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Show ALL Forums  > Dating and Love Advice  > Why must the guy do it all?      Home login  
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 abelian
Joined: 1/12/2008
Msg: 76
Why must the guy do it all?Page 4 of 6    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)

Sometimes its because we think that if we initiate contact and chase, a guy will think we are after sex and jump on us, for being so up for it.

You say that as if being up for sex would be a bad thing.
 Skotch
Joined: 5/12/2010
Msg: 77
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Why must the guy do it all?
Posted: 7/11/2011 7:11:59 PM

But NEVER approach a man first. Because if you do, it is possible that he will just respond in order to string you along for sex, to have someone to fall back on till he meets a woman her really likes, or whatever .
Or he could have approached you because he's only looking to string you along for sex or someone to fall back on, etc etc. The presumption and conclusion of that thought has little or nothing to do with each other.


If a man does care anything about you he will “Man Up” and make the first move, she said.
Yet on first contact I really don't care that much about you. You look nice, you sound interesting... That's the extent of it. I may have passed you over cause of something you thought was really minor or something that changed. By you vowing not to make the first move you've just made it that less likely that we're going to meet.


But I have NEVER wasted one minute on anyone who thought so little of me that he would sit back and wait for me to come to him. That is for women who wind up getting treated like crap – and dumped.
So women who approach men are just asking to get dumped... Fantastic.

just wondering here:
get to know me a little, then ask me out, then ask ME out.
Was there a difference when he asked you out the first time verses the second time when he emphasized that he was asking YOU out? Or was that just a typing thing/oops I already said that?
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 78
Why must the guy do it all?
Posted: 7/11/2011 7:36:36 PM
Propaganda.

My mom once told me that if a woman is interested she should be friendly and “send out the signals”.

OK, I'm with you there.

But NEVER approach a man first. Because if you do, it is possible that he will just respond in order to string you along for sex, to have someone to fall back on till he meets a woman her really likes, or whatever .

Yes, if I approach a man and take control of the whole transaction from start to finish I may end up with a man who's going to say yes because he's having a slow day or he wants to get laid. BIG difference between approaching a man and doing all the work.

If a man does care anything about you he will “Man Up” and make the first move, she said.

IME, men who "man up" to me tend to be overbearing, controlling, pushy. Which is fine if you like that sort of guy. But a guy who ignores my body language and walks over anyway isn't going to be for me.

I have followed that advice, been courteous and friendly toward everyone, and had plenty of dates. But I have NEVER wasted one minute on anyone who thought so little of me that he would sit back and wait for me to come to him. That is for women who wind up getting treated like crap – and dumped.

That's one twisted conclusion. In my scenario, I make conversation, he meets me half way and participates in return and takes it from there, or I don't consider him. I don't chase, I don't ask a man out (unless he makes conversation with me and I like him, but that's a rare one). It's not all the same way across the board. Both people should put in an effort, IMO. Neither should expect the other must come to them.

Of course there are exceptions. But I prefer a man who shows me he cares for me at least as much as I care about him from the get-go.

I gotta agree with those who say people caring for each other so soon in the game is a bit misplaced, generally.

I am taken now -- but by a man who thought enough of me to get to know me a little, then ask me out, then ask ME out.

You may like the strong, take charge type - for me guys like that tend to not allow me to make any choices or enjoy teamwork too much - for me the phrase "sweeps me off my feet, I'll take care of everything" is equivalent to "you don't get a say" so it's not exactly a match for my personality. Everyone's different, and I respect that.
 TodaysCatch
Joined: 4/12/2008
Msg: 79
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Why must the guy do it all?
Posted: 7/12/2011 1:37:30 AM
Kudos to the POF community for not deleting this thread, or dismissing it as yet another "poor, pitiful nice guy" post. The OP has a real problem, one that should demand a bit of sensitivity. I hate to break it to you guy, but yer not gonna find it here. From the comfort of their computer chairs, forum-ites will make it sound like you only have the option to be bold, when few of them are themselves. There are some nice ideas expressed, just the same:
charlie_girl_2 makes perhaps the best point, that you're a bit impatient.
LilliMarleen gave the most unique answer so far, that it's just biology.
mateo45 correctly discovered that though they don't wish to initiate, women are perfectly capable, and even predisposed, to judge our attempts at the same.
Simon4567 should be awarded a medal for expressing the quandary many women leave men with during our attempts at courtship. And yes, most creeps are confident, gals.
World traveler valenciacityx hints at the fact that American women are culturally more inclined to wait for the man to initiate, but that this isn't necessarily the rule abroad.
Laha Math is a wise sage that almost invites you to allow one woman to set you up with another. That doesn't take much intestinal fortitude, does it?

