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 4ms4me
Joined: 4/24/2010
Msg: 101
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Women are less happy in marriage/relationships than men because they expect much more?.Page 5 of 8    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8)
Well I can only speak from my own personal experience. My own personal observations. That's not a myth its a true story.

While extremely relevant to an individual, personal experience is not the best way to define an entire group of people. In my personal experience, many men go on long, boring monologues that they expect me (or all women) to listen to with rapt attention. There are some examples of that right here in these forums. But, there are other men who say the same things, minus the "long, boring" and "mono" part, and they don't require women's rapt attention to feel good about themselves. I've met more of the former than the latter, but I don't think I should assume all or even most of the men in the world are like most of the men I meet. My selection sample is just too small for those kinds of conclusions!


I think there should be a place in the middle where both men and women can meet and communicate to where they can actually listen to one another.

I think that's a good idea but as there are more communication differences among individuals than genders, so one has to find their personal communicating counterpart.


Men listen and are formulating a solution as the lady speaks

Funny that; I notice I tend to do that a lot when my friends/sisters are talking about their problems. They seldom seem to appreciate my solutions, and I'm trying to teach myself JUST TO LISTEN!
 happybunny8
Joined: 4/16/2010
Msg: 102
Women are less happy in marriage/relationships than men because they expect much more?.
Posted: 7/26/2011 4:44:00 PM
Men as a gender is programed to solve problems.


I call BS on this based on the numerous times people have offered some men solutions to the whole "paying on a date" and "marriage" threads. They don't want to hear solutions either.

I guess my response would be that I would simply tell my man that I'm not looking for a solution, but that I need to vent.

And if he tells me that's what my girlfriends are for, I just have to wonder why I call HIM my best friend.

If I listen to his garbage, he should be willing to listen to mine. Just saying. :)


A lot of women are afraid to be brutally honest for fear the man will leave


Yup, I believe I addressed the same thoughts a few posts back.

Just checked - it's post 111.
 TDH49
Joined: 8/13/2010
Msg: 103
Women are less happy in marriage/relationships than men because they expect much more?.
Posted: 7/27/2011 8:32:18 AM
And if he tells me that's what my girlfriends are for, I just have to wonder why I call HIM my best friend.
Just calling HIM your best friend doesn't make it so. Fact is most women have a best friend and it's not their SO. Here is a newsflash for you ladies most of us men don't want to be your best friend. Frankly we are perfectly happy with you having a best friend that's not us. Just as we know who our best friend is and it usually isn't the woman we are in a relationship with... We call that woman a lot of things but our "best friend" is usually not on that list.

I know it very well might be politically correct to go around saying the person you are involved with is your best friend. But there is a huge gap between being politically correct in this instance and reality.
 shakeitupbaby2012
Joined: 8/12/2010
Msg: 104
Women are less happy in marriage/relationships than men because they expect much more?.
Posted: 7/27/2011 8:47:49 AM
^^^^The best relationship I have had was with a best guy friend. As we spoke very openly, I know he considered me his best friend as well. It does exist and being great friends created a relationship that had more substance and depth for me than one without it.
My son and his wife are best friends and have an incredible relationship.

As far as women expecting more - I think that's untrue. I think many people set unclear or unknown expectations that were never discussed or understood when a relationship ensued. When you're talking about being in a relationship, that should be relating all to each other-wants, needs, expectations, hopes, desires, etc. Anything less, to me, isn't a real relationship.



I know it very well might be politically correct to go around saying the person you are involved with is your best friend

Oh I don't know. Are people limited to a single "best friend"? Can't different best friends fullfill different roles in one's life? I can call my SO my best friend because I know he'll be there for me in any situation, and help me to the best of his ability; I may call a girlfriend a 'best friend' because she'll also help me to the best of her ability, in any situation. They may help or support me in different areas and in different ways, but does that mean one is less a "best" friend than the other?


