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Joined: 2/5/2011
Msg: 2
He betrayed and liedPage 2 of 3    (1, 2, 3)
Wow, I'm so sorry for sounded like you played mommy to him. Take a deep breathe and try to think of all the things you did with him and try not to do them with the next person or the same thing will happen to you all over again.

If I were you, I wouldn't be so quick to move in with anyone, especially someone with children. They may be looking for a mommy figure for themselves as well as their kids. Just be happy you got rid of the A S S . He sounds like someone who could not be trusted. It will take nothing but time to heal. Try to keep busy with friends, hobbies, your job..just keep as busy as possible. Don't even begin to date until you feel enough time has passed. Don't worry, you will be able to trust again.
Joined: 2/10/2010
Msg: 4
He betrayed and lied
Posted: 7/20/2011 8:13:52 PM

Any ideas on how I can move on and heal myself? The betrayal has really turned me sour, I want to trust again!

Since you haven't been able to figure out what to do about that same lying cheating untrustworthy guy for the last YEAR, when you previously complained about him..
Why didn't you listen to ANY advice/suggestions you received back then?
It seems you don't really plan to change anything.
Have fun for the next 10 years remaining in exactly the same situation.
Joined: 2/10/2010
Msg: 5
He betrayed and lied
Posted: 7/20/2011 10:12:44 PM
He didn't break it off with her, 3 months later he was engaged and he married her 2 months after that!

Sorry I was a little harsh. After reading your whole post, it seems he IS gone, by his own doing.. Now it is up to YOU to get over it, and get out and meet some nice much better people..
Those nicer better people WON'T be coming to your door, unless you consider the mailman, JWitnesses and Mormons as prospects..
So get OUT to your local social groups and get active, please.. (and the BEST revenge is to live well)
NEVER look back or accept that same person back EVER again..
Joined: 6/29/2009
Msg: 6
view profile
He betrayed and lied
Posted: 7/20/2011 11:17:58 PM
Such an old and common equation.

Your problem isn't learning to trust others again, it's finding SOME kind of way to trust YOURSELF. If you do as you have done again, trying to make a relationship work by closing your eyes and ignoring your own thoughts and feelings, you'll end up in the same place again, blaming the world for YOUR daily choices.
Joined: 6/15/2006
Msg: 7
view profile
He betrayed and lied
Posted: 7/20/2011 11:50:10 PM

This piece of shit is hiding behind his badge, the type of cop ( and cops do have a bad reputation for screwing around) is a disgrace and wouldn't know what honesty is if it bit him in the ass.

Iceman, I'm not patronising you when I tell you that 99% of the time on here your forum contributions/advice are excellent but, the above is just a silly generalisation.
"Hiding behind his badge"! Oh come on! You're not seriously suggesting that, that "type of cop", and others like him, are using their badge as a way to be trusted in a romantic relationship?

I feel for ClassyLady I really do. And the stuff she did for him, including cooking, cleaning, laundrey, helping take care of his kids and always letting him know how much she loved him, was what she put into what she thought was a two way loving relationship (although, was it two way I wonder?).
But, for a year after the break up she let herself be messed about by the guy. Then when he ends up marrying someone else, she talks about betrayal.
Frankly it beggars belief...but they say love is blind.

I can't let another man get close to me, I don't like men touching me, let alone sleep with me.

Any ideas on how I can move on and heal myself? The betrayal has really turned me sour, I want to trust again!

Some honest, sincere advice? ClassyLady - you say on your profile you're looking for a "Relationship".
Web dating can be an extremely harsh business, and in most cases it requires the thick skin of a rhino, which most people don't have.
You don't appear to be anywhere near ready for a relationship right now, so at the very least you should change what you're looking for to "Friends", because friendship and advice is what you need right now.

