Plentyoffish dating forums are a place to meet singles and get dating advice or share dating experiences etc. Hopefully you will all have fun meeting singles and try out this online dating thing... Remember that we are the largest free online dating service, so you will never have to pay a dime to meet your soulmate.
     
Show ALL Forums  > Sex and Dating  > Friends with Benefits... WHY!?      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 sexypunkgirl
Joined: 1/16/2011
Msg: 226
Friends with Benefits... WHY!?Page 10 of 14    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14)
I never had friends with benefits of the opposite sex. just a couple long term relationships. How ever my BF used to be a manwhore. His reason. He never found a girl he wanted a relationship with, so why bother starting one. But like any guy they all have needs. So I guess makes sense. And after hearing stories from his other friends and finding out how crazy some of these women are, i dont blame him for not wanting a relationship with them.

Now for me.. I have had friends with benefits of the same sex. Thats the whole point of my profile on here, thats mostly what im looking for. WHY. Because i dont want to date and marry another woman. How ever I find women a whole lot of fun. So i guess technically we are FWB.
 InThePipe
Joined: 8/29/2011
Msg: 227
Friends with Benefits... WHY!?
Posted: 9/4/2011 6:05:42 AM
I think a FWB is a safer and more stable alternative then one night stand after the other. When you don't have the time or motivation to invest in a long term relationship
 m_church
Joined: 11/8/2007
Msg: 228
view profile
History
Friends with Benefits... WHY!?
Posted: 9/4/2011 8:48:57 AM

I think a FWB is a safer and more stable alternative then one night stand after the other. When you don't have the time or motivation to invest in a long term relationship

The fact is, it's only safer if you absolutely can trust your FWB to be monogmaous and honest... If your FWB has other FWB's then you could be at a higher risk...
I can see it being helpful if you don't have time for a relationship, but honestly, I'd think if you can make the time to meet your FWB regularly for sex, then you'd have the time for a relationship... and alternately if you hardly ever see your FWB, then it's even more likely that your FWB is maintaining other FWBs...
As for motivation, getting regular sex from an FWB might actually reduce motivation...
and might also reduce what one is willing to invest emotionally in a long term relationship...
 InThePipe
Joined: 8/29/2011
Msg: 229
Friends with Benefits... WHY!?
Posted: 9/4/2011 9:44:01 AM
The fact is, it's only safer if you absolutely can trust your FWB to be monogmaous and honest... If your FWB has other FWB's then you could be at a higher risk...


I think it's still safer if I feel I can trust the person. And it's better I do this then hang around in clubs every night, sleep around with a lot of different people and give them the wrong idea and put myself at risk



I can see it being helpful if you don't have time for a relationship, but honestly, I'd think if you can make the time to meet your FWB regularly for sex, then you'd have the time for a relationship... and alternately if you hardly ever see your FWB, then it's even more likely that your FWB is maintaining other FWBs...
As for motivation, getting regular sex from an FWB might actually reduce motivation...
and might also reduce what one is willing to invest emotionally in a long term relationship...


Meeting for a couple times a week takes way less energy than trying to have a relationship and first I have to find someone I want to date. I guess it's kind of ironic but I am slow to liking people and picky about who I want to date. But I still have a high libido and needs, and for me this is the most responsible and drama free way I can take care of myself and not hurt anyones feelings.

Sex and intimacy are two different things. I don't expect intimacy from my FWB, but in a relationship I do. So that's my motivation for wanting a proper relationship.
 BACKAGAINTOTRYAGAIN
Joined: 6/14/2011
Msg: 230
Friends with Benefits... WHY!?
Posted: 10/29/2011 7:49:25 AM
good point why do that friends with benefits what benefits are their . I think is a waste of time and it only hurts people . a friend doesnt sleep together and what are this benefits away to feel like a peice of crap being used for sex. benefits should inculed dentist ext wich i have at work so why would i want this sound like a big headache and great way to get a std. cause who know who their sleeping with. sounds dum to me . at least a one night stand you can get over it and move on . this is only causes pain to someone. it not worth it . so friend with benefits . it sound be called sex buddy cause their is no benefits. be used pretty much for sex.
 wildlifelover1979
Joined: 2/11/2011
Msg: 231
Friends with Benefits... WHY!?
Posted: 10/29/2011 7:57:31 AM
I tried it with a woman and I couldn't live with myself. I wanted something more and I got attached to the woman more and more everytime we had sex. The woman didn't feel that way. She thought of sex is something you do for fun. She broke up with me. Friends with benefits is not good for me. I prefer committed long-term relationship with sex is the best way to go. I had most women tell me that want long-term relationship with committment that they want to wait til they are at least engaged, living with the guy and/or married before having sex. I guess I lose no matter what!!
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 232
Friends with Benefits... WHY!?
Posted: 10/29/2011 9:36:11 AM

