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 AUTHOR
 FyrKrakn
Joined: 2/21/2010
Msg: 18
high school mean girls at middle agePage 2 of 3    (1, 2, 3)
It's ironic, is all. And helpful for what I need, though not in the way that I intended.

I am reading a lot of words that I never said, a lot of false assumptions of my beliefs, a lot of advice that doesn't fit my life situation, a lot of descriptions that are negative of my choices, yet I said that I respond to the targetting with KINDNESS,

I don't know, but how does a strategy of kindness become teaching my children that life is war?

How does my acknowledgement of knowing the cause become a reason to call me crazy?

How does my simple intention of helping a troubled teen antagonize people into insulting insinuation of all manner of sins?

I said that I know many of the reasons for the hostility toward me, that I was not changing myself to conform. I disagre with people all the time, only the bitter ones are bitter, to me. I made no such observation that ANY woman who does not agree with me is ANYthing. But it is interesting to me that you choose to read it that way. I made an observation (to myself) that I saw mean responses that have no purpose here except to be mean, and so, these are what I call examples of blackpot and kettle introductions.

I HAVE MADE MYSELF A TARGET. Often. I spoke up when I objected to something I believed was wrong. I stood on a political side that I believed to be right. I stood by many a person who was teated unfairly, even if I did not like them and they were not popular. I stood in the way of criminals. I exposed criminals who were abusing and threatening and cheating, but were nonetheless popular. I stood my ground and held what was mine when someone tried to push me out or take what they wanted from me. I took a punch, several, to keep someone else from being hit, and I fought back and laid the attacker low, five different times....sometimes fighting back involved an aluminum bat... but hey. The men were bigger than me. I don't step on anyone's rights, until they assault mine or someone weaker than they. Even then, my strategy is kindness first, be firm, be staunch. If I must, I defend with force.

I KNOW why I get targetted, and sometimes I don't see the shit coming at me, but after all these years, I am much better at identifying the people who will throw something, and when.

Stereotypes are generalizations that come from true social dynamics. "Mean Girls" comes from a movie title. It labels a very specific type of bully. I have googled bullying. It is pretty shocking when you look at the numbers. There are quite a number of shallow personality disorders that fit perfectly into bully stereotypes, and I am discussing only one type. These are not well rounded people. They do not have rational motivations to do what they do. It seems crazy, because it is.

There aren't a lot of words for victim, but victim mentality labelling is an especially cruel way to target and hit a person who simply because they out the people who are targetting and hitting them. Again, I find it interesting that a person chooses to further victimize someone who is simply saying that it is wrong to victimize them. But please, continue with your best efforts to word any attack in such a way as to blame me for forcing you to attack me.

I have been dealing with this problem here for a long time. I can give about a half dozen reasons why this problem exists with many local women as targets, and why it sometimes is specific to me. I do not need speculation from outside observers. I dealt with it badly in the past, then better and better until I have become an expert. Will it stop happening to other women here when I leave? It did not the last few times I left.

It's a sad fact of this town that not one day goes by that FB doesn't have one of the victims of a small group of mean women posting about the latest assault of lies, gossip, and dirty tricks. Each of these women who post what has happened (usually vague, no names needed here) gets a mountain of commentary support from past victims. It's part of the culture here, and it is overexaggerrated, and out of the national norm, I'm sure.

But I'm sure those who have never lived here, who have not made themselves a target anywhere, who would run and conform rather than face and refuse, are much more understanding of my situation than I could be. This has become fascinating. Tell me more.
 FyrKrakn
Joined: 2/21/2010
Msg: 19
high school mean girls at middle age
Posted: 7/14/2011 4:32:40 AM
Exactly apropo.
 motown cowgirl
Joined: 6/30/2010
Msg: 20
high school mean girls at middle age
Posted: 7/14/2011 9:20:13 AM
This all seems to be a game that women generally play more than men.
At least in this form.


