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Show ALL Forums  > Dating and Love Advice  > Why must the guy do it all?      Home login  
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 larissan04
Joined: 5/14/2011
Msg: 99
Why must the guy do it all?Page 6 of 6    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)
why does a guy have to initiate? because you guys prefer to chase then be chased. period. when a woman pursues you, you guys treat the woman differently, and you also lose interest pretty quickly as well. if you have to ask this question go look in the mirror. i'd say a gazillion years of evolution has put us in this quandary, but it isn't going to change anytime soon.
 Qualityman7
Joined: 7/6/2011
Msg: 100
Why must the guy do it all?
Posted: 7/17/2011 4:45:58 PM
I feel you bro. I liken it to a tennis game. You and this girl gotta play tennis. You ALWAYS SERVE first though, that's the name of the game in the beginning when you're getting to know a gal. The deal is that you have to initiate, but you wait and see like a short stop what she will do next. If she's not interested you try something else until something clicks. If nothing clicks then you move on like a gentlemen and say goodbye. But I see where you're coming from. What i can tell you is to just protect your heart, yes dudes got a heart too contrary to popular belief, especially if they are genuinely looking for a relationship. I say take care of your heart and stay on point as to what you do, what you tolerate, and don't ever compromise, i don't care how physically attractive a girl can be, STAY ON POINT and be yourself
 pointoffact
Joined: 7/12/2011
Msg: 101
Why must the guy do it all?
Posted: 7/17/2011 6:21:30 PM

why does a guy have to initiate? because you guys prefer to chase then be chased. period. when a woman pursues you, you guys treat the woman differently, and you also lose interest pretty quickly as well. if you have to ask this question go look in the mirror. i'd say a gazillion years of evolution has put us in this quandary, but it isn't going to change anytime soon


yeah us guys are all the same. Exactly the same. If we all stood in a huge line you wouldn't be able to tell one from another.
 MrResilien7
Joined: 7/6/2011
Msg: 102
Why must the guy do it all?
Posted: 7/18/2011 1:41:31 AM
Ok. I've tried to switch it up and I've made the first move a few times now. This I know. At very least im a young attractive guy with a lot to offer. Im not a dispatcher but I wont divulge what my true occupation is. Let's just say I work for the gov. At 23 im pretty successful without trying. Yes, I know that sounds**** but its true. I had a lot to offer women of my age and I know that. I was scared of rejection and still am. However, I've tried to be the gentleman about things and still im at the same place I started. I recently passed up on a lay with the hopes of possibly building on it but it back fired on me. With the way I feel right now im going to turn into exactly what most women think of me as a typical man. I feel like why should I prove myself to females and be nice and sincere when allmmget is shot down or dismissed. In too good of a person to be dealing with this. If females want. A player then so be it. Again, once I get comfortable I know all of the right things to say or do. All I need to do is get comfortable from the jump off.
 Carguy29
Joined: 7/10/2011
Msg: 103
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Why must the guy do it all?
Posted: 7/18/2011 1:47:21 AM

If females want. A player then so be it. Again, once I get comfortable I know all of the right things to say or do. All I need to do is get comfortable from the jump off.




I Know exactly how you feel.... I have message countless women, and if I don't have a Smoking hot body, $$$, or a fancy car they drop you like a bad habit... Of course I live in Las Vegas and for some reason women out here think this is where they come to meet that rich guy that will sweep them off their feet and whisk them away to far off lands of enchantment, OR they go after the fake wanna be player thats all cut up and tattooed that treats them like shit, but at Least they look good on his arm... SAD really...
 MrResilien7
Joined: 7/6/2011
Msg: 104
Why must the guy do it all?
Posted: 7/18/2011 2:13:27 AM
It really is sad. Women pass up on the good ones because they aren't the cats meow or whatever the saying is. Looks will never compensate for substance! Apparently they don't realize that so as far as im concerned they. Need to prove to ME that they're worth something more than a one nighter. If nice guys finish last then watch me turn bad and be the leader of this competition.( yes I know that I will never be the true leads but I can damn sure try)
 Carguy29
Joined: 7/10/2011
Msg: 105
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Why must the guy do it all?
Posted: 7/18/2011 2:25:49 AM

If nice guys finish last then watch me turn bad and be the leader of this competition.