All the best.
Joined: 3/2/2008
Msg: 8
He betrayed and lied
Posted: 7/21/2011 5:26:51 AM
"Time wounds all heels.." John Lennon
"What goes around, comes around"
"Karma, baby"
"The best revenge is living well"

Keep saying these over and over again-you'll be ok-it just doesn't feel like it right now...
Joined: 2/10/2010
Msg: 9
He betrayed and lied
Posted: 7/21/2011 7:53:47 AM
when I attended the parties where I'd see these "cops" drunker than shit get into their vehicles at the end of the night and drive home!

Every fraternal social group has people like that.. Please don't tar all officers with that same brush..
You DID choose your EX because he seemed to evince power and authority..
Later you may have learned that some of the most macho-seeming men have learned to evince that bravado as cover for basic insecurity/stress, which many commonly seek to drown in alcohol..

when they are at a Red Light they put on their sirens because they cant wait for a green and of course how many close call accidents these selected few almost causes because of their stunt, power and honesty eh?

Admittedly a few do that unnecessarily.. Some ARE on an "urgent" call that doesn't quite rise to the full "emergency lights/siren" level. If you aren't monitoring their radios you won't know what they are heading to.. And some older systems had that strobe called an "opticom" that could actually change the traffic lights in their favor.. Wouldn't YOU sometimes if you could? (try to be honest about it)
Next time YOU call them, and count the minutes until they arrive, you may understand a little better.
Joined: 11/8/2006
Msg: 11
He betrayed and lied
Posted: 7/21/2011 4:38:44 PM
The guy is a personality disorder.

Kiss the ground he devalued and discarded you.

Document everything he does to you.
Tell family and friends.
Do not destroy the letter. Give it to family
or a friend.

Do not have any contact with him.

Heal and move on.

You do not want to dance to this song with
this man. Something is very wrong with him.

Read up on psychopaths and narcissist.

Google Thomas Sheridan. Great blog.
Read and smarten up.

This man may not be done with you yet.

No contact.
Joined: 12/13/2006
Msg: 12
He betrayed and lied
Posted: 7/21/2011 4:39:45 PM
Knew a woman in grad school that did studies on rats/mazes/rewards. The rats that always got rewarded ran the maze about 10 times after the food trigger stopped dispensing food. *However* the rats who *sometimes* got food and sometimes didn't NEVER QUIT, even after the food quit. They just kept running it, hoping that *this time* it would be different. . . .

You can get over him. But it is YOUR choice. Right now, that isn't what you're wanting. You want all kinds of things: want the past to be different, want him to *have been* different, want the past back. Want some food, *sometimes.* Ain't gonna change until YOU walk away.

Good luck!
Joined: 11/18/2008
Msg: 14
view profile
He betrayed and lied
Posted: 7/21/2011 10:23:05 PM
OP, you are a lovely woman and the right man will be lucky to be with you. I believe he is out there for you and I. As far as being a police officer, no profession is exempt from indecision, dishonesty or betrayal. Let your heart heal and you will trust again. Keep the faith!
Joined: 6/15/2006
Msg: 18
view profile
He betrayed and lied
Posted: 7/24/2011 8:59:14 PM

I have no idea why he really broke up with you. But evidently he found he has more chemistry with the other woman. Maybe its because you are catholic and maybe not having sex with him, just a guess. Thats all I can do.

That's the most ridiculous assumption I think I've ever read on these forums. Laughable.

You say that's "just a guess". Is it an educated guess?
Joined: 6/15/2006
Msg: 19
view profile
He betrayed and lied
Posted: 7/24/2011 9:14:53 PM
Fair enough you are entitled to disagree Andy, but I believe im not generalizing( mind you this is my opinion from experience) , I don't know what cops are like in the UK, but I can tell in my City , cops here has a bad reputation , granted not all cops are like that, but a good number from what I can see are, my best friend comes from a family of cops, two brothers, uncles and cousin that are cops, one now retired, and every one of them has been caught in some kind of affair.

I have clients that are cops( municipal , and provincial) and they've come to me to re finance to either pay out the ex or help out mistresses because of their affairs. I play hockey with a ex RCMP officer and he's told me stories, granted not all of them are like that, but some are.

