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 AUTHOR
 Pingshooter
Joined: 3/15/2009
Msg: 42
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thought she loved mePage 3 of 3    (1, 2, 3)

Yes its reality and I deal with a lot of reality in my job, but it is a much different case when it personally effects you.


Yes, it is..because it's you that's involved.

You're wondering what happened..what did you do wrong..where did it go wrong...why did it happen..and there may not be answers to satisfy you.

It's all part of the process that everyone goes through, suffers through. It will be okay, give it time, don't dwell on the things you can't change..easy to say, hard to do.

Get busy doing something to change something in your life..constructively change.
 ilovetodance1234
Joined: 4/5/2011
Msg: 43
thought she loved me
Posted: 7/21/2011 8:01:24 PM
I know it is a difficult thing to do but you have to stop thinking about her, worrying about what she is doing and with whom she is doing whatever with. Believe me, I know full well what you are going through. My heart has been broken (just recently). I know it is difficult to concentrate on anything else. So many of us have been there and our hearts are breaking for you because we all know how you feel and how difficult it is for you. Trust me (I know you don't know me) but trust me when I say this..you must move on for YOUR sake. You must stop thinking of her. You need some time to grieve of "what you felt could have been." Then you have to pull up your boot straps and move on. Be a better person, take a good look at yourself. Find and accept your wonderful qualities. It is difficult but be confident in who YOU are. When you least expect it some wonderful young lady is going to come into your life and you will know what true love is...because true love is given by both parties to one another. Take care.
 poisonbaby
Joined: 6/13/2011
Msg: 44
thought she loved me
Posted: 7/21/2011 8:46:52 PM
"Supposedly she tried blaming me that I didn't trust her when she went away, mean while I never said anything about a trust problem or something to bring it up. She tried to blame me for stuff that I didn't even bring up. As far as I knew we where going strong as all could, like I mentioned in the first post that me and her the last month when we where together was by far the best."

So, you weren't the one initiating the arguments ... she was. Its called building a case against you. Historically, women are far more likely to use poison as a means to take someone's life than a man is (5% for males - 35% for females) whereas men are more likely to take someone's life instantly and violently ... "cold blooded" murder ... bang bang!!! but what's more cold blooded than causing someone to slowly suffer their way to their end?

Its my opinion that the same applies to our ways of ending the life of a relationship. If there's a way to poison the relationship and make you share a bit of the responsibility then she can walk away with a case for her future happiness and from the sounds of it, it sounds like since she's entering a same sex relationship she might need a good case for why ... what better than how "untrusting" you were and how she just couldn't take that anymore ... blah blah blah.

It takes time to recover from attempted poisoning like that ... hang in there ... you've gotten a lot of good advice here ... stay close to those who know you best and can help you separate reality from her fiction of you. You'll be good as new in time ... love triumphs over death! :)
 MedallioN105
Joined: 7/13/2011
Msg: 45
thought she loved me
Posted: 7/22/2011 6:46:56 AM

I know it is a difficult thing to do but you have to stop thinking about her, worrying about what she is doing and with whom she is doing whatever with. Believe me, I know full well what you are going through. My heart has been broken (just recently). I know it is difficult to concentrate on anything else. So many of us have been there and our hearts are breaking for you because we all know how you feel and how difficult it is for you. Trust me (I know you don't know me) but trust me when I say this..you must move on for YOUR sake. You must stop thinking of her. You need some time to grieve of "what you felt could have been." Then you have to pull up your boot straps and move on. Be a better person, take a good look at yourself. Find and accept your wonderful qualities. It is difficult but be confident in who YOU are. When you least expect it some wonderful young lady is going to come into your life and you will know what true love is...because true love is given by both parties to one another. Take care.


Sorry that something similar happened to you it is a painful process but you nailed it right on the nose we must move on for our own sake, yeah it hurts especially after a relationship you committed a lot of time and effort into.


"Supposedly she tried blaming me that I didn't trust her when she went away, mean while I never said anything about a trust problem or something to bring it up. She tried to blame me for stuff that I didn't even bring up. As far as I knew we where going strong as all could, like I mentioned in the first post that me and her the last month when we where together was by far the best."

So, you weren't the one initiating the arguments ... she was. Its called building a case against you. Historically, women are far more likely to use poison as a means to take someone's life than a man is (5% for males - 35% for females) whereas men are more likely to take someone's life instantly and violently ... "cold blooded" murder ... bang bang!!! but what's more cold blooded than causing someone to slowly suffer their way to their end?

