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Show ALL Forums  > Sex and Dating  > Friends with Benefits... WHY!?      Home login  
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 MsMicki
Joined: 10/2/2006
Msg: 289
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Friends with Benefits... WHY!?Page 13 of 14    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14)
^^^well that little announcement should take care of that situation for you!!


Infact how many people who view an FWB as being beneath them dont even get to know their "serious love interest" well enough for a friendship strong enough to survive the break up to form? Most seem to go from love to never ever speaking again

I think I've said that in every FWB thread in these forums! Peeps want to dog on those that have a FWB.......yet one has to wonder how many men/women have fallen into their "3 date" category?!? And then when those 'relationships' (?) don't work out......they haven't even formed a friendship strong enough to survive the whole ordeal. Then......it's on to the next one.......
 crystleball
Joined: 9/17/2008
Msg: 290
Friends with Benefits... WHY!?
Posted: 11/1/2011 8:19:44 PM
Some people get to a point in their life that they have been in "relationships"and have only been hurt. It seems that there is a game that is played and this is what is wanted. So sick of the politically correct crap. There is nothing wrong with a fwb relationship. If the two who are in it are on the same page. There are some people who just want to have the benefits of this and I say more power to them.
 chromelove08
Joined: 11/17/2008
Msg: 291
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Friends with Benefits... WHY!?
Posted: 11/1/2011 8:58:08 PM
Totally agree with that...I had been hurt so much that i thought a fwb would just be something to do and get my needs met and i wouldn't get hurt. I am definitely not beneath the fwb thing. If anyone wants just sex then go for it.
 Giggles10000
Joined: 6/17/2011
Msg: 292
Friends with Benefits... WHY!?
Posted: 11/2/2011 11:49:54 PM
I tried a FWB, 3 years later we are living together and in a relationship...dang I even screwed (literally) that up :P
 Boricua Papi
Joined: 10/8/2007
Msg: 293
Friends with Benefits... WHY!?
Posted: 11/3/2011 5:42:58 AM
It is just a game they play. When you write a dating profile you always make sure you don't show your real self untill you meet people in person...
Women write stuff like "if you are looking for sex pass me by", they are really saying "Let's talk, let's meet and see what happens".
 fairflower
Joined: 8/21/2011
Msg: 294
Friends with Benefits... WHY!?
Posted: 11/3/2011 5:49:01 AM
I can tell you why. I know personally speaking after being with the same man since i was 19, him dying suddenly and a long hiatus from men and sex and at my age, i am done with relationships and all that goes with it. yes, there are those glorious toys but sometimes you just need a man, his body and the all the fun that goes with it without having to answer to him when the night is over. I think friend with benefits gives a woman the best of both worlds - her sexual needs fulfulled and her independence.
just saying.
 tanni_169
Joined: 8/14/2011
Msg: 295
Friends with Benefits... WHY!?
Posted: 11/3/2011 7:24:43 AM
i agree with msmicki, u dont want to hear otherwise so why ask why?
 1234deleted1234
Joined: 10/8/2009
Msg: 296
Friends with Benefits... WHY!?
Posted: 11/3/2011 7:29:53 AM

However, i was wondering having read this thread - what happens when you find out that your FWB has several FWB's other than yourself that you did not know about, or even you have several FWB's you have not disclosed to your FWB?

What a tangled web we weave when first we set out to deceive.......



I guess it would only be a problem if you and your friends routinely deceive each other!

Let's try that again:

what happens when you find out that your SPOUSE has several SEX PARTNERS other than yourself that you did not know about, or even you have several SEX PARTNERS you have not disclosed to your SPOUSE?

What a tangled web we weave when first we set out to deceive.......

It's the DECEIT that's the issue!
 Moonchild51
Joined: 3/11/2007
Msg: 297
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Friends with Benefits... WHY!?
Posted: 11/3/2011 7:59:59 AM

yes, there are those glorious toys but sometimes you just need a man, his body and the all the fun that goes with it without having to answer to him when the night is over. I think friend with benefits gives a woman the best of both worlds - her sexual needs fulfulled and her independence.
just saying.


^^^Wow! Summed up quite nicely I think...not much more to be said!
 Txsailor001
Joined: 1/13/2011
Msg: 298
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Friends with Benefits... WHY!?
Posted: 11/3/2011 8:55:47 AM
Where'd you find a self-respecting man over the age of ten that said "SEX is POINTLESS".

I had a FWB relationship that lasted for several years. No expectations, no arguments, no attachments, just occasional good and enjoyable sex.

