Plentyoffish dating forums are a place to meet singles and get dating advice or share dating experiences etc. Hopefully you will all have fun meeting singles and try out this online dating thing... Remember that we are the largest free online dating service, so you will never have to pay a dime to meet your soulmate.
     
Show ALL Forums  > Dating and Love Advice  > Why must the guy do it all?      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 Doouglass
Joined: 11/14/2010
Msg: 26
view profile
History
Why must the guy do it all?Page 2 of 6    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)

If the women are the ones with the initial interest then why can't they step up and see what the guys about?


They do, at least for me?

Some of them are fragile creatures, and being rejected is taken personally.
 mateo45
Joined: 1/17/2008
Msg: 27
view profile
History
Why must the guy do it all?
Posted: 7/9/2011 8:46:38 AM
When women make the first advance most men assume she is desperate

This is usually a common excuse a lot of women use for not "taking the initiative"... that and the idea that guys will think she's either "easy" or "too aggressive".

There are actually many threads here re: this subject, and no matter that virtually every guy always says they're flattered, impressed and they dig it when a woman "makes the first move", somehow these same old "excuses" just keep coming up. But bottomline, is many women are just afraid of rejection, so much easier to just sit back and let the guy take the "traditional" role instead (and then complain about it)!
 lisa29405
Joined: 6/19/2007
Msg: 28
Why must the guy do it all?
Posted: 7/9/2011 8:49:21 AM
Most honest answer I can give is because it is much more fun to be chased than to be the chaser, and because mama told me nice girls don't contact boys first.
 mateo45
Joined: 1/17/2008
Msg: 29
view profile
History
Why must the guy do it all?
Posted: 7/9/2011 8:52:30 AM
So, do you always do what "your mama" told 'ya....?
 lisa29405
Joined: 6/19/2007
Msg: 30
Why must the guy do it all?
Posted: 7/9/2011 8:56:41 AM
LOL, of course not, but you would have to go out with me to discover that
 SpecificTruths
Joined: 9/19/2009
Msg: 31
Why must the guy do it all?
Posted: 7/9/2011 9:11:21 AM
Being shy by nature is fine, lots of people are like that. Fear of rejection, however, is not fine. Guys using that excuse can become 40-year old virgins. Not that there's anything wrong with that...
 Paddy_o_Lantern
Joined: 12/9/2009
Msg: 32
Why must the guy do it all?
Posted: 7/9/2011 9:12:26 AM

When women make the first advance most men assume she is desperate? Has Issue or is looking for free drinks or such


I don't know about most men but this does not hold true for me. If a woman makes the first move I am flattered unless she is repulsive in her looks, personality or both. I have found that there are quite a few women on POF who are willing to make the first move.

For many women sitting back and waiting for men to make the first move has been working just fine most of thier lives for those that are not getting the results they are looking for maybe they should try making the first move.

OP if you don't make the first move then it is you who may be missing out on an opportunity to meet someone special. Go after what you think you desire if sitting back and waiting for it to happen isn't getting you the results you are after.
 LiliMarleen
Joined: 5/24/2009
Msg: 33
view profile
History
Why must the guy do it all?
Posted: 7/9/2011 9:12:56 AM
I'm perfectly capable of initiating and had taking that approach most of my life, but it didn't get my anywhere. I ended up with some guys, but these were not mutually satisfying relationships.

I made a conscious decision that I would be happier NOT taking the lead and allowing the man to lead. If a man didn't want that, we were not a match.

I am not in a relationship with a really great man, and I think we're both finding it very comfortable, the way things are. He loves to lead and intiate. And he was the one who initiated our conversation and was very much the leader, especially very early on in our relationship. And I'm enjoying being softer and more feminine than I've ever been before.

I'm not saying that's what everybody should do, but it's working for me and my man.

In my opinion, it's biology. It just feels much more emotionally satisfying to me than it did when I was trying to lead a man.
 BigBadNIrish
Joined: 1/31/2011
Msg: 34
Why must the guy do it all?
Posted: 7/9/2011 9:16:31 AM

Guys using that excuse can become 40-year old virgins.