Its my opinion that the same applies to our ways of ending the life of a relationship. If there's a way to poison the relationship and make you share a bit of the responsibility then she can walk away with a case for her future happiness and from the sounds of it, it sounds like since she's entering a same sex relationship she might need a good case for why ... what better than how "untrusting" you were and how she just couldn't take that anymore ... blah blah blah.

It takes time to recover from attempted poisoning like that ... hang in there ... you've gotten a lot of good advice here ... stay close to those who know you best and can help you separate reality from her fiction of you. You'll be good as new in time ... love triumphs over death! :)


The slow suffering hurts a lot more which for me it seems to be doing just that. I mean obviously a cold blooded murder im hoping that person never felt a thing, but you get my drift.
 ilovetodance1234
Joined: 4/5/2011
Msg: 46
thought she loved me
Posted: 7/22/2011 12:12:24 PM
You are correct the slow painful process is horrible. The memories, thinking of that special person first thing when you wake up, the last thing when you go to sleep. Seeing other couples together, going places you have been together, simple gestures, a song, the sunset, sunrise etc. It hurs like heck. You have to allow yourself to move on. Take it slow, easy, one moment at a time. It is hard. Believe me, I and many others have been there and we know what the pain is. It can devastate you. It can bring even the strongest person down to their knees. I know this sounds unkind but it is not meant to be. She has found another thus she is not worrying, thinking, etc. of your pain. Only YOU cann stop the pain. Don't let her continue to control your pain. Please don't use someone else as a rebound girl as it will just hurt them and you don't want to do that. I read that you are a police officer. Put your whole heart and mind into your work for now, your friends, and your family. You cannot think about her while on the job as it would put you and/or your partner at risk. My heartache was recent. It still hurts. I still don't know why it didn't work out but it didn't. Thus, I don't want to waste a moment of my life with regrets. At times I can think about the wonderful memories and cherish them, but it still hurts so I only allow myself to think about them for a moment. I still cry about the loss as to me it seemed so perfect. I felt the magic. He says he didn't. He will always be special to me. Always be my friend. But for now it hurts too much to dwell on it. Life is short. You as a police officer know how quickly one can be lost to you. Thus, make the most of your life. Don't waste it on regrets, what could of, should of been as you may become so imbedded in this pain you may miss the best thing in your life. . Get out there and live for today. Put a smile on your beautiful face. Truely, one day you will look back and wish you had not spent so many wasted tears, moments, pain, etc. on the one who was not meant to be for you. I have 3 sons and have gone through this process with them and their girlfriends (now their wives) and trust me I hurt for them when they hurt. I send out a big hug to you. I know it won't make it better but just knowing someone cares does help.
 gardenias2
Joined: 1/13/2011
Msg: 47
thought she loved me
Posted: 7/22/2011 1:34:20 PM
and i know pingshooters intentions are good.


given his rather rude and insulting response, for the record i retract the above statement.


Only YOU cann stop the pain. Don't let her continue to control your pain.


once again folks he doesn't NEED to do a thing. he isn't doing anything wrong. this is not the time to invalidate someone. he's hurting, he will get over it when he gets over it. stop blaming him for hurting, geez.

the more loving and caring the individual, usually the more they hurt. insensitive jerks seem to be able to just pick themselves right back up and forget about it all much more quickly.

the best advice any of you can give him is to feel his pain completely. not stop it or put it on a shelf. feel it, cry it out and don't put a time limit or conditions on how long you need to grieve. the only objective is to release the hurt.

 MedallioN105
Joined: 7/13/2011
Msg: 48
thought she loved me
Posted: 7/22/2011 5:20:18 PM

