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 MsMicki
Joined: 10/2/2006
Msg: 112
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Friends with Benefits... WHY!?Page 6 of 14    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14)
uhm.........maybe once a week.......sometimes it can be a couple of weeks before we have time to get together.
Ridiculous to think everyone is of the same mindset and must get laid every day of there life by someone or you have to find someone else Good lord, it sounds like you only have a g/f to service you and it really doesn't matter "who" she is as long as she is putting out everyday.

Sure, if I was in a live in relationship, daily sex would probably be ideal........but I'm not in that type of relationship for a reason.
If I was having sex with someone on a daily basis.....it would be hard to not define what we have as a romantic relationship (IMO)
 ted61
Joined: 2/12/2009
Msg: 114
Friends with Benefits... WHY!?
Posted: 10/31/2011 10:57:41 AM
Do some of you think it is emotionally more healthy to play with yourself than to have a FWB thing with a trusted friend? It is certainly safer, but if that is your major concern, you should never get married because your potential mate could have contracted an STD before knowing you or could catch an STD on a "fling" after marrying you. There is no way to gaurantee your mate will not "stray." FWB or married.
 MikeWM
Joined: 2/7/2011
Msg: 115
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Friends with Benefits... WHY!?
Posted: 10/31/2011 12:49:18 PM
I think its a sign of emotional ILLheath when someone thinks that masturbation is "as good as" or the "same" as having sex with an actual person

Either that or they dont quite grasp the concept of sex in the slightest
 statemachine500
Joined: 8/25/2011
Msg: 116
Friends with Benefits... WHY!?
Posted: 10/31/2011 2:32:31 PM
Agree.^^^

Can't understand OP making that statement.
 chromelove08
Joined: 11/17/2008
Msg: 117
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Friends with Benefits... WHY!?
Posted: 10/31/2011 10:34:11 PM
I was at a point in my life where all men just wanted fwb's and i settled for that even tho i wanted a relationship but couldn't find one. So yes i was looking for a relationship but i also wanted my needs met and i had a fwb. That's the only reason i would have one. Even tho, i just started dating someone, i was at a point in my life right before that where I couldn't find a man who didn't just want sex. It is frustrating and if guys didn't try to act like players all the time then women wouldn't have to either.
 dondea
Joined: 12/10/2007
Msg: 118
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Friends with Benefits... WHY!?
Posted: 11/1/2011 11:31:07 AM
Good post, Sassy!
Here-Here!
 MsMicki
Joined: 10/2/2006
Msg: 120
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Friends with Benefits... WHY!?
Posted: 11/1/2011 2:28:51 PM

i met ppl who did/do fwbs and from my experience they were all selfish, irrational, a quack, trust issues, whores (loved sex waaaaaaay too much letting sex define them as a person), terrible at communicating, their rule was my way or the high way wtf!!! i forgot to mention controlling/verbal abusive. that got me to stop doing fwbs for that reason they wouldnt communicate either one guy told me i dont believe in it i said thats why ur still single lol

I'm thinking there be another quite obvious reason why you're still single
 chromelove08
Joined: 11/17/2008
Msg: 121
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Friends with Benefits... WHY!?
Posted: 11/1/2011 2:48:29 PM
This shows so much back and forth, doublespeak and confusion, I don't see how ANYTHING is going to be right for you!

I don't see how that's back and forth. I just said i wanted a relationship but all i could find was guys who just wanted to be fwb's so that's what i settled for til i found someone who wanted to be with me. Don't really see how that was confusing.
 chromelove08
Joined: 11/17/2008
Msg: 122
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Friends with Benefits... WHY!?
Posted: 11/1/2011 3:03:18 PM
It's actually pretty easy. You realize what you want and if that is to stay an fwb or have a relationship. I have had more than 1 fwb and actually a couple of them turned into relationships and others i am still friends with but no benefits lol. I am in a relationship now and i was not looking for one. To me it was gonna be just sex but it turned into more.
 Confident-Realist
Joined: 2/8/2004
Msg: 123
Friends with Benefits... WHY!?
Posted: 11/1/2011 3:36:58 PM
i met ppl who did/do fwbs and from my experience they were all selfish, irrational, a quack, trust issues, whores (loved sex waaaaaaay too much letting sex define them as a person), terrible at communicating, their rule was my way or the high way wtf!!!

Okay, I'm playing Devil's Advocate here, but in an honest way. Basically, in both Dating or FWB, you'll run into people who are me-me-me minded, has trust issues, irrational, etc. Moreso in FWB? Well, sure, I guess. But that hurts more when you're in a Dating situation than a FWB situation. And if one's a good judge of character, they're not going to be friends with someone at all, let alone w/ benefits if someone's really wacked out....