Funny you say that... I hang out with all my friends and they all have these hot girlfriends and they all come up to me and say (You are such a sweet guy, and you are always so nice) Yet they stay with my friends who treat them Like crap, dump them and then take them back, make fun of them in front of everyone, and disrespect them. Yet they say (Oh its ok he still loves me, or I love him thats why I stay) Seems like women need that bad boy in their life to make them happy...
 buckeye1332
Joined: 5/19/2011
Msg: 106
Why must the guy do it all?
Posted: 7/18/2011 2:38:59 AM
Vey true, I've seen this countless times myself, with both friends and people I know. I think it is sad a woman would allow herself to be treated like crap, for whatever reason. But the kicker is when women say they wish they could find a guy that would treat them good, and always revert back to some other a-hole. I guess some women just crave attention so badly it doesn't matter that much whether or not it be good or bad attention.
 Carguy29
Joined: 7/10/2011
Msg: 107
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Why must the guy do it all?
Posted: 7/18/2011 2:46:23 AM

women say they wish they could find a guy that would treat them good, and always revert back to some other a-hole. I guess some women just crave attention so badly it doesn't matter that much



Perfectly spoken... I am a gentlemen to ALL women and I think that is my downfall, they are looking for the guy that will beat them then treat them...
 LAgoodguy
Joined: 8/21/2008
Msg: 108
Why must the guy do it all?
Posted: 7/18/2011 8:33:27 PM
Does it realy matters why women like the bad boy/other guy. Now who dicides who is the bad guy... Would that be that famous self proclaimed "nice guy" ... Think about it boys, If you are attracted to those women then why not make your self more attractive to them. Offer them something that they like. Act same way as that bad guy.. Or just go for the other women that are just as nice as you are. Your problem solved.
 JP1111
Joined: 4/13/2008
Msg: 109
Why must the guy do it all?
Posted: 7/18/2011 9:02:49 PM

Why is it that when it comes to dating or even just meeting someone the guy has to initiate?


I honestly believe that it comes doen to male/female inherent and natural roles since the beginning of time. Males are the hunters and women aren't. So when it comes to courtship, women naturally enjoy being chased after.

Even with the changing of the times abd women taking on much more of a lead, sone women still quite aren't their yet.
 ladyc4
Joined: 2/14/2006
Msg: 110
Why must the guy do it all?
Posted: 7/18/2011 9:27:56 PM
Sheesh...4 pages of interesting debate and then-awp! there she goes!-right down the chute into another NGFL whine list.
Why must the guy do it all? Because generally speaking, it goes back to primitive instincts, the male animal seeks to impress the female animal, but it WILL be the female animal that decides whether to be receptive to a particular male doing a "courting dance"(yeah yeah I know, that's more like BIRD behavior,but it all pretty much boils down to the same results whether you walk on 4 legs, 2 legs or fly thru the air)
Yes, humans have modified the script to some extent-ALMOST flipping it-or so it would seem at times.
Bottom line-the primitive drive to reproduce has gotten some refinements in humans...but at the end of the day, I suspect that the males still have a much stronger drive to mate whenever and wherever possible,while the female has a little bit more control and direction of her reproductive/sexual urges. Yes, most animals and birds do not desire-or have sexual intercourse strictly for pleasure-where as humans can and do.
I still suspect that there is some of that old "propagate the species" instinct in back of the main reason for why the "guy must do it all"-he must do it all because that is what gives him the best chance of getting laid! From all I've experienced, observed,and heard, the average womans' sex drive does not work exactly the same way as mens' does,so therefore its almost INSTINCTIVE for a woman to NOT make an overt approach,it's counter to eons of both biological programming AND social conditioning.
But, the short answer remains the same-the guy must do it all because he has a stronger sexual urge-and that is just pure and simple Mother Nature-not in any way meant to disrespect men! It just is what it is.
Make no mistake, a female attracted to a particular male can certainly give indications of her interest/receptiveness...but it's up to the male to fan out his tail feathers, puff up his chest and do the courting dance
Cindy O
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 111
Why must the guy do it all?
Posted: 7/19/2011 10:20:11 AM
For you guys who are complaining certain women only want bad boys, the question isn't why do they want em, the question is why do YOU care about women who choose men that aren't good for them?

Either the women you are into don't have a lot of interest in dating guys who treat them well, or you perceive men who aren't you as bad guys. I have women friends who are drawn to the edgier guys (me, I like em to look edgy, but be decent) - that makes them poor choosers, and it makes men who are into them questionable when it comes to healthy traits.

Not ALL women are into "bad boys". Lemme guess, you guys are pining over the hot ones? LOL - pretty textbook.

And before anyone says anything, I think no differently of men who are into the nasty princess thing either. That shows they are unhealthy in their choices, so I don't care what they do so long as they don't come near me.
 Diancarock1976
Joined: 11/23/2010
Msg: 112
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Why must the guy do it all?
Posted: 7/19/2011 10:50:25 AM
I completely agree with the above post, well stated..... I personally like the "good guy", but I attract the bad boy, and the bad boy is interesting for awhile (excitement), then afterwards when real life calls, he's just well bad for long term.
 mrcs84
Joined: 12/9/2008
Msg: 113
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Why must the guy do it all?
Posted: 7/19/2011 2:04:20 PM

Why must the guy do it all?