She was a good friend who had just divorced and had kids at home, I was just out of a sic relationship and didn't need anymore DRAMA!!! Probably the best (Non-relationship) I'd had in a long time. Being an adult, having experienced a healthy & frequent sex life, it's tough to just coast out into the world and being held a nonsexual hostage. Believe me there's too many of you women out there who still like to play games with sex. The infamous "HOLDOUT TIMEFRAME" is still as silly as it was when you were in High School. The truth of the matter is "When it feel's right to have sex, then it's right". If you feel that it's not right, tell the guy and let him decide if you're worth him waiting for, don't you decide that he should. Of course you're worth the wait in your own eyes, but maybe not in his.
 1234deleted1234
Joined: 10/8/2009
Msg: 299
Friends with Benefits... WHY!?
Posted: 11/3/2011 9:01:31 AM

I mentioned the scenario whereby SOME people may have multiple FWB'S because i know of at least one guy who has 4 and each of them know nothing about the others.

You're missing the point....you present hypothetical or anecdotal situations that can happen in ANY relationship!
 MsMicki
Joined: 10/2/2006
Msg: 300
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Friends with Benefits... WHY!?
Posted: 11/3/2011 9:47:39 AM

I mentioned the scenario whereby SOME people may have multiple FWB'S because i know of at least one guy who has 4 and each of them know nothing about the others. That's where the deceit happens

..and I know of several men and women that are married or in LTR's that have several lovers on the side......
as JCO said.........DECEIT is the issue........not the FWB.
 statemachine500
Joined: 8/25/2011
Msg: 301
Friends with Benefits... WHY!?
Posted: 11/3/2011 5:54:11 PM
If they both have several lovers on the side deceit is the game.
 norace
Joined: 7/19/2011
Msg: 302
Friends with Benefits... WHY!?
Posted: 11/3/2011 6:13:03 PM
I'm with MsMicki - the pre conceived ideas expressed by the nah sayers bare no attachment to the real world bar those of the chronically religious. Give up your your limited view of sex and join the free people taking responsibility for there lives and enjoying all the benefits that come with it.
why, why, why............why not?
 pv2jerodtrussen
Joined: 6/4/2011
Msg: 303
Friends with Benefits... WHY!?
Posted: 11/3/2011 7:35:45 PM
for some people its just easyr this way
 flgirl7007
Joined: 7/13/2011
Msg: 304
Friends with Benefits... WHY!?
Posted: 11/3/2011 8:04:13 PM
Hi Player Two,

I have one of those, but do not really define it as that because the person means something to me. I know that sounds strange...guess what I'm saying is that sometimes things are not so Black and White. We may care about someone a lot but don't want to get married, or know that for whatever reason, it's best that it doesn't lead to marriage. That does not stop your feelings for a person. So..it's hard for me to describe what we have except that we both have special feelings for one another...a deep love as friends, but at least for me...marriage is not something I want to do. Incidentally he is 16 years younger than me and makes less money than me too. I don't know if those are factors for me...I just know that when we see each other we both enjoy each other's company and are happy to be forever friends.
 m_church
Joined: 11/8/2007
Msg: 305
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Friends with Benefits... WHY!?
Posted: 11/3/2011 8:24:07 PM

You're missing the point....you present hypothetical or anecdotal situations that can happen in ANY relationship!

I think she made a valid point. There's an assumption on here among some people that FWB is pretty much monogmaous...

I never would have considered FWBs' to be monogamous... It never even crossed my mind that they would ever be... To my mind, I would have thought being monogamous in a FWB is almost silly... And, from reading on here and talking to people I know who are in FWB's, I'm not alone in thinking that FWB's are not monogmaous...


Yet, I realise from reading here that some people are in monogamous FWB's and I guess you learn something new every day.... LOL


It seems to me that a long term relationship, spouse etc, there is more of an expectation of monogamy... as in most people would consider it cheating etc...
Yet, in FWB, it's not cheating... it's either understood, or should be... unless an agreement to be exclusive has been made...

And again, that still depends on the people involved being honest with each other... Which is much more likely if they are long term close friends than people who have only known each other a couple of years for example...

And finally, cheating in a spousal relationship, can lead to divorce or other form of loss of spouse, loss of property, loss of kids, alienation of family, kids, etc. Loss of money, car, house etc... There are a lot of incentives to NOT have sex with someone else...

If your FWB finds out you had sex with someone and didn't tell them... What do you lose besides, the 'benefits' and maybe the friendship....
 MsMicki
Joined: 10/2/2006
Msg: 306
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Friends with Benefits... WHY!?
Posted: 11/3/2011 8:34:56 PM

And finally, cheating in a spousal relationship, can lead to divorce or other form of loss of spouse, loss of property, loss of kids, alienation of family, kids, etc. Loss of money, car, house etc... There are a lot of incentives to NOT have sex with someone else...
.

and yet millions still do it!
 1234deleted1234
Joined: 10/8/2009
Msg: 307
Friends with Benefits... WHY!?
Posted: 11/3/2011 8:38:00 PM

There's an assumption on here among some people that FWB is pretty much monogmaous...