Like a few here, I can relate to your issue, as I was a painfully shy kid with a Godzilla of a mother, quite a bad environment for formulating a confident way with women. I stumbled upon the discovery that women can be attracted to you just by your status. I think I found it out too soon, as it made me a lazy dater. When women start coming to you, you don't really need to work on your game, and shyness might even be an advantage.

In brief, power, money or fame - or any status that has groupies - is what you'll need if you've got no dating chops. Let's see which shoe fits you.

Are you an aspiring politician, or judge, or DMV clerk? If not, power isn't a good fit. Unless you're on track to win the lottery, I'm guessing money is out as well. That leaves fame, which can be had in many forms, and to many degrees.

Sports, entertainment or infamy are the chief routes to immortality. At 5'8", I'm guessing you're not the next Michael Jordan. The Def Jam t-shirt looks promising - can you rap or sing? If all else fails, you could follow in the footsteps of Clyde Parker, David Koresh, or Jeffery Dahmer - all of them had female groupies.

Once you've landed a squeeze, remember that your duties have just begun. Guys do have to do it all, until they bury you. Take sex, the thing that takes two to Tango - it's actually all on you. Libation , suggestion, initiation, preparation, stimulation, protection, lubrication, erection, ejaculation, satisfaction - you think a woman could/would do all this? Give 'em a vibrator, a DVD of The Notebook and a pint of Cherry Garcia, and see if they'd choose you for the evening instead, knowing they'd be responsible for the details.

Us jaded folk could easily ruin your expectations of future fun and frivolity with the opposite sex by making it seem less pleasant than it is. Find what works for you and do it, but don't wait. You may already be on the road to increasing frustration, which could lead to contempt for the opposite sex.
Save that for your stand-up act later in life. This is the time to get busy. After all, the devil makes work for idle hands, and probably other parts as well.
 L_LuuLuu
Joined: 8/2/2009
Msg: 80
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Why must the guy do it all?
Posted: 7/12/2011 6:30:57 AM
Wow! I really got shot down on this thread!!!



Of course there are exceptions. But I prefer a man who shows me he cares for me at least as much as I care about him from the get-go.




At the first meeting, there is no reason for either person to care about the other... If I walk over to a woman to pick her up, it means I'm bored... Really bored


But, of course, you do realize that by “Caring about someone” I mean having some interest in them as a person --- not having fallen into lasting love with them. Have you ever met a woman you thought of as more than a “pick-up”? Did you approach her? Or did you just sit there?

Your comment sounds like you do a lot of “picking up” of strangers in bars. No wonder you’re bored. My advice is for women who don’t allow themselves to be “picked-up” by strangers -- and especially NOT in bars.



If a man does care anything about you he will “Man Up” and make the first move,




IME, men who "man up" to me tend to be overbearing, controlling, pushy. Which is fine if you like that sort of guy. But a guy who ignores my body language and walks over anyway isn't going to be for me.


Please read my post a little more carefully. Then you will possibly understand what I am saying a little better.


I have followed that advice, been courteous and friendly toward everyone, and had plenty of dates. But I have NEVER wasted one minute on anyone who thought so little of me that he would sit back and wait for me to come to him. That is for women who wind up getting treated like crap – and dumped.



That's one twisted conclusion. In my scenario, I make conversation, he meets me half way and participates in return and takes it from there, or I don't consider him. I don't chase, I don't ask a man out (unless he makes conversation with me and I like him, but that's a rare one). It's not all the same way across the board. Both people should put in an effort, IMO.