I agree in context. Some close friends are just closer than others in all ways and that's how I'm describing a close friendship within a relationship with a SO. I have extremely close friendships with a few gfs and I'd want one as close- yet in different ways in some aspects, with an SO. That's who I would want to think
of first in a situation to talk to about something or simply to share something with, etc.- simply a close relationship in all aspects.
 4ms4me
Joined: 4/24/2010
Msg: 105
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Women are less happy in marriage/relationships than men because they expect much more?.
Posted: 7/27/2011 8:50:26 AM

I know it very well might be politically correct to go around saying the person you are involved with is your best friend

Oh I don't know. Are people limited to a single "best friend"? Can't different best friends fullfill different roles in one's life? I can call my SO my best friend because I know he'll be there for me in any situation, and help me to the best of his ability; I may call a girlfriend a 'best friend' because she'll also help me to the best of her ability, in any situation. They may help or support me in different areas and in different ways, but does that mean one is less a "best" friend than the other?
 mateo45
Joined: 1/17/2008
Msg: 106
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Women are less happy in marriage/relationships than men because they expect much more?.
Posted: 7/27/2011 8:52:25 AM
Dunno that women typically expect "more", but I think they do tend to make men more "responsible" for whenever the women are feeling a little down or insecure. "Honey, do you think these jeans make me look fat..?!"
 ComplekCity
Joined: 1/17/2011
Msg: 107
Women are less happy in marriage/relationships than men because they expect much more?.
Posted: 7/27/2011 9:05:08 AM
A man(simple creatures that we are) wake up everyday thinking "Well I love her today, and I will very likely love her tomorrow, so I am totally happy".


Wow, I had to check and make sure it was a p enis down there because I'm not that simple ...

I agree that the expectations are different but I think men can end up disappointed too.

Here are some examples of how a man's expectations could fall short :

- the sex is red hot at first but over time becomes routine and/or non existent
-the sex never was all that great in the first place but the expectation was it would improve over time but didn't
- she is a lousy cook
-she doesn't cook at all
-she is more loyal to her friends and/or family than she is to you
-she is a bad communicator which makes solving problems anywhere from a constant source of frustration to impossible


I know it very well might be politically correct to go around saying the person you are involved with is your best friend.


I guess it depends how you define " best friend ".
For me it's a combo deal of who I enjoy being with the most, have the strongest bond with, who I can count on the most, who I can trust to be myself without fear of being judged. I would HOPE that would be my SO.

So what if she can't talk hockey with me and I can't talk about shoes with her ????
 4ms4me
Joined: 4/24/2010
Msg: 108
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Women are less happy in marriage/relationships than men because they expect much more?.
Posted: 7/27/2011 9:36:31 AM

Wow, I had to check and make sure it was a p enis down there because I'm not that simple ...

Thank you for pointing out that men are more than a simple orgasm-seeking missile! Men are not the simple "feed me, sex me, I'm happy" beings they like to claim; just like women, they have hopes, dreams, fears and needs. Don't they?

Here are some examples of how a man's expectations could fall short :

- the sex is red hot at first but over time becomes routine and/or non existent
-the sex never was all that great in the first place but the expectation was it would improve over time but didn't
- she is a lousy cook
-she doesn't cook at all
-she is more loyal to her friends and/or family than she is to you
-she is a bad communicator which makes solving problems anywhere from a constant source of frustration to impossible

I agree with you, and think those same things can apply either way.

- the sex is great at first, but over time become routine and/or non-existent
*this has happened to me in all but one long-term relationship. I tried to excite things up by learning different fellatio techniques (from books, not other guys!), wearing sexy lingerie, sensual massage, suggesting role-play, explaining what made me feel good. I loved these guys, but really ... they just didn't seem interested in improving our sex life once the initial fire died down.

- Sex was never all that great, and never improved
* This was my marriage and where I first tried to learn how to be a better sexual partner.

- Lousy cook - doesn't cook at all
* Yeah, well ... I used to cook pretty good and regular, but gave it up as part of my "job". You get into the habit of cooking for your man, they forget to appreciate it after a couple of years. Now, I expect him to share the cooking duties, and he remembers to appreciate me when I do cook a great meal and serve it to him "like a woman should".

- More loyal to friends/family than to you
* Happy to say I've never had that problem, but I've known women who have

- Bad communicator
* I've dated one or three of those as well!

