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 AUTHOR
 --Zen--
Joined: 6/29/2011
Msg: 201
Head of the household?Page 9 of 11    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11)
I wouldn't consider those to be healthy relationship models. A healthy relationship should result in both spouses growing as people, not being mired in a constant state of warfare.

And that is your prerogative. People enjoy stranger things and there is no 'should' within legal limits between two consenting adults. Definition of freedom is ability to commit acts of incredible stupidity.
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 202
Head of the household?
Posted: 2/24/2012 4:19:25 PM

A healthy relationship should result in both spouses growing as people


I disagree. If two people aren't grown up and aren't whole people already, they shouldn't get married in the first place. I don't believe in these life long journeys to find enlightenment or dancing unicorns or whatever seems to be the latest craze. If someone feels the need to go searching for personal growth, it means they are not happy with themselves. If they are not happy with who they are , they are going to be horrible in a relationship because they will drag other people down to their level of misery. That will lead to divorce instead of a healthy relationship. If you don't have your shyt together, avoid marriage and relationships.
 ontario_woman
Joined: 4/3/2005
Msg: 203
view profile
History
Head of the household?
Posted: 2/24/2012 4:22:43 PM
There are manymen who are not dominant,and deep down,women have no respect for them


I AM a woman and although I can't speak for all women, I know that what I feel deep down. I do respect non-dominant men. I find it refreshing to see a man comfortable enough with himself that he doesn't feel the need to be top dog in all of his interactions with others.


I dont think women should work.


I spent 8 years as a SAHM in a traditional type relationship where the man was the provider and I will NEVER do it again. Aside from the fact that society places almost no value on what SAHMs do, it leaves the woman in an extremely vulnerable position financially.

My relationship with my ex was a bad one and he used his financial power in the relationship to control and hurt me, even if it meant that his own children suffered. After that experience, I swore that I will never be financially dependant on a man again, so I went back to school and now have the means to ensure that my daughter and I are provided for.

I have a daughter and I am raising her to stand on her own two feet. As I explained to her, a woman should ALWAYS have the means to support herself even if she chooses to be a SAHM because things happen with men. Even if the man treats her well, he could get injured, laid-off, sick, killed, etc. A woman never knows when she will have to step up to the plate to support her family. If he doesn't treat her well, then she is trapped in the relationship.

I think that division of the duties in a family / relationship should be based on the individual strengths of the people involved. Some women have higher income earning power than their spouses. Some men are more nurturing than their wives. People are individuals and basing the division of duties on outdated sex roles prevents people from realizing their true potential. Couples have to find what works for them in their individual situation.

As far as whom should be "head of the household", I feel that thinking is outdated. A relationship should be a team effort much like two horses pulling a cart. Both spouses should have an equal say in major decisions.

Due to the individual strengths and weaknesses of the man and woman, some decisions will involve one spouse deferring to the other or having more influence over the decision, but this deferral should not be one sided with one person wielding all of the power in the relationship. For example, the woman may be better at handling the money, so she should take care of the budget. The man is better at yardwork, so he should do that and make the decisions regarding the yard. Again, this division of duties is based on the individual strengths of people involved, not on traditional sex roles.
 adora71
Joined: 2/8/2010
Msg: 204
Head of the household?
Posted: 2/24/2012 4:25:47 PM
I agree that people have the freedom to pursue whatever they wish, but I think the world would be a better place if everyone tried to love and work with their partners instead of engaging in power struggles. Especially when they have kids.

I work with kids from many different types of families and sometimes it breaks my heart to see the influence of unhappy homes.
 ontario_woman
Joined: 4/3/2005
Msg: 205
view profile
History
Head of the household?
Posted: 2/24/2012 4:27:13 PM
If two people aren't grown up and aren't whole people already,


Personal growth should be a lifelong endeavor and spouses should support the personal growth of each other. It's pursuit does not mean that there is something wrong with the person or that they're unhappy with themselves; it's about continous improvement in order to realize one's true potential as a person.


Especially when they have kids.