i have experienced both bullying and the shrewder, more subtle variation of vicious behavior that is described here. the second version is a basically a female game, whereas the more direct, physical bullying is basically a male game. you can file both under the general heading of "mean", but they are different, and you have to deal with them differently. you CANNOT ignore bullying/physical assault, but ignoring mean girls *might* work in some situations. i kinda doubt it. the only thing mean girls really understand is somebody even shrewder than they are. and since they are patently stupid, it's really not a very high bar to set for yourself..... plus, they are so predictable.

when i was a kid, as a defense against the bullies i learned to make myself invisible. of course, i don't mean this literally, but i mean it in the psychological sense and, actually, the net result is the same. :) i got so good at it that i could manipulate people's attention according to my will. used to practice it a lot on the bus & subway, because hell there was nothing else to do there... couldn't read because it made me seasick, ugh. so i'd just sit there and quietly mess with people's attention. i still do it in airports, but i've gotten pretty rusty.

invoking a specific response from somebody is all about knowing what buttons to touch. operative word is "touch", as opposed to pound on it like a sledgehammer. if you're good at this sort of thing, you can invoke really interesting responses from people with just the lightest of touches. and it's realtively easy to do with mean people, because mean people have simplistic, linear, reactive sorts of minds. they are very pavlovian in their responses. many times, they won't even be aware of your influence. consciously. it's like mental aikido. *poke*

 Casper66
Joined: 3/2/2007
Msg: 21
view profile
History
high school mean girls at middle age
Posted: 7/14/2011 9:28:52 PM
Well OP bullying is a nasty business and it can happen at any age, small towns can be the worse due to everybody knowing each other and gossip spreads like wildfire. My Mother always told me whenever I entered a room to hold my head up, shoulders straight and look people in the eye and thats what I do, I also do not tolerate negative or mean people in my life. I've been told I have a tone that I use at times, I'm very direct and if someone pisses me off I tell them to their face that usually stops an nonsense, I try and stay out of the gossip loop and I do not talk about personal matters at work, no since giving them any ammo to use against me. For your kids, my advice, to limit their facebook options to only good friends and family, cut any routes the mean kids can access their account and personal info. Report any bullying to the school or authorities, bullies don't like the soptlight, go after the alpha of the group the sheep that follow them won't bother you after that. When I was in highschool I was very shy, there was a group of mean girls who tried their crap on me, they found out very quickly I was not the person to mess with and it stopped, you have to stand up for yourself because no one else will.
 Butterfly~Effect
Joined: 12/12/2008
Msg: 22
high school mean girls at middle age
Posted: 7/15/2011 6:39:31 AM
I can be on the receiving end of the Mean Girl mentality quite often.

I'm thin....but not in a scrawny way and my metabolism is quite high. So, if anything, I never gain weight, I tend to lose it without doing anything....and I can eat like Jughead if I wished.

Women (especially in my age group) have accused me of anorexia and bulimia. One time, it got to the point where my 'former' boss was involved. It was a few years ago, before I started working for myself and I was bartending at the time. There were some women that were so jealous of my weight...that they started following me to the bathroom in an attempt to catch me 'getting rid of' my meal.

When they finally realized that I was naturally thin....they (the women) started rumors that I was sleeping with the boss who had put a stop to their following me to the washroom.

Most of it all, I was able to laugh off. Even now, when people still try to stuff a cookie in my mouth, I know that their insecurities are not my issue.

I used to wear bigger clothes that hid my body in an attempt give off the illusion that I was bigger than I appeared. Now, I embrace my size and I'm grateful that I do have to shop in the girls section for most of my clothes.

My daughters have watched the criticism I have received over the years....they have also seen the way I handle or deal with the rude remarks and it's made them stronger, more secure teens.

They brush off the ignorant....and have developed a base group of amazing friends. They have also seen how the 'mean girl' attitude affects others and I'm thankful and grateful that they have grown into well adjusted women.