That’s pretty much what I am saying? So why is it “Twisted” in your “scenario”?



gotta agree with those who say people caring for each other so soon in the game is a bit misplaced, generally.


See above. But I have to add -- my guy DID fall in "love at first sight". And not for my "looks" either, since I was working in my yard at the time in 95 degree heat at the time. And btw, I DO have an S/O. Many giving advice on here don't.



I am taken now -- but by a man who thought enough of me to get to know me a little, then ask me out, then ask ME out.





You may like the strong, take charge type - for me guys like that tend to not allow me to make any choices or enjoy teamwork too much - for me the phrase "sweeps me off my feet, I'll take care of everything" is equivalent to "you don't get a say" so it's not exactly a match for my personality. Everyone's different, and I respect that.


So you are saying that a man is necessarily a “control freak” because he asks me out first?



But NEVER approach a man first. Because if you do, it is possible that he will just respond in order to string you along for sex, to have someone to fall back on till he meets a woman her really likes, or whatever .



Or he could have approached you because he's only looking to string you along for sex or someone to fall back on, etc etc. The presumption and conclusion of that thought has little or nothing to do with each other.


That’s possible, also, but much less likely. Men who come on TOO strong are also easy to weed out.


If a man does care anything about you he will “Man Up” and make the first move, she said.




Yet on first contact I really don't care that much about you. You look nice, you sound interesting... That's the extent of it. I may have passed you over cause of something you thought was really minor or something that changed. By you vowing not to make the first move you've just made it that less likely that we're going to meet.


If you passed me over for something minor, there’s no point in chasing after you. You're probably NEVER going to really like me. My point exactly.



But I have NEVER wasted one minute on anyone who thought so little of me that he would sit back and wait for me to come to him. That is for women who wind up getting treated like crap – and dumped.





So women who approach men are just asking to get dumped... Fantastic.
just wondering here:


Yup! Works that way a pretty good percent of the time. Of course men are flattered when women chase them and ask them out first. But often enough, the woman winds up getting used.



get to know me a little, then ask me out, then ask ME out.





Was there a difference when he asked you out the first time verses the second time when he emphasized that he was asking YOU out? Or was that just a typing thing/oops I already said that?


Of course it was a typo. But thoughtful of you to point it out.

 Exjrsygrl
Joined: 4/11/2010
Msg: 81
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Why must the guy do it all?
Posted: 7/12/2011 7:34:39 AM
I do not think that the man should do all the initiating. If I really want to meet someone I will gladly be the first to ask. But lets face it, the man does it in the beginning of the relationship and the woman ends up doing EVERYTHING once the relationship is secure!
 IndySmile
Joined: 12/27/2008
Msg: 82
Why must the guy do it all?
Posted: 7/12/2011 8:04:55 AM
In this equal rights world means if I do an equal job at work, I should get equal pay for doing this job. Equal rights for equal pay AT WORK does not equate to anything in the relationship world.
 matchlight
Joined: 1/31/2009
Msg: 83
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Why must the guy do it all?
Posted: 7/12/2011 9:54:20 AM

But lets face it, the man does it in the beginning of the relationship and the woman ends up doing EVERYTHING once the relationship is secure!


I hope you're just kidding. I think having things that uneven would make a relationship INsecure. Sooner or later, that woman who's doing so much more than she's getting in return is going to resent it. I sure don't expect to sit back and be catered to all the time. It seems to me the idea is for each of you to do things to make the other feel good--just because you *want* to.

I think what makes up for the man doing more at the beginning is that the woman tends to risk more later on. Not always, but usually she won't find it as easy to keep from getting emotionally attached after a while. And if the guy gets tired of her after she's fallen for him, she's going to feel hurt. So I can understand how a woman might want to protect herself from that by making sure the man's interested enough to put himself out for her.
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 84
Why must the guy do it all?
Posted: 7/12/2011 10:03:25 AM
No one's shooting you down. I was debating a couple things and I don't hand hold so people may take it as offensive, but it's just conversation.