Exactly. It's one thing when the adults are only making each other miserable; it's an entirely different thing when children are involved. Children don't do well living in a war zone.
 Kariann71
Joined: 4/26/2011
Msg: 206
Head of the household?
Posted: 2/24/2012 4:44:48 PM
As long as I get control of the remote then we're all good.
 cautiousluv
Joined: 10/4/2008
Msg: 207
view profile
History
Head of the household?
Posted: 2/24/2012 4:56:11 PM

My relationship with my ex was a bad one and he used his financial power in the relationship to control and hurt me, even if it meant that his own children suffered.

Sounds like he had control issues.


Aside from the fact that society places almost no value on what SAHMs do, it leaves the woman in an extremely vulnerable position financially.

Yea....what's up with that? To this day I am still so thankful I was able to be a SAHM with my 2 girls. It's something I'm PROUD of. I think it only leaves the woman vulnerable if she's married to a "wanna be" man....not a "real" man. A real man will do what's right for the family....not try to control and dictate. And it only leaves the woman vulnerable if she doesn't have the education to get a good job and make her own money (as you later discovered)!


I explained to her, a woman should ALWAYS have the means to support herself even if she chooses to be a SAHM because things happen with men. Even if the man treats her well, he could get injured, laid-off, sick, killed, etc.


THIS is SO important for all young girls to realize. I have stressed this to both of my girls as well.


so I went back to school and now have the means to ensure that my daughter and I are provided for.


Good for you!!!!

 cautiousluv
Joined: 10/4/2008
Msg: 208
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History
Head of the household?
Posted: 2/24/2012 5:39:48 PM
Off Topic: BTW OW......I was just looking at your profile and OMG......your hair is SO long and beautiful!
 Archangel_07
Joined: 6/21/2010
Msg: 209
Head of the household?
Posted: 2/24/2012 5:46:59 PM
Head of the household, "Head" is!!! A "Head" in this pretense is NOT someone whom is controlling, domineering, vengeful, abusive or hateful. The Head as men was meant to be was to be loving, patient, caring, and the provider & teacher of his wife. When he displayed those mannerisms in the way God had intended, woman did not mind being in subjection to man... it was NATURAL.

So yes, just because a man is born a man, he is supposed to be the Head of the household, that's the way God wants it, and so far God have never sent us a Squeal to his first edition telling us he has changed his mind! So like it or not, the Bible is for all times, even to time indefinite, and meat to be for all ages.

This is just the way God wants it, he made man to have that inherent desire to be the Head, and he made woman to have the inherent desire to be in subjection to man. Which is one reason why woman love to have a man take control in intimacy. Though they don't realize it, it is there very make up of how they were made to be like that.
--------------
Unknown


Reference Holy Bible:
Genesis Chapter 1
Genesis 2:18, 22-24
Ephesians 5:25-27
1 Peter 3:7
Ephesians 5:22-24
Colossians 3:19

1. God
--------
2. Christ
---------------
3. Man
----------
4. Woman
------
5. Animal



In that order.
--------------------------------------------------------------
I don't remember who posted this but they left and this is what they said about what a REAL Head of the household is suppose to be. I don't care weather you agree with it or not, I really have nothing to discuss with you. I'm just stating what was said earlier. Real talk

In my experience when my father left my Mom and I when I was child. God would take over being " HEAD OF THE HOUSEHOLD " and take care of my Mom and I, and is still doing the great job of exactly that to this day. So all you haters who want to quote me and say crap. Really go right on ahead and waste your time typing, because what I posted right now is not up for discussion, we have nothing to talk about because we don't agree with each other.
 Kariann71
Joined: 4/26/2011
Msg: 210
Head of the household?
Posted: 2/24/2012 6:00:24 PM
Arch, I was raised Christian and would never belittle your beliefs. You have traditional values, nothing wrong with that.

However... As a single mother I have to say that you need to give your mother props for raising you alone. God looks out for us but SHE was the one who stepped up and took care of you and became mother and father. It's not an easy job, believe me, but a very rewarding one. She paid the bills and put food on the table, did she not?

God watches over me but I work my butt off to provide for my child since their father is absent and a deadbeat. Therefore, I'm the head of the household and have earned that title through hard work. I don't have to have a penis to hold that title.