They don't bully or pass judgement and I'm proud that they truly treat others as they wish to be treated!
 Spider_MacGyver
Joined: 6/11/2011
Msg: 23
high school mean girls at middle age
Posted: 7/15/2011 5:43:00 PM
There is a whole other dimension of female existence which most men have no identity with. There, I've just said as much as I dare to.


Yes, true. Sorta.

When temporarily 3 cat lovers merged households & cat populations, I was shocked to see it was females doing mean-cat things 99% of the time. Jealousy, possessiveness, territorialness, hoggishness and other dominations manifested through hostile but nonviolent actions like staring, cuffing, hissing, back-raising, laying back ears.

The two males loved each other and loved all females. All females got along with both males.

Then... the other 1% of the time. The older, alpha, male cat's power was challenged by the beta over a series of weeks. Real fighting took place with shrieks to wake the dead, furniture knocked over, body parts torn, blood running.

The younger cat succeeded in taking the throne away, and almost instantly the two males returned to being loving companions and there was peace again in their little cat kingdom.

Both those two sweet boy cats were very benevolent rulers. Beloved of all their subjects. While the females continued to try to get the best of the scraps for themselves.
 viper1j
Joined: 11/30/2005
Msg: 24
high school mean girls at middle age
Posted: 7/16/2011 3:55:29 AM

I always win. I kill with kindness. I let them destroy themselves.


I took a more direct approach. I told my oldest to let a few select people know that I had given her grandmother's Beretta .25 cal for her 16th birthday, and she was going to the range with me. And that she might want to offhandedly mention Columbine to the girls that were harassing her.

They vanished faster than a ninja with those smoke pills!
 pinkoleander
Joined: 6/2/2011
Msg: 25
high school mean girls at middle age
Posted: 7/16/2011 9:51:12 AM
Wow. This is really something. High school for me was not bubblegum and terribly terrif and I didn't belong to any cliques. Hollywood stereotypes are just that, exaggerations of reality, narrow in scope and vision. Blaming the victim? If someone sets out to make themselves a target, does that make them a victim? If someone has a victim mentality, does that make them a victim? So, your thinking here, OP, is either you are with me on this, seeing things my way, or you must be one of those mean girls? Reality is that probably most people just do not have the mindset or the negative energy to live life on one side or the other of some imaginary war.

Perfect. I wish I could write this succinctly. I love these forums-if you don't take my side you're one of the [fill in the blank-racists, haters, mean people, mentally ill, etc] I haven't had much trouble with people in my life because I can answer back and I'm not intimidated or afraid of confrontation. I'm not a big person in stature but had very few people mess with me. I don't see the world as polarized though and that's made all the difference. Reminds me of high schoolers who dress a certain way to get a reaction then get angry when they get it. And they have their own groups don't have the courage to really be different-just part of another pack. I never was part of a group or a clique. I had my own friends and did my own thing. Still do.
 FyrKrakn
Joined: 2/21/2010
Msg: 26
high school mean girls at middle age
Posted: 7/17/2011 5:09:28 PM
My education from this thread is more a validation and highlight of what I already knew, or should have known.

Mean girls don't think/know they are mean. They justify, and they can do so by projecting negative-minded supportive to their cause, but imaginary, thought processes, philosophies, and belief systems upon the person they wish to villify.

Mean girls can repeatedly express experience with mean girls by labeling the activity in another manner, but somehow conversely claim they never noticed that behavior because they were above it, thereby inferring, meanly, that those who did notice it, and did not like it, and put a stop to it, are somehow delusional for being aware of what the mean girl claims to be nonexistent. OR, if the meanness does truly exist, the target is/was to blame, somehow.

Mean girls can misquote, misrepresent, place whole accusations of negative thinking and or blantant dishonesty and yet defend it as an opinion, not an attack on the specific person whom they single out.

Mean girls like to hijack threads for their own attention.

Mean girls have always banded together, "having my own friends" is what a clique is. To support their wolf packn accusation, mob rule is enough justification to hang the victim.

Mean girls think being a victim of abuse is the victim's fault.