Please read my post a little more carefully. Then you will possibly understand what I am saying a little better.

Oh, I read it pretty accurately. My response which included "IME" which means in my experience, explained clearly that if I allow myself to be selected rather than engage men I actually have interest in, I will end up with a guy who is pushy and overbearing because I'm not subtle about wanting to talk to who I choose. If who I choose is approaching me already, great. Not common.

That’s pretty much what I am saying? So why is it “Twisted” in your “scenario”?

Allow me to explain. It's because:

1. I don't feel that a guy who's not Lance Romance when it comes to talking to women but may have interest in me to "think very little of me" because I started a conversation instead of him. If I approach someone it's not because he could care less and/or is waiting for me to come to him.

2. I've never been treated like crap and dumped by someone I chose to talk to first since I was like 14. I don't see how those two things are related.

See above. But I have to add -- my guy DID fall in "love at first sight". And not for my "looks" either, since I was working in my yard at the time in 95 degree heat at the time. And btw, I DO have an S/O. Many giving advice on here don't.

Ok..let's break this down. "Love at first sight" only becomes so after a relationship develops - otherwise it's just someone you found attractive generally who doesn't pan out. Since you and your SO did, you won't see that any other way, and that's fine. Also, having an SO in no way makes you an expert at anything. I know people in crappy relationships I wouldn't take advice from and people who ended one that I'd listen to. Some (hard to believe, but the world is full of all different types) could be in a relationship but choose not to either because they don't prioritize pairing off, or are picky and don't at the moment have anyone in their circle they'd want to date just to stay busy.

So you are saying that a man is necessarily a “control freak” because he asks me out first?

I am saying that IN MY EXPERIENCE, and there's been quite a bit of it, men who do approach ME tend to be overbearing men. Men I approach tend to be more laid back, more sensitive/emotional (well, nothing's perfect), more polite and generally end up being more into me. My post specifically was along the lines of "YMMV", as I don't expect everyone to see things the way I do.

Your comment of "he thought enough of me to ask me out" suggests that men who don't ask a woman out immediately think very little of them. Too broad a statement, and too biased.

Your comment including "But I have NEVER wasted one minute on anyone who thought so little of me that he would sit back and wait for me to come to him. That is for women who wind up getting treated like crap – and dumped." suggests that anyone who does this is wasting their time (assumption), is being thought less of (assumption) and is dealing with a man who's lazy or uninterested (too absolute). SOME of the time none of these things are true.

I like when people explain their situation and then realize it's THEIR situation and that it in no way gives anyone else anything to go on outside of THAT situation.

That’s possible, also, but much less likely. Men who come on TOO strong are also easy to weed out.

Yes, they are. For me 8 out of 9 times approaching who I want and making the choice myself weeds out all of em (not that letting them come to me and shooting them down isn't fun with an ice cold drink sometimes as well).

Yup! Works that way a pretty good percent of the time. Of course men are flattered when women chase them and ask them out first. But often enough, the woman winds up getting used.

Now this I agree with - because no one should chase anyone. Being chased means you're probably running - not a good way to begin anything as you should engage someone who's interested. The gender breaking the ice isn't relevant, nor is the one responding favorably. And I agree that a person who asks someone out with no regard for whether or not they're actually interested is making their own bed.
 Peppigonzalis
Joined: 5/15/2011
Msg: 85
Why must the guy do it all?
Posted: 7/12/2011 11:09:50 AM
That's a great point MrResilien7!

I believe what is really stopping women from approaching men as much as the other way around is the reputation she may possibly gain from asking too many men out.

Common advice for a man asking out women is not to get put off by turn downs and to keep on trying basically.

If a woman is heard to have asked out several men in a short space of time, this is viewed differently by society and would likely gain her a bad reputation, regardless of how reserved she may be in other aspects.

I believe this kind of thinking will dramatically change over the next five/ten years, however, we are not quite there yet!

