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 banterman21
Joined: 2/11/2009
Msg: 27
boyfriend still goes on pofPage 2 of 5    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)
i kind of fall in this category in the sense that i met the woman i want to date exclusively and we both agreed to that, however i enjoy the forums, mainly humor and stories and creative writing, anyway in all fairness i put an update on my profile explaining this and changed my status to friends, and though im not here to make any new friends it was the only status i could use but i explain in my update that im not interested in meeting anyone and she is the only one i am persuing , so him updating his like that if he is in fact only chatting with friends would be the right thing to do as i have made friends in other states that i talk with but only on common interests and such, but, he did say he was on chatting with friends, but was opening yours and being it was a new profile he couldnt have been friends with you already so that was a lie right there, and he he is going to lie about that then what about the more serious issues ?
i say move on to someone who isnt trying to play you. before i met the wonderful woman i am seeing i was doing alot of dating, and one of my married friends asked me one day, how do you juggle three or four women at a time without them getting mad, my answer was , im honest with all of them, there is no secrets and honesty can be one of the biggest turn ons for a woman !
 Dare to
Joined: 2/11/2009
Msg: 28
boyfriend still goes on pof
Posted: 7/12/2011 10:59:41 PM

Three months does not a relationship make
Not quite on topic, but why is this thought process so prevalent? If i was seeing a guy (exclusively) for 3 months i'd be expecting it to be called a relationship... How long do people "see" each other before they actually believe they have a relationship? I'd be p1ssed as hell if 3 months in i found out he was still contacting others... In fact after that he could contact others as much as he wanted because he wouldn't be having anything more with me... Just saying....
 Red Fish GF
Joined: 12/3/2009
Msg: 30
view profile
History
boyfriend still goes on pof
Posted: 7/12/2011 11:06:41 PM
^^^ I agree, I asked my SO after two months of dating if we were exclusive. He still logs on to this site for the forums which it clearly states on his profile. When he first came back here to ask a question though he forgot to change it and was accused of cheating or still looking.


OP, if you have to be checking up on the man you are dating then the relationship is lacking trust. As others have stated, whether he was going to cheat or not the relationship is doomed.
 RockMansreturn
Joined: 6/13/2011
Msg: 35
boyfriend still goes on pof
Posted: 7/13/2011 5:20:19 PM

hi, i met a guy on pof, been seeing him for just over three months.i deleted my pof account a little while into our relationship, he did say he wasn't going on pof on anymore.
i was helping a friend to upload pictures onto pof and searched my guys name...up he popped,i set up a bogus account to see if he would reply,he did saying he would love to chat.i couldnt hide my upset and told him what i had done, he said if it upsets me he will stop going online and that he was just chatting to friends he had made while fishing.i have logged into my account several times since and have seen that he has logged on...i dont know what to do? can i really trust him?


I'm single again due to a woman playing games like you.
Now she's regretting not approaching the situation like an adult.
Me not so much, I'd rather find out sooner then later I'm dating an adult child.
 astronic
Joined: 5/30/2011
Msg: 36
view profile
History
boyfriend still goes on pof
Posted: 7/13/2011 5:29:57 PM
What do you think. There are other IM sites that people can chat on besides "dating" ones so the "talking to friends that I met" is a silly cover-up for looking for action. As far as setting up the bogus account. If you thought that it was necessary then that should have told you something. Good luck
 garvey14
Joined: 6/6/2011
Msg: 37
boyfriend still goes on pof
Posted: 7/13/2011 5:39:09 PM
Short answer- NO. addicted not addicted. If you are sleeping together and have had the discussion about being exclusive and he is still talking to new women that is more then a red flag. That is a full blown sign! Some have made the point of facebook and twitter. I will share my experience with you. Ex and I opened facebook pages about the same time. Out of respect for my wife I never accepted a friend request from a former girlfriend. When looking at her page it was filled with former boyfriends and I noticed if she saw that I had any contact with a women that she became over top jealous. It was not long before I realized she was having a affair with a former boyfriend. So no contact is the only acceptable contact in my eyes moving forward.
 garvey14
Joined: 6/6/2011
Msg: 38
boyfriend still goes on pof
Posted: 7/13/2011 5:47:03 PM
I agree, once trust is broken nothing short of a polygraph will restore it. I will never again take someone's word for it once there is enough suspicion to have that talk. Been down that road and trusted despite the voices screaming in my head. That kind of activity will only lead to another issue. Best to cut the losses and make a clean break.
 beautylexi21
Joined: 7/8/2011
Msg: 39
boyfriend still goes on pof
Posted: 7/13/2011 5:57:54 PM
TA with Stacey!! Put your profile back UP!
 Skotch
Joined: 5/12/2010
Msg: 40
view profile
History
boyfriend still goes on pof
Posted: 7/13/2011 6:22:57 PM

>Three months does not a relationship make
Not quite on topic, but why is this thought process so prevalent? If i was seeing a guy (exclusively) for 3 months i'd be expecting it to be called a relationship... How long do people "see" each other before they actually believe they have a relationship? I'd be p1ssed as hell if 3 months in i found out he was still contacting others.