The fact is, it's only safer if you absolutely can trust your FWB to be monogmaous and honest... If your FWB has other FWB's then you could be at a higher risk...

The point of the "F" in FWB is established friendship. The point of FWB is to enjoy sex in a safe arrangement to avoid sleeping with strangers or multiple people, with someone else you know and trust that wants the SAME arrangement. Both should agree they don't want more than that for whatever reason. 16 hour work days, for example.

If people followed the true sense of the word, they wouldn't wonder about trust. If you're already friends with someone and have some interest in their well being before the sex comes in, that's an actual FWB. If you're sleeping with someone that's sleeping with others, that's just random sex. There's nothing FWB about it.

What most are worried about here is a different arrangement - perhaps NSA, or FB or just causal sex. The point of FWB is to eliminate the casual aspect of sex between relationships. Many people have started to use FWB for things that aren't, and that's what causes all this debate.
 1234deleted1234
Joined: 10/8/2009
Msg: 233
Friends with Benefits... WHY!?
Posted: 10/29/2011 9:44:47 AM
^^^^ Sing it Sister!


I couldn't have said it better!

Plus Friends, don't put each other at risk... I've had very varying types of FWB's and all had one thing in common....DISCLOSURE!
If either one of us had sex with another we were to disclose that information before being intimate again! ...Of course that needs to be agreed on and not assumed.
 christyis4real
Joined: 7/6/2011
Msg: 234
Friends with Benefits... WHY!?
Posted: 10/29/2011 9:55:27 AM
Porn and toys are great temporarily, but people crave human touch. At least I do. I have a friend with benefits, and I never thought that I would EVER go that route in a million years. It's worked good for me. I work a lot and I am tired a lot. Not a lot of time to date in between, so that's when the FWB comes to play. He's a VERY good friend who happens to be very good in the bedroom and I get the human touch and affection that I crave. Then I go home and do my thing. I don't screw around and he doesn't screw around but if we found that special someone we would both understand and the FWB "relationship" would seize. It takes a strong minded individual to have this kind of relationship in order to not get too confused with your emotions ;)
 1234deleted1234
Joined: 10/8/2009
Msg: 235
Friends with Benefits... WHY!?
Posted: 10/29/2011 10:06:56 AM
^^^^^ Oh SNAP! You just opened the door for the anti FWB Police to come in and insist that by saying:

It takes a strong minded individual to have this kind of relationship in order to not get too confused with your emotion

Because to THEM that means if they don't have a FWB then you're calling them weak minded!


But it's nice to see that you "GET" what it's all about and are enjoying it until the benefits cease!
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 236
Friends with Benefits... WHY!?
Posted: 10/29/2011 11:03:41 AM

It takes a strong minded individual to have this kind of relationship in order to not get too confused with your emotions ;)

Agreed here. There are some people that cannot compartmentalize something like this and cannot have sex without attachment. We all have emotions, but some cannot separate those from romantic feelings.

Those people are not wrong or weak, rather they are just not wired for it. Knowing this and avoiding it if you are that person is the right thing to do.