The "cater(ing)" to them aspect, I believe varies with the individual, perhaps you are simply attracted to the kinds of women who wish to be pampered?
 sensualseekerns
Joined: 6/1/2010
Msg: 86
Why must the guy do it all?
Posted: 7/12/2011 3:12:26 PM
If you have to do it all then the other half is contributing nothing to the equation. Not emotionally or intellectually. There is a hook behind every bait. If live by the foolish romantic rules and requirements set out by female society, then will end up in her frying pan.

Go find another woman. You are being a sucker.

 Skotch
Joined: 5/12/2010
Msg: 87
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Why must the guy do it all?
Posted: 7/12/2011 5:28:59 PM
I don't want to stick my nose in this back and forth, but could you explain:
IME...that if I allow myself to be selected rather than engage men I actually have interest in, I will end up with a guy who is pushy and overbearing because I'm not subtle about wanting to talk to who I choose.

I understand that you tend to get pushy men when they're the one's choosing you, I just don't understand how your unsubtle nature has to do with the probability of guys that hit on you being pushy. I think I may just be reading too into it and you probably wanted to point out that you're not subtle, approach guys you want because you don't like the guys that have approached you in your past. Am I missing something or is that it?
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 88
Why must the guy do it all?
Posted: 7/12/2011 5:56:58 PM

I understand that you tend to get pushy men when they're the one's choosing you, I just don't understand how your unsubtle nature has to do with the probability of guys that hit on you being pushy.

There's usually no question - if someone cares to read body language - that I'm not interested if you are one of these guys. Guys who notice I'm not real receptive and continue to approach tend to be pushy. The ones who approach me may be pushier than the average, because I'm not a hard read across a room for guys I'm not into (which are generally most guys I haven't talked to already).

I think I may just be reading too into it and you probably wanted to point out that you're not subtle, approach guys you want because you don't like the guys that have approached you in your past. Am I missing something or is that it?

I was just saying that most guys don't approach me as they tend not to want to risk talking to me if I don't seem interested. The ones that see I'm not real approachable and still approach me are going to be pushy, aggressive, and/or overbearing by nature - which they generally prove to me by saying things like "awwww, c'mon", arguing with me or asking "why not" when I give them a "no" or "no thanks", which frankly should be the end of the line, not the start of a negotiation.

The bottom line is that I tend to be attracted to men who have some sense of self awareness, quiet confidence and a little modesty and are actually hoping the girl they are interested in has a mutual interest. Those men don't tend to approach me, as I'm not real easy to approach overall, so if I didn't approach who I found interesting, I'd seldom if ever meet any guys like that.

I don't care who knows I'm not subtle, so much as I was pointing out that for me, my way of doing things works. For other women, picking from only men that approach them works for them, as it tends to bring about a different type (not better or worse, just different) of men.
 valenciacityx
Joined: 3/10/2009
Msg: 89
Why must the guy do it all?
Posted: 7/12/2011 5:57:50 PM
because if I want it done at all, I am doing it. It is the life of the bachelor.
I have been cooking, cleaning, and quite domestic for myself for a very long time.
what exactly is it that a girl brings to the table, that I am not able to do or get on my own ?
change your frame of mind, and you will find your answer to the question, is to quit asking it , or at least to the same audience !
 L_LuuLuu
Joined: 8/2/2009
Msg: 90
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Why must the guy do it all?
Posted: 7/12/2011 6:13:25 PM
WOMAN IN PROGRESS:

I do HAVE to agree with you that you have more experience in picking men up than I do. After all, you’ve been on this site since 2005, and are still out there. Meanwhile, I have NEVER picked up a man, and have NEVER allowed one to pick me up.

However I still think that you misunderstood my post. Just because I don’t speak first, doesn’t mean that I have allowed men to choose me, instead of choosing them. If a lady knows what she is doing, she can have the man of HER choice running in her direction – with nothing more than a smile.

Of course I MAY speak first to say “Hi” and make small talk to people general. But when it comes to REAL showing of attraction -- NO WAY!

Because I can make men approach me first, and because I know how to reject the pushy ones, I don’t have to feel stuck with whoever comes my way. But that is IME, also.