Mean girls lack empathy. They think that because they never stood in another person's shoes that the walk is without challenge. Just because they never put themselves into a position, they believe that anyone standing in that position got there without being pushed there.

Mean girls take an opposing side just for the sake of causing confrontation, and fail to actually see what the discussion/other side, is about. Their words argue against themselves, yet they do not see that.

Nice people can sometimes be mean.

In my defense, No, I did not ever say that all those who disagree with me are bitter. I said that I would not change myself for bitter people. However, IN MY OPINION, That's a pretty big stretch and requires bitter motivations to make. I also di not say that if one disagrees with me, they are a mean girl. I made a very long list of IF's, and IF one should fit all of those IF's then MAYBE, they were/are the mean girl.

Mean girls exist. Yes, mean people exist, but this thread, if it can stop being about me and stay on topic, is meant to be about experiencing mean girls (not inferring that posters who have experienced them are delusional or deserving of abuse) and how the target dealt with it, particularly as an adult being targetted by other adults.

Stay on topic, please.
 viper1j
Joined: 11/30/2005
Msg: 27
high school mean girls at middle age
Posted: 7/17/2011 10:31:17 PM

In my defense, No, I did not ever say that all those who disagree with me are bitter. I said that I would not change myself for bitter people. However, IN MY OPINION, That's a pretty big stretch and requires bitter motivations to make. I also di not say that if one disagrees with me, they are a mean girl. I made a very long list of IF's, and IF one should fit all of those IF's then MAYBE, they were/are the mean girl.


I see absolutely no reason for you to have to defend yourself.

But you did miss one thing..

Sooner or later, every mean girl gets her own special little version of Columbine..
 pinkoleander
Joined: 6/2/2011
Msg: 28
high school mean girls at middle age
Posted: 7/18/2011 9:45:24 AM
Funny thing but you've managed to make it you against all the women on here who don't agree with you. All of whom are "mean girls." You really don't see yourself or the dynamics of your interractions. People like you exhaust me. I imagine many people feel that way about you.
 femaleconnection
Joined: 8/12/2010
Msg: 29
high school mean girls at middle age
Posted: 10/12/2011 9:47:19 AM
I was teased by the pretty popular girls in school.

Now I am considered the 'pretty one' and those girls are all overweight, on thier second divorce and very jealous of how I 'blossomed'. The big boobs that got them all that attention are now down to thier knees. They still wear thier hair like they did when they were the shining stars in school. It is very funny actually.

I dont worry about people who were mean to me, life has a way of straightening things out over time.
 Gwendolyn2010
Joined: 1/22/2006
Msg: 30
high school mean girls at middle age
Posted: 10/13/2011 8:18:36 PM
The best revenge is blossoming later in life. The morning glory is lovely, but it is wilted by noon.
 modivin
Joined: 8/21/2011
Msg: 31
high school mean girls at middle age
Posted: 10/13/2011 11:15:51 PM
Interesting topic Fyr....and here are a couple stories for you in hopes it will help guide the youth of the future.

Did I encounter mean girls in school? Yes. In high school I called them cheerleaders. Ditzy, easy, and the most they would accomplish is possibly get married to their college or hs sweetheart and have babies.....or possibly a college education. I went to a small Catholic high school where I was involved with sports, therefore considered in the cliques world..a jock/athlete, rather then a book worm, nerd, shut-in, druggy, or whatever words kids used to separate each other.
I stuck to my own thing to avoid teenage drama. My friends were always older and when they graduated, I became friends with people in my grade.

Story....as upper class men we had the option to take a class (weight training) which was usually geared for people in sports. I remember my Jr year, I was pretty much the only girl in the class. My Sr year, a couple cheerleader girls were in the class but always did one thing....talk the entire period and would do maybe 50 sit ups. That's it. Nothing but looking for attention from the boys in the class which annoyed the teacher. He ended up making an example out of me because I was serious and dedicated to my reason for being in the class. Pointed out the definition in my quads because I worked hard for it while they did nothing. He told them if you want to be in this class, you actually have to work or I'll have you kicked out and put in study hall.