One thing I have learned through all my trial-and-error relationships is to mention one thing per day that my partner has done for me, and thank them for it. I've found that this helps both of us remember to appreciate each other. It's very easy to let days go by without remembering to appreciate your partner; I guess that's called "taking them for granted" and is possibly the start of a lot of disappointment for both people.
 ladyc4
Joined: 2/14/2006
Msg: 109
Women are less happy in marriage/relationships than men because they expect much more?.
Posted: 7/27/2011 11:16:51 AM

I agree that the expectations are different but I think men can end up disappointed too.

precisely. "Simple" can be a very GOOD thing...simple answers, simple solutions,simple living,simple gifts. A person can be "simple" without it being a pejorative term( Think Lynard Skynerds "Simple Kind of Man").
The thing is, the OP has a penchant for asking some interesting, thought-provoking questions in topics he posts.
Then the bash brigade shows up and gender war is once again declared.

If I were to have to pick ONE thing that f*cks up more relationships than anything, it would be presumptions-or ASSumptions,if you will, about your partner( or partner prospect) based solely on their gender, or on whatever wrongs that your previous partner may have inflicted on you. Taking something that a previous partner did or said that made the wheels come off in THAT relationship,extrapolating it out to assign that bad behavior or failing to all of that gender, can tend to become a self-fulfilling prophecy.

I think in most couples, on has higher or greater expectations than the other, and ideally the 2 of them make an effort to meet somewhere in the middle. Anybody who intentionally chooses to just stay in an unhappy/unsatisfactory relationship,without trying to improve it,get out of it, or get out after efforts to improve it fail, probably is HAPPY with their unhappiness. Yeah, I know, that doesn't seem to make much sense, but for some people, true happiness is a frightening place to be-and I don't think that's a gender-based or a gender-specific thing.
Cindy O
 RazaMixta
Joined: 1/19/2011
Msg: 110
Women are less happy in marriage/relationships than men because they expect much more?.
Posted: 7/27/2011 11:30:33 AM
Duh!
I just clued in to something in the title of this thread, the word EXPECT.

Imagine treating a friend to an all expenses paid vacation to a 5 star seaside resort replete with water sports, daytime activities, tours, restaurants with all kinds of delicious food, night entertainment ... you name it.
And your friend spends the entire two weeks in the hotel room playing video games and eating french fries (with gourmet ketchup of course), 'cause that is all he wants to do.
I would expect my friend to go and enjoy as many amenities as possible, otherwise why bother coming when he can just stay at home and play the video games and eat french fries.?

There is a difference in expectations.

When in a relationship with a man I expect that we'd both equally see each other as a whole package, although I am well aware that I need girlfriends who'd understand certain aspects of me better, (and he needs his buddies) I don't want to be just a tool for his oral and sexual gratification.

Arlo, in all of Msg. #124 makes it abundantly clear:

Again, you sound surprised that men don't view things EXACTLY like women do, and have a different hierarchy of needs/wants. Is this really news to you?


Actually yes, I am surprised. I guess I am 12, as you put it Arlo. At least a well rounded, very sexy with the right man and a healthy inside and out 12.
Although I would not emphasize the word "EXACTLY" the way you did.
I don't expect exact matching views, not with men or anyone for that matter. It would be boring!
But to be reduced to just genitals? I cannot accept that.
That is lunacy.


Men are not the simple "feed me, sex me, I'm happy" beings they like to claim; just like women, they have hopes, dreams, fears and needs. Don't they?

Well according to the poster in #124, they are.

And here I thought there was more to a man ... I guess we do expect much more OP.


*thinking ...
So if one man is not enough to meet my needs ... polyamory . where did that thread go?
 happybunny8
Joined: 4/16/2010
Msg: 111
Women are less happy in marriage/relationships than men because they expect much more?.
Posted: 7/27/2011 2:40:11 PM
TDH, I didn't mean that we don't have other friends; my intent was that a couple should be able to rely on and talk to each other.

If my man shuts me out when I'm talking, eventually the result is "no talking" at all which leads to "see ya".

Put it this way, anything I tell MY best GF, I'm well aware that I'm probably telling her husband. That's sort of where I was going with that.


<div class='quote'>-

1. the sex is red hot at first but over time becomes routine and/or non existent
2. the sex never was all that great in the first place but the expectation was it would improve over time but didn't
3. she is a lousy cook
4. she doesn't cook at all
5. she is more loyal to her friends and/or family than she is to you
6. she is a bad communicator which makes solving problems anywhere from a constant source of frustration to impossible

1. First of all, I cannot count the number of men who think that good sex means regular sex. From my experience, men do not do research nor do they try to change things around in the bedroom either (changing things up doesn't mean simply changing position fyi). Men often blame the sex on the woman and fail to look at themselves. I can't count the number of women I know who left their husbands simply because their sex life was lacking. Most times, the man thought he "gave her everything". Often times, these women end up seeking non-vanilla sexual outlets. I know I'm not interested in "regular sex" if it is the same all the time. I think many women tune out because this happens. At least when we are younger. Once we are older, we know better and most of us are now single or have found someone else.