And to the OP:

I would say -- women DO send out signals if they are interested. Learn how to read them. Then get up your nerve and act on them -- if you like her. Just a smile and "hello" from you are good enough. If she wants to hear more from you -- she'll let you know. But she can't exactly reject you either -- since you were just being polite.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------



I've never been treated like crap and dumped by someone I chose to talk to first since I was like 14. I don't see how those two things are related.


Here’s how those things are related: Often a man who is not interested in a woman will seize the opportunity to “string her along” when she shows interest a lot of interest in him. Even though he otherwise wouldn’t have looked at her twice.

So, to help answer the OP’s question:

That is ONE reason why SOME women do insist that the man show enough interest to approach her first.



And to ALL:

Yes, there is a difference between LOVE at first site and LUST at first site. The first thing my man noticed about me was that I was helping out a less fortunate neighbor with their yard. (Also MANY men seem to be mystified by a woman that is actually competent enough to push her own lawnmower LOL! ) The first thing I noticed about him was that he came up and started helping, too.

Although I surely am NO “expert at everything”, the one thing I DO know is that I love my guy because he is handsome, GIB, good to his family, supports himself, has a great character -- and treats me like a queen. But that is just IME. And, I can agree with you, WOMAN IN PROGRESS, that SOME relationships aren’t worth the trouble.
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 91
Why must the guy do it all?
Posted: 7/13/2011 4:36:13 AM

I do HAVE to agree with you that you have more experience in picking men up than I do. After all, you’ve been on this site since 2005, and are still out there. Meanwhile, I have NEVER picked up a man, and have NEVER allowed one to pick me up.

More assumptions. I've been here since 2005 because I'm into the forums (that is written in my profile, actually). I never came here to date at all, though I'm open to it should anything I have interest in ever materialize. Most relationships I've ever been in I wasn't planning on - I just don't feel in order to be complete in life I have to be part of a couple, so I don't care either way.

Who's picking up men - or being picked up BY men?

If I ever do end up in another serious relationship, I'll still come here and post and read forums, like I always have. Nice attempt at a guess, though.

Of course I MAY speak first to say “Hi” and make small talk to people general. But when it comes to REAL showing of attraction -- NO WAY!

Reminds me of a poker game, and keeping cards close to the vest (why, I'm not sure, but Ok) not that it's a bad thing - to each their own. However remember a man who doesn't know you're interested (or thinks you're not) is justified in moving on if they can't tell. Doesn't make them anything but smart consumers.

Often a man who is not interested in a woman will seize the opportunity to “string her along” when she shows interest a lot of interest in him. Even though he otherwise wouldn’t have looked at her twice.

Unless you're living under a rock, though - it's not hard to tell who's biding their time. All you have to do is stop making all the effort and step back. Women who don't care if a guy they're into participates won't be able to tell the difference - but again, after 14 years old who falls for that one? P.S. you can't be dumped anyway by a guy who you were never really with in the first place.

I wish you all the best.
 platypus_man
Joined: 8/29/2007
Msg: 92
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Why must the guy do it all?
Posted: 7/15/2011 2:37:22 AM

there are women out there who have no problem approaching a man if they're interested. i don't know that they're super-rare; perhaps they are merely bored.

Bored people are nearly always boring people. I've never been bored in my life. Being bored means you can't find a thought in your head to engage yourself in, that you need someone else to provide you with entertainment. I avoid those people like the plague. Interestingly enough, the women I've met who complain about being bored are the most self centered ones: Once their hair, make up, clothing and accessories are all figured out, they don't have a thought left in their heads, until it's time to go to the powder room and refresh the 'look'.
 buckeye1332
Joined: 5/19/2011
Msg: 93
Why must the guy do it all?
Posted: 7/15/2011 2:51:17 AM
This has been a question I'm sure tons of men have asked MrResilien7.

My intial guess would be that it has to do something with seeing what kind of confidence a guy has. Most women like to be pursued, and a confident man will approach them. I'm not saying being shy is a bad thing, but combine that with the fear of rejection tends to keep men and women from making the move. For that matter, the women you are interested in might be the same way as you are.