Fast forward to my 15 year HS reunion. Guys organized it. Said casual, at a cool bar. Coming from out of state, I went in jeans and a sweater. A couple other people were also casual...then there were the rest of the girls. Most overly dressed up, like they were going to go to a wedding. Some were the kids that were bullied that did it to prove a point....that they looked damn good and were successful, so don't even think of coming at me. Then the mean girls...some definitely still had their head stuck up their arse....then others changed in to decent human beings.

Bullying sucks and is not acceptable. Many schools report it and make it a huge deal too.


What I have told kids that I've coached in the last few years is this.....

Don't ever let anyone take away from you your integrity and self-respect. You are an amazing, brilliant human being. Just because one person treats you differently does not mean its cool to lash back. Doing so just makes you stoop to their level and turns you in to the bully. Kill them with kindness or ignore the person if they won't stop if you ask them to do so. Remember, you can accomplish anything you set your mind to.

And when I coached cheerleaders....ironic, I know......I was considered the drill sergeant. 6-8 graders.....all at the age where they would bully each other, start manipulating people, and the list goes on and on. The negative behavior was squashed immediately. I used the tactic of you are a team and if one of you screws up, you all pay for it. If there is fighting, then you all run or do push ups. Period. It worked well to because a week later, there was little crying and complaining. 2 weeks in to it and they were working together, not against. A couple years later, one of the girls practically tackled me she ran so hard to hug me...and thanked me for coaching them the few months I did....said I was the best ever and that she learned a lot.

Hope this helps~
 FyrKrakn
Joined: 11/1/2011
Msg: 32
high school mean girls at middle age
Posted: 12/10/2011 4:21:54 AM
As an update, the teenager who needed to change how she dealt with the girl bullies did learn quite a bit from this thread. As I said, I teach my daughters to laugh off maliscious gossip against them, to defend another girl being gossiped about even if that girl is not their friend and even if they suspect the gossip is true, and to respond to hatefulness with kindness. I teach this by example. I will be firm when someone is being hateful to me, but I will not start a slappin parking lot scene over it. I will let any bitter person have the last word, just because I simply do not care enough to do the battle. Not only has my daughter and foster daughter done quite well with this way of dealing with the bullies, but they are setting the example for their friends. This last week, I have seen three teens who fell into the "mean girl" category, make great changes in their lives and attitudes and have become defenders rather than bullies. The dark clouds over them has become a glow on their faces. It is good to see.

In my workplace, the women who bitterly caused all manner of drama for my coworkers, getting some fired and pushing many into quitting, have finally had their comuppance. While most victims were taught to ignore them, the women just escalated their behavior. Victims were of both genders. And two bullies were men. Anyway, victims stopped "ignoring" and stopped putting up with being called delusional. Victims started politely and firmly saying certain comments were inappropriate. Victims started speaking up for other victims. Victims started reporting the behavior. Oh, I know, we are supposed to ignore it and it will go away.... yeah, right. Well, it has gone away now!

@modivin

I love youth sports coaching, the last couple years I have not done any, but I am changing my work schedule soon to get the free time for that.

********************************
Someone pointed out a term: "female relational agression" the resulting search was quite fascinating.

I found this:
http://abcnews.go.com/GMA/story?id=1195438&page=5

a book excert on Mean Girls Grown Up

and I excerpted this:

"All of these theories suggest that an undercurrent of competition may underlie female relationships, manifested in covert forms of aggression such as undermining, manipulation, and betrayal. Regardless of whether you buy the power theory, the self-esteem hypothesis, the learned behavior position, or the evolutionary psychology perspective (or some combination of all four) it is clear that RA is:

Internally motivated

Driven by a sense of threat or fear

Used primarily by women"

..................

