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 charlie_girl_2
Joined: 1/2/2010
Msg: 25
Getting to know a person through writingPage 2 of 3    (1, 2, 3)
My interest is definitely sparked when he writes something of himself that isn't on his profile and indicates something he has read in my profile that has gotten his attention.
A simple paragraph or two can accomplish this.
It is a huge turn-off to get the two-three word hello, and worse, the obvious "cut and paste" tactic.

I don't want to email until death. Besides, we all know that sometimes we are emailing with more than one -- to get to the first meet. If that emailing goes on and on and on... what's new and fresh to talk about when you do meet? Worse, who the heck remembers what was written two weeks ago!

My preference is to do the initial two-three (short) get-acquainted emails and a phone call or two, to either meet, or move on.

I don't want a pen-pal. I'm not here for that purpose and I doubt if few others who are serious about wanting to meet someone special, are either.

Just have fun getting acquainted in the real world instead of emailing here. Meeting quite soon after connecting, in my opinion, prevents what I refer to as that ole "kick-in-the-gut" feeling, that often happens when there's been too much time to conjure up unrealistic expectations.

 Walts
Joined: 5/7/2005
Msg: 26
Getting to know a person through writing
Posted: 7/13/2011 5:46:06 AM
Cause I only e-mail women I have found the same with them. Generic one liners, or even one worders(is THAT a word???) I hate em all. Really bad after reading the one liner is to go to a profile that has squat in it.

And to tell let some of ya know,for some of us, it will take more than a few lines, or sentences to peak enough interest to get to that phone call stage,one that I don't enjoy much either,because I spend 8-12 hours a day talking on the phone.

What am I doing here again??????
 Megan06825
Joined: 6/22/2011
Msg: 27
Getting to know a person through writing
Posted: 7/13/2011 6:16:17 AM

Some people just don't have decent writing skills, and some are conditioned to write in "text speak." I accept (because I can't change them), but I also realize that those people likely aren't a good fit for me.

Yes, I like to write and be written to because that exchange *is* a good way to start to get to know someone. It's good to see how someone portrays and conveys themself.

Of course, whether what they write is actually *true* -- that's another conversation!

Most men are looking for CHEMISTRY, which is determined by face to face meetings, so why write (& write) only to meet & feel a let down because you've invested time writing, but...the chemistry is not there? Let's face it, more times than we'd like, the chemistry is NOT there, why not make an effort to get to know a person AFTER you've determined there is an attraction? Anything other than that is a PIPE DREAM IMO.
Either that, or you prefer endless writing to an adult relationship for fear of intimacy!
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 28
Getting to know a person through writing
Posted: 7/13/2011 7:06:29 AM
^^^ I totally agree with Megan06825 . What's the point of countless e-mails and phone calls when a person knows within a few second of meeting someone if there's any chemistry which will determine if there will be anymore contact. My preference is to exchange a few e-mails and then meet in person. Talking to someone face-to-face is more informative than hiding behind a device.

This is why I really don't see any need for a bunch of phone calls after exchanging a bunch of e-mails. The phone calls to me seem like a job interview, even more so than the initial meet-and-greet. If a person is totally paranoid and won't meet you until you need to pass both the e-mails test and phone calls test, I have already lost interest in that person. I'm after someone who is more stable and isn't assuming that every guy that uses a computer is an axe murderer and rapist. Besides, I don't give out my phone number to strangers. If we do the meet-and-greet and hit it off, that's when I give out my number. What's the point of giving out a phone number if the person knows within 5 seconds of seeing you that he/she's not into you?
 I-am-Rei
Joined: 9/11/2009
Msg: 29
Getting to know a person through writing
Posted: 7/13/2011 7:30:03 AM
So far from my experience here, it was men in their 60's who write long emails but not just long, they were sensible and fun to read. They wrote about their everyday experiences maybe they just have colorful lives or it's their vast life experiences. Most of the time they could stimulate my mind. I guess if you could determine physical chemistry through meetings in person, writing emails somehow determine your brain chemistry.

 abelian
Joined: 1/12/2008
Msg: 30
Getting to know a person through writing
Posted: 7/13/2011 7:32:02 AM

Is it just me or do you women find that many men do not like to write very much.

Maybe it's just you. I've never had a problem writing if the exchange is interesting and not tedious.

Here we are on a dating site where you have to send mails to one another and guys just don't seem to get with the program and write.