I could see it if they hadn't talked about being exclusive. I understand that to some people three months isn't really a commitment. However, I see nothing wrong with being exclusive after three months. Its not like you've sworn off dating anyone else ever, just that while you're dating this person you're not looking or dating anyone else. In other words you've put both feet in and are ready to pursue it further. There's nothing wrong with that, imho.

(there's also nothing wrong with someone saying that they're not ready for that commitment after three months).
 Skotch
Joined: 5/12/2010
Msg: 41
view profile
History
boyfriend still goes on pof
Posted: 7/13/2011 6:29:20 PM

Out of respect for my wife I never accepted a friend request from a former girlfriend. When looking at her page it was filled with former boyfriends and I noticed if she saw that I had any contact with a women that she became over top jealous.
The problem was not with her having contact with former boyfriends. I should say the red flag was not that, it was her getting jealous over your possible contact. Because she was cheating, she assumed that if you were having contact you'd be cheating as well. That's typical 101 cheating. I have a few ex's that I'm friends with on facebook. Dear lord most of my highschool class is on facebook/friends.

If you can't trust a person to not fool around with ex's, then you shouldn't be dating them. Possibly because they're not trustworthy, but more likely because you can't trust. I don't know how you'd solve that personal issue.
 thefirstknight26
Joined: 12/1/2010
Msg: 42
boyfriend still goes on pof
Posted: 7/13/2011 6:34:51 PM
I was guilty of that for a while. I hide it from my girlfriend that I met on here. I realized, that I really like getting on the forms here. Yeah, I will message pretty girls here and there but my profile says "not single/not looking". They have to be really pretty to get a compliment from me. My girl is pretty freakin sweet. She has a profile on here too. I guess I just have to let it go and trust that she doesnt cheat on me. She knows about my profile and that it says "not single and not looking." its pretty straight forward to users that I am not single. lol
Im not going to meet a girl on here that will be better than her anyways. She is so pretty, outgoing, socialable, loving, and fun person to be around. I dont want to find anyone else. I sure trust that she feels the same way even if cute guys message her.
So the thing is.......either dump him or let it go.
 OutMind
Joined: 2/13/2007
Msg: 43
boyfriend still goes on pof
Posted: 7/13/2011 7:34:39 PM
Did you two had the let's not date other people talk? Did you have the talk where you say, let's delete our dating accounts? Did you delete your account unilaterally or by mutually agreeing? Do you see each other once a week, twice a week, every day? I am assuming you are already intimate, so I am not going to even ask that question.
 Restar22
Joined: 7/2/2011
Msg: 44
boyfriend still goes on pof
Posted: 7/13/2011 9:05:46 PM
of course a sucker for punishment you also returned. LOL! Women love abuse its very strange.
 cashleys
Joined: 7/5/2011
Msg: 45
boyfriend still goes on pof
Posted: 7/13/2011 10:23:30 PM
He is "just not that IN to You". I had this happen this guy I was dating was on a social site, he stayed on even after I thought things were serious-- however funny thing he broke it off one day for no reason to me when he went back with his ex girlfriend that he was crazy about--In a second HE DELETED ALL. I did find out though. She cheated on him again and then wanted to resume our relationship again, but I don't take second place. No way.

If you are the one he is INTO> he will delete in a hearbeat. IF not he is still LOOKING to trade UP>

sorry
 carolann0308
Joined: 12/9/2006
Msg: 46
view profile
History
boyfriend still goes on pof
Posted: 7/14/2011 6:54:56 AM
At the 3 month mark many adults are not at the forever stage yet so they keep their options open.
Your BF is not fully committed and you preferred to play games rather than talking to him about your feelings.
 OutMind
Joined: 2/13/2007
Msg: 47
boyfriend still goes on pof
Posted: 7/14/2011 7:10:58 AM

At the 3 month mark many adults are not at the forever stage yet so they keep their options open.
Your BF is not fully committed and you preferred to play games rather than talking to him about your feelings.