Whenever I comment in the forums, along with other women, about the issues of female friendship and negative competition, sure enough, there is always the woman who jumps in to insinuate that we are (or I am) delusional, and that this situation just doesn't exist because she has never seen it- never mind that her own words are giving credibility to the existence of it. Her relationships are ALL perfectly wonderful. Dare I, or another woman call her out on her condescending comments, we just become all the crazier, according to her (and I am not referring to just one woman, but several), and what's more, she denies saying anything other than her "opinion".

Her "opinion" will be a direct insult or insulting insinuation. Her "opinion" will belittle the other posters and proclaim her betterness above all. You can cite examples. You can point logic streams. You can clarify your very clear statements which she misrepresents and misunderstands and misquotes. It doesn't matter. The drill is, she gets to put you down with snarky comments, and if you point out that you find her comments to be snarky and you do not appreciate it, she escalates. The interesting thing is (if anyone feels like testing it anywhere in the forums), that right after trashing the OP for being a slut or what have you, if you post in the OP's defense in any way, she will very shortly attack you with the condescending insinuating insults. Now, your turn to respond to her insults. She will respond immediately (sometimes seconds later, not even enough time to edit your typos), and YET, claim that you are trying to draw her in to drama. Hmm, She lays in wait, but accuses you of waving bait.

side note: I am feeling highly confrontational this year.

In years past, I would either see this female relational aggression nonsense coming and duck or, if hit by surprise, I would respond with kindness. Years before that, I was more confrontational. It was never that I said, "Oh yeah, well you stink, fart face!", no, I worked hard to avoid escalation. I did, however, whenever someone would try to step on me, stand firm and tell them I am not their door mat. I often found that people who would be patronizing or condescending, are taken aback when you tell them that not only are you aware that their comment was snarky, but you are intolerant of it, as well.

So women who are most likely to make these comments, blame the victims, tell the victims they need to ignore/suffer quietly, deny that they are "ever" snarky, deny that any of their lovely perfect friends are "ever" snarky, accuse the victim of being a source of drama for complaining about the attack, make it personal and twist the victims words and retell the victim's character and circumstances in a maliscious way while still claiming maliscious gossip doesn't exist...

MY friendships... as I have said before, are ones that I am very comfortable with. I do not have a LOT of close female friends, or a LOT of close friends of any variety. I have those in which feelings run strong, I have most lasting between 30 and 10 years at this time, in spite of my constant relocation. In my ramblings here, I have reported observations of mean women I knew, and mean girls that I knew. I have reported that the mean ones have made victims of a lot of people, not just me, so I don't feel particularly singled out or persecuted. When I have been a victim, it was usually something that was handled easily, with a laugh, more often than not. In our small town, for instance, there are less than a hand full of these kind of women, and they have made victims of everyone I know here at least once, and often many times. Nearly everytime, the event came out of left field, no warning, no clear motivation, no cause.

Do I trust women? I do not blythely hand out trust to anyone of any gender, but when someone has done malice by me or someone else, no, I do not trust them, and I will not call them friend no matter how kind or friendly I continue to be to them socially. In my experience, and in the research that I just read this evening, non-physical malice is predominantly performed by women. Hey, call me delusional, but I see Mean Girls in the forums.
 KittenCatt
Joined: 6/11/2011
Msg: 33
high school mean girls at middle age
Posted: 12/10/2011 4:11:56 PM
Delusional? No Fyr lol....these fora are rife with women bullies. Sorta a Relational Aggressor's dreamland. They're nurtured, protected, admired, harbored, beloved....you name it.
 BLoNde__ANgeL
Joined: 9/20/2011
Msg: 34
high school mean girls at middle age
Posted: 12/10/2011 5:55:03 PM
I got it in spades @ my last job...they made up lies about me, excluded me, harrassed me...i quit, all the clients I handled left, they lost $$$$ phuk 'em

I am very happy now
 FyrKrakn
Joined: 11/1/2011
Msg: 35
high school mean girls at middle age
Posted: 12/10/2011 6:43:15 PM
Well, as far as killing with kindness, I don't mean to say kissing azz or doing things to make them like you is good, so you had great advice.