I'd also point out that many women take birth control. Some pills dampen sex drive a lot. Some people are on meds. Don't assume unless you really really really talk about it.

When I hear a man say the above things, I immediately can tell that proper sexual communication was lacking. Sometimes, it is the fault of one person as the other person does try. However, talking about sex should be done early in the relationship instead of waiting.

If there is no connection sexually (this is more in how one thinks about sex), I really don't see why one would continue anyway. People act like they can communicate about sex, but they really can't.

3. There are plenty of people who do not cook. I feel like these men are seeking women like their mothers. Those days are over.

5. Far too many men expect a woman to be loyal and accommodating to a man right in the beginning of dating. That sort of stuff takes time and grows. But if we are talking into like 1.5 and upwards (depending on level of commitment of course) where she is not making you a priority? Yeah, not really a good sign and I totally agree.

6. Again, here is a man thinking that communication is all about solving problems. Have you been reading the thread? Have some of you men actually grown up amongst women? I grew up with only brothers.

Even men on here like to go on and on and on about some topics and when presented with logical solutions, just ignore them and go on and on and on.
 inthroughtheoutdoor
Joined: 1/1/2011
Msg: 112
Women are less happy in marriage/relationships than men because they expect much more?.
Posted: 7/27/2011 3:36:27 PM

I guess it depends how you define " best friend ".
For me it's a combo deal of who I enjoy being with the most, have the strongest bond with, who I can count on the most, who I can trust to be myself without fear of being judged. I would HOPE that would be my SO.

I so very much agree with this. Right or wrong, politically correct or not, that's the only way it can be for me. There is no separation, no line to be crossed...my partner is/becomes both my lover and my best friend. I am a loner by nature and the women in my family - mostly my mother, sisters, daughters and granddaughter - more than fill my need for female friendship if there is even such a need. I love women, as I love men but I have no need or desire to spend time exchanging banalities with anyone, man or woman. Talking about shoes, fashion, clothes, makeup, the latest chick flick, etc. for more than one minute bores me to tears and thankfully no one told the females in my family that as women that's all we were supposed to be interested in and/or able to talk about.

As for those men (not using the gender neutral people this time because it's only men) who say that if not for our vaginas they'd have nothing to do with and/or find no value in women, do the world a favour and put that information on your profiles .
 valenciacityx
Joined: 3/10/2009
Msg: 113
Women are less happy in marriage/relationships than men because they expect much more?.
Posted: 7/27/2011 5:17:03 PM
the more and more I read these, the more I am convinced women dont want a relationship - they want customer service.
and coming from the world with the Mantra that 'The customer is always RIGHT' - you are playing a loosing game.

So manage their expectations, under promise - over deliver, and never fear to fire the unruly, unappreciative, underperfoming, high maintenance and calamatity drama loving bargain shoppers
'I am the customer and I am always RIGHT'
um, no, you always have the right to make a choice, and as such we are exercising the right for you to take your 'business' elsewhere.
I have never regretted firing a shopper, browser, game player;
I will work killer miracles for a client though.
It's customer service guys - the sooner we realize it, the happier we will be.
(luckily it is also only an American Macy's/Nordstroms/Nieman phenomenon)
 RazaMixta
Joined: 1/19/2011
Msg: 114
Women are less happy in marriage/relationships than men because they expect much more?.
Posted: 7/27/2011 5:52:00 PM
Ya and the more I read these the happier I am to be alone.. who needs the headache?
No cats for me though, just a backpack.
 ladyc4
Joined: 2/14/2006
Msg: 115
Women are less happy in marriage/relationships than men because they expect much more?.
Posted: 7/27/2011 6:05:01 PM

you are playing a loosing game.


Why, because we don't date men we find unattractive/unappealing/uninspiring,etc?

Are you sure you aren't trying to put forth the idea/expectation that it is men who are the "always right" customers that women should feel obligated to service?