.... but my point is if someone's a little too irrational, there are a few lingering trust issues, they're a bit too selfish, etc., they can be friends. Maybe not close friends, but certainly friends moreso than actually Dating them. If you're FWB, you avoid Heartache, and same with someone you consider a friend too to a large degree. I have friends who can definitely be irrational, some who are kinda selfish-minded, have a jerky side to them, etc. -- and it would drive me nuts if they were a girl and I was in a relationship with them. I know girls who can be that way who I consider friends and the same way -- but I'm not Dating them, so it's cool. I can have a beer with them, banter, and have fun -- whether there's "benefits" or (almost always) not.

There's not the "sacrifice" either way as Dating would have... there's no real emotional investment. If one does, they weren't looking for a FWB in the first place, and they brought on that heartbreak themselves. Many times it's the emotional hopes-equaling-expectations type of people who should blame themselves -- not the other person who was "selfish" for wanting an -actual- FWB situation. Such person from the eyes of the emotional person not understanding FWB will come off as someone who is "greedy" or "just about sex" (ie not about romance; yeah, duh - it's a FWB; don't like that, don't sign up, but if you do, don't accuse the other).
 MsMicki
Joined: 10/2/2006
Msg: 124
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Friends with Benefits... WHY!?
Posted: 11/1/2011 6:02:02 PM

I think it would be interesting to see how often FWBers have long-term, exclusive romantic relationships. If I had to guess, I would guess that would be extremely unusual for an FWBer. I would guess that transitioning from an FWB situation - especially an FWB lifestyle - to an exclusive long-term relationship would usually be highly problematic.

I would say that totally depends on the individual and the reasons they were in FWB's.
I, personally, was in a 3 year FWB before I met my future husband. We were married 11 years and I was quite happy being married....just not to him anymore!
I then had another 3 year FWB before being in a 4 year LTR......which once again I was quite content being in till we decided we each wanted different things for our future.
I have pretty much been in a FWB since with a bit of dating thrown. (Yes, I end the benefits when I am dating)
SO......like I said........I think it depends on the "WHY" of the FWB and bears no reflection on the individuals in the FWB's.
 MikeWM
Joined: 2/7/2011
Msg: 125
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Friends with Benefits... WHY!?
Posted: 11/1/2011 6:47:47 PM
Many peoples FWBs outlast other peoples LTRs, and if theyre entered into for the right reasons have far less chance of ending with infidelity as theres no reason to lie in the firstplace as it can just be put on hold with little to no consequences

Infact how many people who view an FWB as being beneath them dont even get to know their "serious love interest" well enough for a friendship strong enough to survive the break up to form? Most seem to go from love to never ever speaking again

And a relationship of ANY type without a solid friendship underpinning it as a foundation really isnt worth much at all
 MsMicki
Joined: 10/2/2006
Msg: 126
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Friends with Benefits... WHY!?
Posted: 11/1/2011 7:53:35 PM
^^^well that little announcement should take care of that situation for you!!


Infact how many people who view an FWB as being beneath them dont even get to know their "serious love interest" well enough for a friendship strong enough to survive the break up to form? Most seem to go from love to never ever speaking again

I think I've said that in every FWB thread in these forums! Peeps want to dog on those that have a FWB.......yet one has to wonder how many men/women have fallen into their "3 date" category?!? And then when those 'relationships' (?) don't work out......they haven't even formed a friendship strong enough to survive the whole ordeal. Then......it's on to the next one.......
 chromelove08
Joined: 11/17/2008
Msg: 127
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Friends with Benefits... WHY!?
Posted: 11/1/2011 8:58:08 PM
Totally agree with that...I had been hurt so much that i thought a fwb would just be something to do and get my needs met and i wouldn't get hurt. I am definitely not beneath the fwb thing. If anyone wants just sex then go for it.
 Giggles10000
Joined: 6/17/2011
Msg: 128
Friends with Benefits... WHY!?
Posted: 11/2/2011 11:49:54 PM
I tried a FWB, 3 years later we are living together and in a relationship...dang I even screwed (literally) that up :P
 Boricua Papi
Joined: 10/8/2007
Msg: 129
Friends with Benefits... WHY!?
Posted: 11/3/2011 5:42:58 AM
It is just a game they play. When you write a dating profile you always make sure you don't show your real self untill you meet people in person...
Women write stuff like "if you are looking for sex pass me by", they are really saying "Let's talk, let's meet and see what happens".
 tanni_169
Joined: 8/14/2011
Msg: 130
Friends with Benefits... WHY!?
Posted: 11/3/2011 7:24:43 AM
i agree with msmicki, u dont want to hear otherwise so why ask why?
 Moonchild51
Joined: 3/11/2007
Msg: 131
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Friends with Benefits... WHY!?
Posted: 11/3/2011 7:59:59 AM

yes, there are those glorious toys but sometimes you just need a man, his body and the all the fun that goes with it without having to answer to him when the night is over. I think friend with benefits gives a woman the best of both worlds - her sexual needs fulfulled and her independence.
just saying.