You are correct the slow painful process is horrible. The memories, thinking of that special person first thing when you wake up, the last thing when you go to sleep. Seeing other couples together, going places you have been together, simple gestures, a song, the sunset, sunrise etc. It hurs like heck. You have to allow yourself to move on. Take it slow, easy, one moment at a time. It is hard. Believe me, I and many others have been there and we know what the pain is. It can devastate you. It can bring even the strongest person down to their knees. I know this sounds unkind but it is not meant to be. She has found another thus she is not worrying, thinking, etc. of your pain. Only YOU cann stop the pain. Don't let her continue to control your pain. Please don't use someone else as a rebound girl as it will just hurt them and you don't want to do that. I read that you are a police officer. Put your whole heart and mind into your work for now, your friends, and your family. You cannot think about her while on the job as it would put you and/or your partner at risk. My heartache was recent. It still hurts. I still don't know why it didn't work out but it didn't. Thus, I don't want to waste a moment of my life with regrets. At times I can think about the wonderful memories and cherish them, but it still hurts so I only allow myself to think about them for a moment. I still cry about the loss as to me it seemed so perfect. I felt the magic. He says he didn't. He will always be special to me. Always be my friend. But for now it hurts too much to dwell on it. Life is short. You as a police officer know how quickly one can be lost to you. Thus, make the most of your life. Don't waste it on regrets, what could of, should of been as you may become so imbedded in this pain you may miss the best thing in your life. . Get out there and live for today. Put a smile on your beautiful face. Truely, one day you will look back and wish you had not spent so many wasted tears, moments, pain, etc. on the one who was not meant to be for you. I have 3 sons and have gone through this process with them and their girlfriends (now their wives) and trust me I hurt for them when they hurt. I send out a big hug to you. I know it won't make it better but just knowing someone cares does help.


Yeah it's very hard and yes your right I shouldn't let it effect me to the point where it puts me in danger with my job, like you said she will always have a place in my heart. Even though she didn't feel the same for me, she helped me in ways grow up and mature, and it seems everything I do..if im hanging with friends or listening to music the simplest lyric sometimes gets me upset...I just gotta develop the patience and time and hopefully I'll get the right one, and no im not going to just go on the rebound.
 curlygrl
Joined: 11/8/2006
Msg: 49
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History
thought she loved me
Posted: 7/22/2011 5:38:35 PM
I know it's really hard to understand
and I feel your pain. I really do.

How can someone be with me for so long
and now she is gay?
I know. It's messed up.

Like I explained to you before- this has nothing
to do with you, how you treated her or even that
you love her.

She knows you love her. She can't love you back
the way a woman loves a man.

It really has nothing to do with love.

It's sexuality. It's ingrained in her.

She now feels the need to follow that path-
the path she was born to feel.

Wish her well in your heart and move on.

Unfortunately if the situation arises when
she decides she likes guys again- don't be there.

Gay is not something that is the thing to do- gay
is what they are and hopefully with no contact an
healing you will be in a good place and strong
enough to just be her friend.

I know she treated you bad at the end. That's all
projection. That's her not being able to own that she
knows she is hurting you by putting the blame
of something- anything to ease her conscience.

I know this is really shitty but you have to know this
is all her. Her shitty character and integrity with
you is who she really is. Has nothing to do with her being
gay- she just isn't a nice person. Not for you.

 MedallioN105
Joined: 7/13/2011
Msg: 50
thought she loved me
Posted: 7/22/2011 6:11:54 PM

My theory is that she didn't love you. Move on


I dont think she would be with me for 6 years if she didn't have some sort of love for me. I mean would you stick around with someone you didn't love for 6 years? highly doubt that.
 MedallioN105
Joined: 7/13/2011
Msg: 51
thought she loved me
Posted: 7/23/2011 6:08:53 AM
Alright well last night the mutual friend talked to now my ex fiancee and she came out and told our mutual friend that she has a girlfriend(surprise surprise), she then recently told her family and friends also, first her cousin and then her parents..supposedly my ex's mother is taking it really hard, her parents don't want her in their house anymore and supposedly coming in sept, she will be moving into her own place. She met this "girlfriend" over the internet and supposedly they hit it off right away and have a lot in common(I have heard this before), and that her friends and family see how happy Samantha is now(duh she's in a new relationship). My ex said to our friend that she knew she was always a lesbian but was afraid to say anything so she tried to change. Deep down inside she knew. The good news is that she never cheated on me, but she was afraid to tell me cause she thought i would "go off" on her(yelling) and the whole nine yard's. So Samantha gave our friend the green light to tell me about Samantha's change. So our friend told Samantha that it would be a wise choice to come out and tell me for, I myself can come to terms with it and move on. Supposedly Samantha told our friend that maybe down the line she would talk to me but not right now. Now this new relationship samantha has supposedly this girl is coming into New York for 2 weeks starting August 1st and there staying in a hotel, she also went on to say that she will not go back out with me because she's a lesbian and she's happy now that she came out. So finally that I have some of the story I guess all that I can do now is move on and look for the right one. Like I have been saying it absolutely kills me that this happened and if she was into females the entire time why did she have a relationship with me, to me it almost felt like she faked loved me for 6 years. But thats all for now.