Have a good day!
 Archangel_07
Joined: 6/21/2010
Msg: 211
Head of the household?
Posted: 2/24/2012 6:10:35 PM
Exactly Kariann!
Of course I give my Mother props, my Mom and I have a good family relationship, I'm not condemning that. God watches over my Mom and my Mom hauled ass and raised me from birth. I'm also saying that it wasn't just my Mom alone that helped raise me either, God also did too.
 Sheply_E_Dorkinhimer
Joined: 2/17/2012
Msg: 212
Head of the household?
Posted: 2/24/2012 6:35:51 PM
I love it when people bring in religion to the fold, okay so you are taking things out of the bible now, perhaps you can interpret a few more things for me

One of my best friends wants to sell his daughter/my youngest goddaughter into slavery as sanctioned in Exodus 21:7. with the Economy the way it is, what is a fair price? do we accept gold bullion because the American dollars is worth less than the Canadian Dollar?

I have Client who insists on working on the Sabbath , as forbidden in Exodus 35:2. It clearly states he should be put to death, Should I take it upon my self to have him killed, since law enforcement disapproves of that and I would end up as a guest of the government or shall I ask someone at a the local church to do so? what do you think?

Here is that troubles me, Leviticus 25:44 states that I may possess slaves, both male and female, provided they are purchased from neighboring nations My best bud says this applies to Americans , but not Quebecers ( they are a nation unto it self). Can you clarify? Why can't I own Quebecers?

There are a few posters I would love have whacked for wearing garments made of two different kinds of thread (polyester and cotton mixed). they also curse and can be blasphemous on the forums should I gather up some of the forumites together to stone them? Lev.24:10-16. Couldn't we just burn them to death at a private barbecue , like we do with people who sleep with their in-laws? (Lev. 20:14) back in the day?

Can you help me out here?



Disclaimer : You know this is tongue and cheek right?
 cautiousluv
Joined: 10/4/2008
Msg: 213
view profile
History
Head of the household?
Posted: 2/24/2012 6:59:48 PM

Reference Holy Bible:
Genesis Chapter 1
Genesis 2:18, 22-24
Ephesians 5:25-27
1 Peter 3:7
Ephesians 5:22-24
Colossians 3:19


Archangel.......there are SO many non-believers here in the forum.....just be prepared because sometimes they become a little IRATE with the whole subject. Just be prepared to get ridiculed for your beliefs. Good thing people aren't able to throw stones through the internet.
 cautiousluv
Joined: 10/4/2008
Msg: 214
view profile
History
Head of the household?
Posted: 2/24/2012 7:02:32 PM

should I gather up some of the forumites together to stone them?


That's funny....I totally made the "throw stones" comment before I even read your post.
 Archangel_07
Joined: 6/21/2010
Msg: 215
Head of the household?
Posted: 2/24/2012 7:25:10 PM
Hey Cautiousluv,
Thanks for the heads up :-). I dealt with a lot of non believers on the forums before with ridicule, ready to pick a fight as always -_- . I simply just ignore them.
 CulturedBlackMan
Joined: 2/20/2012
Msg: 216
Head of the household?
Posted: 2/25/2012 9:05:43 AM
I think men are fooling themselves if they really believe in all their egotistical arrogance they are actually head of anything....
 mainelyhere
Joined: 11/21/2011
Msg: 217
Head of the household?
Posted: 2/25/2012 9:07:59 AM
As opposed to woman thinking they are in charge?
 ixtlan09
Joined: 12/12/2010
Msg: 218
Head of the household?
Posted: 2/25/2012 9:11:26 AM
Many use biblical references to support this belief. Of course these same people believe that God sent female bears to tear apart children because they made fun of a man for being bald. 2 Kings 23:24.
 mainelyhere
Joined: 11/21/2011
Msg: 219
Head of the household?
Posted: 2/25/2012 9:30:56 AM
the issue isnt biblical and please dont theory out that red herring.
 _shakti_
Joined: 7/5/2011
Msg: 220
Head of the household?
Posted: 2/25/2012 9:39:07 AM
Archangel:
1. God
--------
2. Christ
---------------
3. Man
----------
4. Woman
------
5. Animal

In that order.
So if a woman chooses to be on her own.. how is she able to get to God? Doesn't she need a man to mediate for her??