Hey....I'm darn near eligible to be re-certified as a 54 yo virgin...and I get rejected all the time.
 DivineBovine
Joined: 5/13/2005
Msg: 35
view profile
History
Why must the guy do it all?
Posted: 7/9/2011 9:23:48 AM

had a chance to use those Delete Thread buttons as they should have...


i did!

but i got voted down...

 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 36
Why must the guy do it all?
Posted: 7/9/2011 9:49:46 AM

The thing is that im very confident in almost every other aspect of my life. I guess its cuz I can't really control her reactions or feelings that's what keeps me back. Everything else in my life I pretty much control the outcome but when it comes to having to rely on what they feel its different. But y'all are right the only thing I can do is put ip or shut up. Thanks for the input.

Life is full of situations you can't control. Here the thing to control is whether or not you participate and take a chance, and your expectations. The success is in whether or not you make a move, not what the outcome is. Personally, I'd rather know someone's not interested in me than not know either way because I never said anything. *shrug*
 Freed_Soul
Joined: 7/3/2011
Msg: 37
Why must the guy do it all?
Posted: 7/9/2011 10:23:20 AM
OK ladies, then explain this one to me. Why is it, after we do step up and break the ice, e mail & chat for hours, or days? Everything is going amazingly. Yet when we are on line, you will sit there & wait for us to start the conversation. Do you not know how to say hello? Or how was your day? Why is it in this so called equal rights world must it always be Men doing for women?

Not trying to piss anyone off. It's just confusing when someone says she likes you, but will sit there just waiting on the guy to say something.
 Janet_Always
Joined: 12/7/2010
Msg: 38
Why must the guy do it all?
Posted: 7/9/2011 10:27:42 AM

Why is it, after we do step up and break the ice, e mail & chat for hours, or days? Everything is going amazingly.

I don't consider emailing and chatting for days *amazing* -- I call that boring. I'd probably not make any effort at all to keep that going.
 Rozewater
Joined: 10/4/2010
Msg: 39
Why must the guy do it all?
Posted: 7/9/2011 10:29:30 AM
Most women like men who take the lead. So many men are lousy at it. And there you have it, men not knowing what to do and women not knowing what to say which then leads to women not knowing what to do and men not knowing what to say. Men who want women to take the lead or initiate should say that in their profile. They may wait a while but then you get what you want when a woman agrees and initiates.
 _TALL_IQ2_
Joined: 2/10/2010
Msg: 40
Why must the guy do it all?
Posted: 7/9/2011 10:29:49 AM

Everything is going amazingly. Yet when we are on line, you will sit there & wait for us to start the conversation. Do you not know how to say hello? Or how was your day?

You seem to be new online, so get this: She likely has 4 or more guys trying to chat/email her all at the same time, so is distracted and not focused on just YOU.. Got it?
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 41
Why must the guy do it all?
Posted: 7/9/2011 10:42:59 AM

Yet when we are on line, you will sit there & wait for us to start the conversation. Do you not know how to say hello? Or how was your day? Why is it in this so called equal rights world must it always be Men doing for women?

Not trying to piss anyone off. It's just confusing when someone says she likes you, but will sit there just waiting on the guy to say something.

I don't know how else to explain this except to say - I'm not usually online waiting for anyone specific to say anything. I'm usually wrapped up in something - e-mail, conversation with someone, working, etc. I don't tend to see who's on when I'm on or really notice someone is also online until they message me.

If I am online to contact someone specific, I'll message them and then move on to something else...messages and texts to me aren't time sensitive so I don't care if they respond right away, and I expect the same courtesy.
 mateo45
Joined: 1/17/2008
Msg: 42
view profile
History
Why must the guy do it all?
Posted: 7/9/2011 11:05:19 AM
Most women like men who take the lead. So many men are lousy at it.

Right there, doesn't that really describe most M/F dynamics in a nutshell.... that guys always have to "initiate", and the women "get to judge"?! Which also kinda explains why it's always the man's "fault"!

Feminism, Sensitive Males, Working Women, Online Dating, regardless.... the more things change, the more they remain the same....
 Simon4567
Joined: 10/9/2010
Msg: 43
Why must the guy do it all?
Posted: 7/9/2011 11:15:56 AM
confidence is more attractive than good looks.