Hey, when men who are unattractive, uninteresting, overly self-focused, think that the Universe owes them the perfect woman, get mad and pout and keep threatening to take their ball and go play in some other country-I don't think all that many women consider that they are playing a game that is even REMOTELY "losing". Consider our disinterest in them the equivalent of "firing" them.

What I can't figure out is why a man who has absolutely nothing good to say about US/western culture women, who keeps brandishing his alleged intent to go to another culture to seek a woman, sticks around on the forums of a dating site that is predominantly North American /western culture countries.
Hey, we GET the people who hang out/participate in the forums,that are taking a break from dating, don't care to date from this site, are in relationships,or just plain not looking.
They don't post to forum after forum with the same schtick about how US women are playing a "losing game", a schtick that sounds for all the world like some angry little kid saying " you're gonna be sorry!" because he ain't getting his way about something.
Generally they change up their subject matter/discussion points to fit the topic under discussion, not try to work their little rantlet about running to some other country in anyplace they possibly can.

The topic here is an academic question/discussion on whether one gender may or may not be less happy in marriage/relationships, than the other gender. Not how unpalatable American women are.
Simply to state my take on the subject,since someone insists on bringing it up, I suspect that what is really going on is that some men are trying to date way the hell and gone over their league-so they've stumbled on this idea that if they just keep harping away on how they are going to, and other men should also!-run to some other country where there are attractive women who would date a cross between Godzilla and Quasimodo in order to come to North America(if the guys have no plan to return to N.A., I bet they aren't revealing THAT information!)

So now, can we please return to the topic, which is a discussion of whether or not one gender is less happy in marriage/relationships than the other gender-NOT some propaganda about American women playing a "loosing(sic)game".
If so many American women are not getting married or getting into relationships because men are rejecting them in favor of women from other countries/cultures, how come we're discussing whether or not they are less happy in the marriages and relationships that they are supposedly NOT getting? I don't think the topic is THAT academic.
If the vast majority of North American/western culture women were no longer being invited to participate in marriages and relationships, I would think the point would be so utterly moot that the thread would have died in one page-in fact the OP probably wouldn't have even bothered starting it. He comes up with some interesting scenarios and questions, but they are seldom far-fetched, out of sync with reality, or moot points.
Cindy O
 Dare to
Joined: 2/11/2009
Msg: 116
Women are less happy in marriage/relationships than men because they expect much more?.
Posted: 7/27/2011 7:51:29 PM
I can't speak for every woman but my experiences have been similar to others on this thread, and that is .....
I think that one of the greatest mistakes that men and women make in relationships....is that after they have locked each other into a LTR/marriage...they stop doing all the nice, caring, nurturing things they did to each other that wooed them into the relationship in the first place. They start taking each other, and their love for each other...for granted....and neglect it.
A relationship requires effort if you want to keep those loving feelings on the surface. If either partner stops showing affection or doing things which show they care for the other, then the relationship will start to slide. One partner will feel that they are doing all the giving and not receiving anything. That will breed resentment and cause the person to withdraw.. So now there are two people not giving, which is a death knell for the relationship.

The saying "familiarity breeds contempt" came about because it is exactly what happens if you are not aware and do not put direct effort into not falling into that trap. This is where communication becomes so important. When the partner feeling neglected can speak up and (gently) remind the other that they have been slipping in the emotional intimacy dept (without some kind of defensive rebuttal fired back at them). Tell them you miss them even though they are right here with you. If you can't tell them to their face write a letter, just get it out there so the person actually realises what is going wrong.

In many people lives (myself incuded) when they are being ignored emotionally, their desire for physical intimacy disappears at the same speed at which the emotional intimacy disappears. Many people say they don't want things to change when they get married or get into a LTR, but they fail to realise that not giving the love, attention, affection etc that they gave their partner in the beginning of the relationship IS changing and is deceiving the other by pretending to be someone you are not.

