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Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > when does a HOBBY become an obsession and deal breaker?      Home login  
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 platypus_man
Joined: 8/29/2007
Msg: 36
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when does a HOBBY become an obsession and deal breaker?Page 3 of 3    (1, 2, 3)

You can have a very fullfilling hobby that you enjoy, and yes all ppl SHOULD but if it gets in the way of your happy family time, its time to put the brakes on. No hobby should replace the presense of your spouse and kids.

See, this is what I've spoken about in the past. Women automatically assume that 'happy family time' and raising children is what all men want to do 'if we're mature'. Because that's what most women want, so you just feel we should, too. And you think we should stop wanting to do anything else. But for a lot of people, with taking on extra jobs to pay the bills, it simply takes over their entire life, and there's no more time for what they really enjoy doing. I can't speak for what has happened in the OP's relationship; but there's a good chance her mate is simply going back to doing what he really likes, rather than pretending to enjoy doing what she want's him to do. Basically, men want sex; they usually don't want relationships. But women usually insist on his declaration that he wants a relationship, wants to get married, have a family, and raise children. So that's what he tells her. Ladies, very often you're setting yourself up to be lied to, by making it the only option (well, it's either that or never have sex, so that's pretty much making it 'the only option'). So don't be surprised when that's exactly what happens.
 femaleconnection
Joined: 8/12/2010
Msg: 37
when does a HOBBY become an obsession and deal breaker?
Posted: 7/22/2011 7:40:12 AM

See, this is what I've spoken about in the past. Women automatically assume that 'happy family time' and raising children is what all men want to do 'if we're mature'. Because that's what most women want, so you just feel we should, too. And you think we should stop wanting to do anything else. But for a lot of people, with taking on extra jobs to pay the bills, it simply takes over their entire life, and there's no more time for what they really enjoy doing. I can't speak for what has happened in the OP's relationship; but there's a good chance her mate is simply going back to doing what he really likes, rather than pretending to enjoy doing what she want's him to do. Basically, men want sex; they usually don't want relationships. But women usually insist on his declaration that he wants a relationship, wants to get married, have a family, and raise children. So that's what he tells her. Ladies, very often you're setting yourself up to be lied to, by making it the only option (well, it's either that or never have sex, so that's pretty much making it 'the only option'). So don't be surprised when that's exactly what happens.


No, women dont assume everyone wants happy family time because thats all we want to do. Geesh...most women have outside interests too yanno.

The issue is that when children are born into a relationship the only adult thing to do is to ensure the parents take responsibility. If that means one of them has to cut back on thier hobby while taking on the challenge, then that is what is required. Simple.

If people would rather participate in thier hobbies then to put thier noses to the grindstone to ensure thier offspring can survive then they should not be having sex in the first place. This is not a gender issue as woman also neglect thier responsibilities sometimes to keep up with thier outside interests. It is wrong no matter which sex is doing it.

On Topic...we cannot control how our partners evolve and change. New habits are formed after we meet people. All we can do is put a line in the sand and tell people what we need and expect. If they dont want to join you, then hard choices have to be made, such as exiting the relationship. In the perfect world, we would all stay the same as we were when we met the SO we have but this is not how life works. If someone chooses thier hobby over you and the responsiilities they partook creating, you really have no choice but to accept it, or leave it....sad as it may be.

For me, anything can be a deal breaker that is being done in excess, even if it is 'good for you'. If it is preventing someone from looking after thier finances, thier own children and thier romantic relationships it is too much, but they have to come to this conclusion on thier own. Usually they have to lose everything for it before they see the issue.
 morta1ez
Joined: 9/3/2009
Msg: 38
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when does a HOBBY become an obsession and deal breaker?
Posted: 7/22/2011 7:47:10 PM

I knew this was abnormal.
Through research I finally figured out that they had AD/HD.
They will hyperfocus on what they love.
To the detriment of family and jobs.


I know this first hand as I have ADHD, but unless you have it you can not truly understand it. Hyperfocus is a blissful rush, basically the best way I can describe it is that it is like a Time distortion, when you are doing something you enjoy 5 hours feels like 15 minutes, when you are doing something you would rather not be doing for 30-hour in feels like its taking all day. It is believed that it is a genetic throwback to an earlier point in our evolution(hunter gatherer), it is believed that ADHD traits made for better hunters as the hyperfocus made one pay more attention to clues that lead led to their prey and the obsessing on the negative made them remember the signs of rival predators, snakes and other poisonous insects and plants , which would explain why it appears 80% more often in males, and even more so those of east European, sub Saharan African(most american blacks), southwest native American(including mexican/central american), ancestry as those cultures were more dependent on hunting even after agriculture was invented.
 platypus_man
Joined: 8/29/2007
Msg: 40
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when does a HOBBY become an obsession and deal breaker?
Posted: 7/22/2011 8:03:26 PM

The women are not setting themselves up to be lied to. Such men are choosing to lie in order to get what they want. To try to play both sides of the fence. You should never, ever be lying and pretending something you don't feel or want just to get sex

Both men and women lie about what they want, and who they are, in order to get a partner for sex or in life. A very old maxim says that men trade love for sex, and women trade sex for love. Nothing's changed. Women lie and are deceptive in order to 'catch' a guy. Men do the reverse. I'm not saying it's necessarily right, but that's pretty much what we do. Now before you go on to say you don't do that, don't forget that all the make up, maintaining a hairstyle and clothing style of a somewhat younger woman, wearing heels to make yourself look taller and exagerate your figure, a bra to change the shape or size of your breasts (as opposed to say, the pendulous ones of those women you can see in National Geographic), stockings to hide any skin blemishes, perhaps a girdle as you get older, is all deceptive in order to 'catch' a guy's interest. Men tend to exaggerate their status and income, and women exaggerate their age and beauty. Nothing new under the sun.
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