Again sorry for my run on sentences and such not the greatest writer.
 ilovetodance1234
Joined: 4/5/2011
Msg: 52
thought she loved me
Posted: 7/23/2011 10:08:49 AM
TO: Gardenias2 This Post is not about attacking others for their well meant and thoughtful responses. No one is saying this young man is or did anything wrong.No one is invalidating his feelings at all. We are all merely advising him how to get through the day and night without completely losing it. Obviously one needs to deal with the pain and release it but given the type of job this young man has he certainly needs to put things in prospective so that he does not jeapordize himself or others on the job. Wallowing in the pain on a continuous basis is not healthy no matter what you say. Just because he is being given advice to move past the hurt, pull his boot straps up, doesn't mean anyone is as you put it "insensitive jerks". You sound like you have had much hurt in your life, and if that is so, I am very sorry for that but it does not give you or anyone the right to call others names or diminish their advice. The best advice is to focus on this young man's hurt and pain, offer him the heartfelt advice we are giving and let him decide for himself what advice works best for him.
 viper1j
Joined: 11/30/2005
Msg: 53
thought she loved me
Posted: 7/23/2011 12:01:40 PM

**********************************thought she loved me****************************************


That was your biggest mistake.
 ilovetodance1234
Joined: 4/5/2011
Msg: 54
thought she loved me
Posted: 7/24/2011 5:43:17 PM
MedallioN105: I hope you are doing better today. I know it is tough but I also know having chosen the career that you have chosen, although you may not know it at this moment, you are tough and you will grow and learn from this experience. So long as you learn and not become bitter that is important. There unfortunately seems to be a lot of bitter people in this world which is so sad. Believe me my life has sucked pretty much in the relationship department and other areas at this moment, especially after the last one I am really, really scared to get back out there but I am going to try again. Probably guard my heart a little harder but try to keep it open enough to let love back into my life. You are way too young to close yourself off. I hope and wish that at some point down the road I receive an e-mail from you advising you have found the love of your life. A great big hug goes out to you. smile.
 Gnerkette
Joined: 7/26/2010
Msg: 55
thought she loved me
Posted: 7/25/2011 12:07:15 PM
Medallion --- the advice to "get over it" sucks. It's your pain and heartache and you can't just wish it away. BUT it will get better. I have been divorced for a year now and have been away from him for 1 1/2 years, from a man I was married to for 5 1/2 years before I found out he was gay. He's 42 yrs old now. He spent the first 40 in absolute denial. I'm sure he loved me in some way. But he found a guy he really liked and finally gave up faking his life. It hurt. It hurt really bad. But after some healing time, I knew it wasn't me and it wasn't my fault. You will too. Good luck.
 curlygrl
Joined: 11/8/2006
Msg: 56
view profile
History
thought she loved me
Posted: 7/25/2011 4:42:12 PM
^^^^i think the gay component here is what
really gets people stuck and I agree- unless
you have been in a relationship with someone
who comes out to you, I don't think the
regular breakup crap applies.

It has a whole other set of mind blowing components
that leave you stuck.

It would be nice if others who have dealt with
this had the courage to post here.

Different questions as to "why" and the biggest one is
"did they ever love me "

Really crappy stuff and my heart goes out
to you OP.

You will get though this and just know you
did nothing but love her.
 campbell062
Joined: 10/10/2010
Msg: 57
thought she loved me
Posted: 7/25/2011 8:21:10 PM
hey i had something like that but im 48 and it still happens at any age sorry just keep going head up young man.
 MedallioN105
Joined: 7/13/2011
Msg: 58
thought she loved me
Posted: 7/25/2011 8:46:29 PM

MedallioN105: I hope you are doing better today. I know it is tough but I also know having chosen the career that you have chosen, although you may not know it at this moment, you are tough and you will grow and learn from this experience. So long as you learn and not become bitter that is important. There unfortunately seems to be a lot of bitter people in this world which is so sad. Believe me my life has sucked pretty much in the relationship department and other areas at this moment, especially after the last one I am really, really scared to get back out there but I am going to try again. Probably guard my heart a little harder but try to keep it open enough to let love back into my life. You are way too young to close yourself off. I hope and wish that at some point down the road I receive an e-mail from you advising you have found the love of your life. A great big hug goes out to you. smile.