It is so easy to leave a little "I love you" note, or send a "thinking of you" text, or hug each other for no reason, not just because you are lining up to get laid. To make a conscious decision to NOT bring your work frustrations home with you and take it out on your partner just because they are convenient. How hard is it to put a bit of effort into making the person you love feel like you actually do love them.
 valenciacityx
Joined: 3/10/2009
Msg: 117
Women are less happy in marriage/relationships than men because they expect much more?.
Posted: 7/28/2011 2:50:32 AM
"Why, because we don't date men we find unattractive/unappealing/uninspiring,etc? "
and yet men are told to suck it up and date the other 80% of women, ?
I see no reason in settling, much less in downward position, just to play on the 'home court' makes no sense.
And it isnt a threat to leave - I have left. I move to Kiev come September. As I never dated here, it will be of no consequence to any here.... however when the tide behind me comes along then you will notice just how many are more interest to playing to the top 20% rather than settling, rather than playing a game.
just like Harley thought they owned the market on motorcycles and scoffed at the intrustion of the Japanese 'Honda' bike......that arrogance has proven to have a limited shelf life, and an expired market appreciation.
The imports - quality, style, zeal, and no games.
Last month I helped 4 more to marry overseas - over 15 years, it has been 389 Microsquishies, or their alumni ; may not sound like much, but it is significant dent in the Seattle , Bellevue, Redmond, Everett marriage pool.
Those positons went overseas - they aint coming back. ITs a Global market.

gotta go, its lunch in Kiev and the Skype is up.
 Casper66
Joined: 3/2/2007
Msg: 118
view profile
History
Women are less happy in marriage/relationships than men because they expect much more?.
Posted: 7/28/2011 3:50:16 AM
#146 What a great post.
A relationship takes two to make it work, if one partner is not doing their part it usually ends in a breakup/affair and doesn't appear to be gender specific, so no I don't think women are less happy than men. I do think there can be a difference in how males and females communicate their feelings, I think women can be more vocal because we haven't be taught to suppress our emotions like some men have growing up, but everyone is different so you need to find common ground with your partner. You need to be able to tell your partner when things are not going well without ridicule, respect personal boundaries and actually listen to your partner.
 ladyc4
Joined: 2/14/2006
Msg: 119
Women are less happy in marriage/relationships than men because they expect much more?.
Posted: 7/28/2011 10:42:00 AM

Last month I helped 4 more to marry overseas - over 15 years, it has been 389

Ah...it IS what I suspected.

As I never dated here,

then how do you know that American women are so blessed awful?
Seems to me that most people either come to terms with what they want and what they can realistically get,( I don't notice that the "top 20% " of women are the only ones getting married or having committed relationships,leaving 80% of American women unpartnered), there are of course those that decide remaining single is perfectly fine, and of course there are those that decide to check out other shores and it sounds like maybe there is money to be made off these guys...which would explain the constant 'anti- American women' propaganda.

We've certainly also heard some anecdotal reports of foreign women who married to get to the US and are just biding their time to get out of that marriage. I'm not saying that ALL of these marriages are like that, of course not.
Granted, there seems to be a lower percentage of divorce, but what's behind that?
Incidentally, in a couple of other threads, there has been credible information posted that would seem to indicate that the TRUE "first marriage failure rate" is closer to 30%, not 50%-which isn't that much higher than the 20% of foreign


however when the tide behind me comes along then you will notice just how many are more interest to playing to the top 20% rather than settling, rather than playing a game

Now that statement doesn't track-are you saying that most men will continue to remain in a position of striking out with the top 20%? of available US women, or are you saying that it's the top 20 % of the available "non-western culture" women who are "on offer" for marriage to US men? What tide is coming behind you? I seriously doubt that any US women who aren't willing to 'settle' for the US men that have very limited appeal,are going to notice any tide-or if they do notice, it will be an "Oh welll-to each his own!"

and yet men are told to suck it up and date the other 80% of women, ?


Who is telling men this?I'm not telling anybody who to date, how to date,where to date.

Men don't HAVE to suck up anything or date anybody if they cannot find what they are looking for. Neither do women...but of course then someone will throw down the "you women are too picky!" card. But of course "too picky" can't be said of MEN-because somehow" that's different"?

Really, I don't care what anybody does as far as dating...but I DO dislike propagandizing, tantrums, pouting, and "you'll be sorry" proclamations.

And for the record, I have NO issues with people who are working overseas, in the military overseas, studying or taking an extended vacation overseas, who happen to meet and fall in love with someone from an overseas country, and choose to marry them.

