: 2/23/2010
Msg: 191
Men 40+ and Childless
Posted: 3/28/2013 10:13:17 AM
I don't know about anyone else, but my role is whatever I choose for it to be. I don't need (or want) someone else to tell me what my role is supposed to be.

However, I have always been one to reject the "traditional" roles. I don't have anything against those that live the traditional life, it's just not what I ever wanted (from a very young age).
 hounddoug
Joined: 3/21/2013
Msg: 192
Men 40+ and Childless
Posted: 3/28/2013 11:01:38 AM

Maybe you could accuse me of painting them all with the same brush, but like I said, I've had several experiences


Maybe? I hope the colour you selected is nice when you painted us all with the same brush. That would be like my accusing every woman as being liars and self-centered from my experiences with several women. Not all men are meant to sire children for health issues that could be passed on to the child.
 ForumFiona
Joined: 1/7/2013
Msg: 193
Men 40+ and Childless
Posted: 3/28/2013 12:05:19 PM

Think about it... our grand parents and great grand parents... who played what role when they they were playing house ? They also stayed married 30,40,50 yrs too.

My grandmother died at 49 years old after birthing waaaaay too many children and was warned from both a physician and midwife to stop. She ended up having 7 more and when she died as a result, she left behind a few young children that really needed her.
Not only was her heart condition passed on to her own children but also to her grandchildren....
Maternal instincts or not, medical technology has advanced enough for some women to know whether the risk of having a child is worth her life (or quality of it).
If you want to live the horse and buggy life, then get rid of your car, buy and farm without electricity and a toilet. Don't send your children for education, and never mind seeing a dentist or doctor because thats what they didn't have money for, and enjoy what our grandparents had. Which was not much.
 Proteaus
Joined: 6/9/2009
Msg: 194
Men 40+ and Childless
Posted: 3/28/2013 3:46:55 PM
The guys that are past 40 and do not have children are probably the smartest men . They haven't had the pleasure of being turned into a indentured servant by way of no fault divorce court . They aren't missing anything .
 kamxam
Joined: 10/23/2009
Msg: 195
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History
Men 40+ and Childless
Posted: 3/28/2013 9:31:45 PM
I've been told that a lot nowadays, especially from friends and family who've been having trouble with their significant others or girlfriends... :)
As for me, i have met women who tend to think i'm boring because i don't party or go out as much in my mid 40's as i did when i was younger, and won't even consider me because i'm not a party animal.
Yet, when they end up having a kid or kids all of a sudden i'm dateable and a good catch because i'm stable with a good job, life and house. No thanks! lol
If i meet the right woman who may have kids, i most likely will have no qualms about dating her if it's a good match, but no way am i going to be a second choice just because i can provide for her kids.
 cstys
Joined: 12/29/2012
Msg: 196
Men 40+ and Childless
Posted: 3/30/2013 11:48:30 AM
What happened to me is that I came from a family of broken marriages. This did not give me much confidence when young. Then during my 20's and 30's when I should have been married and child bearing, I found most women I met used the "I like you, but just as a friend" line to me, to which I read as finding me physically or sexually unattractive due to being thin. Not masculine enough. That began my poor self-image which I am getting better dealing with. I still find it prevalent here when just attempting to get people to write back to me. I also dealt with an unlucky streak of meeting people who were alcoholic. I was also cheated on many times. Good enough until somebody better came along.

I regret not having any children, as I know it would have made me more responsible as a person. Their true innocence and bright eyes nowadays almost drive me to tears. I find no love is more true and pure than that of a child. They are born loving, and learn how to hate. I know it still could happen, but realistically at age 52 I am most confident that I will remain childless for the rest of my life mostly due to reasons I take full responsibility for.
 hounddoug
Joined: 3/21/2013
Msg: 197
Men 40+ and Childless
Posted: 3/30/2013 4:25:15 PM

pathetic men yammer on about "poor me, those damn women"


Do you also think that women who yammer on about "poor me, those damn men" are pathetic as well?



I have rarely heard the term in years but it sure pops up in the forums when a guy get his nuts twisted because he feels hard done by.


Everyone, man and woman, has been hard done by someone of the opposite sex. But some of us also take some ownership for our poor choices.
 purplerider1200
Joined: 9/10/2011
Msg: 198
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History
Men 40+ and Childless
Posted: 3/30/2013 9:08:50 PM
Making the assumption that as a man I have a desire to father children, is like assuming that I can walk up to any woman and start up a conversation. You're wrong on both statements.

I felt that I couldn't properly raise any children from a reasonably early age. Mostly due to the fact that I didn't want a child of my own to go thru what I went through in school. And now that the world isn't worth a shit anyway, then I'm actually happy that I didn't rear any children. Now with some women, that doesn't really set well with them. And they're certainly entitled to feel that way. Now I don't, and won't attempt to try to date a woman 15-20 years younger than myself, just because I don't think its fair to them. Their energy levels are simply too much for me. I know I can keep up with most of them. But I'm going to reach a point of stopping, before they do. And I don't wish to burden them with me.
 ~Arianna~
Joined: 9/28/2009
Msg: 199
Men 40+ and Childless
Posted: 3/31/2013 3:09:16 PM
As little as 10 years ago, it never bothered me if a man had children or not. Now at this point in my life, I do not wish to date someone with dependent children. I had thought adult children would be ok until recently realizing that some adult children are also dependent and the parent doesn't mind.

I don't understand why a man/woman would allow adult children to depend on them when they should be self sufficient at their age. Helping them out from time to time is definitely ok as long as it wasn't due to them consistently putting themselves in need from making bad life choices or from being frivolous with money leaving nothing for necessities. Teaching independence is far more beneficial to all involved. An adult child should be given a hand up and not always a hand out!

This should be 'our' time as eventually (hopefully) there will be no dependents. If a partner cant't put themself and their life goals/relationship as a priority at our age, then they will end up alone in the end. Family IS important but a person needs to take care of their own self first. Mature adult children will completely understand that fact.
 Behind-Blue-Eyes_53
Joined: 12/19/2011
Msg: 200
Men 40+ and Childless
Posted: 3/31/2013 4:22:17 PM

~Arianna~
As little as 10 years ago, it never bothered me if a man had children or not. Now at this point in my life, I do not wish to date someone with dependent children. I had thought adult children would be ok until recently realizing that some adult children are also dependent and the parent doesn't mind.

I don't understand why a man/woman would allow adult children to depend on them when they should be self sufficient at their age. Helping them out from time to time is definitely ok as long as it wasn't due to them consistently putting themselves in need from making bad life choices or from being frivolous with money leaving nothing for necessities. Teaching independence is far more beneficial to all involved. An adult child should be given a hand up and not always a hand out!

This should be 'our' time as eventually (hopefully) there will be no dependents. If a partner cant't put themself and their life goals/relationship as a priority at our age, then they will end up alone in the end. Family IS important but a person needs to take care of their own self first. Mature adult children will completely understand that fact.


Why does not surprise me that looking at your profile, you have no children? Even with a 4 year degree the job market is tough out there. I suppose you think people should tell their adult children to go live in a homeless shelter or under a bridge, if they can't find a good job.
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