What are you expecting?

Is this a gender thing or do you guys too get women that do not write very much.

It's probably a gender thing. Guys won't care as much about poor communications skills if a woman is hot enough.

Often I will get short messages even after the first "hello" mail.

Guys have no monopoly in that department. If I had ignored every message that doesn't live up to the standard that most women on the forums say they expect men to meet in opening messages and the first few after that, I'd have had few, if any dates and I'm pretty sure I wouldn't have met my fiancee.

Then some push to go to phone calls, text or IM right away. If you don't want to write (longish) mails to get to know a person then get ye to a bar to pick somebody up I say.

On the contrary, the goal in online dating is to meet someone in person, not become pen pals. If you aren't interested in making that happen fairly quickly (like a week), you're not going to have much success here.
 Here_In_Florida
Joined: 4/4/2011
Msg: 31
Getting to know a person through writing
Posted: 7/13/2011 7:38:09 AM
If you don't want to write (longish) mails to get to know a person then get ye to a bar to pick somebody up I say.


Believe me, I had written a moderately lengthy initial email that goes beyond "Hello" and 2 word sentences that I hear people complain about, but with still no response usually.

But it's good to know some ladies appreciate such an email. :)

But, people typically don't like to draw it out for TOO long back and forth where the person just winds up as a pen-pal, better to schedule a date somewhat soon, depending on the amount of correspondence that has been sent back and forth, I mean that's what I tend to do when I'm online dating.
 ForRumOnly
Joined: 3/16/2009
Msg: 32
view profile
History
Getting to know a person through writing
Posted: 7/13/2011 9:01:50 AM
I like writing, and like getting to know someone (women) through in depth emails. I find that it's a marvelous screening technique, and I can email many people and then choose to meet only those who seem the most compatible. I find that in person, I'm more likely to overlook problems and issues, especially if I find her attractive. It leads to more mistakes and failed short-term relationships, and I find that wasteful and disappointing.

OP says that most men don't like to write - I find that's also true of most women. So, when I find one who does like to write, that's often a good sign of someone who's thoughtful, intelligent, and more likely to be compatible. Of course, once we meet, the chemistry has to develop quickly if it's to progress into something more.

I'm usually seeking lasting gratification, not instant gratification!
 Natgoat
Joined: 3/24/2011
Msg: 33
Getting to know a person through writing
Posted: 7/13/2011 10:02:26 AM
I find it a waste of time to send a 4 paragraph introductory letter, outlining my family history, likes and dislikes and social status when
#1.) Most of that is in my profile...
#2.) Only about 4% (being kind) of the Hundreds of my 'Notes of Admiration' get replied to...
(Mostly saying that I'm "Too Far Away..!" *CLICK* )
Once there is some return interest shown...I'll write All Day..!!
~ Ask the lady that inspired me (on top of all the letters I write her) to make 3 entries in 'Creative Writing'...!!
Try me...(If.... I'm your 'Cup-of-Tea'..!)
 RushLuv
Joined: 4/16/2009
Msg: 34
Getting to know a person through writing
Posted: 7/13/2011 10:14:31 AM

If you don't want to write (longish) mails to get to know a person then get ye to a bar to pick somebody up I say.


You mean those crappy copy, and paste novel type emails that are sent to 100+ women? I would rather receive emails that are short, and sweet but also show interests.
 Natgoat
Joined: 3/24/2011
Msg: 35
Getting to know a person through writing
Posted: 7/13/2011 12:20:32 PM
Exactly!!
My introduction usually starts...:
"Greetings, I'm ****,
I was admiring your (Hair, Eyes, Smile, Dog/Cat/Horse) and was hoping we could chat, sometime...

Admirations....

~ **** "
_IF_ she even reads her incoming mail, she'll look over enough of my profile to determine IF I warrant a response...
(I believe) I put enough effort into my profile to show that I'm open and honest and sincere about finding a quality partner.
My irritation is that most (90-98%) don't even have the manners to respond with:
'Thanx, but no thanx' . . . . . !!
I suppose it's a result of getting so many 'Wolves' messages...Y?/N?
Not All The Good Ones Are Taken!!!
*NATGOAT*
 valenciacityx
Joined: 3/10/2009
Msg: 36
Getting to know a person through writing
Posted: 7/13/2011 6:14:45 PM
meh, I know the homerow quite well. It matters little. I could write well formed, interesting and personally directed paragraphs with sonnets of romance and intent - or could drop
'Hey baby nice ( @ Y @ ) '
the reaction is the same.
Its stat shopping. the same with the text on your profile - it matters little, it is picture and stat fishing; and if the crab is too little, or the wrong season - back in the water and off the hook.
 OutMind
Joined: 2/13/2007
Msg: 37
Getting to know a person through writing
Posted: 7/13/2011 7:28:23 PM

My first emails may be abit short.
we don't know each other so it is a simple hello...liked your profile/pics
and maybe something short but clever thrown in if I can manage it.