But this whole "global market" thing? Which is the "merchandise" and which is the "buyer"?
Cindy O
 valenciacityx
Joined: 3/10/2009
Msg: 120
Women are less happy in marriage/relationships than men because they expect much more?.
Posted: 7/28/2011 5:36:14 PM
I have always disclosed that I did translation for Russian Ukrainian Brides. I only do personal referrals, and only from Microsoft or Alumni - never off of this site.
I charge $60 a page for mail text, or for legal translation, 100/hr for phone/skype translation. I have since I found my girl, hung up the biz. I have finished up with the clients I have, and I am done. HOWEVER if there is a forum fishie that is tired of the game, tired of being told to date down, past tired of being called bitter, that has 'no game' and is brandished with the label of 'nice' like it is a Herpes virus
I am all too happy to help them discover the world of international dating (specifically Russia/Ukraine/FSU) pro bono, no charge, without any compensation.
Because I believe the good guys that are employed , well off (meaning you know this is going to run about 10K for the immigration and travel adventures) and not the prime of what the local fish thinks they demand - email me. Real relationships, not sex tours, not mail order brides - real women, searching for the same thing you crave. Happy to help.
It is a world of fish, if this fishing hole isnt working for you - pull anchor - go to where the fish are biting. Any angler with merit knows you go where the fish are biting, and where the desired fish are running.
There is an alternative - there is a world of choice - happier abroad - overseas for so many reasons.

: "I have never dated off this site because the conversations never got off from lift off, no give, no take, no connection - at every instance. - (the same for Eharmony, Match, Cupid.com)
Further reached the point of apathy when I changed the parameters on the profile and found that indeed it didnt matter the content, the photo, or the intent, women were shopping stats. (tall better than short, younger better than old, divorced over single, smoking over non, big town over small, and bachelors better than masters) The truth - crickets; it is a plethoria of read/delete or the favorite unread/delete.
Further the search with in an hour, age range (+/- 7), not married, not divorced, no kids, not wanting kids, non smoking, fit/athletic/average, educated and looking for LTR led me to Canada !- every time. (but I quess that is too picky!) International fish for the win.
So I opted out. And as I have never been happier.
 ladyc4
Joined: 2/14/2006
Msg: 121
Women are less happy in marriage/relationships than men because they expect much more?.
Posted: 7/28/2011 6:24:09 PM

but I quess that is too picky!)

Actually, some of the things you seek are going to shrink your selection pool... it's OK for you to have all these requirements-but not OK for women to have requirements ?

If you are going 25 to 45, there are not going to be tons of women who have not been married or in a serious LTR, and when you start talking "I don't want kids" to 25-yr old women, many of them are going to balk because they are not ready to make a decision and committ to someone who has had himself rendered unable to father children. Older women who can accept that you don't want kids of your own, may very well have kids themselves-which you also don't want. You are of course perfectly entitled to want what you want when it comes to smoking, and physical appearance, educational level,occupation. But each of those designations is going to drain some of the "fish" out of the "pool". And of course the fish that are left will mostly be "premium" fish-and why is it OK for you to have this big list of requirements but yet any woman whose criteria include height, looks, education, income are too demanding? Why shouldn't they pass over guys that don't meet their criteria?
Have you ever tried dating from real life, NOT the internet? I mean people used to do that all the time. Hell, I found a couple of LTRs, lots of dating , a longterm spouse,and a few STRS without the aid of the internet. I am inclined to agree with you that internet dating sites can tend to promote 'shopping with a list' -but that goes for both genders.
However, people with stringent shopping lists should not be blaming the opposite gender because their list leaves them with such a small dating pool of individuals that are sought after by many.
Nobody is suggesting that people become involved with partners that they find totally unappealing. Or date "down"- but there is a difference in "dating down" and "dating realistically". And of course, no one is forcing people to pair up. Looking in another country or on another planet is fine, but do not make that sound like the decision is all the fault of the opposite gender when it is ones' OWN "requirement list" that has emptied most of the fish out of their dating pool.
Cindy O
 RazaMixta
Joined: 1/19/2011
Msg: 122
Women are less happy in marriage/relationships than men because they expect much more?.
Posted: 7/29/2011 2:09:53 AM
Valenciacity that is a very interesting post and experience you describe.
I too have dated internationally and have some opinions and preferences of my own, which I will abstain from posting at this time.

My question is: why do you think Russian and Ukranian women would choose American men? Are there not enough in their countries? Why would someone marry a stranger knowing that cultural differences, language, styles of communication etc. could be a recipe for disaster?