Or is this an order of importance list as opposed to an actual spiritual hierarchy?
 452
Joined: 11/1/2009
Msg: 221
Head of the household?
Posted: 2/25/2012 9:49:49 AM
Oh christ the religious nutters are making a case using the bible again.
 OTKneeded
Joined: 2/14/2012
Msg: 222
Head of the household?
Posted: 2/25/2012 10:10:20 AM
"there are SO many non-believers here in the forum.....just be prepared because sometimes they become a little IRATE with the whole subject. Just be prepared to get ridiculed for your beliefs. Good thing people aren't able to throw stones through the internet."

You use the term "non-believers" like it's a bad thing. Christians love to tell people how wrong we are, but cry foul and whine when they receive the same in return.
As in any debate, if they're going to put it out there, they must expect the rebuttal.
It's just realistic to tell someone they're beliefs are wrong and not expect to be told the same in return.
 TOEDWY
Joined: 5/30/2011
Msg: 223
Head of the household?
Posted: 2/25/2012 10:50:21 AM



Wise up.
He's what you let him be, not what he thinks he is except in his mind.

Men have been told they are the head of things for hundreds of years..don't fawking go and blow it.

I like happy man.

"Oh welcome home my darling..slippers? brandy? Cigar on the porch please..darling.
Dinner will be served soon..Baked Alaska or Louisiana swamp pie afterwards ?

So what?



Wow... now see most women aren't smart enough to know these things. Or smart enough to make use of the information given to them.

Any woman who doesn't want a man to be a man... should start dating women?

Seriously... keep on going around cutting off penis's and see where that gets you. LoL
 452
Joined: 11/1/2009
Msg: 224
Head of the household?
Posted: 2/25/2012 11:29:12 AM

Any woman who doesn't want a man to be a man... should start dating women?

A man is a person who has been born genetically male and nothing more.Anything you say a man should be are your own personal beliefs and the stereotypes that society assigns to each gender.

I have many gay male friends/family members and most of them are very effeminate,but they are still men.Just because they don't act how society and your bible says they should does not make them any less a man.
 cautiousluv
Joined: 10/4/2008
Msg: 225
view profile
History
Head of the household?
Posted: 2/25/2012 12:36:16 PM

You use the term "non-believers" like it's a bad thing. Christians love to tell people how wrong we are,

Maybe it did come across like that but I honestly didn't mean for it to. And oh.....NOT this Christian. I don't think you will ever hear ME preaching to someone (at least I hope not).

I believe in God (higher power).....I mean it's easier for me to believe this universe was intelligently designed vs just sort of happening by a "big bang" caused my “matter“.....I also believe because I can FEEL God’s presence…..it’s a spiritual thing and for non-believers…..it’s something you just won’t “get”….I also realize that the human brain (no matter how smart someone thinks they are) is more than likely not even capable of comprehending everything. But I don’t ridicule and actually get mad when someone has a different belief than myself. Everyone is free to believe what they want. BUT that's a different topic and the bible isn't the main reason I prefer the man to be "head of the household" so to speak. I'm attracted to men that are leader's and like them to be the dominant one in the relationship. To ME….that doesn’t mean getting walked all over by the man…….or you being the “little miss’ that never get’s a say on anything. And it has nothing to do with a woman not being able to take the “lead” in the bedroom either (just wanted to clarify that one…..lol)


Any woman who doesn't want a man to be a man... should start dating women?


Ha! That's what I said......if I wanted a complete equal.....I would marry a woman. I for one.....embrace the differences between men and woman. When I look at a man and see his muscles as he's working on something......it just reminds me of how much stronger men are than women......and I like it!



I'm feminine and want a masculine man. I think masculine is just naturally a little more dominant. Again.....it has nothing to do with a man being controlling or dictating......it's more about a man taking the lead......being the Alpha Male.
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