I have to agree with Stray cat.

Also, when I communicate with them, I do not sell myself. If they want they can see my profile, that even though is the longest profile in POF and is practically a novel, women tell me how much they like it. What that really means is that they like what I have to say, and what I think. However, I prefer to move the communications as quickly as possible to a live meeting. There are women out there that are way too comfortable being just pen pals. And that does not work for me.
 ClassicStyle2012
Joined: 12/14/2010
Msg: 38
Getting to know a person through writing
Posted: 7/13/2011 7:55:17 PM
I agree Rozewater...I think this is why POF is created to be able to screen and learn a bit about a person before you progress to the phone or email ....I can tell so very much from what a guy says, how he presents his thoughts and how long the responses are...and No I don't need a book of a response but more than...yea...no, yes...call me...or what is more horrible is when I get a first contact with "I like you, want to get to know you, here is my number..xxx-xxx-xxxx...call me.... I guess the men think women are just pure desperate!
 Walts
Joined: 5/7/2005
Msg: 39
Getting to know a person through writing
Posted: 7/13/2011 7:56:35 PM
I think some are adding the length of time of e-mails, the amount of the them,etc to the equation,which kinda confuses the statement from the OP. Also, the generic statement that men are the ones that do not like to write has also got a few hairs up in this conversation.

You don't have to send a thousand e-mails to write an interesting e-mail, or one that exposes certain things about you. I can get to know a person quite well with a few choice words,sentences or paragraphs. I enjoy reading, especially when it interests or informs me(think about it).

What the OP probably doesn't know that some people(both genders) enjoy the written word, and can express well with it. Others do not. Neither are bad or whatever, just different. In other words, some people chose certain forms of communication of which they enjoy because, well, they enjoy it and are probably pretty good at it.

Some love to talk. Some love to write.Some love to see. Some love to hear. Some love to touch.



Some, even, like it all.
 ClassicStyle2012
Joined: 12/14/2010
Msg: 40
Getting to know a person through writing
Posted: 7/13/2011 7:57:30 PM
I agree Rozewater...I think this is why POF is created to be able to screen and learn a bit about a person before you progress to the phone or email ....I can tell so very much from what a guy says, how he presents his thoughts and how long the responses are...and No I don't need a book of a response but more than...yea...no, yes...call me...or what is more horrible is when I get a first contact with "I like you, want to get to know you, here is my number..xxx-xxx-xxxx...call me.... I guess the men think women are just pure desperate!
 cashleys
Joined: 7/5/2011
Msg: 41
Getting to know a person through writing
Posted: 7/13/2011 10:58:15 PM
MEN- do not like to express themselves, talk that much.
A funny story I read.
This woman bought a new blouse went to work and another woman had the same thing on. She talked to her girlfriend on the phone and they went on and on about it for over an hour.
The man comes home, she says " honey you won't believe it" the other woman at work had the same shirt on.
The man's reply---"Well Don't WEAR IT AGAIN". Problem solved, end of story.

That is a man--solves a problem, uses the least amount of words he can.
Dont' you just love them.
 MC_Painter
Joined: 1/19/2011
Msg: 42
Getting to know a person through writing
Posted: 7/14/2011 8:51:02 AM
Than I must be very different from all the other men here (and I don't type for crap.
If you look at my page it's a mile long (maybe too much) and I just got finish responding to a women telling here about my likes and dislikes of what she likes (Fortuanately I only disliked one of her 16 likes) and I wrote a full page.
I also though sometimes to stick my foot in my mouth when writing and live to regret it very quickly. So I would say it really depends upon the person whether they are male or female
 ComplekCity
Joined: 1/17/2011
Msg: 43
Getting to know a person through writing
Posted: 7/14/2011 9:04:47 AM
Did you know that if you go into your mail settings in the edit profile section - you can set it so that initial contacts must be X amount of characters?