I'm very curious about this.
 valenciacityx
Joined: 3/10/2009
Msg: 123
Women are less happy in marriage/relationships than men because they expect much more?.
Posted: 7/29/2011 2:41:08 AM
Most of the girls I talk to and have helped to get married are without but a few exceptions, college educated, employed, intelligent, and in many cases carrying the load for themselves, maybe their parents, and definitely their past men friends.
The men are usually in trades, smoke -alot, have lower age longevity, have a high propensity of cheating (as there are 3.2 Million more women in the country than men) and were the first to get called up and killed off when their Afghanistan fiasco happened.
English is well taught in primary schools and as well at university - many know the grammar better than you do- and you will never hear LOL speak out of any of them. They are better read, more interest in literature than tv, activities over paparazzi gossip, and ready to rattle sabres on every topic that our society deems 'PC' Their honesty and directness is refreshing - you will never have to guess what a Russian or Ukrainian girl is thinking- you will have well received the first shoot across the bow with obvious intent, I have yet to see a passive aggressive path like locally.
And I have always dated internationally; French, Korean, Okinawa, Japanese, South African, and Ukranian - the one caveat was an American that was a graduate student in Russian.
differences between cultures, languages, and traditions take time to work out - and it is that working out, and the time it takes to make those concessions to each other that make the relationship stronger - my last one was 17 years; we ended when she decided she wanted kids.
It is work, and you both have to come to with the notion of working together to create what you want - this is where the failure to launch from me and American women has been - if you cant get past the hello and who was on TV last nite - it goes absolutely nowhere. We are not a good fit. So I quit, opted out, they were the most miserable 3 years of my life.
Happier abroad.
And it is global world market economy. The new company I am working for does medical surgeries and cosmetic, elective, joint replacements, selective high end angios - and when the domestic market is burdened by rationing, bureaucracy, doctor shortages, low reimbursment for Drs, high cost of administration, high cost of fees, lack of reported quality, impersonal service, and entitlement sufferage - the Ukrainian Doctors and Clinics are again, a market driven alternative for those that value the distinction.
 infennario
Joined: 5/24/2011
Msg: 124
Women are less happy in marriage/relationships than men because they expect much more?.
Posted: 8/15/2011 11:29:51 PM
I didn't read all of the replies, but I was so flabbergasted by this concept that women are less happy in relationships. I've heard that stereotype, but in the 3 relationships I've had in the past 13 years since my divorce, the men were the complainers, pickers, dissatsified with this, and then that, bringing up "this little thing" that bugged them or outright yelling in a fit. Then, strangley, they didn't want the relationship to end, but they sure weren't happy with it or me after the first few months, and it never let up. Oh, and don't get me started on how much some of the men at work gripe about their wives.
 Eddie1962150
Joined: 5/29/2009
Msg: 125
Women are less happy in marriage/relationships than men because they expect much more?.
Posted: 8/16/2011 12:24:10 AM
I didn't read all the reply's either. But strictly going by what I have seen here on POF, Women in general seem to expect way to much. They have their sights set so high no man will ever reach it. No man will ever be the "right" one. From what I have seen and read, It's like they find fault in everything. To me it's like most of them are un-happy right at the start. Some of them carry so much baggage from past relationships that they are so sour with men in general that they find none ever that stand up to their "yard stick". Some don't seem to realize that men are just men. We are really simple creatures. Show us some love and we are happy. To a lot of men it doesn't matter where they are in there lives as long as they have the love of their lives right beside them.

But women in general, They seem to always want that brass ring. They are constantly reaching for it. Men in general, They are content right where they are. That's where I see a lot of men and women having problems. Men in general are content with where they are, But the woman isn't. She always seems to want more. They start butting heads. The next thing you know, One or the other walks.

I believe that is one of the reasons why so many men stay single. They already have been married. It didn't work for what ever reason. They have gone through several girlfriends and had problems with them. So, They say to themselves, He11 with it. I'll stay alone. It's better than putting up with one woman after the other that can't come down out of the clouds.

It's what I have seen. It's the main reason I'm still single after 11 years of being divorced. I was married to one who kept her head up in the clouds and couldn't live a realistic life. SEVERAL, girlfriends later and nothing has changed. I doubt I will ever remarry. I'll stay alone before I will put up with another woman who expects way to much and can't come down to earth.
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