Because, throughout history, the value of a man has always been gauged by his level of performance. That goes for how women AND men perceive men.
 bikeman1467
Joined: 9/22/2009
Msg: 114
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Why must the guy do it all?
Posted: 7/19/2011 2:31:48 PM
It's in the shy guy's interest not to be shy. When I was younger, I was much shyer than I am today. It definitely didn't work to my advantage. I took things WAY too personally when I did get rejected. The other times when the less shy woman made the moves on me, that didn't work either. Might just have been my experiences, but I'd say the woman making the moves on the shy guy sees that guy as easy pickings, she probably has made that move before, and she'll dump you in order to get that pick-up rush off her next conquest.

Today I'm not so shy but I'm still quite generally reserved. When I approach women, I do so with little expectation of her response. If the response seems positive, then I try to work the conversation in a way where we both are doing the talking, since I seek a reciprocative partner.

I suggest to the OP and other shy guys to modify their behavior. You can't learn very quickly if a woman is compatible with you if you're sitting back too much. Besides, women generally are attracted to confident guys, and a shy guy on the surface doesn't have that confident swagger.
 SONNI100
Joined: 12/24/2010
Msg: 115
Why must the guy do it all?
Posted: 7/19/2011 6:47:43 PM
If I didn't do it all, I would probably never meet anyone:-)
 cashleys
Joined: 7/5/2011
Msg: 116
Why must the guy do it all?
Posted: 7/19/2011 8:31:16 PM
It can all be quite confusing, but I will say this, I am much older and though it might seem that way things have CHANGED a great deal. More and more women are the ones intiating, more and more men are getting quite used to it.

Basically it is part of our genes and biology, goes back way in time. Society can change some social acceptance of things, but you will never change hormones and who men are and who women are.

Men are hunters--women are nurtures. That's it.
 cashleys
Joined: 7/5/2011
Msg: 117
Why must the guy do it all?
Posted: 7/19/2011 8:38:19 PM
You are amazingly Accurate Metdblck. I might add this, when two people meet, the person can bring out the GOOD side of you or BAD sides of you. We all have many dimensions of our personality. Two people together might be just aweful, but with different people might be great. Of course there are always limits to that, because some people are violent and will be no matter who they are with.

It is how most all personal relationships are and how we communicate and connect.
 cashleys
Joined: 7/5/2011
Msg: 118
Why must the guy do it all?
Posted: 7/19/2011 8:44:29 PM
Car guy, I am kind older and have been single many years, not dated all that much but have observed and read much.

I have friends that find some guys so attractive but to me not at all and VICE Versa. Beauty is indeed in the eye of the beholder. There are many things that attract us and most of it is not involved in our active thinking, it is biological, smell, touch, and in our GENES. that has been scientifically proven in the most recent years.

So, I would say this, you feel women judge you or others just on looks or pocket book, look at your own motives. Do you go after only "hot women", those that look like a TEN? Maybe if you do you are putting off a vibe that YOU are interested in LOOKS only too and they feel that. Just because a woman is a 10 does not mean they all are superfical. Just a thought, not saying you do that but might look at it as a possiblitity.
 Lowtones84
Joined: 9/9/2008
Msg: 119
Why must the guy do it all?
Posted: 7/19/2011 10:25:49 PM

shouldn't it go both ways?


NAWWW, we all like to act sexist towards eachother and then say "well, feminism is the greatest thing ever to HAPPEN to society!"
 hitsingle
Joined: 7/4/2011
Msg: 120
Why must the guy do it all?
Posted: 7/21/2011 9:35:40 AM
Maybe because of stupid books like "He's Just Not that Into You" and "The Rules" that tell women that if they approach men they're attracted to, they've doomed their chances of ever having a relationship with them.

Man, I hate that sh*t.
 valenciacityx
Joined: 3/10/2009
Msg: 121
Why must the guy do it all?
Posted: 7/21/2011 3:09:53 PM
^^^^^^^^ ditto. We should all make a concerted effort to boycott such tripe and drivel. I think the stereo types are getting way in the way of an actual meeting and relationship. If you cant get past the initial hello because of baggage, drama, history and a pedantic shopping list of superlatives - then it is indeed a worthless event and should be avoided at all costs. The ROI on it, just isnt worth it.

'why must the guy do it all?' Because as a bachelor - ain't anybody else doing it at all.
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