Good to know. I just set mine to a minimum of 100 - tired of the short msgs like " sup ? " ," nice smile ", etc

Tell me WHY you sent me a msg, geez, you'd think guys would be the ones lacking creativity , eh ? LOL

More on topic, I find talking on the phone SAFER as writing can be misinterpreted since you can't hear a person's tone which is required to detect humour, sarcasm, teasing, etc.

 charlie_girl_2
Joined: 1/2/2010
Msg: 44
Getting to know a person through writing
Posted: 7/14/2011 9:43:01 AM
Agreed! ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

Too many times the written word is misunderstood and it can stop the process immediately, if that happens. For instance once I posted to a thread that queried something like, "what's the most romantic thing you have ever done with your lover...? " I mentioned a bubble-bath with lots of candles. The man I was connecting with at the time read what I wrote and wrote most vile email I have ever gotten. Guess he thought I was still a virgin.

That said, glad it went no further as he definitely was a pint short of a quart.
 ComplekCity
Joined: 1/17/2011
Msg: 45
Getting to know a person through writing
Posted: 7/14/2011 10:52:23 AM
Wow ^^^^^^^ I'd say you dodged a bullet there !

I'd be doing a big "PHEW !" if I were you !

The guy must've been a total prude to react that way IMO .
 RazaMixta
Joined: 1/19/2011
Msg: 46
Getting to know a person through writing
Posted: 7/14/2011 11:09:07 AM
@Maffers:


."or what is more horrible is when I get a first contact with "I like you, want to get to know you, here is my number..xxx-xxx-xxxx...call me.... I guess the men think women are just pure desperate!"

If that is something you think is desperate, wow. He's not asking to have sex. What is the harm in meeting someone in a public place? Like you don't meet strangers everyday in life? Not saying giving out your phone number, but heck lets meet at the ____. The point is to expand your social circle, and comfort level, while being safe... Real life is where you know if ya click...


Meeting is absolutely essential. What she meant was that the first contact was too abrupt. Without a little more info. about himself it doesn't feel comfortable ... In other words give us a reason to meet you, no?
We are not that desperate that we'll go out to meet just anybody.
 ohenryx
Joined: 3/12/2010
Msg: 47
view profile
History
Getting to know a person through writing
Posted: 7/14/2011 1:42:29 PM




Did you know that if you go into your mail settings in the edit profile section - you can set it so that initial contacts must be X amount of characters?

Good to know. I just set mine to a minimum of 100 - tired of the short msgs like " sup ? " ," nice smile ", etc


I have to disagree strongly. I'm sure the very attractive women who get 20 or more initial messages per day would like for you to say more. But as a man, I get so very, very few initial messages that I am thrilled to death with a message of any length.
 smittin
Joined: 11/6/2010
Msg: 48
Getting to know a person through writing
Posted: 7/14/2011 2:01:28 PM
My husband and I met at a club he was playing in, but we fell in love through emails.

I gave him my email address so he could send me some of his original music. From that point, we emailed constantly, and within 3 weeks I had over 800 messages saved in my inbox.

When I finally saw him typing on his computer, I realized how much those typed messages meant. Hunt. Peck. Hunt. Peck. Hunt. Hunt. Hunt...........One finger.

So it is possible to fall in love through writing, but we had already met and knew there was attraction. Whenever I think how we fell in love by mail it makes me smile.

Especially when I see him type.
 abelian
Joined: 1/12/2008
Msg: 49
Getting to know a person through writing
Posted: 7/14/2011 2:32:35 PM

Good to know. I just set mine to a minimum of 100 - tired of the short msgs like " sup ? " ," nice smile ", etc


I have to disagree strongly. I'm sure the very attractive women who get 20 or more initial messages per day would like for you to say more. But as a man, I get so very, very few initial messages that I am thrilled to death with a message of any length.

I'd disagree, too. Women, in general, aren't really used to contacting men and based on the messages I received, I'd say that most of them haven't the slightest idea of what to say once they've said, ``Hi.'' The most common messages I got said something like, ``Hi. I'm probably not your type, but I wanted to say I liked your profile.'' Many weren't that long. If I had imposed a 100 character cutoff, I think my fiancee would have been deep sixed by the character limit. I'd go more on what happens after one or two messages.
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