I just contiinue to do for them what I would do for anyone on planet earth. I was once driving in to a gas station out of town, I had to goooooooo. I saw a woman who had always been rather evil to me (she heard gossip and played along with it) and it was raining and her kids were in the car while she was trying to start a dead battery. I tossed her my keys and as I was rushing to the restroom, told her where to find the cables. By the time I came back she was waiting in the rain with the keys, her car running, mine was fine. She said thank you. and she said "I'm sorry." We bump into each other a few times a year, we never speak she always smiles. Has she left the gossip machine? I really thinks so.

15 years ago, the women were rather brutal here, it was like some kind of prison camp and they were the guards. The guard dwindled and lost power. The dynamics of the town are slowly changing. One thing I know has changed, in spite of my history that angered many, I have been validated and many have come to my side, especially since that little girl was murdered. Those who went to great lengths to trash me have burned too many bridges around town to be taken seriously except by someone new, and that is never for long.

I love how, when the new cops come to town for training, I get pulled over constantly, they want to search my car. The next county over gets a call to watch for me as my tail leaves off at the county line. The next county pulls me over and tells me what fun they had telling the newest locals what idiots they were. I know who it is who seeks out the new cops and fills their heads with local gossip about others. They live and learn, they don't like being tools.

Last night I was pulled over, for not stopping long enough. It's one of those low visibility stops, a true trap. Stop legally at the stop sign, wait a sec, pull up, stop long enough to see everything is clear for miles, and go, oooooo you stopped, twice, that's suspicious...Whatever. He shines his light in my face, pulls the light out, "Oh sorry," I know he needed a bit of paper to substantiate the stop, but he knows I am headed to work. He's familiarish. He tells me to just go. Really? But my daughters, different story, they have not overcome the gossip, they get pulled over constantly, now. all because of gossip. Ignore it? It's a bit inconvenient, sometimes, ya know. Guy gives one daughter a long talk about sex education (lol, as if MY girls would have any lack of education there!) and domestic violence because they have hispanic boyfriends (see me marching back to cop shop to educate new officers) and pat down because of the boy one was with....(oh you did NOT do that....) and all because maliscious gossipers fill newbee heads. Oh yeah, ignore that....not.
 FyrKrakn
Joined: 11/1/2011
Msg: 36
high school mean girls at middle age
Posted: 12/10/2011 7:27:16 PM
Yeah, I am in a whiney crybay mood, lately, alternating with the sick of the nonsense and not gonna take it anymore. It hasn't been much, lately, very quiet this year except for the silly drama from the ex's exgf and trying to deal with the newbee cops and how they treat my girls- they are just being tools, so I haven't been too mean to them.

Actually, I think because it's been a good year is why I am getting so confrontational, it's like I hit an experiation date - crap this old must not be resold. I want these things behind me. Started pushing the other victims in our town to speak up, went to the school about adults who cause the bullying through their gossip, making the cop shop undestand that they can control the fact that the newbees get used by the same informants everytime. I've been tired, and avoidant, and laying low.

Now I kinda feel like being a little mean, myself. targetting the bullies. But it starts with listing the issues. Everytime I start, there are more stories that I recall, I really get amazed that I have been this tolerant of this much for this long.

but I have work to go to do, (night shift) and gotta get off this machine on into another.
 modivin
Joined: 8/21/2011
Msg: 37
high school mean girls at middle age
Posted: 12/10/2011 7:33:45 PM
Fyr...