^^^Wow! Summed up quite nicely I think...not much more to be said!
 Txsailor001
Joined: 1/13/2011
Msg: 132
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Friends with Benefits... WHY!?
Posted: 11/3/2011 8:55:47 AM
Where'd you find a self-respecting man over the age of ten that said "SEX is POINTLESS".

I had a FWB relationship that lasted for several years. No expectations, no arguments, no attachments, just occasional good and enjoyable sex.

She was a good friend who had just divorced and had kids at home, I was just out of a sic relationship and didn't need anymore DRAMA!!! Probably the best (Non-relationship) I'd had in a long time. Being an adult, having experienced a healthy & frequent sex life, it's tough to just coast out into the world and being held a nonsexual hostage. Believe me there's too many of you women out there who still like to play games with sex. The infamous "HOLDOUT TIMEFRAME" is still as silly as it was when you were in High School. The truth of the matter is "When it feel's right to have sex, then it's right". If you feel that it's not right, tell the guy and let him decide if you're worth him waiting for, don't you decide that he should. Of course you're worth the wait in your own eyes, but maybe not in his.
 MsMicki
Joined: 10/2/2006
Msg: 133
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Friends with Benefits... WHY!?
Posted: 11/3/2011 9:47:39 AM

I mentioned the scenario whereby SOME people may have multiple FWB'S because i know of at least one guy who has 4 and each of them know nothing about the others. That's where the deceit happens

..and I know of several men and women that are married or in LTR's that have several lovers on the side......
as JCO said.........DECEIT is the issue........not the FWB.
 statemachine500
Joined: 8/25/2011
Msg: 134
Friends with Benefits... WHY!?
Posted: 11/3/2011 5:54:11 PM
If they both have several lovers on the side deceit is the game.
 MsMicki
Joined: 10/2/2006
Msg: 135
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Friends with Benefits... WHY!?
Posted: 11/3/2011 8:34:56 PM

And finally, cheating in a spousal relationship, can lead to divorce or other form of loss of spouse, loss of property, loss of kids, alienation of family, kids, etc. Loss of money, car, house etc... There are a lot of incentives to NOT have sex with someone else...
.

and yet millions still do it!
 chromelove08
Joined: 11/17/2008
Msg: 136
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Friends with Benefits... WHY!?
Posted: 11/3/2011 9:43:45 PM
If you are fwb's and that's it then why should it matter if you have sex with someone else? It's not like you are committed in a relationship.
 MikeWM
Joined: 2/7/2011
Msg: 137
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Friends with Benefits... WHY!?
Posted: 11/4/2011 4:00:08 AM
Its also the case that many of those will actually just be a FB, but people (especially on public forums) have a tendency to want to make what theyre doing sound "nicer"

For it to be an FWB you HAVE to be friends, or at least heading towards forming an actual friendship rather than just "chatting" as a means to having sex

Youre also missing the fact that many relationships end up being non monogamous too, its called cheating. And agreeing to monogamy in an FWB and not being true to that isnt much better than doing so in any other relationship, its still deciet but it also has the added aspect of lying to a friend, which by itself isnt something actual friends tend to do as a rule

So wheeling out other threads doesnt alter anything, you can also find droves of threads by people who were cheated on in their marriage too, does that mean marriages arent monogamous?

Or does it just mean that "some" prople will cheat after claiming to be monogamous?

It seems youre the one making "assumptions" but ones you probably wouldnt equally make about marriage or full blown relationships even though they have an equal predisposition towards being non monogamous


As for ones where the couple AGREE it wont be monogamous, again, that also happens with marriages and FWBs, but if its been mutually agreed then its the arrangement both people wanted, not an indication of how ALL FWBs are in the same way that open marriages also dont define how ALL marriages will be

A flawed conclusion based on selective interpretation isnt as compelling as you seem to think it is
 MikeWM
Joined: 2/7/2011
Msg: 139
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Friends with Benefits... WHY!?
Posted: 11/4/2011 7:39:25 AM
I had to laugh at a woman I knew claiming that an FWB in the spaces between actual relationships filled a "void"

Being honest though she did have a very nice "void" and it would have been a crime against nature to have not filled it as often as possible
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