Bingo!!!! You win the big prize.
 Divine Jewel
Joined: 3/25/2009
Msg: 48
boyfriend still goes on pof
Posted: 7/14/2011 10:10:54 AM
I have one better. My boyfriend and I met on POF, we now live together. We agreed to keep out pages open. He told me he goes on here to chat with his friends. I was like cool and I would log on to check my messages but I would always tell my friend that I had met someone. In fact dudes would say, why are you on here your old man is going to get you. Well I noticed my bf was texting and always talking on the phone and ending calls when I come around. He claimed he was only talking to family. I figured out his password and OMG he not only has been flirting he has a whole other life with these woman, he has went so far as to give them the address to our apartment (less a few digits). I comforted him and we had it out, he said he was wrong and begged me to forgive him, then he turns right around today and is logged on and changed his password. I told him it's either me or POF hoes and he can't have both. He had the nerve to get made and said I was giving him a ultimatum. I am just fooling myself to think I can forgive him for this. He has totally destroyed our relationship. My heart is broken and each morning I wake up sick to my stomach dreaming about him doing all kinds of untrustworthy things while I sleep.

I think he is in survivor mode because he don't have anyplace to go. I think that is why he wanted me to forgive him. I can't believe in him anymore but it hurts to badly to just walk away. Now you tell me what you think about that.

To answer the question you posted, NO you should not trust him.
 Janet_Always
Joined: 12/7/2010
Msg: 49
boyfriend still goes on pof
Posted: 7/14/2011 11:07:12 AM

I can't believe in him anymore but it hurts to badly to just walk away.

It is going to hurt worse if you let him stay there with you... you don't have kids, marriage or any reason to continue on with this guy. Kick him out!
 Divine Jewel
Joined: 3/25/2009
Msg: 50
boyfriend still goes on pof
Posted: 7/15/2011 10:28:52 AM
Do you really think he will continue on and on? Can I believe that he hasn't had anyone in my house? I spoke to two woman on the 13th about what he was trying to do. There were a host of others he had been reaching out to. He claims he did it because we argue all the time, but I NEVER did anything like that since we've been together. He's begging for us to work it out, but he hasn't deleted his page. I did back down and demanded that he change is profile to not singled and he gave me attitude and told me 'fine I don't want to argue with you'. I responded by saying once again, he is showing signs that he can't be trusted. Yeah, perhaps you are right about kicking him out but my hear is all tingled up in this mess.
 Iced1071
Joined: 7/2/2011
Msg: 51
boyfriend still goes on pof
Posted: 7/15/2011 10:57:20 AM
To the OP, its really simple.

Have you two discussed being exclusive? If you BOTH agreed to be, then kick him to the curb.

If not,accept the fact that you're dating and try to detect any lies in him...don't go being a detective because quite frankly its probably not worth your time, you'll only stress yourself out, and make him believe you're a control freak.

But I'd suggest before you do anything,you have that exclusive chat and go from there.

Communication is key.
 Terramay
Joined: 2/16/2011
Msg: 52
boyfriend still goes on pof
Posted: 7/15/2011 8:43:58 PM
Waiiiiit, so should I delete mine? This guy and I am exclusive and I told him yesterday that I only come on for the forums but I wouldnt want to delete this and make a new one only for here. Advice?
 KreweOf2
Joined: 7/15/2010
Msg: 53
boyfriend still goes on pof
Posted: 7/15/2011 8:58:45 PM
No, you can't "still trust him"


Next question?
 ardentluvr63
Joined: 6/14/2011
Msg: 54
boyfriend still goes on pof
Posted: 7/15/2011 9:07:36 PM
Yeah....he's a player, go with your intuition and get the hell out now!
Really you were intuitive enough to look and bait him, must you cause yourself more discomfort by asking him to show you that he really is not the guy for you? Go, run, and don't look back!
 nowornever22
Joined: 3/24/2011
Msg: 55
boyfriend still goes on pof
Posted: 7/16/2011 5:12:25 AM
I was going out with my boyfriend for 3 yrs. He used to tell me he would get off. He always came back. It was the thing we would argue about the most. In the end it ended us. If someone loves only you , then they do not need anyone else. You can do better. We have been broken up for just over 3 mths. It took him 6wks to get back on POF. By now he is more than likely seeing someone else.. Let him go.
 ds7202
Joined: 4/16/2011
Msg: 56
boyfriend still goes on pof
Posted: 7/16/2011 6:33:23 AM

live vicariously through the common melodramas that neophytes come up with weekly..


using big words just for the sake of using big words... how convoluted!
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