Telling people who cannot or don't want to do what you do or do something you can't do in the same way that they are bad, or anything else negative is the wrong thing to do.
 christyis4real
Joined: 7/6/2011
Msg: 237
Friends with Benefits... WHY!?
Posted: 10/29/2011 11:08:43 AM
If that's what they see when they read my response, then they must possess some kind of self esteem issue. The ones who have actually had a FWB understand what I am talking about regarding being strong minded. That is all that matters.
 anazdaddy
Joined: 1/6/2009
Msg: 238
view profile
History
Friends with Benefits... WHY!?
Posted: 10/29/2011 11:16:14 AM
FWB have their time and place. It is not up to me nor anyone else to judge what 2 people want to do behind closed doors. Like so much else in life, we have choices. If you don't want a FWB type relationship, then don't have one.
 anazdaddy
Joined: 1/6/2009
Msg: 239
view profile
History
Friends with Benefits... WHY!?
Posted: 10/29/2011 11:16:25 AM
FWB have their time and place. It is not up to me nor anyone else to judge what 2 people want to do behind closed doors. Like so much else in life, we have choices. If you don't want a FWB type relationship, then don't have one.
 Laha Math
Joined: 7/15/2010
Msg: 240
Friends with Benefits... WHY!?
Posted: 10/29/2011 11:52:19 AM
Friends can't have sex? You have to be in a relationship to have sex? Friendship isn't a relationship? What an unbelievably limited exsitence some people must live.
 lookin4fun57
Joined: 10/1/2007
Msg: 241
Friends with Benefits... WHY!?
Posted: 10/29/2011 3:32:05 PM
wow a couple of honest women with an honest answer. I think more men and women have a fwb and not willing to admit it. some people cant distinguish the difference between love and sex and think you cant have one without the other. if you are in a committed relationship thats one thing but if your single , dating and no commitments then whats wrong with it ? having a person next to you and having pleasure is much better than being alone
 m_church
Joined: 11/8/2007
Msg: 242
view profile
History
Friends with Benefits... WHY!?
Posted: 10/29/2011 6:42:03 PM

Plus Friends, don't put each other at risk... I've had very varying types of FWB's and all had one thing in common....DISCLOSURE!

People lie to spouses, family members, friends all the time...
As for DISCLOSURE. While you're probably right, there's no 100% guarantee you are... You only know what you have been told, that has not been contradicted. So your logic seems fine on the surface... as far as you know....

If either one of us had sex with another we were to disclose that information before being intimate again!

And as far as you know, that's what's happened, but that doesn't mean that it in fact has happened all the time....

Granted, it can happen in any relationship, but there are 'friends' and there are "FRIENDS"...
Some friends will take a bullet for you... some will take your last beer.... it's important to know which is which before you buy beer....
 1234deleted1234
Joined: 10/8/2009
Msg: 243
Friends with Benefits... WHY!?
Posted: 10/29/2011 7:04:12 PM
^^^ I LOVE how tainted and vile everything in YOUR world is...must be quite a life you got there!

In MY world I only have people I trust, Whom also know what a REAL friend is...
If anything happens like you describe how can you say they were ACTUALLY being a FRIEND?

They weren't!
By definition...FRIENDS don't do what you describe.


....Of course our friends tend to be a reflection of ourselves....what kind of friends do YOU have?
 MsMicki
Joined: 10/2/2006
Msg: 244
view profile
History
Friends with Benefits... WHY!?
Posted: 10/29/2011 8:47:09 PM
^^^^ exactly!!

every time he posts that crap I tell my friends how much I adore them....because my friends are sure a helluva lot different than his!
 modivin
Joined: 8/21/2011
Msg: 245
Friends with Benefits... WHY!?
Posted: 10/29/2011 8:51:11 PM
That would be because you have real friends while the other....sounds like virtual friends....found on a gaming system of some sort.

The friends I have in my corner....I know are the kind that will always "have my back" will be there for me through thick and thin. The only problem is with my male friends, I am looked at like a little sister, so nothing would ever happen intimately. Which also made it difficult to date when I lived in certain areas....overly protective.

However, new place, new adventure...plenty of gorgeous, funny, and intelligent men I will be seeing much of that would make wonderful Friends...WITH...benefits
 m_church
Joined: 11/8/2007
Msg: 246
view profile
History
Friends with Benefits... WHY!?
Posted: 10/29/2011 9:30:45 PM

I LOVE how tainted and vile everything in YOUR world is...must be quite a life you got there!

I LOVE how rose coloured and fuzzy warm everything in YOUR world is.... must be quite a life you got there!
The fact is, not everyone is in YOUR world, nor are they in MY world. There are all sorts in between... Like I said, some friends will take a bullet, others will take your beer.
My reality is as real as is yours. However, I don't feel a need to post comments like this " Of course our friends tend to be a reflection of ourselves...." as a little dig...
Friends are not a reflection of who you are unless you deliberately choose friends that make you look better. I don't.

what kind of friends do YOU have?