Now you are right on about things should go both ways. A man or woman should not have to always cater to the other, both should be there and do things for the other ect..... wanting to and willing to. A one sided ordeal is not fair to the person that's always on the giving end, and in most cases does not work.

And finally about the first move. Yes, there are women who don't initiate contact or make the first move that let opportunities pass. But by a man not doing so, he is doing the same thing. You don't know if you try right? What is there to lose by giving it a shot, if turned down at least you know and continue your search.

Good luck in your searches
 FatBottomGirI
Joined: 6/28/2011
Msg: 94
Why must the guy do it all?
Posted: 7/17/2011 6:17:05 AM
Probably has something to do with so man men spook so easily. "OMG she initiated!! I feel smothered"!!". :)
 Skotch
Joined: 5/12/2010
Msg: 95
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Why must the guy do it all?
Posted: 7/17/2011 6:41:14 AM
Thx for the explanation, WomanInProgress, I thinks I gets it now. I think I can even understand why there are pushy guys (that you aren't giving positive signals to) approaching you. Just reading your profile has me mentally drawn to you. No idea why. Maybe its like a challenge.

Anyway, this is somewhat on topic, but generally when I'm out seeing a bar band or whatever, dancing and drinking the night away, I try to read signals but that's not always that easy when you're just another figure in the crowd. Generally when I make the first move and strike out, that's my swing for the night. I don't feel all that comfortable going for "she didn't say yes to a dance, maybe someone else." That's just me though, right? I should man up and not worry that if I ask 2-3 on a given night I'm not just trolling the waters?

Now if its swing dancing, I'll ask until I get a yes...
 pointoffact
Joined: 7/12/2011
Msg: 96
Why must the guy do it all?
Posted: 7/17/2011 7:02:54 AM
Making that initial contact is also called "breaking the ice" and women are just as capable of using an ice pick as men are. I would assume anyway. Maybe they aren't.

Strangely the only three women I've been involved with all initiated the relationship.
 The_Song
Joined: 5/21/2008
Msg: 97
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Why must the guy do it all?
Posted: 7/17/2011 10:32:25 AM
To op, i used to be like that too, i'd wait for the girl to initiate it when they show interest. I guess i was a bit shy and didn't really want to make the first move. Sometimes it works bu in the end its much better if you initiate if your interested in them, that way there is no lost opportunities or regrets the next day. This way you won't be like damn, i know that girl was interested in me, why didn't i do something. Plus as a added bonus u get over your shyness pretty quick if you keep trying.
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 98
Why must the guy do it all?
Posted: 7/17/2011 2:38:19 PM

Sometimes it works bu in the end its much better if you initiate if your interested in them, that way there is no lost opportunities or regrets the next day. This way you won't be like damn, i know that girl was interested in me, why didn't i do something. Plus as a added bonus u get over your shyness pretty quick if you keep trying.

Now you're talking!
 larissan04
Joined: 5/14/2011
Msg: 99
Why must the guy do it all?
Posted: 7/17/2011 3:45:21 PM
why does a guy have to initiate? because you guys prefer to chase then be chased. period. when a woman pursues you, you guys treat the woman differently, and you also lose interest pretty quickly as well. if you have to ask this question go look in the mirror. i'd say a gazillion years of evolution has put us in this quandary, but it isn't going to change anytime soon.
 Qualityman7
Joined: 7/6/2011
Msg: 100
Why must the guy do it all?
Posted: 7/17/2011 4:45:58 PM
I feel you bro. I liken it to a tennis game. You and this girl gotta play tennis. You ALWAYS SERVE first though, that's the name of the game in the beginning when you're getting to know a gal. The deal is that you have to initiate, but you wait and see like a short stop what she will do next. If she's not interested you try something else until something clicks. If nothing clicks then you move on like a gentlemen and say goodbye. But I see where you're coming from. What i can tell you is to just protect your heart, yes dudes got a heart too contrary to popular belief, especially if they are genuinely looking for a relationship. I say take care of your heart and stay on point as to what you do, what you tolerate, and don't ever compromise, i don't care how physically attractive a girl can be, STAY ON POINT and be yourself
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