No, There's been a huge assumption ...mostly promoted by YOU that FWB's was NOT monogamous....all most of us pro FWB's people have been saying is that FWB is what the two of you AGREE it is! It just so happens that most of us have chosen some form of monogamy based FWB rules.


If your FWB finds out you had sex with someone and didn't tell them... What do you lose besides, the 'benefits' and maybe the friendship....


For some of us that's enough!
 chromelove08
Joined: 11/17/2008
Msg: 308
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Friends with Benefits... WHY!?
Posted: 11/3/2011 9:43:45 PM
If you are fwb's and that's it then why should it matter if you have sex with someone else? It's not like you are committed in a relationship.
 m_church
Joined: 11/8/2007
Msg: 309
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Friends with Benefits... WHY!?
Posted: 11/3/2011 9:51:06 PM

No, There's been a huge assumption ...mostly promoted by YOU that FWB's was
NOT monogamous....

Oh, I see....
Well, I went and did a quick search, found a few threads,( some of which were started before I joined POF...) all of which people are talking about non-monogamous FWB's...


cLARIFICATION ON FRIENDS WITH BENEFITS PLEASE - http://forums.plentyoffish.com/datingPosts11653646.aspx

What is up with FWB but still on here looking? - http://forums.plentyoffish.com/datingPosts14752011.aspx

Multiple FWBs - http://forums.plentyoffish.com/datingPosts13597331.aspx

FWB? - http://forums.plentyoffish.com/datingPosts14567296.aspx

Does "exclusivity" applies in FWB relationship? - http://forums.plentyoffish.com/datingPosts13322781.aspx

FWB but he still has a girlfriend - http://forums.plentyoffish.com/datingPosts12410312.aspx

Guys on POF looking for FWB's - http://forums.plentyoffish.com/datingPosts14548328.aspx

How many "Friends with Benefits" can you have going at one time? - http://forums.plentyoffish.com/datingPosts2719492.aspx

Seems to me that other people have had the same assumption....

And like I said, it seems to be on POF that some of you are in monogmaous FWB's... That's fine... but it's not necessarily the majority opinion either...
 MikeWM
Joined: 2/7/2011
Msg: 310
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Friends with Benefits... WHY!?
Posted: 11/4/2011 4:00:08 AM
Its also the case that many of those will actually just be a FB, but people (especially on public forums) have a tendency to want to make what theyre doing sound "nicer"

For it to be an FWB you HAVE to be friends, or at least heading towards forming an actual friendship rather than just "chatting" as a means to having sex

Youre also missing the fact that many relationships end up being non monogamous too, its called cheating. And agreeing to monogamy in an FWB and not being true to that isnt much better than doing so in any other relationship, its still deciet but it also has the added aspect of lying to a friend, which by itself isnt something actual friends tend to do as a rule

So wheeling out other threads doesnt alter anything, you can also find droves of threads by people who were cheated on in their marriage too, does that mean marriages arent monogamous?

Or does it just mean that "some" prople will cheat after claiming to be monogamous?

It seems youre the one making "assumptions" but ones you probably wouldnt equally make about marriage or full blown relationships even though they have an equal predisposition towards being non monogamous


As for ones where the couple AGREE it wont be monogamous, again, that also happens with marriages and FWBs, but if its been mutually agreed then its the arrangement both people wanted, not an indication of how ALL FWBs are in the same way that open marriages also dont define how ALL marriages will be

A flawed conclusion based on selective interpretation isnt as compelling as you seem to think it is
 ForRumOnly
Joined: 3/16/2009
Msg: 311
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Friends with Benefits... WHY!?
Posted: 11/4/2011 7:24:18 AM
It fills a need in the vast spectrum of human sexuality. The question isn't why, it's "Why not?" The answer to that is ONLY valid for the individual contemplating the situation.
 MikeWM
Joined: 2/7/2011
Msg: 312
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Friends with Benefits... WHY!?
Posted: 11/4/2011 7:39:25 AM
I had to laugh at a woman I knew claiming that an FWB in the spaces between actual relationships filled a "void"

Being honest though she did have a very nice "void" and it would have been a crime against nature to have not filled it as often as possible
 TuffGuy666
Joined: 11/22/2011
Msg: 313
Friends with Benefits... WHY!?
Posted: 11/26/2011 3:26:08 PM
"why friends with benefits? Why do people need them? Cause they have sexual appetites that need to be met?"

Oh gee, why do YOU think?

Derp.
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