I don't know. Never bothered to judge them. Many of them have been around since I was a kid... I guess we choose friends as kids based on different criteria than we do as adults... Most friends are not the same by the time they grow up. But then they are still friends. Maybe they're not perfect, I know I'm not. But we're still friends. I guess that means a hell of a lot more than just having perfect friends in my book.

You also apparently need to make others look bad to make you look better. Nice. Must be quite a life you got there!
I'll stick with my own thanks...
 JCinVicBC
Joined: 6/17/2011
Msg: 247
view profile
History
Friends with Benefits... WHY!?
Posted: 10/30/2011 2:50:58 AM
I've never done it myself. I'd only do it with one specific person. The reason? Well, it's gonna sound weird. She's a sweet, wonderful woman, and I have very strong feelings for her, but I have absolutely no physical attraction to her. And without it, I'd find it very difficult to have a romantic relationship with her. At the same time though, I want her to know my feelings for her, and I want her to feel loved and wanted, as well as pleasured. So, since we're both single anyway, I'd like to make love to her now and then, or even just cuddle with her, but only want to maintain our current friendship.

I don't expect that's the reason most people do it, but that's my reason.

Oops, just remembered I did do it once...for a coupla years around age 12-14 or so...with another guy...experimenting, but basically just friends having sex. I'm straight (unless you count trans) so it was never more than that. But at that age, we hardly even considered the distinction.
 MikeWM
Joined: 2/7/2011
Msg: 248
view profile
History
Friends with Benefits... WHY!?
Posted: 10/30/2011 5:45:38 AM
Firstly from the initial header, if you cant discern the difference between sex with not just "a" person, but with a person you know well and masturbation porn and toys then I really do feel sorry for you. And believe youre really missing the entire concept of "sex" if those are "equal" to you

Secondly, the women you mention werent "contradicting" themselves

Sex with "randoms" and booty calls are JUST sex, which I'm not saying cant be good, but its a very functional act and is far closer to masturbation using porn than and FWB as the person might as well be a hooker or an escort.

Theres also the "unknown" quantities with "randoms" relating to sexual history, sexual health and physical safety

So theres a very VERY big difference between the things you mention and having sex with someone who is a FRIEND with benefits (friend is the important word there) because to be an FWB its someone you know, socialise with and get on with well enough to have formed a friendship, but where the missing ingredient that meant it could develop into an LTR just wasnt there

So not only do you have that better knowledge of each other, mutual respect and know;edge of each others sexual past already thrown in, but the actual intimacy and sex itself is usually far better than any of the other alternatives you mention as you have the underpinnings of the more important aspects of an actual relationship there too like actually being friends, getting on, similar personalities, sense of humour, outlook, values etc etc

Although as you say theres a LOT of threads about this on here there really isnt, most of them seem to be confusing an FB with a FWB and the two are quite different things
 SeaCatcher
Joined: 9/11/2011
Msg: 249
Friends with Benefits... WHY!?
Posted: 10/30/2011 6:59:17 AM
player_two wrote [The fact still remains that if you NEED a friend with benefits.. The sex is meaningless outside of a relationship.. And surly would be just as meaningless within one because if free sex is not special... Where does that leave making love? The true connection between a man and a woman within a bonded union?... It leaves it cold.. Broken.. Withered and in limbo]

What you're failing to realize is that a friend with benefits is still a friend. Sex between them is not meaningless and it is intimate. Sex between friends can be very beautiful (I speak from experience here). The difference between sex with a friend and sex with a lover is that all the projections and assumptions about each other (so very common in so-called lover relationships) are absent. This is a meeting between two people who like each other, but do not wish to live together. The sex between friends is about mutual enjoyment, and jolly good conversation before and afterwards. There is nothing empty about friendship.
 1234deleted1234
Joined: 10/8/2009
Msg: 250
Friends with Benefits... WHY!?
Posted: 10/30/2011 7:06:50 AM
I have made love to a FWB...we LOVED each other, but we knew we had differences that made a romantic relationship impossible...sometimes we would even tell each other "I love you!"

It sure beats a NSA hookup in my book...but that's just my opinion.
Show ALL Forums  > Sex and Dating  > Friends with Benefits... WHY!?