I think it will be you who will let the opportunity pass, not the women.


I know some guys that believe that statement 100%. They get restraining orders, calls from the police to stop contacting her and/or kicked out of bars. Confidence works wonders until it turns into creepy lurkiness. Women like guys that are confident, but not too confident. Women not only like guys that are confident to the right degree, but they love men that are confident at the right time and for the right reasons. WtheF does that mean? LOL, no clue. I say if a woman sits around like a rock, expects the guy to make all the moves and doesn't give the right hints or signs she is interested; then she has passed it up. A woman not interested may look the same as a woman waiting for you to make a move. Its 50/50 guys and your reputation is on the line. Unfortunate for us because guys are horrible at reading the subtle signs a woman may show, like 2 arches of the eyebrow or a gentle maneuver 40% NOT 39% toward you. Who would have guessed that a 1% means the difference between court order and a beautiful long-term relationship.
 Simon4567
Joined: 10/9/2010
Msg: 44
Why must the guy do it all?
Posted: 7/9/2011 11:23:34 AM

Most women like men who take the lead. So many men are lousy at it.


Men who take the lead? Uh oh, some women interpret that as being controlling. So, once again its the fine line between 'taking the lead' and 'being a controlling douche'. :-P

Guys, don't take the lead too much. You have to be lousy at it a little bit, but not too much. LOL
 WalksOnWater2
Joined: 5/19/2009
Msg: 45
Why must the guy do it all?
Posted: 7/9/2011 11:32:31 AM
MrResilien
You can sit here whimpering about girls not initiating an acquaintance until the cows come home.
Or
You can go out and introduce yourself to these girls that you say that obviously express their interest to you but don't want to make the first step.
Your call.
Forum opinions will neither change the rules, nor cure your shyness.

 _TALL_IQ2_
Joined: 2/10/2010
Msg: 46
Why must the guy do it all?
Posted: 7/9/2011 12:01:49 PM
and even then some of us DO make the first move it's just... awww nevermind.lol sheesh. on another note, the guy I am now dating, I think probably going to be exclusively, happens to the be only guy on here I messaged first.lol


And THAT'S why.. You were primed to accept him instead of by default find any cause to reject him.. Which is the usual default behavior for most gals here and IRL..
 Big_fun_wave
Joined: 2/28/2009
Msg: 47
Why must the guy do it all?
Posted: 7/9/2011 12:25:10 PM
Why is it that when it comes to dating or even just meeting someone the guy has to initiate? Even when a girl really would like to get to know a guy she'll hold off until he introduces himself.

Yeah, it's total bull$hit that it's been that way for sometime. It should be a mutual effort. Those women who think like that are likely not the best relationship material anyway.
 Simon4567
Joined: 10/9/2010
Msg: 48
Why must the guy do it all?
Posted: 7/9/2011 12:40:52 PM
confidence works.... when you look like a Sears underwear model, LOL

Look, send a bunch of good looking young women into a bar full of dirty old men (which by the way are full of confidence, if they want you they will approach you) and you will see how much confidence helps!
 Simon4567
Joined: 10/9/2010
Msg: 49
Why must the guy do it all?
Posted: 7/9/2011 12:47:11 PM
Point of the matter is its supply and demand. Don't think you're the only one talking to this woman, she's probably got multiple offers already going for her, so yah, you have to step up to the plate and ask, because she doesn't need to.


I dont get upset at women when they do that stuff because I do the same thing. Im usually talking to multiple offers too. I know what they're thinking and how they feel. :)
 jasonsgt
Joined: 1/30/2011
Msg: 50
view profile
History
Why must the guy do it all?
Posted: 7/9/2011 1:32:51 PM
Most women are fragile, so they would rather do the rejecting than be rejected. They are what we want, so they know they dont have to put forth any effort to attract men. It is indeed a one way street, but men will always bow to the almighty vagina...so dont expect things to change any time soon.
Show ALL Forums  > Dating and Love Advice  > Why must the guy do it all?