I know cops that uses their badges to pick up women, I remember when I first joined this site, I met a female cop and she told me she would never in a million years date a fellow officers, care to guess why?

Iceman, I stand corrected.

There are crooked cops throughout the ranks here in the UK of course - albeit a relatively small percentage.

I have a sister who lives in New York and her partner used to work in the NYPD. Some of the stories would make the hair on the back of your neck stand to attention. It's not just downright corruption but institutional corruption!

So when I think about it I'm not at all surprised at what you're saying, especially if you have the experience of it that you do through your job.
Joined: 4/10/2011
Msg: 20
He betrayed and lied
Posted: 7/25/2011 5:13:41 PM
I'm sorry 4 u. Some guys are real jerks and have no heart or shame 4 what they do. I agree losing a relationship is a grieving process. However, the grieving must end at some point and u must pull yourself togather and let it go. You were too good 4 him. We all must learn from past mistakes. Learn the behavior pattern he used and when u see it starting again(same behavior pattern with different guy) BAIL!!!! And don't look back no matter what he says or does!!!!!!!!!!
Joined: 8/12/2010
Msg: 22
He betrayed and lied
Posted: 7/26/2011 5:41:23 AM
OP, sorry you are in pain-consider this a life lesson...every experience has value.

Next time a man makes you feel confused in the relationship, walk away. Do this at the first sign of actions not backing up words and you will find you weed people out who dont know what to do with the heart you place in thier hands. Some people really dont deserve your heart.

As another has said already here, no contact. No matter what he nessages you about, even if it is about his kids. That is all on him, you go forward with no contact from him. The best revenge truly is to be seen living well. The ones who scorned you cannot stand it if they see you living a good life.
Joined: 11/8/2006
Msg: 25
He betrayed and lied
Posted: 8/27/2011 9:45:25 AM
If I were you, I would get a
restraining order on this guy NOW.

I told you he is not done with you- what is
it going to take to get you to believe this.
Him setting you up and having you arrested?

Get him away from you.

He is dangerous and he has new wifey so
brainwashed ABOUT you- she will believe
a wrong number call is you- or anything for
that matter.

Your therapist should be seeing this and encouraging
it. He has some kind of narcissistic/sociopathic
thing going on.

Read up on it.

This Man has major issues- no one marries
three months today. He is a predator with
a badge and a gun hiding behind his job.

File something and document everything
and keep any and all correspondence from
Joined: 6/25/2009
Msg: 26
view profile
He betrayed and lied
Posted: 9/1/2011 8:28:45 PM
Anyone in a uniform cannot be trusted. Cops have to take crap all day and most of them can't retaliate so they take it home. Prison guards fall in the same category. Armed forces uniforms are the same way. They're used to taking and giving orders and everything being in it's perfect place. But hey! the UPS man might be okay.
Joined: 3/15/2006
Msg: 27
He betrayed and lied
Posted: 9/12/2011 7:37:58 AM
~OP~ I feel your pain. (I do have to heartily disagree with all of the stereo-typing about his profession however ~ people, people from all professions can be azzholes.) Unfortunately? We allow these behaviors into our lives and when it's finally over, we do have to take responsibility for our own part in such dysfunction. Whether or not he lied is of no consequence now. It's useless to dwell on the details. I have gone over and over and over why I ended up with a shattered heart and the truth is? I allowed someone into my life that was not the man I perceived him to be. Like you, I gave it my ALL. I don't know if we put blinders on or if our hearts rule our heads or what, and it really makes no difference in the end ~ but the best thing you can do for yourself today? Stop telling yourself how badly it hurts and get on with living. Yes, the pain is still going to be there, but when you stop thinking about the lies, the deception, the new wife of his, the this and that ~ it will heal and you will move past this and him. Now? Quit giving him the time of day and the space in your head that he occupies. It's not easy, but it can/does happen and then we move on.
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