When it comes to anything on the pof forum...I would not even bat an eye at anyone who is ignorant and immature enough to bully anyone. They do it specifically to get a reaction. I learned the first month in here...and after talking to a few people one day, realized...oh yea...this is a website that not many take seriously..therefore, why waste any energy for anyone who is being an idiot? I won't play into their games and in turn, they let things go. Granted...there do seem to be a few random people who will follow me from one thread to another to randomly squawk for a response and get nothing in return. Kind of like Stewie on Family Guy...Mom, Mom, Mom, Mom, ma, ma, ma, ma, momm-E, momm-E.....WHAT? Hi (runs away giggling). So if you see those people as the little child who wants someone to pay attention to them....it makes it far easier to laugh over it then allow them to get a rise out of you. Picking a fight in here is like fighting someone from the mental ward. A battle often unfairly stacked when you have more intelligence and maturity to turn the other way.
 lacalli
Joined: 11/27/2011
Msg: 38
high school mean girls at middle age
Posted: 12/12/2011 9:16:26 AM
The only attempts at bullying I've ever experienced from women in my entire life were on this site. Mostly consisting of name calling and put downs instead of stating facts or differing opinions without being ugly.
 BLoNde__ANgeL
Joined: 9/20/2011
Msg: 39
high school mean girls at middle age
Posted: 1/1/2012 8:03:44 AM
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
wow, it must have been pretty bad; she left
hope she is OK
 veevee
Joined: 2/14/2006
Msg: 40
high school mean girls at middle age
Posted: 1/1/2012 8:51:51 AM
Women are mean to other women because they can be.

I had one of those girls in my life in middle school.
I tried the high road with her. It got me nowhere.
Shortened story - she came up to me one day and said that her brother told her I called her a ****. That's a big deal in middle school but I told her that I didn't and I hadn't. A few days later I noticed no one was getting off at their bus stops - very odd. All of a sudden at our stop she and I got off and so did the rest of the bus. Other people came and met with the crowd that didn't ride that bus. Guys and girls all together.

I'm walking home thinking this is about to turn out really bad. Then the screaming starts behind my back - lots of name calling and eventually she runs up to me grabs me by the hair and starts fighting. The whole crowd circles me so I can't get out. One of the guys say - if you fight her back we are all fighting you too because by then I was hitting her back. I tried to calm down and started jumping out of her way telling her that I didn't call her any names. She continued to fight with me and I finally broke out of the group and ran home with the crowd chasing. By the time I got to my block they stopped.

Another time she came to my door out of nowhere banging on it with a 2x4 daring me to come out. I had a guy friend in the house with me playing guitar and I told him - look I'll fight her if you'll get her to drop the board. He went outside and told her to leave and tossed her brother over a railing on the porch.

Now, 20 or more years pass. I was at a bar with friends. One of my friends heard this girl call me a **** and she said the girl was looking at me. There she was yet again. I continued on and told my friend to ignore her once I saw her face - told her it was some jealous girl that jumped me when we were kids. As we leave the bar she said **** one last time and my friend said "**** her" - ran over to her then they were fighting in the bar parking lot. Afterward we were walking to the car and I told my friend - you don't have to stick up for me - that girl is crazy. She lifted up her shirt and said "That **** bit my tittie". Bruise shaped like teeth on her tit lol

Mean girls don't change - they just get more bitter with time.
 dmzvisitor
Joined: 3/25/2011
Msg: 41
high school mean girls at middle age
Posted: 1/1/2012 10:29:18 AM
If you are taking the high road, why are you reposting stuff on FB? That is definitely not a "high road" or "killing them with kindness" action. It is inflammatory and intended to be so although you see it as letting them expose themselves.

Please do not teach teens to respond in anyway to accusations that are false. Live your life as YOU see fit, and never let others provoke you to respond. The moment you do, you are playing their game.

Here's the thing: when your pattern of behavior proves consistent over time, their meanness will be exposed. You gain nothing by trying to defend yourself in passive-aggressive (or other) ways.

If you don't add to the drama, eventually the people targeting you will look for a target that provides more entertainment--and in the mean time, rational folks will have noted your high class behavior. That's all that matters in the long run, and the short-run is actually pretty meaningless if it doesn't get you to the "long run" you want.
 BLoNde__ANgeL
Joined: 9/20/2011
Msg: 42
high school mean girls at middle age
Posted: 1/1/2012 1:43:50 PM
I worked w/ them @ my last job...there's a reason why they r mean...they r miserable...don't sink 2 their level, but don't show vulnerability either...they'll come in 4 the kill
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