I feel a little better today thanks, Yeah it's tough but unfortunately having the job I have I cant really allow my feelings to show that much. While im hurt and I have the feelings of screw it all, I have no intentions of turning bitter and in time I will fine someone but right now it seems that no one is close to what im looking for. Tell me if im wrong or shallow but Im looking for someone who basically has the same looks as my ex. :( But I must develop patience's and realize that love just doesn't show up, but I will defiantly email you if I find her.

Everyone else thanks for the advice and kind words, Hopefully time will heal all the wounds or at-least keep them to the point where it doesn't effect me that much.
 cashleys
Joined: 7/5/2011
Msg: 59
thought she loved me
Posted: 7/25/2011 10:28:15 PM
I didn't read the whole thing but all I had to read was the excuse of the line_It's not you--It's me. That means goodbye I am interested in someone else or looking for someone else. She has moved on quite some time ago and is just now letting YOU know it. People do that often.
Feelings change, people change and sometimes it just doesn't work out. Move on, remember the good things, let her go.
You are wasting your time and keeping yourself from finding someone that will love and adore you.
 JWS1974
Joined: 5/17/2010
Msg: 60
thought she loved me
Posted: 7/25/2011 10:57:46 PM
Most people spend their 20's figuring out who they are. She probably has been battling these feelings inside, and because she really loved you, attempted to struggle through them, stay together and ride it out. But after a long time it was obvious they were her true feelings and not some phase. What most likely changed was not her sexuality, but her willingness to hide that part of herself. You were just involved when she decided to stop denying her true feelings and live honestly.
 MedallioN105
Joined: 7/13/2011
Msg: 61
thought she loved me
Posted: 7/25/2011 11:08:52 PM

I didn't read the whole thing but all I had to read was the excuse of the line_It's not you--It's me. That means goodbye I am interested in someone else or looking for someone else. She has moved on quite some time ago and is just now letting YOU know it. People do that often.
Feelings change, people change and sometimes it just doesn't work out. Move on, remember the good things, let her go.
You are wasting your time and keeping yourself from finding someone that will love and adore you.


Yeah those few words did me in when she told me that, but of course I keep on thinking it is me because she obviously she left me, but whatever floats her boat and at-least she came out and finally admitted that she was gay...more power to her.


Most people spend their 20's figuring out who they are. She probably has been battling these feelings inside, and because she really loved you, attempted to struggle through them, stay together and ride it out. But after a long time it was obvious they were her true feelings and not some phase. What most likely changed was not her sexuality, but her willingness to hide that part of herself. You were just involved when she decided to stop denying her true feelings and live honestly.


Im sure she has been struggling with it for sometime, and im sure she did "truly" love me for at-least 5 years, she's the one that wanted to get engaged and all. It hurts that why again struggle to hang on for 6 years and out of the blue ignore me, put up a HUGE fight and blame me for stuff I never did? I was mega confused and to tell you the truth I still am, but all I can do now is move on and remember the good times spent with her.
 Greatcatch12345
Joined: 5/2/2011
Msg: 62
thought she loved me
Posted: 7/26/2011 3:41:30 AM
sorry dude..she's plays for the other team now..maybe it was the horseback riding..bumping and grinding...or something....but in any case...its time to move on.
 Gnerkette
Joined: 7/26/2010
Msg: 63
thought she loved me
Posted: 7/26/2011 7:15:41 AM

blame me for stuff I never did?


It makes it easier for them to leave if they try to make it your fault in their minds.
 gardenias2
Joined: 1/13/2011
Msg: 64
thought she loved me
Posted: 7/26/2011 1:50:29 PM
Wallowing in the pain on a continuous basis is not healthy no matter what you say. Just because he is being given advice to move past the hurt, pull his boot straps up, doesn't mean anyone is as you put it "insensitive jerks".


and you lovetodance obviously can't discern the difference btwn wallowing and being in pain. never did i say wallowing or refer to it. you also have a problem with reading comprehension and misquoting others to support your opinion. and all that is why you are giving lousy advice, it's half fraudulent.
 MedallioN105
Joined: 7/13/2011
Msg: 65
thought she loved me
Posted: 7/26/2011 2:48:00 PM

It makes it easier for them to leave if they try to make it your fault in their minds.


Well if thats the case she definitely went out with a bang and had no regrets, because she went all "out" no pun intended on me.
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